THE SACRIFICE
Chapter 10 --
The Hyperion was lingering in a quiet sleepiness and had been for the past couple of hours. Emotionally drained, most of them were getting some much needed rest.
She stood alone in the middle of the room for a moment, looking around. There were no voices. No noises. Nothing. Nothing except the sound beating of her own heart. Cordy ran one of her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. She could hear the tiny drops of rain colliding with the windows. Cordelia slowly walked towards the fridge, took some blood out and placed it on the counter in front of her.
Standing on the other side of the counter was a curious Buffy. She watched Cordelia in silence for a short while before addressing her.
"Well, this is disturbing." Buffy smiled when Cordy's head snapped up and faced her. "The Queen of the 'eeww' land actually keeps blood in her fridge." Buffy finished with a slightly tired, slightly amused expression on her face.
"Yes, well, let's just say that my definition of what's 'eeww' has sort of evolved in the last couple of years." Cordelia replied, pouring some of the blood in a tall glass.
"Looks like that's not the only thing that's evolved." Buffy mused out loud.
Cordy eyed her silently for a second, before Buffy continued.
"I think Xander is going to need therapy after all of this." Buffy added.
"Then he can go with Gunn!" Cordy smiled to herself. "I think the whole saving-Cordy-process disturbed him a little..." she explained.
"Oh - you mean sex with Angel..." Buffy calmly said, looking down at her cup of coffee.
She sounded unaffected actually, which prompted a funny stare from Cordelia.
"And they accuse me of being tactless..." she mumbled, almost to herself.
"Well, someone once said that tact was just not saying true stuff." Buffy said, looking back towards Cordelia with a friendly stare. "I dismissed it but I'm warming up to the concept." she paused momentarily. "I'll pass too."
"Wow..." Cordelia nodded, partly impressed. "Looks like here's not the only place where things have evolved. The old me would be so proud of you right now..." she grinned with a tiny sigh typical of Cordelia Chase.
They briefly smiled to one another before falling silent again. The quietness around them was palpable. During the whole exchange, they had kept their voices low as to not wake Gunn and Fred, who had fallen asleep on the two big couches in Wesley's office, probably too tired to get themselves up to the rooms upstairs.
Cordelia leaned her back against the counter for a moment while Buffy sipped on her coffee, thoughtfully.
"I wish I could've had more time to talk to my mom...." Buffy confessed while cordy glanced at her.
"Yeah..." she replied, lowering her eyes as well. "There are some things I wish I could've told Emily too..." she whispered, sadly.
------------------------------
sweat covered every inch of his otherwise exhausted face as he restlessly lied down on his bed. It was almost torture to relive everything his soul comprised. The luggage, the pain, the remorse. It felt exactly like Wesley had mentioned: reloading data into a computer. It was agonizing still.
He kept his eyes closed, twisting and turning in his bed, somtimes holding his chest in pain, sometimes faintly trying to breathe, as if it would somehow help him. But he couldn't breathe. He didn't breathe. He was a vampire. A vampire with his soul restored.
He didn't hear her walk in. He didn't notice her standing beside his bed until she let her hands hover milimeters away from his face. She wasn't touching him, but he could still feel the warmth emanating from her would- be touch. Her presence was warm. Soothing.
Healing.
Angel began to calm down. It's as if she magically eased the pain with her hands. Angel opened his eyes and saw her remove her hands from above his face. He swallowed back. It was her.
Emily.
Angel opened his mouth to say something but initially couldn't.
"You'll be fine." Emily whispered to him with a smile. "The pain won't always be that intense...you know that." she reassured him.
Angel observed a peaceful Emily as wonder shone through his moist eyes. He felt calm now that she was around. She noticed and gently smiled to him.
"Cordelia..." Angel suddenly spoke with a worried frown.
"She's okay." Emily quickly reassured him. "you both are." she whispered affectionately.
Angel paused, staring into Emily's youthful eyes as he tried to make sense of the confusion that had been invading every ounce of his body.
"I saw you..." Angel then whispered as he looked in amazement into her face. "In that light. I saw you...you took my hand..." he said and she smiled softly. "Why me? Why did you do all of that for me?"
He seemed genuinely stunned.
"You deserved it." she gently responded. "It was just one of those things that were simply meant to happen..."
They both paused shortly. He couldn't take his eyes off of the young girl standing by his bedside. She was like a mirage. A miracle.
"You mean destiny...?"
"Destiny...?" Emily pondered with a little childish grimace. "I don't really like that word. It kind of implies that everything is just planned by someone else....I happen to think we all make our own destiny. We choose our own fate...We all make our own choices..." she told him. "Just like Cordy chose to keep the visions. Just like you chose to save her." she said and then crunched her nose with an amusing grin. "Which, by the way, just between you and me, is another expression I don't really like." she added in that way that was so reminiscent of Cordelia. "Saving her..." she sort of mocked. "I think we all know it was a lot more than that. Not that anyone watched!" she quickly added and then grinned widely. "But it was kind of obvious..."
Angel lowered his eyes and Emily saw a glimpse of a smile on his lips as he listened to her logical ramblings. They both paused for a few seconds while Angel looked away. The mention of Cordelia had obviously silenced him. Emily took a deep breath and watched him. She knew what was running through his mind -- or better yet, who.
"Does she ever give you those exasperating breathless rants?" Emily quietly inquired.
Angel simply nodded and Emily smiled to herself momentarily.
"I do that too." she confessed. "We can't all be perfect." her eyes sparkled as they met with his.
They both stayed silent for a while before Emily's face turned even softer than it had been already. Angel knew that whatever it was she was about to say had great importance to her. And maybe to him too. Emily lifted her eyes up again and looked at his weak body lying on the bed. She tilted her head slightly and spoke.
"She's stubborn, and she has that annoying habbit of thinking she doesn't need anybody. And...okay...she can sometimes come off as a little snippy..." Emily softly and kindly spoke. "But, let's be honest...you wouldn't love her any differently." she paused, taking a planned breath, and continued. "And if you ask me, you're just as equally stubborn, if not more, and you have just about the same tendencies that she does... And she probably wouldn't love you any differently either."
Angel, who had been looking away from her, brought his eyes back to the young glowing angel in front of him. He didn't need to say anything. She had pretty much said it all in a few words. The peaceful expression on Emily's face served to let him know she wasn't expecting him to say anything either.
"Some times, actions speak louder than words you know..." she wisely added, meeting his glance. "There's nothing wrong with that." she reassured him and then paused. "You don't need to tell her with words, you know..." she continued in a soft, delicate tone. "She knows. I don't think she did before...but she does now. And so do you." she whispered with a smile.
"You are something else..." Angel could not help but smile as he looked at her young face.
"And that is something I strongly take pride in, thank you." she proudly said.
