Chapter 5
Uub kissed her on her cheek when she came in, not noticing the confused look on her face. She absentmindedly greeted him and didn't answer when he asked her if she'd been flying. So, he went back to cooking again.
"Five messages on the answering machine. All for you, miss popular," Uub called to her from the kitchen.
Pan walked over to the phone, still not thinking clearly.
*beep*
Pan? This is Trunks. Are you there? Pick up the phone, please!
Okay, so you're not there. Can you call me back when you're home?
*beep*
*beep*
Come on, Pan, don't push it. We really need to talk. Uub, make her call me! Come on, buddy; you know I'd do the same thing for you, right?
*beep*
Pan closed her eyes. She didn't have to listen to the other messages to know they were Trunks.
Now what should she do?
She walked to the kitchen. Uub looked at her, smiling brightly. When he saw the look in her eyes, his look turned into a concerned one. "Pan? What is bothering you lately? Are you sure you're alright?"
Pan sighed. Her heart ached at the sight of him. She truly didn't want to hurt him. But she couldn't keep this up, this lying – even though she didn't really lie.
"Look, Uub, we've gotta talk," she said tiredly, not daring to look at him.
Uub's eyes widened, than narrowed as if in pain. He shook his head. "No, Pan. I know that. There's someone else, isn't there?"
Pan narrowed her eyes in pain. "No, there isn't. Not really."
Uub shook his head again, his eyes expressing more than he could say. He'd been hurt this way before. The girl he thought would be his wife one day had cheated on him, thus ending a five-year relationship. Pan reckoned he still feared she would do that to him to, and that made her even feel worse.
"Don't give me that. I know that look. There must be something, someone."
Pan sighed painfully. She was so damned tired! "Uub, you know I love you, but..."
"But you aren't attracted to me anymore, right? You only love me as a friend, now," Uub finished for her, bitterly.
Pan shook her head. "No. I still love you. It's just that... I am... It's..."
She gave up. Only one tear rolled over her cheek, but he noticed it. In less than no time, he'd pulled her close in his comforting arms and let her cry. But the thought of what she might be about to say was enough to make him want to cry too.
[|^_^|]
"Are you alright now?" asked Uub silently when Pan's breaths had turned even and calm.
Pan breathed in deeply, slowly. "No," she said. "I'm not okay." She forced a smile. "But I won't cry anymore."
Uub shook his head and pulled her close. "Pan, it's okay to cry. Why do you always try to be so tough?"
Pan shrugged uncomfortably. They'd been through this before; when Uub complained she never told him what she wanted and how she felt. "I guess it's something to do with my saiyan blood," she said, looking away.
Uub shrugged. He too didn't want to go down that road anymore, although he knew that was hardly the reason.
"Now, are you going to tell me what you needed to tell me?" he asked softly, almost as if he didn't really want to ask it.
Pan breathed in deeply again, looking into his dark eyes. The love she saw in there was enough to make her want to cry again. Her eyes used to reflect that love. But tonight she was sure they only showed confusion.
"I'm..." she began, not sure what to say. She didn't want to break up with him, but she also couldn't stand to live with him so close when she felt this way for Trunks... It felt so much like betraying him and that hurt her. Holding him but thinking of Trunks was the worst torture she'd ever been through, physical pain counting.
"Uub, there's no one else, not really, and I still love you and I need you and I want you, but there's something I need to figure out for myself and I need to be away from you to do so," she blurted out in one breath, and before he could say anything she continued: "I'm gonna go to my parents for a few weeks."
The look on his face changed from surprised to painful and she could almost hear him think. This is it, this is the end. It's over.
And the worst thing was – she could not deny it.
[|^_^|]
"So what's troubling you, Pan?" her mother asked, looking at her daughter carefully.
"Why do you assume something is bothering me?" Pan tried to cover for herself.
Videl laughed lightly. "For one, because you're staying here, and I know my daughter. That look is not one of happiness, Pan."
Pan smiled sadly. "Okay, okay, you're right. Something is bothering me. But that's not something I want to talk to you about."
Videl raised her eyebrows. "Oh, is that so, missy? Well, try me. I'm not as innocent as you might think I am!"
