Pearl Harbor and The Real World
Episode Seven

The doorbell rang at one of the doors at the spacious mansion the selfish actors shared. "Can someone get that?" Ben yelled. He waited a few minutes and many more rings from the doorbell before he grumbled, "Fine! I'll get it! ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE SELFISH ANYWAYS!"

He stood up and swung the door open. He was left speechless.

"Benjamin, darling! It's been what? Five, ten days since your last letter or e-mail begging me to come back! Oh, and here I am! But, wait. I didn't come here because of you? Oh, I must explain! Can you let me in, dear?" Gwenyth asked as she looked very bitchy in an ensemble of low cut black.

Ben stepped back and Gwen pushed by the gaping figure. "You..here..." he began.

"Oh, darling, would you mind, uh, shutting up now? As I was saying, I'm not here to see you, silly. Where's the fresh meat? I mean, new costar of yours?" she said taking a seat in Ben's chair.

"Who? Oh you must mean me! I'm James, Ben's new costar," James said as she stuck her hand in Gwen's face to shake.

"Go away," Ben mumbled.

"Oh, but I meant that young boy. What's his name? Joe? Jake? John?" she said.

"Josh," James said quickly interrupted her. "My husband, Josh Hartnett."

"Husband? Oh right. I just thought that was a rumor," she said sighing a little bit. "No matter."

"James? Am I allowed to leave?" Josh asked anxiously.

"NO!" James snapped. "Not until I say so."

"Gwen, would you like some, drink?" Ben asked.

"Oh, an Iced Tea with one of those tree things that people in Hawaii have!" Gwen said.

"We're in England," James said.

"James, be a doll and go get Gwen her iced tea," Ben said still staring at Gwen.

"Let YOUR maid do it," she said.

"Fine, Lindsay!" he called. A short woman came running out. "Iced Tea with a tree thing in it," he said cooly.

"Right away, Mr. Affleck," Lindsay said before retreating to the kitchen.

"Leave," Gwen said abpruptly. "All of you, now!" Her voice was so demanding they filed out quickly. Josh was at the end of their line. She grabbed his arm and made him stay.

"James!" He called out after she closed and locked the door.

"She can't hear you, silly," Gwen said.

"Why are you keeping me here?" Josh asked.

"I guess you should know. Okay, anyway, here's the deal. You, will love me. I am irresistable to man. Or something. That's why Ben always talks about me," she said.

"OOOOHHHH," Josh said as though he had just figured out what Einstein meant when he said E=MC2.

"Here's what you're going to do," she said. "Divorce James. Ask me to marry you. We act all happy for a few months. Then I leave and you end up like Ben."

"I don't want to be like Ben," he complained.

James ran over and hugged Josh. "It's okay, you won't end up like Ben. It's okay. SHHH. It's alright," she comforted Josh.

"How did you get in here?" Gwen asked.

"Oh, come on. I had my assistant pick the lock. I heard everything you said, you bitch," James said.

"Damn," Gwen said. The she thought of an argument. "And why would you care? You don't love the boy. A wild night between two drunken partners," Gwen stated. James looked shocked. "Oh, come on. I know everything."

"Well," James said. She sighed. "Okay, everyone come in," she called to the hallway. They filed in, first Ben, then Alec and Christina, then Krysta, next Lance and Cuba, and lastly Kate. "I have an announcement," she proclaimed. Kate leaned against the wall opposite Ben and Gwenyth, the rest stayed in a pack in the center gathered around James. "I, I love Josh. He really is my soulmate. He knows this, because I told him. I was just putting on an act, well I really don't know why. But from now on, Josh and I are a couple and we will be together."

"I thought you were drunk when you said that," Josh said. "Anywho, let's go watch some soccer! Yes! Fun!"

"Wait! Josh, no soccer yet," James warned.

"Aww, shucks," Josh said sitting on the couch.

"That's great, darling James," Cuba said hugging her.

"You love him?" Krysta asked. "We are talking about Josh, right? Not Justin Timberlake or anything."

"Uh, I was talking about Josh," James said.

"Why's Gwen here then?" Ben asked.

Gwen was inching towards the door. "To see you, darling Ben! I've missed you so much," she ran over and hugged Ben.

"Oh, dear, dear Gwenyth. We all know why you are here. It's because," James started.

"Because you wanted to brainwash me and make me be your boyfriend! But I love James!" Josh interrupted.

"You...you love me?" James asked.

"Ya," Josh said giddy.

"I feel...so loved! You love me! I think we should take a trip... to Paris! Honeymoon!" she said very happy with the idea.

"And we can come to!" Christina said, her arm linked with Alec's.

"Sorry, but no. You guys are out there. I mean, really strange. It's just gonna be us. Josh and me. Josh and James. James Hartnett," she giggled.

"Right," Alec said.

"But we still get to go to a soccer game?" Josh asked.

"Of course. We have tickets, don't we?" James said.

"Tickets! Soccer! Yes! Cool beans!" Josh said jumping up and down.

"Do me a favor, darling, and never say cool beans again," James said. "Now what do we do about Gwenyth?"

Everyone looked at Gwenyth. "Ruin her career," Ben said in a loud voice. Everyone stopped and stared at him.

"It's broken," James mumbled. "IT'S BROKEN! The brainwash is broken! He's as normal as Ben is! He's back!" James screamed.

Everyone crowded around Ben. Comments like "Wow," and "Woah," and some other shit that starts with "w" were heard coming from the group. Ben grabs Kate by the waist and pulls her on top of him.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I would never want to voluntarily leave you for Gwen. Never!" he said.

Gwen gasped and ran to the corner, sobbing. Kate, with tear filled eyes, looked around the room. "I can't hold anything against you while that bitch brainwashed you. Of course I'll take you back, Ben! Of course!" Katie said. Then they kissed. Cuba and Lance clapped. Christina and Alec retreated to a corner where they started making out. James and Josh held hands and looked on as the scene unfolded.

"Is it just me, or is this a scene from a corny romantic movie? One that bombs in the box offices and the actors in it want taken off the shelves?" Krysta asked.

"Like what?" James asked.

"Pearl Harbor!" Krysta screamed. She ran out of the house. They never saw her again.

Everyone else lived happily ever after. Josh and James stayed married. Alec and Christina divorced, got back together, broke up, got married again, and that's where they're at now. Cuba and Lance are life partners that own a clothing botique in Beverly Hills. Kate and Ben married in Maui and had six kids, named Ben jr., Kate jr., A.J., Sara, Evelyn, and Holden. They claim, that even though two of their kids have their names and the other four have names of one of their characters from a movie, that they aren't conceited.

Gwen never brainwashed anyone again. No one liked her, so she wasn't in anymore movies. Krysta became a washed up child actor. No one really felt too bad for either of them.