"...And definitely related to Cordelia..." he finished, shaking his head slightly, probably amazed by the young woman standing by his bed.
"Something else I happen to take pride in." she softly smiled.
Angel knew she meant it.
That's when it dawned on him just how quickly and how easily he and all the others had gotten attached to Emily. They both stared at one another silently, as Angel felt the reality invade him. Emily was dead. He and Cordelia had somehow been saved, but not her. Not Emily.
"Are you going to be okay?" Angel managed to get out in an emotional voice.
"hey, if a girl like Cordelia Chase can fall for the cursed, broody type like yours, I'd say anything is possible in this world." she reassuringly grinned. "Don't worry about me." she then added after a few moments.
Angel stayed silent, obviously not convinced. They fell into a short silence before Emily's voice filled the room again.
"Take care of her..." Emily whispered.
They both shared an understanding look and Angel's silence was enough of an answer for her. The sudden look in her eyes told him she had to go. It was time. Time to leave, time to go back.
"You don't know what I would give to shake your hand..." Angel emotionally spoke as he looked down at the tatooes on both of her palms.
The regret in his voice was there for all to hear. Emily sadly nodded, holding her hands up for a moment and then smiling.
"Not that these make a difference. I can't shake your hand. I'm a ghost remember...." she also regretfully spoke. "Maybe someday..." she whispered, giving him a friendly stare.
"Someday..." he repeated.
If Angel had had a heart, it probably would have been breaking by that point, for reasons he stopped trying to comprehend. He and Emily shared a silent and mental hand-shake.
"It was brief...but it was a pleasure to know you Angel." Emily honestly told him before taking a few steps towards the door.
Just as she reached the doorway, Angel painfully shot up in a seated position and stopped her.
"Emily?!" He called out to her and then paused, not really sure of what he had meant to stop her for. "Thank you..." he finally whispered, staring at her.
Emily smiled, lowered her eyes and thought for a few seconds before opening her mouth to speak.
"You know....I'll always be dead, but you won't." she said, looking up to meet his dark eyes. "I will shake your hand someday. Trust me. I intend to." Emily smiled and then slowly disappeared.
Angel watched as what remained of her vanished into thin air. He kept his eyes on the last spot she had occupied in the room and took an unnecessary deep breath. Everything was quiet again.
Calm.
And so was he.
-----
"You warm his blood?" Buffy asked, a little stunned at the whole thing.
"He likes it that way...guess it makes it more....real..." cordelia shrugged.
Buffy pondered Cordelia's nonchalant answer for a minute.
"That's gross...in a frightening way." Buffy then ackowledged out loud.
"yes." Cordy agreed with a definite nod.
A barely audible but aparent laugh escaped both of their throats.
"It's weird." cordelia seriously said after a few seconds. "I was telling Angel not so long ago how strange it feels to be freaked out and comforted at the same time." she added thoughtfully.
"Disturbing, isn't it?" Buffy stated, her voice understanding and knowing.
"Very." Cordelia agreed and then shrugged. "But, then again, I guess that's part of the job when you work for Angel Investigations..."
"Speaking of Angel..." Buffy hesitantly spoke up. "How is he?" she quietly asked.
"he's here." Cordy answered, thoughtfully as she stared at the stairs. "I'm not sure how he is, but I can tell you where he is. That's what matters." she added lowering her eyes. "You can go up and see him for yourself you know...
Something had been running through buffy's head for a few hours now. As she looked at Cordelia's silent face, she pondered sharing her thoughts with her. Wesley had told them that Cordelia's living with the visions had been difficult and painful, but it wasn't until they had seen her with the Powers that buffy truly realized how Cordelia's life had changed in the last three years. Buffy wanted to say something. Apologize? Just to say something kind. Just something. She wasn't really sure what it is she wanted to say exactly.
"cordelia..." she ventured.
Cordy lifted her eyes up as she took the blood out of the microwave. She waited for Buffy to continue, but she didn't.
"Nothing..." Buffy finally spoke, shaking her head slightly.
One step at a time, she thought.
Cordelia grabbed the blood as the two of them headed for the stairs. Then, suddenly, something stopped Cordy in her tracks. A feeling. An instinct. Something she couldn't describe.
"What's wrong?" Buffy asked, confused by Cordy's sudden change in behavior.
Cordelia's eyes landed on the door leading to the basement.
"Nothing...." she said, absent-mindedly, as she stared at the door with a curious expression on her face. "Why don't you go ahead...Tell Angel I'll be there in a minute..." she said and Buffy nodded.
She waited until Buffy was at the top of the staircase to walk towards the door. Something was pulling her to it.
She slowly made her way down the stairs and into the infamous training room. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, frozen by what she was seeing.
There.
Kneeling on the floor, in a bright light, was Emily.
Emily was looking down at something on the floor. Cordelia felt a small weakness in her heart at the sight that graced her.
"You dropped something..." Emily whispered before looking up into Cordelia's teary eyes.
Cordy spotted the sparkling chain on the floor and a lump gravitated in her throat. Emily genuinely smiled as she rose to her feet. The chain nicely remained on the floor but Cordy's eyes moved up to Emily's. There was an intense moment of reflexion that followed until Cordelia took an hesitant step forward. Only one. Her eyes were moist and her voice trembling.
"It was you, wasn't it?"
Emily quietly lowered her eyes as Cordelia's words made their way to her ears.
"That was it....that deal you made..." Cordelia emotionally spoke as her earlier realization settled in, finally. "You're the one who made all of this happen, didn't you...?" A tear rolled down her face as she spoke. "You brought him back...that was the deal you told me about, wasn't it...." she paused as more tears welled up in her eyes. "It was you..." she repeated in a bare whisper that conveyed a mixture of emotion that broke Emily's heart.
"I just collected." Emily whispered back in a calm voice. "I told you I would..."
"But you..." Cordelia started as a tear made its way down her cheek involuntarily, but Emily gently stopped her.
"Don't. Don't... I look at you and Angel and if you ask me, it was worth a thousdand lives..." she said in a heartbreaking tone.
The two cousins looked at one another with emotionally pained eyes, and then Emily smiled tenderly. Cordy wiped a tear from her cheek with shaking fingers when Emily slowly began to walk towards her.
"He would die for you." Emily asserted, knowing that Cordelia understood who she was refering to. "He did." she frowned, correcting herself. "He's a keeper." she grinned as Cordelia couldn't help but smile back. "Take care of him, okay..."
A long silence followed those words and Cordelia looked down at the floor for an instant. A helpless guilt spread across her face suddenly and Emily noticed.
"One of us deserved to be saved Cordy." she whispered as Cordelia held back her overwhelming emotions. "I'm glad it was you..." she secretly added. "You have so much left to do and see in this world. You and Angel. Together and on your own..."
"What about you?" cordelia managed to ask.
