Authors notes and disclaimers: Due to the fact that I'm a lazy person who gets writer's block more than anyone should, I'm going to release part two in smaller sections as I get them done. This unfortunately should be a lot longer than the first one and also may not have too much action. Gomen ne, minna-san ;_;. At this stage, my characters are still in the process of developing (especially Adularia, her personality still remains somewhat unknown even after part one. More work for me...) and getting to know each other.
Naturally, I am not Naoko Takeuchi and as a result do not own Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon (much as I might wish it were otherwise).
Scarlet liquid dripped from a jagged slash down the woman's face, winding its way through the curves in her contorted expression and dripping onto her outstretched hand. Her viridian curls covered half of her soiled face, hiding one hate-filled eye from view completely. Barely feeling the pain, she ran her delicate fingers over the cut.
"Are you happy?" she whispered. "Is this what you want?" She looked around the darkened void surrounding her as if someone might respond. She traced the length of the cut once again, letting the excess blood drip down her fingers to rest in her palm like a tiny lake. Seeing the substance only sickened her.
Her eyes futilely searched the scenery for the hundredth time. The utter hopelessness of the situation had finally managed to overcome even her denial. In afterthought, her actions seemed foolish and impulsive. She would never have a chance to alter her fate though.
Illusions flickered in the corner of her eye, a bitter reminder of what she had left behind. Now that the adrenaline and rage had drained away from her body, she merely felt exhausted. Even fighting with the senshi seemed too require too much effort. She constantly battled Mercury and had grown tired of it.
"You go to hell, you little bitch," she muttered. There was no genuine anger in her words. It was simply a repetition of a phrase, a meaningless way of passing time. There was no sense in trying to hide her growing despair from the senshi. Her opponent already knew.
All of a sudden, Peridot's eyes caught a twinkle of light in the distance. She blinked but the beacon remained. A triumphant smile creased her face. **The little brat must have gotten out there.** With all strength, she willed herself to turn slightly and break through that gap that breached the dimensions. She plunged through, not knowing what lay beyond.
Peridot surveyed the landscape with her one good eye, trying to figure out where and when she had exited at. The landscape seemed vaguely familiar. She had never seen it herself as there was no city like this on Nemesis, but she couldn't help but feel that she knew this place.
Recognition flashed over her features as she looked at a single, red tower buried in the heart of the metropolis. She had seen that tower many, many times in textbooks.
"Tokyo Tower," she whispered with reverence. "This is the Crystal Tokyo of the past, before the great frost. Which is...where that little girl-they used to call her "rabbit"-fled last time. Which means..."
Shedding her despair almost effortlessly, she began to walk down the deserted streets of the ancient city. She sauntered off with no particular hurriedness. After all, she had all of the time in the world.
* * * * *
Usagi's fingers quivered slightly as she forced the buttons on her phone inward. The number was one forever engraved in her memory and she normally would not have had to think about to recall. Today though, she fumbled with the digits, struggling to bring them to her from the depths of her subconscious. She couldn't think, couldn't react. Events seemed to blur together into a surreal blur, all clarity and certainty lost.
She was halfway through dialing the number when her fatigued mind remembered that Mamoru was gone. Unable to stop herself, she continued to dial and listened intently to the ringing sound on the other end. Predictably, his recorded voice was all that met her ears.
"Gone..."she whispered. "That's right, Mamo-chan left today. Baka Usagi...what are you doing?" She laughed but the sound that emerged was more of a hysterical giggle. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts.
Again she lifted the phone and dialed a number so frequently used that it was practically an instinct to use it. A part of her wondered exactly what she was doing, but another part knew that she needed someone there. She couldn't be alone then.
"Moshi moshi?" a well-known voice answered.
"Rei-chan?" Usagi asked.
"Usagi, is that you? Are you all right?" Rei said, her voice instantly filling with concern for her friend.
"I don't know. Can you come over?"
"Now?"
"Yes, please, it's important."
"I'll be right over." A faint click was heard at the other end of the line followed by silence. Usagi sank back with relief, still struggling to collect herself.
* * * * *
In a room buried beneath slabs of stone and soil two figures slept. This place was all but lost to the surface above and the sole source of illumination was a tiny candle in a corner. The light from its sputtering flame exposed slight portions of their faces leaving shadows to play across their blank expressions. The one closest to the light's eyelids fluttered and opened slowly. She did not move but simply continued to lie there gazing at the ceiling as though not ready to wake up.
The light revealed that she had a sharply pointed nose matching her chiseled face. Her azure eyes were narrowed to near slits and her forehead was hidden by a tangled mass of sandy blonde hair. Her general appearance was one of disarray. Her hair was matted and darkened with oil and her skin still had smears of blood and dirt across it.
Suddenly, surprise crossed her face. She sat upright instantly, ignoring her bodies complaints at the sudden motion. Her eyes darted around the room in a haunted fashion, desperately trying to absorb her surroundings. One sight in particular caught her attention.
There was another woman lying on a table beside her. Her turquisoise hair was splayed out around her head framing her pallid skin with a halo. Her slim figure was covered by a tight uniform that clung to her curves leaving little to the imagination. Her body was utterly limp.
She stood up on two shaky legs, suddenly very curious about the sleeping woman near her. It was impossible for her to explain it or even provide a reason for herself, but she had to know more about the beautiful lady so close to her. Not questioning her instincts, she shuffled to her companion and stared.
The light really didn't do her justice, she mused. Still, just seeing that face made her breath catch in her throat. She raised one hand slowly, almost as if she were in a trance. She let her fingers run over the smooth skin of the woman's face and sift through her hair.
"You're awake, I see," a feminine voice whispered from the shadows. She jumped back as if she had been burned. She felt guilty touching the other somehow. Something inside her said that she shouldn't have done that, or at least shouldn't have been caught.
"Who are you?" she demanded. A thought entered her mind. "What happened to her?" The figure in the shadows stepped foreword into the light.
"Who are you?" the figure replied evenly. She prepared to answer, but whatever words she had about to say vanished from her lips. Who was she? She couldn't remember. She vaguely recalled that she was someone important but knew nothing else.
Her eyes widened with confusion at the lack of memories she possessed. She frowned and tried to bring forth the memories that she knew must be there. It was as if there were a barrier sealing her away from them though. Her frustration increased and eventually her efforts seemed to be successful. Memories trickled into her mind filling the emptiness that had been there before.
"Quartzite," the blonde haired woman intoned. "I am called...Quartzite." **Yes, that was the name that I was given when I was a little girl. My father called me that, though mother had wanted something a little softer and more feminine. She never liked my tomboyish ways. She was...nice though.
But then she died in that terrible earthquake with my father. They couldn't get to shelter in time and they were both buried. I tore through the rubble like I was insane, rocks slicing my hands. I didn't care though. I thought I might be able to reach them in time...My hands, there was blood all over my hands and I didn't notice for about an hour.** The image of her blood stained hands was strangely vivid in contrast to her other memories. Something about that frantic, desperate race against time through piles of earth and stone seemed uncannily familiar. She dismissed the thought.
**Mother's face...surrounded by her purple hair, dirt obscuring almost everything but her eyes. And blood...Kami-sama, it was everywhere, it was like I was drowning in the stuff. Her eyes looked so strange. I didn't even think that was her until I saw those eyes peering out of that filthy mess. She smiled when she saw me and said she loved me more than anything and begged me to take revenge on the queen who was responsible...and...and...** The visions in her mind had suddenly become sickeningly real. They were no longer the muted pastel colors of a dream but shockingly realistic in her mind. The strained expression on the woman's face, the violet locks covering the ground, the nauseating sight of blood, all of it was as real as if it had happened only yesterday instead of years ago. The screams of the dying and mourning filled her ears and he smell of death lingered in her nostrils.
Quartzite staggered backwards, her fingers pressed to her temples. It hurt terribly to even think of it. Her chest ached as if someone had tried to pull her heart out. She felt something warm on her face and realized with a shock that there were tears streaking down her cheeks. She was crying for the first time in years.
Gradually, the grief drained away from her to be replaced with anger. The emotion welled up inside her. It was a barbaric, violent rage that knew no logic. Her mind vaguely recalled the face of the one who was responsible for this. She had never seen the queen herself, but the image was all too clear. The picture of that monster clad in a white gown with ice-blue eyes was emblazoned into her mind and a perfect target for her blind anger.
Quartzite clenched her hands into fists and gritted her teeth. Tears had ceased to pour from her eyes at her will. She didn't need anyone to see her cry.
"Tell me how to avenge them," she managed through her choked throat. "Just tell me how to kill her and I will do it!" The princess from the shadows smiled cruelly. It was a bitter, hollow expression, the kind most commonly seen on that planet.
* * * * *
"Usagi!" Rei's voice persisted. After being ignored once again, the raven haired priestess forced the door out of her way. "I know you're there, Usagi!" The cheerfulness in Rei's voice did not extend to her expression which could best be described as a worried scowl. Despite her external indifference and irritation, Rei knew all too well how her friend was feeling and wanted to help her more than anything.
**This can't go on,** she thought to herself. **She'll just drive herself crazy sitting around here wallowing in self-pity. Baka! She's hurting herself so badly and doesn't even realize it!** Rei felt tears building behind her eyes but she angrily blinked them away. She barely managed to stop herself from storming into the house and searching the place. Usagi would come out when she was ready.
"Rei-chan?" a quavering voice answered at last. Rei smiled with relief and rushed over towards the source of the sound. She found Usagi curled up in a corner. Her eyes were redder than usual and her skin was puffy bearing witness to her crying. Her face was strangely devoid of emotion, her blue eyes wide and empty. Her usually neat blonde hair was in complete disarray. Her trademark odangoes were no where to be found in the matted golden mess sprouting from her head. She was in an almost fetal position, her arms hugging her knees and her head bent lower than usual.
"What happened?" Rei demanded, feeling both angry and sympathetic for the pitiful girl before her. Usagi paused before answering. She seemed dazed, as if she were not entirely there.
"Chibi-Usa's back," she mumbled.
"What do you mean?" Rei asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep her voice neutral.
"What do you think I mean?! She's here, now. She just.....fell out of the sky. She was hurt so I thought I should take care of her. That was the right thing to do, ne? I couldn't give her to the hospital, or maybe I should have... ." Usagi's voice trailed off indecisively. It faded into silence with her lack of resolution.
"Of course it was the right thing to do," Rei assured her.
"I wish Mamo-chan was here. He'd love me no matter what I was like. He'd tell me I was fine, that there was nothing wrong with me..."
"Usagi, what are you talking about?" Rei asked, worry creeping into her voice.
"Mamo-chan would love no matter who I became, ne?" she said as her voice rose to a desperate level. "I know he would! He's always told me that I make him happy and that I'm more important to him that anything in the world! He wouldn't...he would never...leave me...but..." Usagi's final shred of control dissolved. Shudders ran through her body and even though her head was buried in the tangled mass of blonde hair, Rei knew that there were tears making their way down her face.
"Yamete, Sailormoon," Rei said forcefully. Usagi ceased crying instantly upon hearing the name. Her limp body went rigid. "You said Chibi-Usa-chan came back, ne? Well, that means something's about to start. I thought that everything was over after beating Chaos, but apparently it's not." Usagi didn't move.
"Look, I'm not happy about this, but I know it's something we need to do. Senshi can't just break down when they're needed. We have to be strong, but most importantly, you have to be strong. You're the one who holds everything together. Without you...we would be nothing." Rei felt a slight stab of guilt as she realized how much pressure she was putting on her friend, but knew that it was necessary.
"Rei-chan? Could you go now?" she whispered. Rei turned to her, both stunned and injured.
"Why? I thought you-"
"Just go. Please." Rei felt her temper rise dangerously but bit her lip for once and left. She told herself firmly that even Usagi needed to be alone occasionally, but that didn't help.
* * * * *
That night was one of the longest Usagi had ever been forced to endure. She lay awake in bed for hours, eyes wide even though they could perceive nothing through the veil of darkness. She tried to focus her mind on the rhythm of her breathing, of the mechanical blinking of her eyelids but it was useless.
Her mind seemed to be running in circles. She kept running over the facts of her situation but could not produce any rational answers or solutions. She was exhausted but also almost hyperactive. Though her body ached with weariness, she couldn't calm herself enough to slip away into the haven of sleep.
After painfully long hours, sunlight began to filter through her closed curtains. Her eyes were still wide open, though with dark circles underlining them now. Upon seeing the cursed sunlight, she grimaced and pressed her face against her pillow as if to shield it. She was exhausted and agonizing night had not helped at all.
Before long, her mother's determined voice penetrated even her pillow and Usagi gave up all hope of sleep. She dragged herself from her bed, long tresses trailing behind her, and went into her morning routine.
She stood in front of the mirror, willing her eyes to stare only at her reflection, not the sleeping child lying on an extra mattress in the far corner of the room. She ripped the brush through her long hair with even more force than usual, hoping that somehow the pain would distract her.
"Mama?" a voice whispered. Usagi instantly forgot her hair and rushed over to Chibi-Usa's side. The child was still trapped in her fitful sleep. Her face was flushed and eyebrows forced together. Usagi gently pushed aside some of her pink hair to rest a hand on her forehead. She was burning hot with sweat pouring from her face.
"Chibi-Usa?" Usagi whispered. "Gomen nasai...I couldn't help you...I couldn't...I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm not a senshi, I'm just a girl, just a schoolgirl. I don't want to be anything else..." She hugged the fragile girl tightly, as if she could somehow pour her own strength into the unconscious child.
With great tenderness, she lifted Chibi-Usa and placed her under the covers on her own bed. She placed a soft kiss on her forehead and with a quiet goodbye, turned and left.