Pan blushed hotly. "Mom! Why do you immediately assume it has something to do with sex?"
Videl smirked deviously, then laughed at her daughter's shocked face. "Because you'd tell me if it was something else. Now, what is it?"
Pan sighed in defeat. "It's not about sex, well, not really. I just... I needed some time away from Uub, that's all."
Videl frowned. "What is it? Has he hurt you in some way? Because your dad would love to beat him to a pulp, given the chance."
Pan shook her head, laughing in spite of her sadness. "No, Uub has never hurt me. I doubt he could. He's the sweetest, cutest, best man I've ever come across and I love him very much..." Her voice trailed off.
"Then what is it?" coaxed Videl.
"It's...." Pan shook her head. "No. There's only one person I can talk to about this. One person who might understand it. But I don't dare too..."
Videl lifted her daughter's head with her finger and carefully studied her face. "You're not a coward, Pan. Whatever it is, you must never run away from your fears because they will haunt you forever if you do. Unless the results will kill you, literally, go talk to that person. You're strong enough, Pan."
Pan smiled and hugged her mother. "Thanks, mom. You're right, I should." She stifled a yawn. "But not tonight. I'll go tomorrow."
Videl smiled at her. "You go to bed, then. I'll talk to you tomorrow!"
Pan yawned again and walked out of the room. "Night, mom."
"Goodnight, Pan."
[|^_^|]
She threw her long hair over her shoulder and noticed she was, once again, naked.
As was he, standing before her. He was so handsome, she noted almost painfully.
But unlike before, he just looked at her. He didn't pull her close, didn't kiss her, and didn't touch her. Just looked at her with his beautiful blue eyes, their normal dark and filled lust... Why didn't he touch her?
It took him a moment to realize it was her. She wasn't acting even the closest bit as if she wanted him, even though she did. The way he looked at her, so shy or maybe even sad, his beautiful body, his scent was enough to want him so badly, that she didn't even want to wake up when this was the alternative.
But this time she knew there was something else. This time, it was decisive. This time they would have to decide whether or not they would go on with this, this lie, or not.
She slowly turned away from him, pictures of Uub flashing before her eyes, making her feel guilty – something she had never felt before in these dreams. Never. Not one time there had been remorse, not even the slightest bit.
She heard him sigh; was aware of everything of him, aware of her reactions to him. But she steadily kept on walking. There had to be a way out of here, wherever 'here' was, hadn't there? Even plain gray nothingness had to end somewhere.
There was not.
She dropped down on the not ground and stared silently into the nothingness. She was aware of his presence behind her, but ignored him.
Finally, he dropped down next to her, taking her hand in his. She allowed him that, but didn't look at him.
When he carefully pulled her close and encircled her with his arms, she did look at him. Blankly. Almost daring him to try something.
But he just held her, rocking her as if she was a little child that needed to be comforted. And she felt like crying, but she didn't. There was no need for crying; he knew how she felt anyway. Why waist tears?
Eventually she turned her head to him again, her face only inches from his. She could feel his breath on her lips, and knew what was coming. Although her mind screamed at her, she didn't turn away, but just waited.
Instead of passionately, wildly, he kissed her softly. Tenderly. Lovingly.
She sighed when he lie down, pulling her with him and felt her body give in to what he was asking of her.
No, she couldn't.
"Trunks..." she breathed against his lips. "Trunks, this is ... different. Decisive. We shouldn't..."
He looked deeply into her eyes, and she kissed him, betraying herself and everything she stood for. But it felt so right...
Slowly he made love to her. Their movements were powerful and she shivered with fear about what they were doing. This was final.
Never before had it been so intense, had he been so tender and careful. She could feel something was different now, although she didn't know what.
Whatever it was, things would never be the same anymore after this night.
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AN: Many thanks to my beta readers Pam and Aerosol for checking and correcting this (this time, when you see a mistake, go to them ;) ). I guess this is a cliffhanger again, but guess what, chapter 6 will be updated tonight too! Why? Because it's so damned short ~_^ That's right, I kept all the chapters about the same size, but the next one'll be short. Hope ya enjoyed it! ~_^