Emily sighed a sigh of relief, prompting a puzzled look on Cordy's face.
"I was saved too. Just not the same way you were..." Emily softly explained. "One day....maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow....but one day, you'll understand just how much of the saving you actually did."
Cordelia looked confused and cleared her throat.
"I don't understand..."
"You save dme too, you know..." Emily breathed out, tears hiding behind her own dark eyes. "I'm not tied up to a bed anymore because they think I'm crazy...I may not be alive, but I feel saved." she whispered.
"How?" Cordelia murmured, weakly.
"I'm free."
"From what?" Cordy inquired, tearfully staring into her cousin's eyes.
"You know what." Emily paused, staring back at her, a secret understanding flowing through each of them. "They can't hurt me here. Not anymore. They can't get to me. They can't make me into someone I'm not. You got away from them, but I couldn't. Until now...I'm finally free." she carefully and emotionally explained.
A look of amazement overtook Cordelia.
"But you're 17." she emphasized. "You should have had your whole life to be free. You should have had your whole life to get away from them." a glimpse of frustration could be heard in Cordelia's argument.
"I did." Emily smiled through her tears. "I ran from them...and it got me here. To all o fyou." she adds, looking around the place.
"Why did you stop? Why didn't you just keep on running??"
Emily waited before answering, and the two of them locked eyes.
"Because you're not one of them..." Emily finally whispered as a tear fell from her eyes, finally.
Cordelia took a shaky breath, bringing her hand over her eyes for a moment. Emily waited a little while, as the intensity in the room escalated to new highs.
"You should be proud of that, Cordy..." Emily said with a warm, genuine smile. "You have your own little family. Here. And that's better than anything you could ever find out there." she added. "The people you have here...They will never leave you alone in a dark corner when all you need is a hug. Not like them." she said as Cordelia's red and puffy eyes shot up in realization. "That's why I stopped running..." Emily then whispered.
Cordy stared at her cousin's heavenly form and she held her breath for a while.
That's what Emily had searched for her whole life: someone who could give her the only thing she ever asked for, a hug.
She had run away from her own dark corner in search of that hug...which she never got.
Suddenly, Cordelia wished she had seen that before. She began to feel this ache in her heart.
"I so wish you were real..." Cordy finally whispered, staring at Emily's young features.
"I like to think that I am..." Emily replied.
"But not real enough..." Cordelia paused. "I can't give you that hug, now, can I?" She saw the genuinely moved expression on Emily's face. "I can't hug a ghost...you're not real enough." she added in a barely audible tone.
A warmth slowly invaded the room and Emily looked up towards the heavens. A tiny smile spread across her face as she looked back down at Cordelia. Cordy seemed confused as to what was happening.
Emily took a few steps forward and Cordelia saw the glow around Emily disappear for a moment. Emily stopped and hesitated.
She waited.
She then wrapped her arms around a stunned and emotional Cordy, holding her cousin tightly. Cordelia was obviously speechless. Somehow, this hug was as much for Emily's sake as it was for Cordelia's. They both knew that.
"It's always real if you believ it Cordy..." Emily whispered.
Cordelia remembered to breathe only when she was forced with the realization that she had been holding her breath for a while. She let out a soft chuckle, event hrough a tears.
"When did you go from dummy to Yoda?"
Emily smiled over Cordy's shoulder. Emily felt a little voice inside of her, and she knew she'd almost used up all the time she'd been allowed.
"While I'm on a roll...just between you and me...what your parents said to you about helping me and letting me die... They're wrong." Emily said as she finally stepped back from the emotional hug. "I'd do it all over again..."
They both paused. Cordelia was still holding the young girl's hand in hers when she felt Emily's hand melt away from hers. Cordy's fingers slowly fell right through the hand she had previously been holding and her heart skipped a beat. She lifted her eyes up to her cousin's.
"If you ever need anything -- and I mean anything -- you can always count on me." Emily said, reassuringly.
"How will I know where to find you?" Cordelia asked, a panic invading her at the thought of letting go of the only family member she felt she had left.
"You'll know. Trust me." Emily tenderly smiled.
Cordelia smiled, knowingly and suddenly felt something in the palm of her right hand. she looked down and noticed the small necklace. The tiny chain was tangled between her fingers, as if it had appeared magically. Cordy let out a tiny sigh before looking back up. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself.
Emily was gone.
She was gone.
Cordelia looked up and smiled, sadly, but honestly. She clutched the chain firmly in her hand.
"You give this crazy family a good name too..." she whispered into the empty room, a peaceful smile spreading across her face.
From the doorway, Buffy watched, silently. Never making her presence known. Never saying a word. Just watching.
------
In the dark, quiet room, Cordelia slept, bundled into a small chair by Angel's bedside. A tiny blanket was resting on her legs and she rested her head on the air of the chair.
She slowly opened her eyes, feeling like she had barely slept. She rubbed her face for a moment and then noticed Angel staring at her from his bed. He looked just as tired as she was but for some reason, neither of them appeared to be able to get some sleep. He was awake. He was looking at her.
Those eyes. They sometimes paralyzed her, sometimes energized her. She could never tell which one was going to happen until it finally did. Sleepily, she sat up straight and pulled the chair closer to the bed. A tiny, tired smile spread across her face.
"Hi."
"Hi." he repeated in a faint voice.
"How are you feeling?" Cordy asked, concern filling her every word.
"Better." Angel replied, reassuringly.
"Good." She said with a sigh. "Sleeping in this chair is so not good for my posture." She shot him a teasing glance.
Angel was almost tempted to smile at the familiarity he noticed in her voice. That was the Cordelia he remembered. That was the Cordelia he cared so much about.
"You stayed here?" he asked, painfully trying to pull himself up in a seated position.
"Hey, not getting rid of me that easily big guy." She grinned, helping him sit up.
Cordelia sat back down in her chair as an awkward silence crawled in between the two of them. As her face danced in the faint light, his eyes welled up with tears and fears. For the first time, he was able to get a close-up look of cordelia's cuts and bruises. He slowly reached with one hand to touch her cheek. A look of horror sprung in his eyes and he stared at the scratches on her chin, the cut on her forehead and the bruises on her neck. If he had been a breathing human being, he would have chocked.
"I did this." he managed to get out, his voice breaking the silence.
"No.No." Cordelia tried to reassure him as he took his hand away from her face, fearfully.
"I hurt you." his guilt and disbelief wrapped his every word.
"Hey, I killed you." She said as tears hid behind her eyes. "We're even." She tried her best to control her own voice.
There was a long pause that followed her words.
"Cordelia." he began but she stopped him.
"Don't. I'm fine." She intensely stared into his pained face. "We're all fine."
"What else did I do to you." he asked, worried.