Usagi knew she was late for school that morning, but couldn't bring herself to care. Her brain was muddled from lack of sleep and the recent events. It was as if a fog had settled over her thoughts. Vainly, she struggled for answers just as she had the night before and once again solved nothing.
Usagi was so deeply entranced in her own confusion that she barely was aware of where she was going. Her feet stumbled along by instinct alone. As a result, she didn't even notice a fellow student walking beside her.
Abruptly, Usagi's foot slipped on a rock sending her careening foreword. With an alarmed squeal she slammed into the other student. The two toppled over to land in a tangled pile on the pavement.
"I-itai..." Usagi wheezed once some of her breath had returned. She looked with surprise to see who exactly she had landed on. It was a girl dressed in a Juuban uniform that she had never seen before. Wincing a little, she crawled off the girl, guilt beginning to sting her.
"Gomen ne," Usagi apologized, feeling rather embarrassed. "I'm so clumsy, I really didn't mean to do that." The girl's face was buried by a mass of midnight black hair that streamed down the length of her entire body. Even though she was unable to see her face, Usagi was instantly awed by the other girl's beauty. Her body was slim but still managed to curve in all of the right places. Her hair was every bit as dark as Rei's giving her an almost exotic attractiveness.
The girl twisted her head up to glare at Usagi and the blonde suddenly felt the desire to take a few steps back. Her face was every bit as lovely as the rest of her but cold somehow. Her slightly slanted violet eyes narrowed to two enraged slits beneath thin eyebrows and more of her deep black hair. Everything about her-her marble like skin, her scarlet lips, her delicate nose-seemed like something from a sculpture.
Usagi forgot all of this in an instant though. Her one thought was that the poor girl had been hurt on her account. She extended her hand to the fallen girl. Emotions played across her face as she stared at the hand that had been offered to her. She seemed stunned, confused and a little disbelieving. Cautiously, she took the hand and pulled herself up.
"Who are you?" the girl snapped. Her expression had now hardened to a suspicious glower again. Usagi ignored the blatant hostility.
"Tsukino Usagi," she replied. "I don't think I know you. Are you new here?"
"I just transferred. My name is Kuraino Kishi."
"Nice to meet you," Usagi said. Kishi searched her voice for some sign of treachery or deception but could detect none. The girl seemed to be perfectly sincere. Kishi pivoted so that her back was to Usagi.
"Goodbye then, Tsukino-san," she said coldly. With that, she walked briskly away from a surprised and hurt Usagi. The girl who was now also called Kishi would not realize the importance of that fateful meeting until much later. It was still sometime before she would question the cruelty or mercy of the enigmatic force known as destiny when it caused that brief crossing of paths.
* * * * *
"Konnichi wa, Usagi-chan," Mizuno Ami said kindly. "You're just in time for class." Ami smiled in her shy, gentle way and carefully closed her book as if to acknowledge her friend's presence.
"Barely though," Makoto teased.
"Tsukino-san don't you care enough about your academic future to at least be on time to school?" Minako demanded, attempting to lower her voice in imitation of their teacher. Usagi smiled half-heartedly at the familiar conversation. It had become as much a part of her morning routine as the brushing of her hair or frantic dash out the door. That day, it held no interest for her at all. It were as if she were simply following a script from a play.
She listened to their conversation for a while, nodding or laughing when the situation called for it. She felt strangely out of place with them for the first time in years. She wanted desperately to tell them everything, but didn't know where to begin. She could try to explain her emotions to them. They wouldn't understand though. They couldn't possibly understand.
Usagi found herself losing focus. The chatter of her friends became a blur of indistinguishable, meaningless voices. She found her eyes drifting lazily around the room. Eventually, they came to rest upon one now very familiar student sitting in the very back of the room. Usagi blinked to see Kishi thinking that it was far to much a coincidence that they would be in the same class. Despite the odds, the other girl was unmistakably the one she had met that morning.
Usagi felt her lips give some petty excuse to her friends. They seemed confused by her desire to leave them, but did not question her. Usagi walked toward the back of the room. She could never understand what exactly it was that drew her to the sullen girl who glared at the rest of the class with such bitter resentment.
Usagi sat down on the top of a desk near Kishi's. From her perch, she managed a weak smile.
"What do you want?" Kishi demanded. "Wait, you're that girl from this morning. It was Tsukino-san, ne?"
"I just wanted to say hello." Usagi felt her pathetic attempt at a smile fading somewhat.
"You have no reason to want to see me just as I have no reason or desire to see you. You may go now, Tsukino-san." To emphasize her point, she turned her head so that her face was lost to Usagi. Usagi once again felt the stab of rejection. This time, anger began to get the better of her. She felt an angry retort rise to her lips.
Just before she spoke, Kishi's head shifted slightly so Usagi could see part of her expression. It was not the contemptuous sneer it had been only a moment ago. Kishi's face was almost impassive now, but somehow mournful and also bitter at the same time. Her eyebrows were drawn together a little more than they should have been and her eyes had an oddly sorrowful quality to them.
**She's hurt,** Usagi realized. Somehow, Usagi knew deep inside that her instinct was correct. The emotion displayed on her face was the one that Usagi felt buried within her heart. Beyond all doubt, she was certain that this girl felt the same way.
Usagi could not explain it, but she felt a vague kinship with this girl who seemed so unlike her. This girl could understand her as her friends could not. Usagi suddenly felt an overwhelming compassion to the injured girl. She knew exactly what she was going through. The reasons for her situation or that mornings rejection were no longer important. What mattered was helping her.
"Kishi-chan? Why do you hate me?" Usagi asked. The other girl turned to her, her face appearing to be startled for an instant before her expression of suspicion and resentment returned.
"I don't," she said slowly. "Well, not you in particular. I just want to be left alone, that's all. I don't need to hear all this meaningless crap right now." Usagi willed herself not to flinch at the overly harsh phrase.
"I agree," she said quietly. Kishi whirled around to face her directly.
"Don't pretend to understand something you don't. You...you have no idea. You're just a shallow, stupid child like the rest of them. You think you know what suffering is like? You don't. You think you know what pain is? You don't. You have everything I could dream of and more. You know nothing and you want to stay ignorant. Go back to your self-indulgent life, you don't belong in mine." Usagi did wince at her words this time. They did not sting because of the intended insult behind them. What made her feel sick inside was the fact that she had thought things like that. It was uncharacteristic of her, but lately she hadn't felt like herself. Everything just seemed different.
Usagi laughed abruptly. It sounded unusually strangled. Instead of her carefree giggle it was now more of a concealed sob filled with cynism that frightened her. Usagi shook her head, her long locks shaking with her painful laughter. She was exhausted, bewildered, scared and a hundred other emotions she couldn't find words for. The events of the last 48 hours came rushing at her from her sleep deprived mind. It was simply too much.
She realized that if she continued, she would begin to cry. The feelings locked within her were already gaining strength from her outburst. Soon, she would not be able to stop them. Summoning what strength she had left, she forced the tears gathering behind her eyes back. Slowly, they receded and she was temporarily in control of her fragile emotions again.
**The old Usagi would have cried,** she thought. **I didn't have to hide anything...but senshi don't cry...** Usagi's body gradually ceased shaking. After several minutes, no one would have been able to tell that she had been on the verge of hysterics.
"Kishi-chan," she said. Her voice still had a slight tremor in it. "You can't...I don't know what you've been through. I-I can't say I know what your pain is but I know you can't do it alone. It's so hard...alone...it's so..." Her words were cut off as her throat tightened again. She tried to speak but found it difficult to breath.
**I'm going to cry. If I say anything, I'm gonna...**
"Tsukino-san...I'm not you. Just leave me alone." Usagi's eyes filled with sympathy which quickly altered to fierce determination.
"No," she whispered, her voice still obstructed by unshed tears. "You can't. No one can. You'll only hurt yourself more. Just...talk to me sometime, if you need to. I'll always be there for you if you need me." With nothing more to say, Usagi walked back to her seat. Kishi continued to stare at the receding form of the blonde, unsure of what to make of their conversation. The cynical side of her won in the end and with a scornful look she turned to gaze out the window again.
* * * * *
**Stupid girl,** the one who now called herself Kishi thought. **Why did she do that?** The lesson had finally started, but the teacher's droning voice meant nothing to her. She attempted to listen at first, if only out of boredom but had soon found it fading into the background. It now affected her no more than an irritating buzzing.
She was beginning to wonder if her effort to blend in with the people her age in order to gain information was a bad idea. These students were ignorant, oblivious to the politics of their world. They would be of no use to her at all. With a wistful sigh she abandoned all hope of listening the teacher and resumed gazing out the window.
The scenery that encountered her eyes from beyond the window was nothing like what she might have seen on Nemesis. Tiny, delicate petals fluttered by. They danced and drifted across the tranquil sky so that the whole landscape was bathed in their muted pastel shades. It was a scene that her barren planet would never see.
**Fluorite would love this,** she thought wistfully. A faint smile came to her lips. Thinking of the child always made her feel better somehow. **She's such a good little girl. She should be here to see this. It would make her so much happier...I'll take her down here some time. She deserves this.**
Her mind envisioned the girl's eyes widening in awe at the breathtaking sight of this ancient city. Her small lips would split into a grin and with childlike eagerness she would rush forward, arms out as if to embrace everything before her. She would pause suddenly. Looking a little guilty, she would turn and thank her guardian, her violet eyes still dancing with elation. Adularia, or Kishi, would do anything to see that smile. She would do anything to keep the poor girl from the suffering that fate had given her.
"Adularia-chan!" Fluorite called. The cheerful voice was followed by the patter of footsteps as the little girl dashed through the passages of the castle on the surface. Adularia felt her heart sink, dread and nausea rising in her throat. Her eyes swept over the carnage lying before her. Mangled bodies lay at her feet, bones and fragments of flesh protruding from the small lake of blood.
"I know you're there somewhere!" Fluorite yelled playfully. A childish giggle echoed through the corridors. Adularia attempted without success to swallow the bile gathered in her mouth. Feeling helpless, she sank to her knees. She remained crouched and shaking for several very long minutes. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to expel the foul taste in her mouth and the blood on her skin and her own revulsion. She wanted to throw up this whole image before her, cleanse herself of it.
Her body, or perhaps her pride, refused her even this. Her own vivid imagination conjured images of Fluorite entering that room, seeing all this gore with her innocent eyes. Her nausea at the thought of that sight far outweighed even what she felt then.
She stood up on quivering legs once again. She didn't know what to do next. All that was certain in her mind was that she had to do something. She couldn't stay there forever. She had to...stop this somehow. She needed change it, make it go back, make the people go back to what they were, make Fluorite not see it somehow...somehow...
Her thoughts trailed off into an incomprehensible mix of desperation and fear. Not a single rational solution would present itself. All she could see were Fluorite's mortified face and the repulsive mass of human corpses.
"This is my fault," she felt her mouth saying quietly. "I should have..." Her mind instantly created a thousand things she could have done. If only she had held out for a few more minutes, the roof would never have caved in like that.
It was only a few months after the Death Phantom was torn to shreds and his primary followers murdered. Immediately following the demise of their rulers, the society of Nemesis had fallen into chaos. All eyes then turned to her, the only living blood relation of the prince.
And so the burden of over a thousand souls had come to rest upon her thin shoulders. She had been only twelve then. Already she had been twisted almost beyond repair, her innocence stolen by a dozen injustices she should never have borne witness to. She had accepted this crushing responsibility without protest. It was a responsibility she had been born to carry after all.
Now, only a short time later, she was already failing miserably. As the planet was no longer within the grip of the prince's enigmatic advisor, it was already falling into ruin. The Black Poison Crystal, the planet's heart, roared uncontrollably. In response to it, the very soil of the planet would rock. Ancient buildings crumbled to dust and fields which had once contained crops were swallowed.
It was one of these frequent devastations that had claimed the lives of these people. She had tried to prevent it. She had wrapped her arms around the crystal until her skin charred and her body began to burn with the force of the magic. Even then she had struggled to contain it, to somehow. Eventually, the agony had made her body recoil.
"I could have held on..." she whispered. "I could have stopped this...somehow..."
A knock sounded on the door, the sound drawing Adularia back into reality. She turned towards the door, eyes wide with a mix of terror and anguish. The dull thudding repeated again and again, sickeningly monotonous and orderly. The door opened before Adularia could stop it and in stepped Fluorite.
"I found you!" Fluorite said. Her words were accompanied by a small laugh. Adularia stared at the child in horror. Without thinking, she rushed over to the fragile girl and wrapped her in a tight embrace, attempting to shield her eyes from the sight. Her arms were shaking even as she held the little girl.
"Are you all right?" the child inquired, her voice suddenly quiet as the princess's fear infected her. "What's wrong?" Adularia couldn't bring herself to answer. No plausible lie presented itself and the truth was too much for her to utter. She simply continued to hold the girl as if her life depended upon it. Fluorite began to squirm, uncomfortable in the princess's desperate grip.
"Let me go! I don't..." Whatever Fluorite had been about to say was cut off as she finally got a view of the room. Her struggling body went limp, muscles sagging.
"What...what is that?" Adularia felt sick and tried to force the child out of the room. The damage was done though.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter."
"Mama?" **Oh please, not that,** Adularia thought. She lifted the girl up and carried her from the room.
"That's not Amethyst, that's not mama."
"Wait! That's mama! MAMA! MAMA! Stop! I want to go back!" her voice rose to hysterics. All words were drowned out by a string of heart wrenching sobs. Adularia broke out into a run, frantically trying to get the child away from the scene so much like the one she had seen the day Amethyst had met her end.
Adularia couldn't see Fluorite's face, but she could feel the tiny drops of liquid hitting her shoulder. The vision of the four-year-old's grief was clearly etched into her mind, burning itself into her eyelids so she could not seak solace from it even in that darkness.
