Pearl Harbor and the Real World
Episode: Five
A/N: AHHHH! All the reviews for my "dramatic" stories are sucky! Except for Sara's. SARA RULES!
James looked around the room after waking up. James: Josh?
Josh: Yea?
James: What the hell happened last night?
Josh: We got drunk and married.
James: MARRIED? WHAT?
Josh: I thought you knew.
James: Oh fuck damn piss shit bitch ASS!
Josh(writing on a piece of paper): Can you repeat those?
James: Mrs. Josh Hartnett. I couldn't at least have gotten a decent guy. *sighs*
Josh: Well *tries to put his middle finger up and fails* Anyway, just fuck you. I've had like *thinks hard* five marriage purposals!
James: Anyway...
Ben comes strutting into their hotel room, obviously drunk. Ben: WWWWAAASSSSSSSSSUUUUPPPPP?
Josh: WWWWAAASSSSSSSSSUUUUPPPPP?
James*sighs*: Men...
Kate walks in behind Ben with her lipstick smeared and her clothes and hair a wreck. James: What happened to you?
Kate: Ben and I went dancing last night.
Ben: That's clubbing, bitch!
Kate*giggling*: Right, hon.
James: Kate, I need to talk to you. *she pulls Kate outside* I'm married to Josh.
Kate: What?
James: You heard me.
Kate: What? When? WHY WAS I NOT INVITED?
James: I don't know what you mean by what, last night, and because WE WERE DRUNK!
Kate: Oh dear...
**********************************************************************
Confessional:
Kate: So like we were in England and stuff, ya know? And I saw my family and Ben was such a sweetie. Oh, I saw my ex. Told him off.
Josh: So like you know that hot James chick I was dating? Turns out we're married. Wow, right? I know, I'm damn sexy. GOD, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SO DAMN SEXY? I'M SO DAMN IRRESISTABLE. It's a curse...
Ben: Kate's kinda hot, you know? Right? Someone tell me she's hot so I can feel good about this whole Kate and me decision. Sure, she isn't Gwenyth, but no one is. Except for Gweny.
Krysta: Justin doesn't live in England. I don't see why we had to come here. All the guys play soccer, which they call, get this, FOOTBALL! I was like NO YOU DIDN'T!
Cuba: Oh Gucci handbags! Lancey pooh came yesterday just to pop in and say 'howdy doodle!' I was sooo happy!
Alec: Chrissy is living really close. She's all like hot and stuff. Ya know? I saw this really shiny, sparkly ring in this window...
James: I, James King, am married to Josh Hartnett. This is almost as depressing as that time that I found out that James was a boys' name.
**********************************************************************
Krysta, Kate, Ben, Cuba, Lance, Christina, and Alec all go to a soccer game. Which they call football. I don't know the teams, so don't press it.
Krysta: Hotties in uniform!
Kate: Wait, no. I'm sorry, but you CANNOT under ANY curcumstances date a soccer player.
Christina: Especially if he's British and calls it football.
Kate: Chris, are you making fun of England?
Christina: Hell no! What are you on?
Alec: Chrissy, Katherine, stop fighting.
Kate: The name, is Kate. Thank you very much.
Ben: So this is soccer? All they do is kick it one way, someone kicks it the other way, they run down to the other end, then repeat the process. We've been here for over an hour, and I have yet to see a goal get scored.
Lance: You most likely won't. The game is 95% defense. Most games are decided by penalty kicks.
Ben: And you know this, how?
Lance: I studied English football last night. On the net. Gosh, there's a lot of people who don't like this game.
Ben: I don't blame them.
Cuba: My Lancesey's so smart!
*They kiss*
Ben: Get a room.
Krysta: Wow, Ben's in a pleasant mood today.
Ben: Shut up, you teenybopper.
Krysta: I was being serious! I mean, you could have very well said 'get a fucking room.' But you didn't. Benjamin Geza Affleck, you're my hero!
Christina*laughing*: Your middle name is Geza?
Ben: Whatchu gonna do about it, you pop sell out?
Christina*stands and faces him*: NO...YOU...DIDN'T!
Ben: I think I did!
Football fans: Sit down! WE MISSED THAT PASS, YOU JACKASSES!
Alec: Christina, I think we better go.
*Alec and Christina leave. The gang sit in silence.*
Kate: Why didn't James and Josh come?
Cuba: They're having marital difficulties.
Kate: Oh.
Krysta: How boring is this?
Ben: The most boring thing I've ever seen in my life. Can we leave?
Kate: Thank God, I thought you'd never ask.
*They all leave.*
**********************************************************************
Ben: So, you're like, really, staying married?
James: Guess so.
Kate: Are you out of your bloody minds?
Josh: English is such a HARD language to understand.
Cuba: You are willing to stay legally bound to *raises Josh's arm and lets it fall back down to his side* this man for the rest of your life?
James *sighs*: I guess so.
Krysta: Can I be the first to leak it to the Inquirer?
Kate throws down an American copy of the National Inquirer with Josh and James on the cover on the table. They all look at her strangely.
Kate: Hey, you aren't the only ones with connections.
James: I'll announce it to the press on Monday, then. *James leaves*
Josh: Wow, so I'm like Mr. James King?
Ben: You jackass.