"Nothing." She carefully answered. "It wasn't you.The hands that did this to my face, they're not the hands of the man you've become. The man that I know." She stated, determinedly. "And I do know you, Angel."
"He's a part of me, Cordy."
"Yes, he is. A small part." She gently replied. "There's a bigger one that I know. One that's a lot stronger, and better. That's who you are." She maintained.
Angel lowered his eyes as her words made their way to his ears. He wanted to believe her so much. And, in that moment, he did. They shared a long, comforting silence that spread through an unmatched duration of time. They were simply sitting there, sharing a speechless conversation, until Angel looked up into her eyes and found himself saddened. An image of Emily dangled from the back of his mind.
"You saw her too, didn't you?" he asked in a weak, emotional tone.
Cordelia looked down and played with her hands momentarily. She nodded as an answer, as tears welled up in her eyes.
"She was the real sacrifice, wasn't she?" Cordy found herself saying out loud. She paused and then looked at Angel's face, which was equally moved. "She was better than all of us."
"She proved it." He whispered to her.
Cordelia took a deep breath and noticed the guilt on Angel's face.
"I'm sorry." he apologized.
Cordelia found herself smiling through her tearful eyes.
"What are you talking about?" she said with a nervous laughter that lightened the mood a little. "It wasn't all bad." she eyed him for a moment.
Angel somehow could not help the tiny grin that came across his lips.
"Obviously.My behavior spoke for itself didn't it.." He murmured, smiling back to her.
They held the intense stare for a little while and then cordelia looked down at the floor in front of her. The realization settled in slowly.
They both knew they would probably live with the memory of that night and nothing more.Angel knew he'd have to be able to give Emily that handshake before he'd ever be with Cordelia like that again. The knowledge of that was apparent on both their faces.
She took a deep breath and shook her head, somehow suddenly amused by the thought that ran through her head.
"Who would have thought." her voice was gentle, yet filled with amazement. "I came to L.A.. and this one night, I ran into this guy, right." she said and then emotionally paused. "And he just saved my life." she finished in a whisper.
"Well." Angel whispered back as he intensely looked into her eyes. "You see.I came to L.A. too, and I ran into this girl." he waited for a moment. "And she just gave me back mine." he said in a whisper that was both loving and grateful.
The phantom of a smile appeared on their lips, through their teary eyes, as they sat in silence.
In their own way, that had served as their own otherwise more conventional 'I love you'. But then again, what had ever been conventional about a vampire with a soul and a vision girl with a witty sense of humor?
"What happens now?" Cordelia said in a barely audible voice, as the intensity in the room, gravitated.
Angel didn't answer. He simply looked at her, slowly offering his hand to her. Her eyes traveled from his face to his palm, and she slowly - ever so slowly - moved her hand from the armchair to the bed. Her fingers gently touched the tip of his, as if they were both hesitating.
Two hands.
Two souls.
Just like everything else they seemed to share, nothing was rushed.
The tip of her fingers carefully traced a few lines in the palm of his hand. It was like the earth had stopped turning for a few seconds. He let his thumb trace a few circles on the back of her hand as she tenderly let her fingers intertwine with his.
Intense.
Meaningful.
Emotional.
Not a kiss could have felt like this. Not a word could have expressed everything that seemed to be said by that simple touch of hands.
It wasn't fancy. It was just this. Just them.
Their hands slowly settled into the other's, fitting perfectly.
"Hi." Angel whispered, closing his fingers around the warmth of her skin.
She looked into his eyes and smiled tenderly.
"Hi." she replied, as if they were seeing one another for the first time.
Whatever happened now, it started here. Now. With this. With the touch of their hands.
Remember how they always seemed to know
We had the forest in our eyes but the earth was in our clothes
And they thought we'd fall
But not at all
Angel and Cordelia just sat there, in silence, never letting go of each other's hands.
Never wanting to.
So look back on your treasured days
When we were young in a world that was so tired
Though it's not what we wanted before
Even the saints had to crawl from the floor
Buffy and Dawn knelt in front of Joyce's grave, emotions covering both of their faces.
And summer's when the money was gone
You'd sing
All your little songs that meant everything
To me
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
Seeing the helpless look on Buffy's face, Dawn reached out and wrapped her arms around her sister.
I'll remember you that way
The two of them just held one another, in the stillness of the night.
Remember how they tried to hold you down
And we climbed those towers and looked out upon our town
And everything you hoped would last
It just always becomes your past
It hurts but
Cordelia stood in the dark, staring in front of herself when a hand gently slipped into hers. She looked up and her eyes locked with Angel's for a moment.
The two of them stood, immobile, holding hands, as they looked at Emily's gravestone.
And summer's when the money was gone
You'd sing
All your little songs that meant everything
To me
Peace.
They were finally at peace.
They had all sacrificed something. Each and every one of them.
Angel. Cordelia. Buffy.
Emily.
They'd changed, they'd made choices. In in the name of love.
In the name of life.
And somehow, they took comfort in the fact that Emily was at peace as well.
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
I'll remember you always
Behind them stood the rest of them. Gunn, Wesley, Fred.Giles, Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara.even Spike.
They all stood silently, paying a last respect to a young girl who had touched many among them in a way they would never be able to explain.
And they'd remember her.
They would.
But then how this world slipped through my fingers
And even the sun seemed tired
I still cared
As they lowered you down my heart just jaded
In that moment the earth made no sound
But you were there
You helped me lift my pain into the air
One single tear rolled down from Cordelia's eye and made its way across her cheek.
She lifted her eyes upward as a few tiny drops of rain began to fall.
She sighed and a little smile appeared on her lips as she met Angel's eyes.
I always thought you'd come home
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
Nearby, beside the trees, she watched them. A group, divided by adversities for the most part, united in times of need.
Emily.
Emily stood there as the rain began to fall harder, and she smiled. Wholeheartedly.
If it don't hurt you it won't hurt me
If it don't hurt me it won't hurt you
Angel lifted his eyes just in time to see her give him a nod and disappear into thin air.
He tightened his fingers around Cordelia's hand and smiled.
If it don't hurt you it won't hurt me I know
Gunn's car drove away just as did the rest of them.
Cordelia and Angel hurried under the pouring rain towards his car.
Suddenly, Angel stopped. He gently took a hold of Cordelia's arm. She spun around, her hair soaking wet from the rain and she stared at him. He was silent. He was just standing there, his hand softly brushing against her coat.
He intensely looked into her eyes for a moment.
He walked closer to her and lowered his lips to hers in a long, heartfelt kiss. His cupped the side of her face with both his hands. She seemed surprised at first but the feeling quickly vanished, and she kissed him back.
"The one thing about life is it's the only game you lose by refusing to play."
They just stayed there, not caring about the rain, not caring about anything.
Not caring where it would lead, or how they'd get there.
They just stood there, wrapped up in that kiss.
In that first official kiss.
