Chapter 3 "Revelation."

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all, baby!

Synopsis: Buffy's pushed Spike too far, and the chip's history, kiddies. Spoilers [if that's what you wanna call 'em] up till recently, not counting the stolen kisses between B n' S. 1 has happened, and that would be the one after "Once more, with feeling" episode. This takes place near the end of "Smashed". In his angered state, Spike leaves Sunnydale for a while, and in Los Angeles, he meets up with the grand Poofster...err, I mean, Angel, and they have a little talk....

Other notes: \\ this will mean the use of Song Lyrics from "My Sacrifice" By Creed. Thanks for your votes, everyone, on the pairing, but I'm not going to give anything away ^_^ I'm twisting around the timeline a bit, but not horrifically so. You'll see what I mean.

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If Angel's face could be photographed, Spike would have gotten out a polaroid and taken many shots of how his Sire's face looked. Totally shocked. As the bleached Victorian vampire peered in as much as he could, being restrained by the invisible barrier at the door, he smirked, seeing that everyone else that was inside 'Angel's Investigations' was just as shocked as his Sire. This visit would be more humorous than he first thought.

"Peaches, as much as I love looking at that beautiful expression on your face, can you do me on little favour?" Spike asked. "Invite me in?"

"What? Oh. Yeah. Come in Spike," Angel said a little distractedly, as he stepped back, allowing his childe to enter. Spike slauntered in, acknowledging the rest of Angel's Scoobie II gang with a nod. Cordelia regarded him with a hateful glare, Wesley looked a little scared, Gunn looked trimphant, like he had won the big one, and Fred looked a little more terrified than Wesley. "What brings you here to Los Angeles?"

"If you don't mind, Peaches," Spike began, "I'd like to discuss my being here in *private*." He emphasized the last word to Cordelia, who gave him a death glare. Angel nodded, and gestured towards the door that lead to the library part of the building. Fred and Wesley nodded, Gunn shrugged, and Cordelia huffed, but left anyway.

"I'll ask it again: What brings you to L.A?" Angel questioned, sitting on the edge of the desk, after closing the door. "I thought you were in Sunnydale."

\\ Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been a while, where should we begin?...feels like forever\\

"I *was*," Spike corrected. "But I picked up my change of address forms."

Angel's brows furrowed, trying to figure out how to word his next question. It wasn't going to be painfully blunt, he knew how badly those worked out. (It's been some time, Spike. Can't just ask you to spill the beans on your sudden departure.) He then decided that the simplest approach was the best. "Why?"

Spike sighed, then groaned. He could *not* believe he was going to blurt everything out to *Angel* of all people. But he and his Sire had shared some unbelievable times when he was Angelus. He even proved to be not such a pain in the butt when first told him that he cared for Buffy. It was like Angel's Childe was asking *permission* to love Buffy from Angel. Spike swallowed, closing his eyes, then opened them. "Buffy is the reason I left." Angel's eyes widened, but he said nothing. "I didn't want to leave her, Peaches. I didn't want to be like the men that had left her before. You knew I loved her. But...I'm not taking that shit from *anyone*."

The Sire looked almost sympathetically at his Childe, but quickly stashed the feeling away. There was nothing Vampires hated more than pity. (She pushed him too far. I know Buffy has a hard time with her feelings, being the Slayer, but Spike's the last person you want to push too far. He's reverting back to his pre-chip days, and if my instincts are right, that chip's history,) Angel thought, swallowing. "What do you plan to do now?"

The bleached vampire looked his Sire dead in his eyes, but Angel could read anything in the steel blue depths. "I plan to get respect Angel." Angel was taken aback. Spike had *never* called him Angel when he re-emerged, when he had come back to Sunnydale to see Buffy, or when he had ever run into his Sire. That just proved how serious Spike really was. "Tell me, Angel, do you have the Ring of Amara?"

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The life had gone out of her. Nothing seemed to matter. Even a night of patrol, which always seemed to be eventful and great for flexing her Slayer muscles meant nothing. It just seemed...even more empty now that Spike was gone. Buffy couldn't believe that the Victorian Vampire had this much effect on her. After all they had been through, as enemies, and the shock of finding out what he had done for her and Dawn, he was gone.

Just like Angel, Riley and Parker. Spike had become another notch on the list of men that had vanished from Buffy's life. Each one of them holding their own black cloud over her head. The cemetary was peaceful, and Buffy took a deep breath, walking over to one grave in particular. Her Mother's.

She sat down on the semi-wet grass, in front of the tombstone, and she stared at it for what seemed like hours. Buffy took a deep breath, her hands tracing over the words etched on Joyce's tombstone. "Mom, it's been a while since I've come to visit. I'm sorry. A lot's happened. Remember how I told you that I was in heaven? Before Will brought me back? Something else happened, and I don't know what to do. I think you can probably guess that it's Spike. He's wedged himself into my heart, Mom, to a place where I can't just brush him off like I could before." Buffy swallowed, refusing to cry.

"I don't know what's this feeling, this feeling of *guilt* and sadness that I pushed him away. Why do I always do it? I manage to push the people I care about so far away that they want nothing to do with me. Angel left because he wanted me to have a normal life. But I think he didn't want to be around anymore, knowing it would just hurt us more..Riley, that jerk, tore out of here like a bat out of hell because I didn't want him to control my life. And Parker, Mom, you heard all about that when I came home.

"Why does it feel like I've cheated myself out of something great? I mean, Spike's not that important to me. Sure, I value his help with me and the Scoobies, and I'm so grateful that he protected Dawn last year. But he's got this....this attitude that just naturally tests my own limits of tolerance. Not to mention it keeps me on my toes. I kinda like it. But when do I know when to stop? To shut my mouth? Dawn's right. She told me off mom." Buffy paused, a small laugh escaping her. "She told me that I effectively drove the only man that *loved* me out of my life for good. But I don't know what I can do now. I hate this, this feeling of being totally helpless.

"It's worse than when the Council took away my powers for the test. That, I could handle. It was physical, and mental too, but not like this. I've *died* and been brought back to life twice. Call me crazy, but I don't think that's going to do wonders on my resume." Buffy laughed again, then realization struck her, as she sat there in front of her mother's grave. "Mom, do you think it's possible that I *love* Spike?"

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Author's notes: *cackles* I'm so evil! Leaving you all hanging like that! I'm sorry, really I am, but the chapter must end there. Where is this going? Spike/Buffy? Spike/Angel? What's the pairing? That's the one surprise that I'll leave up to you guys to guess. ^_~ Review please! I'm so happy you guys like this!