Fluorite's small fists began to pound the princess's back. Her assault was futile, as she knew all too well, but the girl continued it out of blind anger and pain. She screamed out every curse or vulgar phrase she had ever heard through her stream of tears. Finally, even that faded out.
Fluorite threw back her head and howled. Her voice echoed off the stone corridors, gaining strength until all of Nemesis screamed with her rage and loss. She voiced one final shriek before collapsing. Her body slumped against Adularia's shoulder, seemingly devoid of the strength that had possessed her only a few moments ago.
Adularia wanted to cry. She wanted to shed tears for the poor girl sleeping in her arms. She wanted to cry for this girl who so richly deserved a childhood but could not have one, who had to grow up before her time. She wanted to cry for all the children, for all the people who lived in that insufferable hell. But no tears would come. No tears ever came.
Kishi's mind snapped back into the present. Her body had betrayed her distress and was still shaking. She spat into one quivering hand when no one was looking to get the vile taste out of her mouth. She felt sick. Looking out at the beautiful scenery beyond the window, she felt only disgust.
* * * * *
Peridot's emerald eyes darted back and forth, surveying her surroundings with an overly meticulous search. Every person had to be watched. Any person could be one of them. It had been only a little over 37 hours since she had made her graceless descent into the past. She had not slept or even relaxed her guard for all of that time.
After so long, her exhaustion was beginning to catch up with her. She had sustained herself on adreniline, fear and rage until this point, but even these were slowly fading away. At that point, she merely felt tired and afraid. It was fear, irrational, driving fear that allowed her to remain concious.
Mercury was quiet for once. She still refused to accept her situation, but she was saving her badly depleted energy for when it was needed. Peridot was grateful for the temporary silence. Fighting the senshi was taking more energy than she could ever have anticipated. She had no energy to waste then.
Only now was the reality of her situation beginning to sink in. She had disobeyed orders, risked changing the future and worst of all had been unsuccessful. If she had been able to capture the sole heir to the throne of Crystal Tokyo, her errors could have been forgiven. As it stood, she had only endangered her own life even more.
The princess would want her dead, that was certain. She couldn't afford to have someone challenge her authority and survive. She was well aware of the fact that Adularia disliked her. The princess hadn't even been terribly subtle about it. She would love an opportunity like this.
"So, now what, genius?" she muttered under her breath. She felt Mercury's reluctance to answer the question directly.
**Why should I help you?** the senshi questioned. **I would benefit from your death and you have caused the people I love a great deal of suffering.** Peridot listened to this formal refusal and grinned maliciously. Through the cold statement she had sensed another emotion.
"Come on, bitch. You know you don't want me to die." Mercury had a difficult time concealing her surprise.
**You are...correct,** she said finally. Peridot smiled again, a faint spark of triumph illuminating her eyes. **It will probably be neccassary for the survival of our kingdom for you to die though.**
"I'll bet you don't want all those people over there to die either." Mercury's surprise changed to fury and panic in an instant. Peridot allowed her eyes to shift to a large crowd of humans attending some event in a nearby park. They didn't see her.
**You...wouldn't. You could alter the future. How do you know if one of them is the ancestor of someone on Nemesis? And it would make you easy to find. The princess will be looking for deaths like this.**
"You think I care? If I stay like this, I'll be found anyway. Besides, I don't like too many people on Nemesis. It doesn't mean much to me if they die."
**I'll fight you! You can't use my abilities for that!** There was a desperate edge to the senshi's thoughts. She knew all too well how helpless she would be in that situation.
"I'll make a deal with you. I know nothing about this world, and I can't pull the information out of you. I'll let you take over a couple of times. I need shelter, food, possibly a job of some kind. Help me out a little and I'll see what I can do to separate us and won't leave a pile of bodies around Tokyo. Got it?"
**There is no way for my spirit and your body to be seperated unless your heart stops beating. The spell is a strong binding one, too strong for either of us to sever.**
"There's still a chance. Nothing's final. Besides, I don't want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life, even if you are powerful. You're more trouble than you're worth."
**I don't know if I should thank you for that.**
"Besides, if we catch the little princess, Adularia-sama would be willing to do anything. She'll reverse the spell. Until then, truce?"
**I suppose I have no choice but to agree. You will not let Small Lady fall into Nemesis's claws though. If you do that, I swear you'll never live through this.**
"We'll discuss that later. For now, let's find some food, or something. Sitting around won't get us anywhere." She waited a moment, but felt no resistance from the senshi. Her lips once again curved into a smile. It was not so much an expression of emotion this time as the simple realization that it was not over yet. She was alone, but not entirely. She would survive. What happened after that was something for her to ponder tomorrow.
* * * * *
Usagi waved her hand mechanically and turned her back to her friends. It was an automatic gesture. It carried no meaning for her any more. It was a movement of muscles, a mindless motion that signified nothing. Each day had been like this for the past week after the arrival of Kuraino Kishi. Events, actions and even the brief moments she spent with her friends had seemed pointless. She was simply following a basic pattern, living her life through simple, robotic motions that meant nothing to her.
**It's like fighting,** she thought sickly. **I show up, kill the monster and then everybody's happy again. It's my job. It's what I, no, Sailormoon, does. Sometimes, I wondered if I really cared about what I was doing anymore. I was just going through the motions. I kept killing because I had to. I didn't know how to stop. But it doesn't really matter anymore. It shouldn't. I was just supposed to go back to being Usagi again. A silly, clumsy, gluttonous, lazy highschool student. If I don't even care about that anymore...**
Usagi extended her foot to kick a small stone barring her path. It scittered along the sidewalk before finally coming to rest against a wall. She took no notice of it. She simply continued to shuffle in the direction her memory insisted was where home was.
**Why is this bothering me so suddenly? It never worried me before...I met Luna almost four years ago now and in all that time it never occurred to me...I just wish Mamo-chan were here, and I knew that Chibi-Usa was okay. It's just too much at once. Him dying then...No! I can't think of that. He isn't dead. He can't be dead. I just wish he were here...
I can't handle this. I just...can't. It's too confusing. There's too much happening and I feel so empty and weak and...and...** Usagi's thoughts faded into obscurity, her mind no longer capable of reasoning. She simply continued to walk after that, her thoughts still trapped in a dizzy, incomprehensable cycle.
* * * * *
**I'll just drop out,** Kishi thought angrily. **It's not like it matters. I'm far ahead of these primitive people. Besides, it'll give me more time to search.** Even as she thought this, her mind kept returning to dwell on the image of her blonde classmate. This would only increase her frustration and fuel her desire to forget the other girl. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remove the from her mind.
There was something about her, something that even the princess found impossible to place. Maybe it was the way she had broken down and laughed in that hysterical, desperate way. It was such a bitter, hollow noise that spoke more of suffering than joy. It was a sound that seemed all too familiar to her, though she would never allow it to be heard as Tsukino Usagi had.
There was genuine pain in that soft cry for help. It was not an emotion she had expected to hear from an adolescent in this period of time. It was not something she could dismiss as shallow or inane.
The other thing that had drawn her attention to the seemingly ordinary girl was the look of determination she had possessed fleetingly. Her placid blue eyes had suddenly flared with something that Adularia could not describe. It was a mixture of fervent passion, strength and possibly even anger that said more about her than words ever could. It was not an expression she was accustomed to seeing, even on the faces of her fellow citizens who had endured more suffering than these humans could even comprehend.
**Yes,** she reflected. **There was something...intriguing about her, but it doesn't matter. Why should it? I could have misinterpreted. In fact, I probably did. She's just the foolish child I assumed she was. Nothing more. She means nothing to me. My people are everything. How could she be important to me?**
Even as she thought this, she knew it was a lie. She wanted to learn more about the unusual girl, as much as she might deny it. A part of her even held the desire to help her somehow, to ease the pain she bore. It was ludicrous, something she knew she should not even consider. With that thought, she forced the notion from her mind.
She began to walk more briskly, as if she could somehow escape all of her troubles just by outrunning them. It was a subconcious reaction at first. She knew that the problem lay within herself and that was something she could never truly escape. However, the more she walked the more uncomfortable she became.
She turned her head to seek the source of her anxiety but nothing was apparent. Still dissatisfied, she continued to walk, her pace increasing with each step. Now that the idea had occurred to her, she was more certain than ever that she was being watched. Years of being a prime target for assasination had given her uncanny instincts. She was not about to ignore them at a time when so much was at stake.
Her eyes scanned the unsuspicious crowd of people around her. An old woman dragged her whining child, an old man calmly read his paper, a couple of girls chatted on a bench; everything seemed perfectly innocent. This did nothing ease her growing fears. Too many situations seemed harmless and too many of them turned out to be perilous beyond imagination.
When she finally spotted the source of her anxiety, a sense of sickening dread filled her. Standing by a cherry tree was a particularly slender woman with distinctive, emerald hair. There was a very intent look upon her face as she gazed at Kishi. She had a haggard look that she had not worn the last time the princess had seen her and the skin on her face looked sallow and sunken but it she was unmistakable.
Kishi looked desperately for a way to escape. The obvious way out of this situation would be to kill Peridot. To do that though, she would need to use magic and using her powers in a crowded area would ruin any chance of gaining information as an ordinary citizen. Since the child had almost certainly landed within the tenth district of Tokyo, tracking her this way would be the most effective method. Whoever was hiding her would undoubtably be smart enough to keep her away from anyone clearly bearing the mark of Nemesis. It was too valuable of a chance to give up.
With this in mind, Kishi searched for a way out of the difficult situation. Running was never something she liked to do, but at times it was the only option. Dying in a pointless battle was not her idea of glory.
Peridot began to walk foreword with tiny steps. Her eyes still possessed a crazed gleam and her colorless mouth had twisted in an unnerving grin. Kishi forced the panic rising within her to disperse. Seeing no clear options, she did the first logical thing. She broke out into a sprint, winding her way through the throng of people. She didn't bother to check and see if Peridot was following her or not.
She had to put some distance between her and her pursuer. She could worry about losing her later, but for the moment all that mattered was getting far enough ahead. She felt several people crumple and fall back as she ran past them but ignored their cries. They were irrelevent.
She vaulted over a bench and began to run towards what looked like an alley. Crowds would buy her time, but Peridot would catch her eventually. If she could reach a deserted area such as an alley before the other woman got a clear shot at her, she might have a chance. Even controlling a senshi, Peridot would be helpless in a direct confrontation.
After several minutes of weaving through confused civilians, she finally broke free of the denser group of people. She began to run in earnest now. With no people barring her path her speed the going was easier and less frustrating. She was still afraid, but the panic was no longer even close to overpowering. Her legs and body moved in rythmic strides instead of jerky, uneven paces.
She was beginning to think that she might have control over the situation. With her mind clear, Peridot no longer seemed as threatening. That was when everything changed.
As always, it began slowly. A throbbing accompanied the fluttering of her heart. She put a hand over the skin which pulsed with it her increasingly pained heart. Her fingers clutched at the bow of her school uniform. She struggled to ignore it, to focus only on the constant sound of her feet striking the pavement but was unable to. The pain only grew stronger with each agonized step she took.
She knew what would come. Memories of past attacks swam to the surface of her mind. She saw herself shivering in a corner, pressed against the wall as if it would provide salvation. She saw the blood drip from her winding tendrils of hair, the violent cuts from her own nails, her blood-stained lips and crazed eyes. That was what would follow.
She began to have to struggle just to inhale. Her throat gagged at the air she tried to force down and her lungs repeled it. Her steps shortened and her pace slowed until she was only walking. A part of her questioned the logic of this. She would never escape that way. Still, something drove her to stagger on.
**Don't look back,** she silently chanted. Even though she saw nothing behind her, she felt her enemy closing in. She stumbled foreword clumsily in an effort to run. After only a few steps, she fell foreword to land sprawled on the pavement in the alley she had tried so desperately to reach. With shaking fingers, she pulled herself foreword.
"Damn...it," she hissed through her clenched teeth. Her persistance refused to allow her to cease her flight though she already knew it was futile. A shadow appeared before her on the pavement. She flinched upon seeing it, knowing all too well who it was.
"Hello, Hime-sama," Peridot whispered. "You didn't think I'd recognize you with that fancy spell of yours, ne? You shouldn't have tried it once on Nemesis." The princess tried to focus her thoughts. If she could just conjure one object it would be enough. People might see, but at that point it was worth the risk.
"I know you've come for me, Hime-sama. Of course you would. You didn't want to let me live, did you? I was too dangerous, wouldn't be one of your little pawns."
Kishi barely heard the words. A haze of pain had settled over her thoughts. To concentrate on anything beyond that seemed an impossibility. Kishi was almost beyond comprehensible thought when one voice pierced through her agony.
"Stop right there!" someone shouted. Even through her torment, Kishi recognized that voice. She twisted her head to see. The figure was blurred in her vision. Colors had melded together to form a pillar that seemed vaguely human. She felt her eyes enlarge with the realization of who it must be.
"For love and justice," the figure cried. Kishi continued to gaze in horror. With painful slowness, her eyes were beginning to clear and her nameless rescuer was becoming more defined every second.
"A pretty senshi in a sailor fuku! Sailormoon!" Kishi felt as though she had just been slapped. With the shock, the pain subsided enough for her to finally make out just who stood before her. She was surprising short in height and slender in build. Her long legs were sheathed with matching white boots bearing small crescents. Surrounding her waist was a decidedly unmodest, layered skirt of three colors. Her top consisted of a white leotard with rose colored sleeves on either side. This was adorned by a small broach with wings protruding from the side. The back of her usual costume had twin angel wings sprouting from it.
Kishi paused only a moment to marvel at the strange costume. It seemed ludicrously out of place and distasteful in a battle. She had seen pictures of course, but never actually believed that the legendary warrior who had defeated the Death Phantom really wore the guady ensemble.