------------------------
Chapter 10 --
The Hyperion was lingering in a quiet sleepiness and had been for the past couple of hours. Emotionally drained, most of them were getting some much needed rest.
She stood alone in the middle of the room for a moment, looking around. There were no voices. No noises. Nothing. Nothing except the sound beating of her own heart. Cordy ran one of her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. She could hear the tiny drops of rain colliding with the windows. Cordelia slowly walked towards the fridge, took some blood out and placed it on the counter in front of her.
Standing on the other side of the counter was a curious Buffy. She watched Cordelia in silence for a short while before addressing her.
"Well, this is disturbing." Buffy smiled when Cordy's head snapped up and faced her. "The Queen of the 'eeww' land actually keeps blood in her fridge." Buffy finished with a slightly tired, slightly amused expression on her face.
"Yes, well, let's just say that my definition of what's 'eeww' has sort of evolved in the last couple of years." Cordelia replied, pouring some of the blood in a tall glass.
"Looks like that's not the only thing that's evolved." Buffy mused out loud.
Cordy eyed her silently for a second, before Buffy continued.
"I think Xander is going to need therapy after all of this." Buffy added.
"Then he can go with Gunn!" Cordy smiled to herself. "I think the whole saving-Cordy-process disturbed him a little..." she explained.
"Oh - you mean sex with Angel..." Buffy calmly said, looking down at her cup of coffee.
She sounded unaffected actually, which prompted a funny stare from Cordelia.
"And they accuse me of being tactless..." she mumbled, almost to herself.
"Well, someone once said that tact was just not saying true stuff." Buffy said, looking back towards Cordelia with a friendly stare. "I dismissed it but I'm warming up to the concept." she paused momentarily. "I'll pass too."
"Wow..." Cordelia nodded, partly impressed. "Looks like here's not the only place where things have evolved. The old me would be so proud of you right now..." she grinned with a tiny sigh typical of Cordelia Chase.
They briefly smiled to one another before falling silent again. The quietness around them was palpable. During the whole exchange, they had kept their voices low as to not wake Gunn and Fred, who had fallen asleep on the two big couches in Wesley's office, probably too tired to get themselves up to the rooms upstairs.
Cordelia leaned her back against the counter for a moment while Buffy sipped on her coffee, thoughtfully.
"I wish I could've had more time to talk to my mom...." Buffy confessed while cordy glanced at her.
"Yeah..." she replied, lowering her eyes as well. "There are some things I wish I could've told Emily too..." she whispered, sadly.
------------------------------
sweat covered every inch of his otherwise exhausted face as he restlessly lied down on his bed. It was almost torture to relive everything his soul comprised. The luggage, the pain, the remorse. It felt exactly like Wesley had mentioned: reloading data into a computer. It was agonizing still.
He kept his eyes closed, twisting and turning in his bed, somtimes holding his chest in pain, sometimes faintly trying to breathe, as if it would somehow help him. But he couldn't breathe. He didn't breathe. He was a vampire. A vampire with his soul restored.
He didn't hear her walk in. He didn't notice her standing beside his bed until she let her hands hover milimeters away from his face. She wasn't touching him, but he could still feel the warmth emanating from her would- be touch. Her presence was warm. Soothing.
Healing.
Angel began to calm down. It's as if she magically eased the pain with her hands. Angel opened his eyes and saw her remove her hands from above his face. He swallowed back. It was her.
Emily.
Angel opened his mouth to say something but initially couldn't.
"You'll be fine." Emily whispered to him with a smile. "The pain won't always be that intense...you know that." she reassured him.
Angel observed a peaceful Emily as wonder shone through his moist eyes. He felt calm now that she was around. She noticed and gently smiled to him.
"Cordelia..." Angel suddenly spoke with a worried frown.
"She's okay." Emily quickly reassured him. "you both are." she whispered affectionately.
Angel paused, staring into Emily's youthful eyes as he tried to make sense of the confusion that had been invading every ounce of his body.
"I saw you..." Angel then whispered as he looked in amazement into her face. "In that light. I saw you...you took my hand..." he said and she smiled softly. "Why me? Why did you do all of that for me?"
He seemed genuinely stunned.
"You deserved it." she gently responded. "It was just one of those things that were simply meant to happen..."
They both paused shortly. He couldn't take his eyes off of the young girl standing by his bedside. She was like a mirage. A miracle.
"You mean destiny...?"
"Destiny...?" Emily pondered with a little childish grimace. "I don't really like that word. It kind of implies that everything is just planned by someone else....I happen to think we all make our own destiny. We choose our own fate...We all make our own choices..." she told him. "Just like Cordy chose to keep the visions. Just like you chose to save her." she said and then crunched her nose with an amusing grin. "Which, by the way, just between you and me, is another expression I don't really like." she added in that way that was so reminiscent of Cordelia. "Saving her..." she sort of mocked. "I think we all know it was a lot more than that. Not that anyone watched!" she quickly added and then grinned widely. "But it was kind of obvious..."
Angel lowered his eyes and Emily saw a glimpse of a smile on his lips as he listened to her logical ramblings. They both paused for a few seconds while Angel looked away. The mention of Cordelia had obviously silenced him. Emily took a deep breath and watched him. She knew what was running through his mind -- or better yet, who.
"Does she ever give you those exasperating breathless rants?" Emily quietly inquired.
Angel simply nodded and Emily smiled to herself momentarily.
"I do that too." she confessed. "We can't all be perfect." her eyes sparkled as they met with his.
They both stayed silent for a while before Emily's face turned even softer than it had been already. Angel knew that whatever it was she was about to say had great importance to her. And maybe to him too. Emily lifted her eyes up again and looked at his weak body lying on the bed. She tilted her head slightly and spoke.
"She's stubborn, and she has that annoying habbit of thinking she doesn't need anybody. And...okay...she can sometimes come off as a little snippy..." Emily softly and kindly spoke. "But, let's be honest...you wouldn't love her any differently." she paused, taking a planned breath, and continued. "And if you ask me, you're just as equally stubborn, if not more, and you have just about the same tendencies that she does... And she probably wouldn't love you any differently either."
Angel, who had been looking away from her, brought his eyes back to the young glowing angel in front of him. He didn't need to say anything. She had pretty much said it all in a few words. The peaceful expression on Emily's face served to let him know she wasn't expecting him to say anything either.
"Some times, actions speak louder than words you know..." she wisely added, meeting his glance. "There's nothing wrong with that." she reassured him and then paused. "You don't need to tell her with words, you know..." she continued in a soft, delicate tone. "She knows. I don't think she did before...but she does now. And so do you." she whispered with a smile.
"You are something else..." Angel could not help but smile as he looked at her young face.
"And that is something I strongly take pride in, thank you." she proudly said.
