Pearl Harbor and the Real World
Episode Six

Note to JHABABAAF: What are you on, first of all? Dang! Anyway my friend and I say no you didn't all the time. We even have the no you didn't awards of the week. The no you didn't sport of the week always goes to soccer. We have sooo much fun dissing soccer. Her brother and my brother are both on THE worst soccer team ever. So not only do we go to the games and get bored just because it's soccer, but the team NEVER scores on top of it. *sigh* And I know you're Sara, you know you're Sara, and now everyone knows you're Sara.
Yea, thanks for the marriage idea.

P.S. The name is Katie/Kate. Yea, I know, I have the same name as the devil. *See What Really Happened Behind the Scenes of Pearl Harbor*

Kate: BASTARD!

Ben: BITCH!

Josh*walks into the room with James*: WWWWAAAASSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPP?

Kate: Ben broke up with me. And I'm going back to MICHAEL!

Ben: Fine. You aren't Gwenyth anyway!

James: Not this again.

Josh: Is he like obsessed with that Gwen person or something?

James: Yea, hun.

Kate: Hun. I wish I could call someone hun. I LEFT MY BOYFRIEND FOR YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!

Cuba and Lance come frolocking in carrying Gucci handbags and about three shopping bags each.

Lance: I heard yelling.

Cuba: Aww, what's the matter, sweetie? Did Ben leave you again?

Kate: Again? What do you mean by again?

Cuba: Nothing. Hey, Lance, play that funky music white boy! *the two belt out the lyrics to the Wild Cherry song.*

They leave and Krysta comes in.

Krysta: I saw Aaron. He asked me out.

Kate: Listen, missy. I am in the middle of a HUGE crisis. NO ONE cares who or what asked you out. Or why. Or what you said. Just LEAVE!

Krysta: Someone's PMSing.

Kate: I am, but that has nothing to do with this.

Krysta shrugs and leaves.

Alec carries Christina in. She's wearing a white bridal gown.

Ben: Not again...

Christina: WE'RE MARRIED!

Josh: No you didn't!

Kate: This is not bloody happening to me!

Josh: So, wait. Christina, Alec, James, and me all got married.

Christina: Not to each other, silly!

James: I think he knows four people can't all be married to one another. Thanks, but I can take care of my man.

Josh: James, Christina, no fighting over me. Anyway Lance and Cuba are life partners and Ben and Kate broke up.

Kate: You don't have to rub it in!

Josh: And Krysta is dating some pop singer?

Christina: Don't make fun of the pop singers! Lance is a pop singer!

Alec: So are you, sweetie.

Christina: Oh, right. I almost forgot...

James: What's your point, Josh?

Josh: I just don't get you people. Ben, who is Gwenyth?

Ben*like in a trance*: Gwenyth Kate Paltrow was born on September 28, 1972 to Bruce Paltrow and Blythe Danner. She has dated Brad Pitt and me and liked me better. She was in Shakespere in Love and Bounce with me. And a bunch of other crocka shit movies.

Kate: She even has the same middle name as my first, you perv.

Ben: That was the reason I went out with you!

Kate*storms out and slams the door*

Josh: That was kinda awesome. Just like that show I watched that one time because I lost the remote. What was it? Days of your lives or sumtin or other...

Ben: Asshole *walks out and slams the door*

Josh: What did I do?

James: I think those soccer balls hitting you in the head is finally catching up with you.

Josh: Awww, that's what my mommy said would happen. I had to play football in high school. I still like soccer. Hey, James, I just had, like, a really good idea!

James*annoyed*: What?

Josh: Let's go to a soccer game!

James*thoughtfully*: Hmmm.... All right.

Josh: Goody!

Updated: 10/11/01
A/N: WOW! Okay, so I'm back. I saw Serendipity today. Kate Beckinsale actually DID NOT GET ON MY NERVES. I was like OMG! We didn't have school, so my friend and I went. It was like us and a bunch of old people. We gave the movie a standing-O at the end just to annoy the old people. It worked, :). ERG I hate my science class. I'm gonna make a fic about science class just to piss people off. Anyway, I'm looking forward to dissing soccer some more in this fic. Man, it's really fun. Okay, I better stop writing or something bad might happen. YOU MIGHT GET BORED.

Shout out to JHABABAAF and Josh Hartnett's Girl.

JHG: Hey, I saw your poem. I agree. Man, we gotta get people to come back to the PH section. LONG LIVE JOSH HARTNETT, PEARL HARBOR FAN FICTION!