She found herself almost questioning the idea of this being Sailormoon. Her disticinctive hairstyle and outfit certainly matched the discripions she had heard. Still, the blonde girl standing before her was less than intimidating. She looked almost fragile. The concept of the fate of the world resting on her shoulders was as absurd as her costume.
As Kishi continued to stare though, she noticed something else. There were conflicting emotions in those pale blue eyes and slim body. There was a quiet kind of dignity there. Beneath the brightly colored costume there was a genuine strength that no outfit could ever forge. Her pride seemed to be more than slightly lacking that day though. Her narrow shoulders sagged and the fierce determination that her eyes held was merely a façade. The champion of justice had apparently seen better days.
For a split second Kishi thought that her enemy had found her. She followed the senshi's gaze and saw to her surprise that her glare was directed at Peridot. Upon seeing this, Kishi almost laughed outloud. The irony was truly sickening. She was being saved from her ally by her nemesis.
With a graceful movement of her hand the senshi snatched her weapon from the empty air before her. She lifted the sceptor above her head. Kishi wished she could see Peridot's expression. After hearing of the prince's defeat, the senshi was deemed invincibale by most. The concept of facing her and remaining intact was almost laughable in its ludicrousness.
"This isn't over," Peridot snarled. With that, she whispered something under her breath and dissolved in a azure glow. Sailormoon looked a little startled but put her weapon away. Kishi turned her focus back to the person she had loathed since childhood. She jerked the corners of her lips upward and tried to place an emotion that resembled gratitude into her eyes. Even with all of her experience as a member of royalty who had to lie to keep their society intact, it was a challenge. It took every ounce of skill she possessed to prevent her expression from altering to raw hatred.
"Arigato," she said with as much sincerity as she could manage. Sailormoon smiled, but like Kishi's smile it was a hollow attempt. There was only sorrow behind her eyes. She looked as if she would say something but lost the words before she could voice them. Silently, she leapt away, her enormous wings allowing her to glide out of sight.
Kishi went limp, her strength abandoning her once again. A few curses trickled from her parted lips as the pain returned as strongly as before. Her chest tightened until breathing was all but impossible. The colors before her eyes ran together into a disorienting mess until she finally shut her eyes.
"Kishi-chan! What happened?" Kishi felt herself flinch. Even in her clouded mind she recognized the high pitched cry of distress.
"Tsukino-san, I told you to leave me alone," she said, unable to bring the required edge to her voice.
"I told you that I'd be there for you. I wasn't lying. You need help, whether you want to admit it or not."
"No..." Kishi protested feebly. "I'm...fine...fine, don't need....help..." Her voice faded as her thoughts sank into blackness. She vaguely remembered feeling a relief at that. Darkness was her haven. She would be safe there.
* * * * *
Quartzite's eyes snapped open abruptly. She was already sitting up in her bed, her entire body rigid with tension. Sweat crawled down her forehead and her mouth gasped for air. Her eyes searched the blackness before her. Nothing.
It took several minutes for Quartzite's body to relax even slightly and for the adreniline that had flooded her system to dissipate somewhat. Even then her muscles were still coiled tightly and her jaw clenched. Her eyes no longer darted back and forth with terror that bordered on insanity but still warily peered into her dark surroundings.
She conjured a small flame in her still badly shaking hand and used it to light a candle near her bed. The darkness abated somewhat, retreating to the corners of her room.
"What is it this fucking darkness. It's everywhere in this fucking hellhole like a fucking infestation..." Several equally vile words came from her mouth before she returned to her silence. She sat in her bed staring at her flickering source of light shivering profusely. She snatched her reletively thin blankets up and covered her insufficiently clad body with them to keep away cold.
She had been attempting to sleep since the princess's departure and still had no success. Everytime her eyelids closed her nightmares would come back to haunt her. Images, violent, horrific images would rise from her memories and take form. Blood would once again flow in brilliant scarlet from her fallen mother. Violet eyes would look at her pleadingly then role back. The pink would drain from her flesh leaving the white of stone. And she would scream. She, Quartzite, would throw her head back and scream until there was nothing left inside her. After that she would slump to the ground, wishing only for death to come to her.
It was so vivid she found it almost impossible to believe that the event had occurred years ago. The colors, the temperatures, the scents, everything was so perfectly preserved that when she woke up she questioned if what was before her was reality.
"Why?" she whispered silently. "Why me?" she inquired again. No answer came to her of course. No one could possibly explain why she had been singled out by some divine entity or random act of fate. She sighed and resigned herself to waiting out the rest of the night. Sleep would not bring relief. Nothing could ever grant her that.
* * * * *
Usagi felt her eyes well up with tears once more. This time, she did nothing to stop them from breaking free though. They gathered in front of her eyes to blur the room around her them slowly traced their way down her cheeks to splash on to the table before her. She shuddered as more tiny droplets fell.
It took several minutes for Usagi's crying to finally cease. When there were no tears for her eyes to shed she stood up. She trembled from the emotions that had just been released but felt better with herself. Allowing her grief for her lover and child to show even briefly was something she had trained herself against doing. To break the control that had developed over her three years as a senshi was both difficult and neccassary.
**Mamo-chan, why couldn't you be here? I need you. I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I'm not strong enough to be Sailormoon. I'm not even strong enough to be Usagi anymore! I don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore,** she thought.
A faint moaning interupted Usagi's silent cry of dispair. She pivoted to see the girl from school who had so firmly rejected her stirring in her sleep. Usagi rushed over to her, forgetting her tear streaked face.
Kuraino Kishi was sprawled across the couch in the living room draped in the first blanket Usagi had been able to find. Her face was paler than it should have been, it's tone almost matching Chibi-Usa's in it's unnatural beauty. Her expression also bore resemblence to the one Chibi-Usa wore. Her eyebrows were pressed together and her lips were parted to reveal gritted teeth.
"Gomen ne, Kishi-chan...It's all my fault that this happened to you," Usagi whispered. "Ano...I-I have to...start on my homework. I mean, I don't want to leave you here. If...you need me for anything just yell." Kishi showed no sign of awareness. Her face retained its contorted expression.
Usagi turned hesitantly and began to walk toward the stairs, her feet brushing the floor only lightly so as not to disturb the motionless girl. She stopped suddenly. The foot that was still raised a few centimeters dropped to touch the floor. She pivoted and walked quietly back to her guest.
If Usagi had not heard the barely audibible sound of Kishi's breathing, she might have believed that she was dead. She was still beautiful, but also cold somehow. Even in her sleep she seemed to have no peace. Her expression bore witness to that.
"I'll protect you," Usagi said. "I may not be able to save everyone else, but at least I'll save you." As Usagi left the room, she failed to notice that Kishi's eyes had opened to narrow slits for the first time in several hours. She did not move or give any indication of her alert state except for the confused expression which entered those violet eyes before they closed and she returned to slumber.
* * * * *
Kishi's eyes snapped open. For a moment she was disoriented. The sunshine drifting through the window and array of color were not something she expected to see on Nemesis. For a fraction of a second, she thought that something had changed and miraculously pulled Nemesis from its broken state. Logic quickly reinsererted itself though. Nemesis remained submerged in darkness just as her people did and she was on Earth.
Upon realizing this it occurred to her that she did not know where she was on Earth. She moved from her relaxed position to a tense fighting stance with one swift motion. Her eyes flitted back and forth, scanning the room for any sign of danger.
"Kishi-chan!" a high pitched voice cried. A series of thuds heralded the approach of the clumsy schoolgirl. Upon reaching the bottom of the stares, Usagi skidded across the wooden floor for a few feet before coming to an unsteady halt.
"Tsukino...san?" Kishi said hesitantly. Usagi's face broke into a large, if somewhat breathless smile.
"Are you okay?" Usagi asked, worry returning to her features.
"I'm fine," Kishi replied stiffly. "I'm completely all right. Now, if you will excuse me, I must go." Injury flickered across the blonde's face. Concealing emotions obviously was not her strong point. Kishi felt her body falter at seeing the hurt expression.
"Sure, I wouldn't want to make you late or anything," she answered. Though her words were cheerful and she attempted to smile a little, her voice sounded hollow. There was something about that voice that reminded Kishi of Fluorite. Maybe it was the meloncholy ring of her words or the way she tried so pitifully to hide her own deep sadness. Whatever the resemblance was, it made her planned departure impossible. The idea of abandoning someone who sounded so much like that child was simply impossible.
"Actually....it isn't that important. I can stay for a couple minutes. Why don't you tell me what's wrong, if its bothering you that much?" Usagi winced slightly.
"Is it really that obvious?" she asked. Kishi nodded.
"Ano...it's kind of a long story..." Usagi had not intended to tell Kishi everything, but somehow it all came tumbling out.
"The man I love left to study in America about several days ago," she began. "He's so much smarter than I'll ever be. His essay was accepted by one of the best universities there! He...he really wanted to go too. I mean, it was kind of his dream I guess. He was supposed to go last year but....something....happened. There was....his plane crashed and some of the passengers died. It took awhile for him to be rescued but I didn't know he wasn't at the university.
I kept writing letters every single day. I told him all about my life and how all my friends were doing. He never answered though. I must have sent a hundred letters, but I never got a single one back. At first I just thought he was busy. He said he wasn't going to have much time to contact me in the beginning.
And so, it was okay. I knew he loved me. When he left, I had promised to see him off with a smile so that he wouldn't worry about him. I wanted to beg him not to go, but...I wanted him to be happy. I broke down and cried anyway. I'm kind of immature in that way. I just couldn't stop my tears from flowing. Then, he gave me a ring, a promise that he would always, always love me. I knew when I got that that he would come home for me. So, I kept writing and imagining him reading my letters and smiling. I just didn't think about the fact that he hadn't written.
As the months passed though I began to get more and more worried. I always wondered if I was good enough for him. I'm clumsy, loud, unsophisticted and a horrible student. I'd always wanted a wonderful boyfriend exactly like him, so it seemed like a dream when he told me he loved me. I had always been a little worried that someone better would come along though. There are so many people who are prettier or more academic than me and I began to wonder if he had found someone else. It became harder and harder to write him as I kept thinking that he might just find my constant letters annoying.
I always thought I was strong before that, that I'd grown up and matured. I found out I was wrong. Once Mamo-chan-that's what I call him-left I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. It was like half of me had just vanished. Another man came along, Seiya. He was an idol at the time. He was attractive and nice. I think he fell in love with me. For a while I actually considered trying to return his love. Aren't I horrible? I was so weak and hurt that I actually thought of that.
When Mamo-chan returned I never wanted him to go away again, but he just did. I wanted to stop him, but I also wanted to let him go. Isn't that strange? To love someone too much to lose them and at the same time to know you must do what's right for them? I'm just so afraid that something bad will happen again and I'll never see his face again. I don't think I could live.
And, over the past couple of days some things have changed. I can't explain it very well, but all of a sudden my...Chi-my cousin showed up and is hurt. I just don't know who I am without him. I tried to be strong last time, but I couldn't. I just fell to pieces or failed whenever my friends needed me. Without him, who am I? My friends all depend on me but I can't help them. I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I'm nothing without the people I love. I can't do anything on my own, as just plain Usagi..."
Again, Kishi felt a pang of sympathy for the girl, but also anger.
"How can you say that?" Kishi said, her words sounding harsher than she had intended. Usagi looked at the others girl in surprise at the sudden ridicule.
"What do you mean?" she asked. She had not been sure of how the other student would react, but this was the last thing she had expected.
"You just said that you're nothing without him. How can you say that because he left you, you are capable of nothing but tears when he's not beside you to hold your hand and comfort you? If that's who you really are, that pathetic, whimpering brat then I can't say I would blame anyone for not responding." Usagi said nothing, feeling slightly ashamed and unsure of what to say.
"I must have been mistaken, for that wasn't what I saw in you the other day. You didn't seem like the kind of girl to break down so easily. I thought that you might be someone capable of tremendous things, that buried beneath all your clumsy, gluttonous, gullible, naïve exterior there might be a very strong girl."
"No...you're wrong. I'm not really..."
"Tsukino-san," Kishi said. "Everyone must have there moments to cry and let these emotions out, but they also need to have faith and move on. You're experience was undoubtably hard considering the easy life you've had, but you must recover from it eventually. Hope for the best, and stay refuse to give in to your doubts. If you can do that-though I doubt it-then you'll get through this. That's the only way anyone ever survives tragedies.
"Kishi-chan, what happened to you?" Usagi asked abruptly. Usagi had only just noticed the change in Kishi's expression. Her eyes had grown distant and had aquired an almost eerily determened quality.
"Nothing that concerns you," Kishi snapped, the edge returning to her voice. "I need to go. Think about what I said though. You have the ability to get back on your feet...maybe you shouldn't do it on your own though. I'm...not the best person to have as a friend but...I'm sure you have other people you can depend on." There was a brief, awkward silence before Kishi turned to the door and stepped out without another word.
Usagi was surprised to find that she felt considerably better after her conversation. The other girl had shown very little pity for her. Yet, Usagi felt encouraged by what she had said. Kishi was not the kind of person to show compassion frequently. Her personality was reserved and aloof. To show such empathy, even if it was accompanied by her disdain at times was no small feat for someone like her.
She examined her emotions more closely. She no longer felt like crying. Her tears had all been spent a short while before. She still felt empty inside and the void where Mamoru should have been still throbbed like an open wound. She did feel somewhat stronger though. It was faint, but she felt a trace of the courage she had thought she had lost. Whether that was due to her own inner strength or Kishi's encouragement or both she did not know. What was important was that it was there again. She was far from being all right, but she was on the right path again. Her heart would heal eventually.