"...And definitely related to Cordelia..." he finished, shaking his head slightly, probably amazed by the young woman standing by his bed.
"Something else I happen to take pride in." she softly smiled.
Angel knew she meant it.
That's when it dawned on him just how quickly and how easily he and all the others had gotten attached to Emily. They both stared at one another silently, as Angel felt the reality invade him. Emily was dead. He and Cordelia had somehow been saved, but not her. Not Emily.
"Are you going to be okay?" Angel managed to get out in an emotional voice.
"hey, if a girl like Cordelia Chase can fall for the cursed, broody type like yours, I'd say anything is possible in this world." she reassuringly grinned. "Don't worry about me." she then added after a few moments.
Angel stayed silent, obviously not convinced. They fell into a short silence before Emily's voice filled the room again.
"Take care of her..." Emily whispered.
They both shared an understanding look and Angel's silence was enough of an answer for her. The sudden look in her eyes told him she had to go. It was time. Time to leave, time to go back.
"You don't know what I would give to shake your hand..." Angel emotionally spoke as he looked down at the tatooes on both of her palms.
The regret in his voice was there for all to hear. Emily sadly nodded, holding her hands up for a moment and then smiling.
"Not that these make a difference. I can't shake your hand. I'm a ghost remember...." she also regretfully spoke. "Maybe someday..." she whispered, giving him a friendly stare.
"Someday..." he repeated.
If Angel had had a heart, it probably would have been breaking by that point, for reasons he stopped trying to comprehend. He and Emily shared a silent and mental hand-shake.
"It was brief...but it was a pleasure to know you Angel." Emily honestly told him before taking a few steps towards the door.
Just as she reached the doorway, Angel painfully shot up in a seated position and stopped her.
"Emily?!" He called out to her and then paused, not really sure of what he had meant to stop her for. "Thank you..." he finally whispered, staring at her.
Emily smiled, lowered her eyes and thought for a few seconds before opening her mouth to speak.
"You know....I'll always be dead, but you won't." she said, looking up to meet his dark eyes. "I will shake your hand someday. Trust me. I intend to." Emily smiled and then slowly disappeared.
Angel watched as what remained of her vanished into thin air. He kept his eyes on the last spot she had occupied in the room and took an unnecessary deep breath. Everything was quiet again.
Calm.
And so was he.
-----
"You warm his blood?" Buffy asked, a little stunned at the whole thing.
"He likes it that way...guess it makes it more....real..." cordelia shrugged.
Buffy pondered Cordelia's nonchalant answer for a minute.
"That's gross...in a frightening way." Buffy then ackowledged out loud.
"yes." Cordy agreed with a definite nod.
A barely audible but aparent laugh escaped both of their throats.
"It's weird." cordelia seriously said after a few seconds. "I was telling Angel not so long ago how strange it feels to be freaked out and comforted at the same time." she added thoughtfully.
"Disturbing, isn't it?" Buffy stated, her voice understanding and knowing.
"Very." Cordelia agreed and then shrugged. "But, then again, I guess that's part of the job when you work for Angel Investigations..."
"Speaking of Angel..." Buffy hesitantly spoke up. "How is he?" she quietly asked.
"he's here." Cordy answered, thoughtfully as she stared at the stairs. "I'm not sure how he is, but I can tell you where he is. That's what matters." she added lowering her eyes. "You can go up and see him for yourself you know...
Something had been running through buffy's head for a few hours now. As she looked at Cordelia's silent face, she pondered sharing her thoughts with her. Wesley had told them that Cordelia's living with the visions had been difficult and painful, but it wasn't until they had seen her with the Powers that buffy truly realized how Cordelia's life had changed in the last three years. Buffy wanted to say something. Apologize? Just to say something kind. Just something. She wasn't really sure what it is she wanted to say exactly.
"cordelia..." she ventured.
Cordy lifted her eyes up as she took the blood out of the microwave. She waited for Buffy to continue, but she didn't.
"Nothing..." Buffy finally spoke, shaking her head slightly.
One step at a time, she thought.
Cordelia grabbed the blood as the two of them headed for the stairs. Then, suddenly, something stopped Cordy in her tracks. A feeling. An instinct. Something she couldn't describe.
"What's wrong?" Buffy asked, confused by Cordy's sudden change in behavior.
Cordelia's eyes landed on the door leading to the basement.
"Nothing...." she said, absent-mindedly, as she stared at the door with a curious expression on her face. "Why don't you go ahead...Tell Angel I'll be there in a minute..." she said and Buffy nodded.
She waited until Buffy was at the top of the staircase to walk towards the door. Something was pulling her to it.
She slowly made her way down the stairs and into the infamous training room. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, frozen by what she was seeing.
There.
Kneeling on the floor, in a bright light, was Emily.
Emily was looking down at something on the floor. Cordelia felt a small weakness in her heart at the sight that graced her.
"You dropped something..." Emily whispered before looking up into Cordelia's teary eyes.
Cordy spotted the sparkling chain on the floor and a lump gravitated in her throat. Emily genuinely smiled as she rose to her feet. The chain nicely remained on the floor but Cordy's eyes moved up to Emily's. There was an intense moment of reflexion that followed until Cordelia took an hesitant step forward. Only one. Her eyes were moist and her voice trembling.
"It was you, wasn't it?"
Emily quietly lowered her eyes as Cordelia's words made their way to her ears.
"That was it....that deal you made..." Cordelia emotionally spoke as her earlier realization settled in, finally. "You're the one who made all of this happen, didn't you...?" A tear rolled down her face as she spoke. "You brought him back...that was the deal you told me about, wasn't it...." she paused as more tears welled up in her eyes. "It was you..." she repeated in a bare whisper that conveyed a mixture of emotion that broke Emily's heart.
"I just collected." Emily whispered back in a calm voice. "I told you I would..."
"But you..." Cordelia started as a tear made its way down her cheek involuntarily, but Emily gently stopped her.
"Don't. Don't... I look at you and Angel and if you ask me, it was worth a thousdand lives..." she said in a heartbreaking tone.
The two cousins looked at one another with emotionally pained eyes, and then Emily smiled tenderly. Cordy wiped a tear from her cheek with shaking fingers when Emily slowly began to walk towards her.
"He would die for you." Emily asserted, knowing that Cordelia understood who she was refering to. "He did." she frowned, correcting herself. "He's a keeper." she grinned as Cordelia couldn't help but smile back. "Take care of him, okay..."
A long silence followed those words and Cordelia looked down at the floor for an instant. A helpless guilt spread across her face suddenly and Emily noticed.
"One of us deserved to be saved Cordy." she whispered as Cordelia held back her overwhelming emotions. "I'm glad it was you..." she secretly added. "You have so much left to do and see in this world. You and Angel. Together and on your own..."
"What about you?" cordelia managed to ask.
