Pearl Harbor and The Real World
Episode Three

A/N: Saw Dogma. Period.

New characters:
Jay: from all the Kevin Smith movies thing
Matt: Matt Damon
Chris: Chris Rock
Christina: Oh yea. Christina Aguilera. Just watch where I go with this.

The doorbell rang and Josh jumped up to answer it.

Josh: Who the fuck are you?

Kate: Josh, don't cuss. Oh, you're hot.

Jay: The fat bitch? Do you want to fuck us?

Kate: No!

Jay: I'll take head.

Ben: Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

Matt: BEN!

Ben: Oh fuck fuck fuck!

Josh: Did I miss something?

Matt: Why hello little boy. How are you today?

James: Matt! What are you doing here?

Josh: You're the fucked up one in that movie with that hot person.

Ben(smiling): I dated that hot person. Wait, no. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Matt: James! I haven't seen you in forever! (they hug)

Josh: Woah, stop hitting on my girl, assdick!

Matt: Please say you aren't dating him, James.

James: I'm not dating him.

Matt: And Ben. Benny boy! Why is this what all of your new friends are like? You don't call, you don't write, you don't fax, you don't e-mail, you don't two way message...

Ben: Would you shut the hell up? Don't you have a male lover to make out with or something?

Matt: HOW DARE YOU, BEN! You know I am straight as an arrow!

Josh: More like as bent as a pencil in water.

Kate: Actually the pencil just appears to be bent. In actuality, it never changes shape!

James: Kate, you'll never believe this but NO ONE CARES!

Jay: Whose gonna fuck me!

Matt: James, darling. How long has it been? One...two months at least!

James(smiling): Matt, I want to show you something. Um, some pictures.

Matt(bursts out laughing): From the boat?

Josh: I don't like where this is going.

James: Josh, we aren't dating.

Josh: Well you sure as hell ain't dating some gay lawyer from New York City.

Matt: I am a STRAIGHT ACTOR.

Josh: Actor? Even worse.

James: YOU'RE AN ACTOR.

Chris Rock: I hosted an MTV VMA awards show! People LOVE ME! They worship the ground I walk on! Why should you care? BECAUSE I AM YOUR GOD!

Ben: Shut up you were in Dogma with the rest of us.

Josh: STYX RULES!

Alec: RIGHT ON! Where's my bitch?

Christina(walking out of bedroom in a short nightie): Alec! All the people woke me up! You know I sleep in late when I stay up to watch SNL. (giggles) Oh my goodness! It's Matt Damon! Can I have your autograph?

Ben: ALEC! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!

Alec: You aren't the only one with a bitch, Ben.

Ben: Matt, it's not true.

Matt(standing with a finger pointed at Ben and his mouth dropped): You betrayed Gwenny!

Ben: Matt, you were the one sleeping with her.

James(gasping): Not Matt!

Matt: It was before I met you.

James: Oh, that explains it.

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Confessional

Josh: That bastard Matt. I'm gonna get him.

James: Matt and I. Me and Matt. James and Matt. Oh goodness! Not to go all Jessica Simpson on you but I think I'm in love with him!

Cuba: So Lance and I went to this pier and he kissed me! HE KISSED ME! I feel weak. Must-go-shopping.

Ben: Fucking jackasses. All of them. I thought James might actually pass a normal person, then she goes with Matt. It's not that I'm jealous. I feel weak. I might go shopping with Cuba.

Alec: Chrissy and I are really hitting it off! She's seen American Pie five times already! And this one time, in my bedroom...

Kate: So a bunch of people showed up today. I feel more like an outsider. I HAVE A TWO YEAR OLD. I don't think my bf can babysit her for much longer.

Krysta: I'm not in the movie anymore, but I'm still in the house. You know Justin? Well he told me to call Nick from the Backstreet Boys, so I did. Then Nick brought me to Aaron, his little brother. Then Aaron, I thought he liked me, ya know? So I asked him if he'd take me to the movies. So he did, right? But he wouldn't sit with me! I felt like the biggest idiot. Sitting there in Spy Kids all alone. So frightened and alone.

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Next week on The Real World:

Ben and Kate: more than just friends?
James and Josh: more than just friends?
Alec and Britney: more than just friends?
James and Matt: rocky roads ahead?
Alec and Christina: rocky roads ahead?
Lance and Cuba on shopping!

Clips:

Cuba: Oh Lance! Wouldn't this Prada look amazing on Kate? ohhhh, do tell!

Sorry due to techincal difficulties, we brought you the wrong clip.