Usagi suddenly realized the implications of their short conversation: the enigma known as Kuraino Kishi had, for the first time, shown an emotion other than contempt or anger. Kishi had allowed her Usagi see a part of herself.
* * * * *
Naturally, I am not Naoko Takeuchi and as a result do not own Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon (much as I might wish it were otherwise).
Scarlet liquid dripped from a jagged slash down the woman's face, winding its way through the curves in her contorted expression and dripping onto her outstretched hand. Her viridian curls covered half of her soiled face, hiding one hate-filled eye from view completely. Barely feeling the pain, she ran her delicate fingers over the cut.
"Are you happy?" she whispered. "Is this what you want?" She looked around the darkened void surrounding her as if someone might respond. She traced the length of the cut once again, letting the excess blood drip down her fingers to rest in her palm like a tiny lake. Seeing the substance only sickened her.
Her eyes futilely searched the scenery for the hundredth time. The utter hopelessness of the situation had finally managed to overcome even her denial. In afterthought, her actions seemed foolish and impulsive. She would never have a chance to alter her fate though.
Illusions flickered in the corner of her eye, a bitter reminder of what she had left behind. Now that the adrenaline and rage had drained away from her body, she merely felt exhausted. Even fighting with the senshi seemed too require too much effort. She constantly battled Mercury and had grown tired of it.
"You go to hell, you little bitch," she muttered. There was no genuine anger in her words. It was simply a repetition of a phrase, a meaningless way of passing time. There was no sense in trying to hide her growing despair from the senshi. Her opponent already knew.
All of a sudden, Peridot's eyes caught a twinkle of light in the distance. She blinked but the beacon remained. A triumphant smile creased her face. **The little brat must have gotten out there.** With all strength, she willed herself to turn slightly and break through that gap that breached the dimensions. She plunged through, not knowing what lay beyond.
Peridot surveyed the landscape with her one good eye, trying to figure out where and when she had exited at. The landscape seemed vaguely familiar. She had never seen it herself as there was no city like this on Nemesis, but she couldn't help but feel that she knew this place.
Recognition flashed over her features as she looked at a single, red tower buried in the heart of the metropolis. She had seen that tower many, many times in textbooks.
"Tokyo Tower," she whispered with reverence. "This is the Crystal Tokyo of the past, before the great frost. Which is...where that little girl-they used to call her "rabbit"-fled last time. Which means..."
Shedding her despair almost effortlessly, she began to walk down the deserted streets of the ancient city. She sauntered off with no particular hurriedness. After all, she had all of the time in the world.
* * * * *
Usagi's fingers quivered slightly as she forced the buttons on her phone inward. The number was one forever engraved in her memory and she normally would not have had to think about to recall. Today though, she fumbled with the digits, struggling to bring them to her from the depths of her subconscious. She couldn't think, couldn't react. Events seemed to blur together into a surreal blur, all clarity and certainty lost.
She was halfway through dialing the number when her fatigued mind remembered that Mamoru was gone. Unable to stop herself, she continued to dial and listened intently to the ringing sound on the other end. Predictably, his recorded voice was all that met her ears.
"Gone..."she whispered. "That's right, Mamo-chan left today. Baka Usagi...what are you doing?" She laughed but the sound that emerged was more of a hysterical giggle. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts.
Again she lifted the phone and dialed a number so frequently used that it was practically an instinct to use it. A part of her wondered exactly what she was doing, but another part knew that she needed someone there. She couldn't be alone then.
"Moshi moshi?" a well-known voice answered.
"Rei-chan?" Usagi asked.
"Usagi, is that you? Are you all right?" Rei said, her voice instantly filling with concern for her friend.
"I don't know. Can you come over?"
"Now?"
"Yes, please, it's important."
"I'll be right over." A faint click was heard at the other end of the line followed by silence. Usagi sank back with relief, still struggling to collect herself.
* * * * *
In a room buried beneath slabs of stone and soil two figures slept. This place was all but lost to the surface above and the sole source of illumination was a tiny candle in a corner. The light from its sputtering flame exposed slight portions of their faces leaving shadows to play across their blank expressions. The one closest to the light's eyelids fluttered and opened slowly. She did not move but simply continued to lie there gazing at the ceiling as though not ready to wake up.
The light revealed that she had a sharply pointed nose matching her chiseled face. Her azure eyes were narrowed to near slits and her forehead was hidden by a tangled mass of sandy blonde hair. Her general appearance was one of disarray. Her hair was matted and darkened with oil and her skin still had smears of blood and dirt across it.
Suddenly, surprise crossed her face. She sat upright instantly, ignoring her bodies complaints at the sudden motion. Her eyes darted around the room in a haunted fashion, desperately trying to absorb her surroundings. One sight in particular caught her attention.
There was another woman lying on a table beside her. Her turquisoise hair was splayed out around her head framing her pallid skin with a halo. Her slim figure was covered by a tight uniform that clung to her curves leaving little to the imagination. Her body was utterly limp.
She stood up on two shaky legs, suddenly very curious about the sleeping woman near her. It was impossible for her to explain it or even provide a reason for herself, but she had to know more about the beautiful lady so close to her. Not questioning her instincts, she shuffled to her companion and stared.
The light really didn't do her justice, she mused. Still, just seeing that face made her breath catch in her throat. She raised one hand slowly, almost as if she were in a trance. She let her fingers run over the smooth skin of the woman's face and sift through her hair.
"You're awake, I see," a feminine voice whispered from the shadows. She jumped back as if she had been burned. She felt guilty touching the other somehow. Something inside her said that she shouldn't have done that, or at least shouldn't have been caught.
"Who are you?" she demanded. A thought entered her mind. "What happened to her?" The figure in the shadows stepped foreword into the light.
"Who are you?" the figure replied evenly. She prepared to answer, but whatever words she had about to say vanished from her lips. Who was she? She couldn't remember. She vaguely recalled that she was someone important but knew nothing else.
Her eyes widened with confusion at the lack of memories she possessed. She frowned and tried to bring forth the memories that she knew must be there. It was as if there were a barrier sealing her away from them though. Her frustration increased and eventually her efforts seemed to be successful. Memories trickled into her mind filling the emptiness that had been there before.
"Quartzite," the blonde haired woman intoned. "I am called...Quartzite." **Yes, that was the name that I was given when I was a little girl. My father called me that, though mother had wanted something a little softer and more feminine. She never liked my tomboyish ways. She was...nice though.
But then she died in that terrible earthquake with my father. They couldn't get to shelter in time and they were both buried. I tore through the rubble like I was insane, rocks slicing my hands. I didn't care though. I thought I might be able to reach them in time...My hands, there was blood all over my hands and I didn't notice for about an hour.** The image of her blood stained hands was strangely vivid in contrast to her other memories. Something about that frantic, desperate race against time through piles of earth and stone seemed uncannily familiar. She dismissed the thought.
**Mother's face...surrounded by her purple hair, dirt obscuring almost everything but her eyes. And blood...Kami-sama, it was everywhere, it was like I was drowning in the stuff. Her eyes looked so strange. I didn't even think that was her until I saw those eyes peering out of that filthy mess. She smiled when she saw me and said she loved me more than anything and begged me to take revenge on the queen who was responsible...and...and...** The visions in her mind had suddenly become sickeningly real. They were no longer the muted pastel colors of a dream but shockingly realistic in her mind. The strained expression on the woman's face, the violet locks covering the ground, the nauseating sight of blood, all of it was as real as if it had happened only yesterday instead of years ago. The screams of the dying and mourning filled her ears and he smell of death lingered in her nostrils.
Quartzite staggered backwards, her fingers pressed to her temples. It hurt terribly to even think of it. Her chest ached as if someone had tried to pull her heart out. She felt something warm on her face and realized with a shock that there were tears streaking down her cheeks. She was crying for the first time in years.
Gradually, the grief drained away from her to be replaced with anger. The emotion welled up inside her. It was a barbaric, violent rage that knew no logic. Her mind vaguely recalled the face of the one who was responsible for this. She had never seen the queen herself, but the image was all too clear. The picture of that monster clad in a white gown with ice-blue eyes was emblazoned into her mind and a perfect target for her blind anger.
Quartzite clenched her hands into fists and gritted her teeth. Tears had ceased to pour from her eyes at her will. She didn't need anyone to see her cry.
"Tell me how to avenge them," she managed through her choked throat. "Just tell me how to kill her and I will do it!" The princess from the shadows smiled cruelly. It was a bitter, hollow expression, the kind most commonly seen on that planet.
* * * * *
"Usagi!" Rei's voice persisted. After being ignored once again, the raven haired priestess forced the door out of her way. "I know you're there, Usagi!" The cheerfulness in Rei's voice did not extend to her expression which could best be described as a worried scowl. Despite her external indifference and irritation, Rei knew all too well how her friend was feeling and wanted to help her more than anything.
**This can't go on,** she thought to herself. **She'll just drive herself crazy sitting around here wallowing in self-pity. Baka! She's hurting herself so badly and doesn't even realize it!** Rei felt tears building behind her eyes but she angrily blinked them away. She barely managed to stop herself from storming into the house and searching the place. Usagi would come out when she was ready.
"Rei-chan?" a quavering voice answered at last. Rei smiled with relief and rushed over towards the source of the sound. She found Usagi curled up in a corner. Her eyes were redder than usual and her skin was puffy bearing witness to her crying. Her face was strangely devoid of emotion, her blue eyes wide and empty. Her usually neat blonde hair was in complete disarray. Her trademark odangoes were no where to be found in the matted golden mess sprouting from her head. She was in an almost fetal position, her arms hugging her knees and her head bent lower than usual.
"What happened?" Rei demanded, feeling both angry and sympathetic for the pitiful girl before her. Usagi paused before answering. She seemed dazed, as if she were not entirely there.
"Chibi-Usa's back," she mumbled.
"What do you mean?" Rei asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep her voice neutral.
"What do you think I mean?! She's here, now. She just.....fell out of the sky. She was hurt so I thought I should take care of her. That was the right thing to do, ne? I couldn't give her to the hospital, or maybe I should have... ." Usagi's voice trailed off indecisively. It faded into silence with her lack of resolution.
"Of course it was the right thing to do," Rei assured her.
"I wish Mamo-chan was here. He'd love me no matter what I was like. He'd tell me I was fine, that there was nothing wrong with me..."
"Usagi, what are you talking about?" Rei asked, worry creeping into her voice.
"Mamo-chan would love no matter who I became, ne?" she said as her voice rose to a desperate level. "I know he would! He's always told me that I make him happy and that I'm more important to him that anything in the world! He wouldn't...he would never...leave me...but..." Usagi's final shred of control dissolved. Shudders ran through her body and even though her head was buried in the tangled mass of blonde hair, Rei knew that there were tears making their way down her face.
"Yamete, Sailormoon," Rei said forcefully. Usagi ceased crying instantly upon hearing the name. Her limp body went rigid. "You said Chibi-Usa-chan came back, ne? Well, that means something's about to start. I thought that everything was over after beating Chaos, but apparently it's not." Usagi didn't move.
"Look, I'm not happy about this, but I know it's something we need to do. Senshi can't just break down when they're needed. We have to be strong, but most importantly, you have to be strong. You're the one who holds everything together. Without you...we would be nothing." Rei felt a slight stab of guilt as she realized how much pressure she was putting on her friend, but knew that it was necessary.
"Rei-chan? Could you go now?" she whispered. Rei turned to her, both stunned and injured.
"Why? I thought you-"
"Just go. Please." Rei felt her temper rise dangerously but bit her lip for once and left. She told herself firmly that even Usagi needed to be alone occasionally, but that didn't help.
* * * * *
That night was one of the longest Usagi had ever been forced to endure. She lay awake in bed for hours, eyes wide even though they could perceive nothing through the veil of darkness. She tried to focus her mind on the rhythm of her breathing, of the mechanical blinking of her eyelids but it was useless.
Her mind seemed to be running in circles. She kept running over the facts of her situation but could not produce any rational answers or solutions. She was exhausted but also almost hyperactive. Though her body ached with weariness, she couldn't calm herself enough to slip away into the haven of sleep.
After painfully long hours, sunlight began to filter through her closed curtains. Her eyes were still wide open, though with dark circles underlining them now. Upon seeing the cursed sunlight, she grimaced and pressed her face against her pillow as if to shield it. She was exhausted and agonizing night had not helped at all.
Before long, her mother's determined voice penetrated even her pillow and Usagi gave up all hope of sleep. She dragged herself from her bed, long tresses trailing behind her, and went into her morning routine.
She stood in front of the mirror, willing her eyes to stare only at her reflection, not the sleeping child lying on an extra mattress in the far corner of the room. She ripped the brush through her long hair with even more force than usual, hoping that somehow the pain would distract her.
"Mama?" a voice whispered. Usagi instantly forgot her hair and rushed over to Chibi-Usa's side. The child was still trapped in her fitful sleep. Her face was flushed and eyebrows forced together. Usagi gently pushed aside some of her pink hair to rest a hand on her forehead. She was burning hot with sweat pouring from her face.
"Chibi-Usa?" Usagi whispered. "Gomen nasai...I couldn't help you...I couldn't...I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm not a senshi, I'm just a girl, just a schoolgirl. I don't want to be anything else..." She hugged the fragile girl tightly, as if she could somehow pour her own strength into the unconscious child.
With great tenderness, she lifted Chibi-Usa and placed her under the covers on her own bed. She placed a soft kiss on her forehead and with a quiet goodbye, turned and left.
Usagi knew she was late for school that morning, but couldn't bring herself to care. Her brain was muddled from lack of sleep and the recent events. It was as if a fog had settled over her thoughts. Vainly, she struggled for answers just as she had the night before and once again solved nothing.