Emily sighed a sigh of relief, prompting a puzzled look on Cordy's face.
"I was saved too. Just not the same way you were..." Emily softly explained. "One day....maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow....but one day, you'll understand just how much of the saving you actually did."
Cordelia looked confused and cleared her throat.
"I don't understand..."
"You save dme too, you know..." Emily breathed out, tears hiding behind her own dark eyes. "I'm not tied up to a bed anymore because they think I'm crazy...I may not be alive, but I feel saved." she whispered.
"How?" Cordelia murmured, weakly.
"I'm free."
"From what?" Cordy inquired, tearfully staring into her cousin's eyes.
"You know what." Emily paused, staring back at her, a secret understanding flowing through each of them. "They can't hurt me here. Not anymore. They can't get to me. They can't make me into someone I'm not. You got away from them, but I couldn't. Until now...I'm finally free." she carefully and emotionally explained.
A look of amazement overtook Cordelia.
"But you're 17." she emphasized. "You should have had your whole life to be free. You should have had your whole life to get away from them." a glimpse of frustration could be heard in Cordelia's argument.
"I did." Emily smiled through her tears. "I ran from them...and it got me here. To all o fyou." she adds, looking around the place.
"Why did you stop? Why didn't you just keep on running??"
Emily waited before answering, and the two of them locked eyes.
"Because you're not one of them..." Emily finally whispered as a tear fell from her eyes, finally.
Cordelia took a shaky breath, bringing her hand over her eyes for a moment. Emily waited a little while, as the intensity in the room escalated to new highs.
"You should be proud of that, Cordy..." Emily said with a warm, genuine smile. "You have your own little family. Here. And that's better than anything you could ever find out there." she added. "The people you have here...They will never leave you alone in a dark corner when all you need is a hug. Not like them." she said as Cordelia's red and puffy eyes shot up in realization. "That's why I stopped running..." Emily then whispered.
Cordy stared at her cousin's heavenly form and she held her breath for a while.
That's what Emily had searched for her whole life: someone who could give her the only thing she ever asked for, a hug.
She had run away from her own dark corner in search of that hug...which she never got.
Suddenly, Cordelia wished she had seen that before. She began to feel this ache in her heart.
"I so wish you were real..." Cordy finally whispered, staring at Emily's young features.
"I like to think that I am..." Emily replied.
"But not real enough..." Cordelia paused. "I can't give you that hug, now, can I?" She saw the genuinely moved expression on Emily's face. "I can't hug a ghost...you're not real enough." she added in a barely audible tone.
A warmth slowly invaded the room and Emily looked up towards the heavens. A tiny smile spread across her face as she looked back down at Cordelia. Cordy seemed confused as to what was happening.
Emily took a few steps forward and Cordelia saw the glow around Emily disappear for a moment. Emily stopped and hesitated.
She waited.
She then wrapped her arms around a stunned and emotional Cordy, holding her cousin tightly. Cordelia was obviously speechless. Somehow, this hug was as much for Emily's sake as it was for Cordelia's. They both knew that.
"It's always real if you believ it Cordy..." Emily whispered.
Cordelia remembered to breathe only when she was forced with the realization that she had been holding her breath for a while. She let out a soft chuckle, event hrough a tears.
"When did you go from dummy to Yoda?"
Emily smiled over Cordy's shoulder. Emily felt a little voice inside of her, and she knew she'd almost used up all the time she'd been allowed.
"While I'm on a roll...just between you and me...what your parents said to you about helping me and letting me die... They're wrong." Emily said as she finally stepped back from the emotional hug. "I'd do it all over again..."
They both paused. Cordelia was still holding the young girl's hand in hers when she felt Emily's hand melt away from hers. Cordy's fingers slowly fell right through the hand she had previously been holding and her heart skipped a beat. She lifted her eyes up to her cousin's.
"If you ever need anything -- and I mean anything -- you can always count on me." Emily said, reassuringly.
"How will I know where to find you?" Cordelia asked, a panic invading her at the thought of letting go of the only family member she felt she had left.
"You'll know. Trust me." Emily tenderly smiled.
Cordelia smiled, knowingly and suddenly felt something in the palm of her right hand. she looked down and noticed the small necklace. The tiny chain was tangled between her fingers, as if it had appeared magically. Cordy let out a tiny sigh before looking back up. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself.
Emily was gone.
She was gone.
Cordelia looked up and smiled, sadly, but honestly. She clutched the chain firmly in her hand.
"You give this crazy family a good name too..." she whispered into the empty room, a peaceful smile spreading across her face.
From the doorway, Buffy watched, silently. Never making her presence known. Never saying a word. Just watching.
------
In the dark, quiet room, Cordelia slept, bundled into a small chair by Angel's bedside. A tiny blanket was resting on her legs and she rested her head on the air of the chair.
She slowly opened her eyes, feeling like she had barely slept. She rubbed her face for a moment and then noticed Angel staring at her from his bed. He looked just as tired as she was but for some reason, neither of them appeared to be able to get some sleep. He was awake. He was looking at her.
Those eyes. They sometimes paralyzed her, sometimes energized her. She could never tell which one was going to happen until it finally did. Sleepily, she sat up straight and pulled the chair closer to the bed. A tiny, tired smile spread across her face.
"Hi."
"Hi." he repeated in a faint voice.
"How are you feeling?" Cordy asked, concern filling her every word.
"Better." Angel replied, reassuringly.
"Good." She said with a sigh. "Sleeping in this chair is so not good for my posture." She shot him a teasing glance.
Angel was almost tempted to smile at the familiarity he noticed in her voice. That was the Cordelia he remembered. That was the Cordelia he cared so much about.
"You stayed here?" he asked, painfully trying to pull himself up in a seated position.
"Hey, not getting rid of me that easily big guy." She grinned, helping him sit up.
Cordelia sat back down in her chair as an awkward silence crawled in between the two of them. As her face danced in the faint light, his eyes welled up with tears and fears. For the first time, he was able to get a close-up look of cordelia's cuts and bruises. He slowly reached with one hand to touch her cheek. A look of horror sprung in his eyes and he stared at the scratches on her chin, the cut on her forehead and the bruises on her neck. If he had been a breathing human being, he would have chocked.
"I did this." he managed to get out, his voice breaking the silence.
"No.No." Cordelia tried to reassure him as he took his hand away from her face, fearfully.
"I hurt you." his guilt and disbelief wrapped his every word.
"Hey, I killed you." She said as tears hid behind her eyes. "We're even." She tried her best to control her own voice.
There was a long pause that followed her words.
"Cordelia." he began but she stopped him.
"Don't. I'm fine." She intensely stared into his pained face. "We're all fine."
"What else did I do to you." he asked, worried.
"Nothing." She carefully answered. "It wasn't you.The hands that did this to my face, they're not the hands of the man you've become. The man that I know." She stated, determinedly. "And I do know you, Angel."