*They all leave Josh trying to figure out his new title now that he is married*
Episode: Five
A/N: AHHHH! All the reviews for my "dramatic" stories are sucky! Except for Sara's. SARA RULES!
James looked around the room after waking up. James: Josh?
Josh: Yea?
James: What the hell happened last night?
Josh: We got drunk and married.
James: MARRIED? WHAT?
Josh: I thought you knew.
James: Oh fuck damn piss shit bitch ASS!
Josh(writing on a piece of paper): Can you repeat those?
James: Mrs. Josh Hartnett. I couldn't at least have gotten a decent guy. *sighs*
Josh: Well *tries to put his middle finger up and fails* Anyway, just fuck you. I've had like *thinks hard* five marriage purposals!
James: Anyway...
Ben comes strutting into their hotel room, obviously drunk. Ben: WWWWAAASSSSSSSSSUUUUPPPPP?
Josh: WWWWAAASSSSSSSSSUUUUPPPPP?
James*sighs*: Men...
Kate walks in behind Ben with her lipstick smeared and her clothes and hair a wreck. James: What happened to you?
Kate: Ben and I went dancing last night.
Ben: That's clubbing, bitch!
Kate*giggling*: Right, hon.
James: Kate, I need to talk to you. *she pulls Kate outside* I'm married to Josh.
Kate: What?
James: You heard me.
Kate: What? When? WHY WAS I NOT INVITED?
James: I don't know what you mean by what, last night, and because WE WERE DRUNK!
Kate: Oh dear...
**********************************************************************
Confessional:
Kate: So like we were in England and stuff, ya know? And I saw my family and Ben was such a sweetie. Oh, I saw my ex. Told him off.
Josh: So like you know that hot James chick I was dating? Turns out we're married. Wow, right? I know, I'm damn sexy. GOD, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SO DAMN SEXY? I'M SO DAMN IRRESISTABLE. It's a curse...
Ben: Kate's kinda hot, you know? Right? Someone tell me she's hot so I can feel good about this whole Kate and me decision. Sure, she isn't Gwenyth, but no one is. Except for Gweny.
Krysta: Justin doesn't live in England. I don't see why we had to come here. All the guys play soccer, which they call, get this, FOOTBALL! I was like NO YOU DIDN'T!
Cuba: Oh Gucci handbags! Lancey pooh came yesterday just to pop in and say 'howdy doodle!' I was sooo happy!
Alec: Chrissy is living really close. She's all like hot and stuff. Ya know? I saw this really shiny, sparkly ring in this window...
James: I, James King, am married to Josh Hartnett. This is almost as depressing as that time that I found out that James was a boys' name.
**********************************************************************
Krysta, Kate, Ben, Cuba, Lance, Christina, and Alec all go to a soccer game. Which they call football. I don't know the teams, so don't press it.
Krysta: Hotties in uniform!
Kate: Wait, no. I'm sorry, but you CANNOT under ANY curcumstances date a soccer player.
Christina: Especially if he's British and calls it football.
Kate: Chris, are you making fun of England?
Christina: Hell no! What are you on?
Alec: Chrissy, Katherine, stop fighting.
Kate: The name, is Kate. Thank you very much.
Ben: So this is soccer? All they do is kick it one way, someone kicks it the other way, they run down to the other end, then repeat the process. We've been here for over an hour, and I have yet to see a goal get scored.
Lance: You most likely won't. The game is 95% defense. Most games are decided by penalty kicks.
Ben: And you know this, how?
Lance: I studied English football last night. On the net. Gosh, there's a lot of people who don't like this game.
Ben: I don't blame them.
Cuba: My Lancesey's so smart!
*They kiss*
Ben: Get a room.
Krysta: Wow, Ben's in a pleasant mood today.
Ben: Shut up, you teenybopper.
Krysta: I was being serious! I mean, you could have very well said 'get a fucking room.' But you didn't. Benjamin Geza Affleck, you're my hero!
Christina*laughing*: Your middle name is Geza?
Ben: Whatchu gonna do about it, you pop sell out?
Christina*stands and faces him*: NO...YOU...DIDN'T!
Ben: I think I did!
Football fans: Sit down! WE MISSED THAT PASS, YOU JACKASSES!
Alec: Christina, I think we better go.
*Alec and Christina leave. The gang sit in silence.*
Kate: Why didn't James and Josh come?
Cuba: They're having marital difficulties.
Kate: Oh.
Krysta: How boring is this?
Ben: The most boring thing I've ever seen in my life. Can we leave?
Kate: Thank God, I thought you'd never ask.
*They all leave.*
**********************************************************************
Ben: So, you're like, really, staying married?
James: Guess so.
Kate: Are you out of your bloody minds?
Josh: English is such a HARD language to understand.
Cuba: You are willing to stay legally bound to *raises Josh's arm and lets it fall back down to his side* this man for the rest of your life?
James *sighs*: I guess so.
Krysta: Can I be the first to leak it to the Inquirer?
Kate throws down an American copy of the National Inquirer with Josh and James on the cover on the table. They all look at her strangely.
Kate: Hey, you aren't the only ones with connections.
James: I'll announce it to the press on Monday, then. *James leaves*
Josh: Wow, so I'm like Mr. James King?
Ben: You jackass.
*They all leave Josh trying to figure out his new title now that he is married*