Usagi was so deeply entranced in her own confusion that she barely was aware of where she was going. Her feet stumbled along by instinct alone. As a result, she didn't even notice a fellow student walking beside her.
Abruptly, Usagi's foot slipped on a rock sending her careening foreword. With an alarmed squeal she slammed into the other student. The two toppled over to land in a tangled pile on the pavement.
"I-itai..." Usagi wheezed once some of her breath had returned. She looked with surprise to see who exactly she had landed on. It was a girl dressed in a Juuban uniform that she had never seen before. Wincing a little, she crawled off the girl, guilt beginning to sting her.
"Gomen ne," Usagi apologized, feeling rather embarrassed. "I'm so clumsy, I really didn't mean to do that." The girl's face was buried by a mass of midnight black hair that streamed down the length of her entire body. Even though she was unable to see her face, Usagi was instantly awed by the other girl's beauty. Her body was slim but still managed to curve in all of the right places. Her hair was every bit as dark as Rei's giving her an almost exotic attractiveness.
The girl twisted her head up to glare at Usagi and the blonde suddenly felt the desire to take a few steps back. Her face was every bit as lovely as the rest of her but cold somehow. Her slightly slanted violet eyes narrowed to two enraged slits beneath thin eyebrows and more of her deep black hair. Everything about her-her marble like skin, her scarlet lips, her delicate nose-seemed like something from a sculpture.
Usagi forgot all of this in an instant though. Her one thought was that the poor girl had been hurt on her account. She extended her hand to the fallen girl. Emotions played across her face as she stared at the hand that had been offered to her. She seemed stunned, confused and a little disbelieving. Cautiously, she took the hand and pulled herself up.
"Who are you?" the girl snapped. Her expression had now hardened to a suspicious glower again. Usagi ignored the blatant hostility.
"Tsukino Usagi," she replied. "I don't think I know you. Are you new here?"
"I just transferred. My name is Kuraino Kishi."
"Nice to meet you," Usagi said. Kishi searched her voice for some sign of treachery or deception but could detect none. The girl seemed to be perfectly sincere. Kishi pivoted so that her back was to Usagi.
"Goodbye then, Tsukino-san," she said coldly. With that, she walked briskly away from a surprised and hurt Usagi. The girl who was now also called Kishi would not realize the importance of that fateful meeting until much later. It was still sometime before she would question the cruelty or mercy of the enigmatic force known as destiny when it caused that brief crossing of paths.
* * * * *
"Konnichi wa, Usagi-chan," Mizuno Ami said kindly. "You're just in time for class." Ami smiled in her shy, gentle way and carefully closed her book as if to acknowledge her friend's presence.
"Barely though," Makoto teased.
"Tsukino-san don't you care enough about your academic future to at least be on time to school?" Minako demanded, attempting to lower her voice in imitation of their teacher. Usagi smiled half-heartedly at the familiar conversation. It had become as much a part of her morning routine as the brushing of her hair or frantic dash out the door. That day, it held no interest for her at all. It were as if she were simply following a script from a play.
She listened to their conversation for a while, nodding or laughing when the situation called for it. She felt strangely out of place with them for the first time in years. She wanted desperately to tell them everything, but didn't know where to begin. She could try to explain her emotions to them. They wouldn't understand though. They couldn't possibly understand.
Usagi found herself losing focus. The chatter of her friends became a blur of indistinguishable, meaningless voices. She found her eyes drifting lazily around the room. Eventually, they came to rest upon one now very familiar student sitting in the very back of the room. Usagi blinked to see Kishi thinking that it was far to much a coincidence that they would be in the same class. Despite the odds, the other girl was unmistakably the one she had met that morning.
Usagi felt her lips give some petty excuse to her friends. They seemed confused by her desire to leave them, but did not question her. Usagi walked toward the back of the room. She could never understand what exactly it was that drew her to the sullen girl who glared at the rest of the class with such bitter resentment.
Usagi sat down on the top of a desk near Kishi's. From her perch, she managed a weak smile.
"What do you want?" Kishi demanded. "Wait, you're that girl from this morning. It was Tsukino-san, ne?"
"I just wanted to say hello." Usagi felt her pathetic attempt at a smile fading somewhat.
"You have no reason to want to see me just as I have no reason or desire to see you. You may go now, Tsukino-san." To emphasize her point, she turned her head so that her face was lost to Usagi. Usagi once again felt the stab of rejection. This time, anger began to get the better of her. She felt an angry retort rise to her lips.
Just before she spoke, Kishi's head shifted slightly so Usagi could see part of her expression. It was not the contemptuous sneer it had been only a moment ago. Kishi's face was almost impassive now, but somehow mournful and also bitter at the same time. Her eyebrows were drawn together a little more than they should have been and her eyes had an oddly sorrowful quality to them.
**She's hurt,** Usagi realized. Somehow, Usagi knew deep inside that her instinct was correct. The emotion displayed on her face was the one that Usagi felt buried within her heart. Beyond all doubt, she was certain that this girl felt the same way.
Usagi could not explain it, but she felt a vague kinship with this girl who seemed so unlike her. This girl could understand her as her friends could not. Usagi suddenly felt an overwhelming compassion to the injured girl. She knew exactly what she was going through. The reasons for her situation or that mornings rejection were no longer important. What mattered was helping her.
"Kishi-chan? Why do you hate me?" Usagi asked. The other girl turned to her, her face appearing to be startled for an instant before her expression of suspicion and resentment returned.
"I don't," she said slowly. "Well, not you in particular. I just want to be left alone, that's all. I don't need to hear all this meaningless crap right now." Usagi willed herself not to flinch at the overly harsh phrase.
"I agree," she said quietly. Kishi whirled around to face her directly.
"Don't pretend to understand something you don't. You...you have no idea. You're just a shallow, stupid child like the rest of them. You think you know what suffering is like? You don't. You think you know what pain is? You don't. You have everything I could dream of and more. You know nothing and you want to stay ignorant. Go back to your self-indulgent life, you don't belong in mine." Usagi did wince at her words this time. They did not sting because of the intended insult behind them. What made her feel sick inside was the fact that she had thought things like that. It was uncharacteristic of her, but lately she hadn't felt like herself. Everything just seemed different.
Usagi laughed abruptly. It sounded unusually strangled. Instead of her carefree giggle it was now more of a concealed sob filled with cynism that frightened her. Usagi shook her head, her long locks shaking with her painful laughter. She was exhausted, bewildered, scared and a hundred other emotions she couldn't find words for. The events of the last 48 hours came rushing at her from her sleep deprived mind. It was simply too much.
She realized that if she continued, she would begin to cry. The feelings locked within her were already gaining strength from her outburst. Soon, she would not be able to stop them. Summoning what strength she had left, she forced the tears gathering behind her eyes back. Slowly, they receded and she was temporarily in control of her fragile emotions again.
**The old Usagi would have cried,** she thought. **I didn't have to hide anything...but senshi don't cry...** Usagi's body gradually ceased shaking. After several minutes, no one would have been able to tell that she had been on the verge of hysterics.
"Kishi-chan," she said. Her voice still had a slight tremor in it. "You can't...I don't know what you've been through. I-I can't say I know what your pain is but I know you can't do it alone. It's so hard...alone...it's so..." Her words were cut off as her throat tightened again. She tried to speak but found it difficult to breath.
**I'm going to cry. If I say anything, I'm gonna...**
"Tsukino-san...I'm not you. Just leave me alone." Usagi's eyes filled with sympathy which quickly altered to fierce determination.
"No," she whispered, her voice still obstructed by unshed tears. "You can't. No one can. You'll only hurt yourself more. Just...talk to me sometime, if you need to. I'll always be there for you if you need me." With nothing more to say, Usagi walked back to her seat. Kishi continued to stare at the receding form of the blonde, unsure of what to make of their conversation. The cynical side of her won in the end and with a scornful look she turned to gaze out the window again.
* * * * *
**Stupid girl,** the one who now called herself Kishi thought. **Why did she do that?** The lesson had finally started, but the teacher's droning voice meant nothing to her. She attempted to listen at first, if only out of boredom but had soon found it fading into the background. It now affected her no more than an irritating buzzing.
She was beginning to wonder if her effort to blend in with the people her age in order to gain information was a bad idea. These students were ignorant, oblivious to the politics of their world. They would be of no use to her at all. With a wistful sigh she abandoned all hope of listening the teacher and resumed gazing out the window.
The scenery that encountered her eyes from beyond the window was nothing like what she might have seen on Nemesis. Tiny, delicate petals fluttered by. They danced and drifted across the tranquil sky so that the whole landscape was bathed in their muted pastel shades. It was a scene that her barren planet would never see.
**Fluorite would love this,** she thought wistfully. A faint smile came to her lips. Thinking of the child always made her feel better somehow. **She's such a good little girl. She should be here to see this. It would make her so much happier...I'll take her down here some time. She deserves this.**
Her mind envisioned the girl's eyes widening in awe at the breathtaking sight of this ancient city. Her small lips would split into a grin and with childlike eagerness she would rush forward, arms out as if to embrace everything before her. She would pause suddenly. Looking a little guilty, she would turn and thank her guardian, her violet eyes still dancing with elation. Adularia, or Kishi, would do anything to see that smile. She would do anything to keep the poor girl from the suffering that fate had given her.
"Adularia-chan!" Fluorite called. The cheerful voice was followed by the patter of footsteps as the little girl dashed through the passages of the castle on the surface. Adularia felt her heart sink, dread and nausea rising in her throat. Her eyes swept over the carnage lying before her. Mangled bodies lay at her feet, bones and fragments of flesh protruding from the small lake of blood.
"I know you're there somewhere!" Fluorite yelled playfully. A childish giggle echoed through the corridors. Adularia attempted without success to swallow the bile gathered in her mouth. Feeling helpless, she sank to her knees. She remained crouched and shaking for several very long minutes. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to expel the foul taste in her mouth and the blood on her skin and her own revulsion. She wanted to throw up this whole image before her, cleanse herself of it.
Her body, or perhaps her pride, refused her even this. Her own vivid imagination conjured images of Fluorite entering that room, seeing all this gore with her innocent eyes. Her nausea at the thought of that sight far outweighed even what she felt then.
She stood up on quivering legs once again. She didn't know what to do next. All that was certain in her mind was that she had to do something. She couldn't stay there forever. She had to...stop this somehow. She needed change it, make it go back, make the people go back to what they were, make Fluorite not see it somehow...somehow...
Her thoughts trailed off into an incomprehensible mix of desperation and fear. Not a single rational solution would present itself. All she could see were Fluorite's mortified face and the repulsive mass of human corpses.
"This is my fault," she felt her mouth saying quietly. "I should have..." Her mind instantly created a thousand things she could have done. If only she had held out for a few more minutes, the roof would never have caved in like that.
It was only a few months after the Death Phantom was torn to shreds and his primary followers murdered. Immediately following the demise of their rulers, the society of Nemesis had fallen into chaos. All eyes then turned to her, the only living blood relation of the prince.
And so the burden of over a thousand souls had come to rest upon her thin shoulders. She had been only twelve then. Already she had been twisted almost beyond repair, her innocence stolen by a dozen injustices she should never have borne witness to. She had accepted this crushing responsibility without protest. It was a responsibility she had been born to carry after all.
Now, only a short time later, she was already failing miserably. As the planet was no longer within the grip of the prince's enigmatic advisor, it was already falling into ruin. The Black Poison Crystal, the planet's heart, roared uncontrollably. In response to it, the very soil of the planet would rock. Ancient buildings crumbled to dust and fields which had once contained crops were swallowed.
It was one of these frequent devastations that had claimed the lives of these people. She had tried to prevent it. She had wrapped her arms around the crystal until her skin charred and her body began to burn with the force of the magic. Even then she had struggled to contain it, to somehow. Eventually, the agony had made her body recoil.
"I could have held on..." she whispered. "I could have stopped this...somehow..."
A knock sounded on the door, the sound drawing Adularia back into reality. She turned towards the door, eyes wide with a mix of terror and anguish. The dull thudding repeated again and again, sickeningly monotonous and orderly. The door opened before Adularia could stop it and in stepped Fluorite.
"I found you!" Fluorite said. Her words were accompanied by a small laugh. Adularia stared at the child in horror. Without thinking, she rushed over to the fragile girl and wrapped her in a tight embrace, attempting to shield her eyes from the sight. Her arms were shaking even as she held the little girl.
"Are you all right?" the child inquired, her voice suddenly quiet as the princess's fear infected her. "What's wrong?" Adularia couldn't bring herself to answer. No plausible lie presented itself and the truth was too much for her to utter. She simply continued to hold the girl as if her life depended upon it. Fluorite began to squirm, uncomfortable in the princess's desperate grip.
"Let me go! I don't..." Whatever Fluorite had been about to say was cut off as she finally got a view of the room. Her struggling body went limp, muscles sagging.
"What...what is that?" Adularia felt sick and tried to force the child out of the room. The damage was done though.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter."
"Mama?" **Oh please, not that,** Adularia thought. She lifted the girl up and carried her from the room.
"That's not Amethyst, that's not mama."
"Wait! That's mama! MAMA! MAMA! Stop! I want to go back!" her voice rose to hysterics. All words were drowned out by a string of heart wrenching sobs. Adularia broke out into a run, frantically trying to get the child away from the scene so much like the one she had seen the day Amethyst had met her end.
Adularia couldn't see Fluorite's face, but she could feel the tiny drops of liquid hitting her shoulder. The vision of the four-year-old's grief was clearly etched into her mind, burning itself into her eyelids so she could not seak solace from it even in that darkness.
Fluorite's small fists began to pound the princess's back. Her assault was futile, as she knew all too well, but the girl continued it out of blind anger and pain. She screamed out every curse or vulgar phrase she had ever heard through her stream of tears. Finally, even that faded out.