"He's a part of me, Cordy."
"Yes, he is. A small part." She gently replied. "There's a bigger one that I know. One that's a lot stronger, and better. That's who you are." She maintained.
Angel lowered his eyes as her words made their way to his ears. He wanted to believe her so much. And, in that moment, he did. They shared a long, comforting silence that spread through an unmatched duration of time. They were simply sitting there, sharing a speechless conversation, until Angel looked up into her eyes and found himself saddened. An image of Emily dangled from the back of his mind.
"You saw her too, didn't you?" he asked in a weak, emotional tone.
Cordelia looked down and played with her hands momentarily. She nodded as an answer, as tears welled up in her eyes.
"She was the real sacrifice, wasn't she?" Cordy found herself saying out loud. She paused and then looked at Angel's face, which was equally moved. "She was better than all of us."
"She proved it." He whispered to her.
Cordelia took a deep breath and noticed the guilt on Angel's face.
"I'm sorry." he apologized.
Cordelia found herself smiling through her tearful eyes.
"What are you talking about?" she said with a nervous laughter that lightened the mood a little. "It wasn't all bad." she eyed him for a moment.
Angel somehow could not help the tiny grin that came across his lips.
"Obviously.My behavior spoke for itself didn't it.." He murmured, smiling back to her.
They held the intense stare for a little while and then cordelia looked down at the floor in front of her. The realization settled in slowly.
They both knew they would probably live with the memory of that night and nothing more.Angel knew he'd have to be able to give Emily that handshake before he'd ever be with Cordelia like that again. The knowledge of that was apparent on both their faces.
She took a deep breath and shook her head, somehow suddenly amused by the thought that ran through her head.
"Who would have thought." her voice was gentle, yet filled with amazement. "I came to L.A.. and this one night, I ran into this guy, right." she said and then emotionally paused. "And he just saved my life." she finished in a whisper.
"Well." Angel whispered back as he intensely looked into her eyes. "You see.I came to L.A. too, and I ran into this girl." he waited for a moment. "And she just gave me back mine." he said in a whisper that was both loving and grateful.
The phantom of a smile appeared on their lips, through their teary eyes, as they sat in silence.
In their own way, that had served as their own otherwise more conventional 'I love you'. But then again, what had ever been conventional about a vampire with a soul and a vision girl with a witty sense of humor?
"What happens now?" Cordelia said in a barely audible voice, as the intensity in the room, gravitated.
Angel didn't answer. He simply looked at her, slowly offering his hand to her. Her eyes traveled from his face to his palm, and she slowly - ever so slowly - moved her hand from the armchair to the bed. Her fingers gently touched the tip of his, as if they were both hesitating.
Two hands.
Two souls.
Just like everything else they seemed to share, nothing was rushed.
The tip of her fingers carefully traced a few lines in the palm of his hand. It was like the earth had stopped turning for a few seconds. He let his thumb trace a few circles on the back of her hand as she tenderly let her fingers intertwine with his.
Intense.
Meaningful.
Emotional.
Not a kiss could have felt like this. Not a word could have expressed everything that seemed to be said by that simple touch of hands.
It wasn't fancy. It was just this. Just them.
Their hands slowly settled into the other's, fitting perfectly.
"Hi." Angel whispered, closing his fingers around the warmth of her skin.
She looked into his eyes and smiled tenderly.
"Hi." she replied, as if they were seeing one another for the first time.
Whatever happened now, it started here. Now. With this. With the touch of their hands.
Remember how they always seemed to know
We had the forest in our eyes but the earth was in our clothes
And they thought we'd fall
But not at all
Angel and Cordelia just sat there, in silence, never letting go of each other's hands.
Never wanting to.
So look back on your treasured days
When we were young in a world that was so tired
Though it's not what we wanted before
Even the saints had to crawl from the floor
Buffy and Dawn knelt in front of Joyce's grave, emotions covering both of their faces.
And summer's when the money was gone
You'd sing
All your little songs that meant everything
To me
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
Seeing the helpless look on Buffy's face, Dawn reached out and wrapped her arms around her sister.
I'll remember you that way
The two of them just held one another, in the stillness of the night.
Remember how they tried to hold you down
And we climbed those towers and looked out upon our town
And everything you hoped would last
It just always becomes your past
It hurts but
Cordelia stood in the dark, staring in front of herself when a hand gently slipped into hers. She looked up and her eyes locked with Angel's for a moment.
The two of them stood, immobile, holding hands, as they looked at Emily's gravestone.
And summer's when the money was gone
You'd sing
All your little songs that meant everything
To me
Peace.
They were finally at peace.
They had all sacrificed something. Each and every one of them.
Angel. Cordelia. Buffy.
Emily.
They'd changed, they'd made choices. In in the name of love.
In the name of life.
And somehow, they took comfort in the fact that Emily was at peace as well.
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
I'll remember you always
Behind them stood the rest of them. Gunn, Wesley, Fred.Giles, Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara.even Spike.
They all stood silently, paying a last respect to a young girl who had touched many among them in a way they would never be able to explain.
And they'd remember her.
They would.
But then how this world slipped through my fingers
And even the sun seemed tired
I still cared
As they lowered you down my heart just jaded
In that moment the earth made no sound
But you were there
You helped me lift my pain into the air
One single tear rolled down from Cordelia's eye and made its way across her cheek.
She lifted her eyes upward as a few tiny drops of rain began to fall.
She sighed and a little smile appeared on her lips as she met Angel's eyes.
I always thought you'd come home
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
Nearby, beside the trees, she watched them. A group, divided by adversities for the most part, united in times of need.
Emily.
Emily stood there as the rain began to fall harder, and she smiled. Wholeheartedly.
If it don't hurt you it won't hurt me
If it don't hurt me it won't hurt you
Angel lifted his eyes just in time to see her give him a nod and disappear into thin air.
He tightened his fingers around Cordelia's hand and smiled.
If it don't hurt you it won't hurt me I know
Gunn's car drove away just as did the rest of them.
Cordelia and Angel hurried under the pouring rain towards his car.
Suddenly, Angel stopped. He gently took a hold of Cordelia's arm. She spun around, her hair soaking wet from the rain and she stared at him. He was silent. He was just standing there, his hand softly brushing against her coat.
He intensely looked into her eyes for a moment.
He walked closer to her and lowered his lips to hers in a long, heartfelt kiss. His cupped the side of her face with both his hands. She seemed surprised at first but the feeling quickly vanished, and she kissed him back.
"The one thing about life is it's the only game you lose by refusing to play."
They just stayed there, not caring about the rain, not caring about anything.
Not caring where it would lead, or how they'd get there.
They just stood there, wrapped up in that kiss.
In that first official kiss.
------------------------