Fluorite threw back her head and howled. Her voice echoed off the stone corridors, gaining strength until all of Nemesis screamed with her rage and loss. She voiced one final shriek before collapsing. Her body slumped against Adularia's shoulder, seemingly devoid of the strength that had possessed her only a few moments ago.
Adularia wanted to cry. She wanted to shed tears for the poor girl sleeping in her arms. She wanted to cry for this girl who so richly deserved a childhood but could not have one, who had to grow up before her time. She wanted to cry for all the children, for all the people who lived in that insufferable hell. But no tears would come. No tears ever came.
Kishi's mind snapped back into the present. Her body had betrayed her distress and was still shaking. She spat into one quivering hand when no one was looking to get the vile taste out of her mouth. She felt sick. Looking out at the beautiful scenery beyond the window, she felt only disgust.
* * * * *
Peridot's emerald eyes darted back and forth, surveying her surroundings with an overly meticulous search. Every person had to be watched. Any person could be one of them. It had been only a little over 37 hours since she had made her graceless descent into the past. She had not slept or even relaxed her guard for all of that time.
After so long, her exhaustion was beginning to catch up with her. She had sustained herself on adreniline, fear and rage until this point, but even these were slowly fading away. At that point, she merely felt tired and afraid. It was fear, irrational, driving fear that allowed her to remain concious.
Mercury was quiet for once. She still refused to accept her situation, but she was saving her badly depleted energy for when it was needed. Peridot was grateful for the temporary silence. Fighting the senshi was taking more energy than she could ever have anticipated. She had no energy to waste then.
Only now was the reality of her situation beginning to sink in. She had disobeyed orders, risked changing the future and worst of all had been unsuccessful. If she had been able to capture the sole heir to the throne of Crystal Tokyo, her errors could have been forgiven. As it stood, she had only endangered her own life even more.
The princess would want her dead, that was certain. She couldn't afford to have someone challenge her authority and survive. She was well aware of the fact that Adularia disliked her. The princess hadn't even been terribly subtle about it. She would love an opportunity like this.
"So, now what, genius?" she muttered under her breath. She felt Mercury's reluctance to answer the question directly.
**Why should I help you?** the senshi questioned. **I would benefit from your death and you have caused the people I love a great deal of suffering.** Peridot listened to this formal refusal and grinned maliciously. Through the cold statement she had sensed another emotion.
"Come on, bitch. You know you don't want me to die." Mercury had a difficult time concealing her surprise.
**You are...correct,** she said finally. Peridot smiled again, a faint spark of triumph illuminating her eyes. **It will probably be neccassary for the survival of our kingdom for you to die though.**
"I'll bet you don't want all those people over there to die either." Mercury's surprise changed to fury and panic in an instant. Peridot allowed her eyes to shift to a large crowd of humans attending some event in a nearby park. They didn't see her.
**You...wouldn't. You could alter the future. How do you know if one of them is the ancestor of someone on Nemesis? And it would make you easy to find. The princess will be looking for deaths like this.**
"You think I care? If I stay like this, I'll be found anyway. Besides, I don't like too many people on Nemesis. It doesn't mean much to me if they die."
**I'll fight you! You can't use my abilities for that!** There was a desperate edge to the senshi's thoughts. She knew all too well how helpless she would be in that situation.
"I'll make a deal with you. I know nothing about this world, and I can't pull the information out of you. I'll let you take over a couple of times. I need shelter, food, possibly a job of some kind. Help me out a little and I'll see what I can do to separate us and won't leave a pile of bodies around Tokyo. Got it?"
**There is no way for my spirit and your body to be seperated unless your heart stops beating. The spell is a strong binding one, too strong for either of us to sever.**
"There's still a chance. Nothing's final. Besides, I don't want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life, even if you are powerful. You're more trouble than you're worth."
**I don't know if I should thank you for that.**
"Besides, if we catch the little princess, Adularia-sama would be willing to do anything. She'll reverse the spell. Until then, truce?"
**I suppose I have no choice but to agree. You will not let Small Lady fall into Nemesis's claws though. If you do that, I swear you'll never live through this.**
"We'll discuss that later. For now, let's find some food, or something. Sitting around won't get us anywhere." She waited a moment, but felt no resistance from the senshi. Her lips once again curved into a smile. It was not so much an expression of emotion this time as the simple realization that it was not over yet. She was alone, but not entirely. She would survive. What happened after that was something for her to ponder tomorrow.
* * * * *
Usagi waved her hand mechanically and turned her back to her friends. It was an automatic gesture. It carried no meaning for her any more. It was a movement of muscles, a mindless motion that signified nothing. Each day had been like this for the past week after the arrival of Kuraino Kishi. Events, actions and even the brief moments she spent with her friends had seemed pointless. She was simply following a basic pattern, living her life through simple, robotic motions that meant nothing to her.
**It's like fighting,** she thought sickly. **I show up, kill the monster and then everybody's happy again. It's my job. It's what I, no, Sailormoon, does. Sometimes, I wondered if I really cared about what I was doing anymore. I was just going through the motions. I kept killing because I had to. I didn't know how to stop. But it doesn't really matter anymore. It shouldn't. I was just supposed to go back to being Usagi again. A silly, clumsy, gluttonous, lazy highschool student. If I don't even care about that anymore...**
Usagi extended her foot to kick a small stone barring her path. It scittered along the sidewalk before finally coming to rest against a wall. She took no notice of it. She simply continued to shuffle in the direction her memory insisted was where home was.
**Why is this bothering me so suddenly? It never worried me before...I met Luna almost four years ago now and in all that time it never occurred to me...I just wish Mamo-chan were here, and I knew that Chibi-Usa was okay. It's just too much at once. Him dying then...No! I can't think of that. He isn't dead. He can't be dead. I just wish he were here...
I can't handle this. I just...can't. It's too confusing. There's too much happening and I feel so empty and weak and...and...** Usagi's thoughts faded into obscurity, her mind no longer capable of reasoning. She simply continued to walk after that, her thoughts still trapped in a dizzy, incomprehensable cycle.
* * * * *
**I'll just drop out,** Kishi thought angrily. **It's not like it matters. I'm far ahead of these primitive people. Besides, it'll give me more time to search.** Even as she thought this, her mind kept returning to dwell on the image of her blonde classmate. This would only increase her frustration and fuel her desire to forget the other girl. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remove the from her mind.
There was something about her, something that even the princess found impossible to place. Maybe it was the way she had broken down and laughed in that hysterical, desperate way. It was such a bitter, hollow noise that spoke more of suffering than joy. It was a sound that seemed all too familiar to her, though she would never allow it to be heard as Tsukino Usagi had.
There was genuine pain in that soft cry for help. It was not an emotion she had expected to hear from an adolescent in this period of time. It was not something she could dismiss as shallow or inane.
The other thing that had drawn her attention to the seemingly ordinary girl was the look of determination she had possessed fleetingly. Her placid blue eyes had suddenly flared with something that Adularia could not describe. It was a mixture of fervent passion, strength and possibly even anger that said more about her than words ever could. It was not an expression she was accustomed to seeing, even on the faces of her fellow citizens who had endured more suffering than these humans could even comprehend.
**Yes,** she reflected. **There was something...intriguing about her, but it doesn't matter. Why should it? I could have misinterpreted. In fact, I probably did. She's just the foolish child I assumed she was. Nothing more. She means nothing to me. My people are everything. How could she be important to me?**
Even as she thought this, she knew it was a lie. She wanted to learn more about the unusual girl, as much as she might deny it. A part of her even held the desire to help her somehow, to ease the pain she bore. It was ludicrous, something she knew she should not even consider. With that thought, she forced the notion from her mind.
She began to walk more briskly, as if she could somehow escape all of her troubles just by outrunning them. It was a subconcious reaction at first. She knew that the problem lay within herself and that was something she could never truly escape. However, the more she walked the more uncomfortable she became.
She turned her head to seek the source of her anxiety but nothing was apparent. Still dissatisfied, she continued to walk, her pace increasing with each step. Now that the idea had occurred to her, she was more certain than ever that she was being watched. Years of being a prime target for assasination had given her uncanny instincts. She was not about to ignore them at a time when so much was at stake.
Her eyes scanned the unsuspicious crowd of people around her. An old woman dragged her whining child, an old man calmly read his paper, a couple of girls chatted on a bench; everything seemed perfectly innocent. This did nothing ease her growing fears. Too many situations seemed harmless and too many of them turned out to be perilous beyond imagination.
When she finally spotted the source of her anxiety, a sense of sickening dread filled her. Standing by a cherry tree was a particularly slender woman with distinctive, emerald hair. There was a very intent look upon her face as she gazed at Kishi. She had a haggard look that she had not worn the last time the princess had seen her and the skin on her face looked sallow and sunken but it she was unmistakable.
Kishi looked desperately for a way to escape. The obvious way out of this situation would be to kill Peridot. To do that though, she would need to use magic and using her powers in a crowded area would ruin any chance of gaining information as an ordinary citizen. Since the child had almost certainly landed within the tenth district of Tokyo, tracking her this way would be the most effective method. Whoever was hiding her would undoubtably be smart enough to keep her away from anyone clearly bearing the mark of Nemesis. It was too valuable of a chance to give up.
With this in mind, Kishi searched for a way out of the difficult situation. Running was never something she liked to do, but at times it was the only option. Dying in a pointless battle was not her idea of glory.
Peridot began to walk foreword with tiny steps. Her eyes still possessed a crazed gleam and her colorless mouth had twisted in an unnerving grin. Kishi forced the panic rising within her to disperse. Seeing no clear options, she did the first logical thing. She broke out into a sprint, winding her way through the throng of people. She didn't bother to check and see if Peridot was following her or not.
She had to put some distance between her and her pursuer. She could worry about losing her later, but for the moment all that mattered was getting far enough ahead. She felt several people crumple and fall back as she ran past them but ignored their cries. They were irrelevent.
She vaulted over a bench and began to run towards what looked like an alley. Crowds would buy her time, but Peridot would catch her eventually. If she could reach a deserted area such as an alley before the other woman got a clear shot at her, she might have a chance. Even controlling a senshi, Peridot would be helpless in a direct confrontation.
After several minutes of weaving through confused civilians, she finally broke free of the denser group of people. She began to run in earnest now. With no people barring her path her speed the going was easier and less frustrating. She was still afraid, but the panic was no longer even close to overpowering. Her legs and body moved in rythmic strides instead of jerky, uneven paces.
She was beginning to think that she might have control over the situation. With her mind clear, Peridot no longer seemed as threatening. That was when everything changed.
As always, it began slowly. A throbbing accompanied the fluttering of her heart. She put a hand over the skin which pulsed with it her increasingly pained heart. Her fingers clutched at the bow of her school uniform. She struggled to ignore it, to focus only on the constant sound of her feet striking the pavement but was unable to. The pain only grew stronger with each agonized step she took.
She knew what would come. Memories of past attacks swam to the surface of her mind. She saw herself shivering in a corner, pressed against the wall as if it would provide salvation. She saw the blood drip from her winding tendrils of hair, the violent cuts from her own nails, her blood-stained lips and crazed eyes. That was what would follow.
She began to have to struggle just to inhale. Her throat gagged at the air she tried to force down and her lungs repeled it. Her steps shortened and her pace slowed until she was only walking. A part of her questioned the logic of this. She would never escape that way. Still, something drove her to stagger on.
**Don't look back,** she silently chanted. Even though she saw nothing behind her, she felt her enemy closing in. She stumbled foreword clumsily in an effort to run. After only a few steps, she fell foreword to land sprawled on the pavement in the alley she had tried so desperately to reach. With shaking fingers, she pulled herself foreword.
"Damn...it," she hissed through her clenched teeth. Her persistance refused to allow her to cease her flight though she already knew it was futile. A shadow appeared before her on the pavement. She flinched upon seeing it, knowing all too well who it was.
"Hello, Hime-sama," Peridot whispered. "You didn't think I'd recognize you with that fancy spell of yours, ne? You shouldn't have tried it once on Nemesis." The princess tried to focus her thoughts. If she could just conjure one object it would be enough. People might see, but at that point it was worth the risk.
"I know you've come for me, Hime-sama. Of course you would. You didn't want to let me live, did you? I was too dangerous, wouldn't be one of your little pawns."
Kishi barely heard the words. A haze of pain had settled over her thoughts. To concentrate on anything beyond that seemed an impossibility. Kishi was almost beyond comprehensible thought when one voice pierced through her agony.
"Stop right there!" someone shouted. Even through her torment, Kishi recognized that voice. She twisted her head to see. The figure was blurred in her vision. Colors had melded together to form a pillar that seemed vaguely human. She felt her eyes enlarge with the realization of who it must be.
"For love and justice," the figure cried. Kishi continued to gaze in horror. With painful slowness, her eyes were beginning to clear and her nameless rescuer was becoming more defined every second.
"A pretty senshi in a sailor fuku! Sailormoon!" Kishi felt as though she had just been slapped. With the shock, the pain subsided enough for her to finally make out just who stood before her. She was surprising short in height and slender in build. Her long legs were sheathed with matching white boots bearing small crescents. Surrounding her waist was a decidedly unmodest, layered skirt of three colors. Her top consisted of a white leotard with rose colored sleeves on either side. This was adorned by a small broach with wings protruding from the side. The back of her usual costume had twin angel wings sprouting from it.
Kishi paused only a moment to marvel at the strange costume. It seemed ludicrously out of place and distasteful in a battle. She had seen pictures of course, but never actually believed that the legendary warrior who had defeated the Death Phantom really wore the guady ensemble.
She found herself almost questioning the idea of this being Sailormoon. Her disticinctive hairstyle and outfit certainly matched the discripions she had heard. Still, the blonde girl standing before her was less than intimidating. She looked almost fragile. The concept of the fate of the world resting on her shoulders was as absurd as her costume.
As Kishi continued to stare though, she noticed something else. There were conflicting emotions in those pale blue eyes and slim body. There was a quiet kind of dignity there. Beneath the brightly colored costume there was a genuine strength that no outfit could ever forge. Her pride seemed to be more than slightly lacking that day though. Her narrow shoulders sagged and the fierce determination that her eyes held was merely a façade. The champion of justice had apparently seen better days.
For a split second Kishi thought that her enemy had found her. She followed the senshi's gaze and saw to her surprise that her glare was directed at Peridot. Upon seeing this, Kishi almost laughed outloud. The irony was truly sickening. She was being saved from her ally by her nemesis.
With a graceful movement of her hand the senshi snatched her weapon from the empty air before her. She lifted the sceptor above her head. Kishi wished she could see Peridot's expression. After hearing of the prince's defeat, the senshi was deemed invincibale by most. The concept of facing her and remaining intact was almost laughable in its ludicrousness.
"This isn't over," Peridot snarled. With that, she whispered something under her breath and dissolved in a azure glow. Sailormoon looked a little startled but put her weapon away. Kishi turned her focus back to the person she had loathed since childhood. She jerked the corners of her lips upward and tried to place an emotion that resembled gratitude into her eyes. Even with all of her experience as a member of royalty who had to lie to keep their society intact, it was a challenge. It took every ounce of skill she possessed to prevent her expression from altering to raw hatred.
"Arigato," she said with as much sincerity as she could manage. Sailormoon smiled, but like Kishi's smile it was a hollow attempt. There was only sorrow behind her eyes. She looked as if she would say something but lost the words before she could voice them. Silently, she leapt away, her enormous wings allowing her to glide out of sight.
Kishi went limp, her strength abandoning her once again. A few curses trickled from her parted lips as the pain returned as strongly as before. Her chest tightened until breathing was all but impossible. The colors before her eyes ran together into a disorienting mess until she finally shut her eyes.
"Kishi-chan! What happened?" Kishi felt herself flinch. Even in her clouded mind she recognized the high pitched cry of distress.
"Tsukino-san, I told you to leave me alone," she said, unable to bring the required edge to her voice.
"I told you that I'd be there for you. I wasn't lying. You need help, whether you want to admit it or not."
"No..." Kishi protested feebly. "I'm...fine...fine, don't need....help..." Her voice faded as her thoughts sank into blackness. She vaguely remembered feeling a relief at that. Darkness was her haven. She would be safe there.
* * * * *
Quartzite's eyes snapped open abruptly. She was already sitting up in her bed, her entire body rigid with tension. Sweat crawled down her forehead and her mouth gasped for air. Her eyes searched the blackness before her. Nothing.
It took several minutes for Quartzite's body to relax even slightly and for the adreniline that had flooded her system to dissipate somewhat. Even then her muscles were still coiled tightly and her jaw clenched. Her eyes no longer darted back and forth with terror that bordered on insanity but still warily peered into her dark surroundings.
She conjured a small flame in her still badly shaking hand and used it to light a candle near her bed. The darkness abated somewhat, retreating to the corners of her room.
"What is it this fucking darkness. It's everywhere in this fucking hellhole like a fucking infestation..." Several equally vile words came from her mouth before she returned to her silence. She sat in her bed staring at her flickering source of light shivering profusely. She snatched her reletively thin blankets up and covered her insufficiently clad body with them to keep away cold.
She had been attempting to sleep since the princess's departure and still had no success. Everytime her eyelids closed her nightmares would come back to haunt her. Images, violent, horrific images would rise from her memories and take form. Blood would once again flow in brilliant scarlet from her fallen mother. Violet eyes would look at her pleadingly then role back. The pink would drain from her flesh leaving the white of stone. And she would scream. She, Quartzite, would throw her head back and scream until there was nothing left inside her. After that she would slump to the ground, wishing only for death to come to her.
It was so vivid she found it almost impossible to believe that the event had occurred years ago. The colors, the temperatures, the scents, everything was so perfectly preserved that when she woke up she questioned if what was before her was reality.
"Why?" she whispered silently. "Why me?" she inquired again. No answer came to her of course. No one could possibly explain why she had been singled out by some divine entity or random act of fate. She sighed and resigned herself to waiting out the rest of the night. Sleep would not bring relief. Nothing could ever grant her that.
* * * * *
Usagi felt her eyes well up with tears once more. This time, she did nothing to stop them from breaking free though. They gathered in front of her eyes to blur the room around her them slowly traced their way down her cheeks to splash on to the table before her. She shuddered as more tiny droplets fell.
It took several minutes for Usagi's crying to finally cease. When there were no tears for her eyes to shed she stood up. She trembled from the emotions that had just been released but felt better with herself. Allowing her grief for her lover and child to show even briefly was something she had trained herself against doing. To break the control that had developed over her three years as a senshi was both difficult and neccassary.
**Mamo-chan, why couldn't you be here? I need you. I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I'm not strong enough to be Sailormoon. I'm not even strong enough to be Usagi anymore! I don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore,** she thought.
A faint moaning interupted Usagi's silent cry of dispair. She pivoted to see the girl from school who had so firmly rejected her stirring in her sleep. Usagi rushed over to her, forgetting her tear streaked face.
Kuraino Kishi was sprawled across the couch in the living room draped in the first blanket Usagi had been able to find. Her face was paler than it should have been, it's tone almost matching Chibi-Usa's in it's unnatural beauty. Her expression also bore resemblence to the one Chibi-Usa wore. Her eyebrows were pressed together and her lips were parted to reveal gritted teeth.
"Gomen ne, Kishi-chan...It's all my fault that this happened to you," Usagi whispered. "Ano...I-I have to...start on my homework. I mean, I don't want to leave you here. If...you need me for anything just yell." Kishi showed no sign of awareness. Her face retained its contorted expression.
Usagi turned hesitantly and began to walk toward the stairs, her feet brushing the floor only lightly so as not to disturb the motionless girl. She stopped suddenly. The foot that was still raised a few centimeters dropped to touch the floor. She pivoted and walked quietly back to her guest.
If Usagi had not heard the barely audibible sound of Kishi's breathing, she might have believed that she was dead. She was still beautiful, but also cold somehow. Even in her sleep she seemed to have no peace. Her expression bore witness to that.
"I'll protect you," Usagi said. "I may not be able to save everyone else, but at least I'll save you." As Usagi left the room, she failed to notice that Kishi's eyes had opened to narrow slits for the first time in several hours. She did not move or give any indication of her alert state except for the confused expression which entered those violet eyes before they closed and she returned to slumber.
* * * * *
Kishi's eyes snapped open. For a moment she was disoriented. The sunshine drifting through the window and array of color were not something she expected to see on Nemesis. For a fraction of a second, she thought that something had changed and miraculously pulled Nemesis from its broken state. Logic quickly reinsererted itself though. Nemesis remained submerged in darkness just as her people did and she was on Earth.
Upon realizing this it occurred to her that she did not know where she was on Earth. She moved from her relaxed position to a tense fighting stance with one swift motion. Her eyes flitted back and forth, scanning the room for any sign of danger.
"Kishi-chan!" a high pitched voice cried. A series of thuds heralded the approach of the clumsy schoolgirl. Upon reaching the bottom of the stares, Usagi skidded across the wooden floor for a few feet before coming to an unsteady halt.
"Tsukino...san?" Kishi said hesitantly. Usagi's face broke into a large, if somewhat breathless smile.
"Are you okay?" Usagi asked, worry returning to her features.
"I'm fine," Kishi replied stiffly. "I'm completely all right. Now, if you will excuse me, I must go." Injury flickered across the blonde's face. Concealing emotions obviously was not her strong point. Kishi felt her body falter at seeing the hurt expression.
"Sure, I wouldn't want to make you late or anything," she answered. Though her words were cheerful and she attempted to smile a little, her voice sounded hollow. There was something about that voice that reminded Kishi of Fluorite. Maybe it was the meloncholy ring of her words or the way she tried so pitifully to hide her own deep sadness. Whatever the resemblance was, it made her planned departure impossible. The idea of abandoning someone who sounded so much like that child was simply impossible.
"Actually....it isn't that important. I can stay for a couple minutes. Why don't you tell me what's wrong, if its bothering you that much?" Usagi winced slightly.
"Is it really that obvious?" she asked. Kishi nodded.
"Ano...it's kind of a long story..." Usagi had not intended to tell Kishi everything, but somehow it all came tumbling out.
"The man I love left to study in America about several days ago," she began. "He's so much smarter than I'll ever be. His essay was accepted by one of the best universities there! He...he really wanted to go too. I mean, it was kind of his dream I guess. He was supposed to go last year but....something....happened. There was....his plane crashed and some of the passengers died. It took awhile for him to be rescued but I didn't know he wasn't at the university.
I kept writing letters every single day. I told him all about my life and how all my friends were doing. He never answered though. I must have sent a hundred letters, but I never got a single one back. At first I just thought he was busy. He said he wasn't going to have much time to contact me in the beginning.
And so, it was okay. I knew he loved me. When he left, I had promised to see him off with a smile so that he wouldn't worry about him. I wanted to beg him not to go, but...I wanted him to be happy. I broke down and cried anyway. I'm kind of immature in that way. I just couldn't stop my tears from flowing. Then, he gave me a ring, a promise that he would always, always love me. I knew when I got that that he would come home for me. So, I kept writing and imagining him reading my letters and smiling. I just didn't think about the fact that he hadn't written.
As the months passed though I began to get more and more worried. I always wondered if I was good enough for him. I'm clumsy, loud, unsophisticted and a horrible student. I'd always wanted a wonderful boyfriend exactly like him, so it seemed like a dream when he told me he loved me. I had always been a little worried that someone better would come along though. There are so many people who are prettier or more academic than me and I began to wonder if he had found someone else. It became harder and harder to write him as I kept thinking that he might just find my constant letters annoying.
I always thought I was strong before that, that I'd grown up and matured. I found out I was wrong. Once Mamo-chan-that's what I call him-left I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. It was like half of me had just vanished. Another man came along, Seiya. He was an idol at the time. He was attractive and nice. I think he fell in love with me. For a while I actually considered trying to return his love. Aren't I horrible? I was so weak and hurt that I actually thought of that.
When Mamo-chan returned I never wanted him to go away again, but he just did. I wanted to stop him, but I also wanted to let him go. Isn't that strange? To love someone too much to lose them and at the same time to know you must do what's right for them? I'm just so afraid that something bad will happen again and I'll never see his face again. I don't think I could live.
And, over the past couple of days some things have changed. I can't explain it very well, but all of a sudden my...Chi-my cousin showed up and is hurt. I just don't know who I am without him. I tried to be strong last time, but I couldn't. I just fell to pieces or failed whenever my friends needed me. Without him, who am I? My friends all depend on me but I can't help them. I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I'm nothing without the people I love. I can't do anything on my own, as just plain Usagi..."
Again, Kishi felt a pang of sympathy for the girl, but also anger.
"How can you say that?" Kishi said, her words sounding harsher than she had intended. Usagi looked at the others girl in surprise at the sudden ridicule.
"What do you mean?" she asked. She had not been sure of how the other student would react, but this was the last thing she had expected.
"You just said that you're nothing without him. How can you say that because he left you, you are capable of nothing but tears when he's not beside you to hold your hand and comfort you? If that's who you really are, that pathetic, whimpering brat then I can't say I would blame anyone for not responding." Usagi said nothing, feeling slightly ashamed and unsure of what to say.
"I must have been mistaken, for that wasn't what I saw in you the other day. You didn't seem like the kind of girl to break down so easily. I thought that you might be someone capable of tremendous things, that buried beneath all your clumsy, gluttonous, gullible, naïve exterior there might be a very strong girl."
"No...you're wrong. I'm not really..."
"Tsukino-san," Kishi said. "Everyone must have there moments to cry and let these emotions out, but they also need to have faith and move on. You're experience was undoubtably hard considering the easy life you've had, but you must recover from it eventually. Hope for the best, and stay refuse to give in to your doubts. If you can do that-though I doubt it-then you'll get through this. That's the only way anyone ever survives tragedies.
"Kishi-chan, what happened to you?" Usagi asked abruptly. Usagi had only just noticed the change in Kishi's expression. Her eyes had grown distant and had aquired an almost eerily determened quality.
"Nothing that concerns you," Kishi snapped, the edge returning to her voice. "I need to go. Think about what I said though. You have the ability to get back on your feet...maybe you shouldn't do it on your own though. I'm...not the best person to have as a friend but...I'm sure you have other people you can depend on." There was a brief, awkward silence before Kishi turned to the door and stepped out without another word.
Usagi was surprised to find that she felt considerably better after her conversation. The other girl had shown very little pity for her. Yet, Usagi felt encouraged by what she had said. Kishi was not the kind of person to show compassion frequently. Her personality was reserved and aloof. To show such empathy, even if it was accompanied by her disdain at times was no small feat for someone like her.
She examined her emotions more closely. She no longer felt like crying. Her tears had all been spent a short while before. She still felt empty inside and the void where Mamoru should have been still throbbed like an open wound. She did feel somewhat stronger though. It was faint, but she felt a trace of the courage she had thought she had lost. Whether that was due to her own inner strength or Kishi's encouragement or both she did not know. What was important was that it was there again. She was far from being all right, but she was on the right path again. Her heart would heal eventually.
Usagi suddenly realized the implications of their short conversation: the enigma known as Kuraino Kishi had, for the first time, shown an emotion other than contempt or anger. Kishi had allowed her Usagi see a part of herself.
* * * * *
