Trouble in the Staff Room
Chapter One: Decisions
I need to tell them Snape thought as he hid behind the paper.
It was only six months after the trouble he had, had with the
Board of Governors, and he had to, noneeded to tell them.
Think calmly he said to himself. How could I tell them? How will
they react? What would happen? Oh god why did this have to
happen? He shook his head, there was no way he could pluck up
enough courage to tell them, how could he? And how would he say
it? Just suddenly, say 'hey guess what I'm gay!' he was in a
mess, a muddle how did he allow himself to get into this mess?
* * *
Albus Dumbledore looked over to the young staff member. He
didn't know what he must be feeling right now, but, oh it was no
use. He could not and would not make Severus Snape 'come out' it
was up to him and him alone.
The Board had said he had no choice but to 'come out' thankfully
they had said that he was to 'come out' when he was ready though
and in his own time.
Severus will never be ready to tell them Dumbledore thought
bitterly. He cleared his throat. "Severus, could I please
see you in my office?"
"Sure." Snape replied standing up, glad to get away
from the smoke filled staff room.
* * *
"My father knows something about Snape, but he won't tell
me." Malfoy said for over the sixteenth time that afternoon.
Crabbe had a burning desire to tell Malfoy what it was that his
father wouldn't tell him, but Crabbe's loyalties were to his
house master and his father not his friends.
"Does it matter?" Crabbe replied gruffly.
"Of course it does Crabbe!" Malfoy said this as though
it was a preposterous idea that his own father should keep a
valuable piece of information from him. He slammed the Potion
textbook down on the wooden bench. "It's no bloody good! I
can't concentrate!" Malfoy stalked off in the direction of
the dormitory, leaving Crabbe and Goyle to endure a nice game of
Gobstones.
* * *
Snape sat nervously in front of Professor Dumbledores grand
desk. The old wizard looked kindly down upon the young man and
spoke, breaking the silence that had filled these rooms for over
five minutes.
"Severus." He spoke softly. "You know why I wish
to speak to you?"
"Yes sir," Snape replied
"And you are going to give me an honest answer?"
"As honestly as I can sir."
"Stop calling me sir."
"Sorry sirI mean professor." Snape looked glumly
at his shoes. Dumbledore shook his head.
"I don't know Severus. One month you are your normal
self and the next, well, you are reduced to a cowering
wreck." He surveyed Snape through his half moon spectacles.
"Do you feel ready to 'come out' I believe the term
is."
"I feel ready, butI'm scared about it."
"I understand, well to an extent anyway. What makes you
scared?"
"I don't know what the reaction is going to be. You saw
what happened when the Board found out about me, this world is
very homophobic I'm just scared about how, well how the others
will accept me." Snape could feel the emotions inside him,
creeping around his mind and body like ants.
"Yes I can see why you are afraid. Severus, remember that
this world is becoming more and more tolerable of things that are
different." Dumbledore replied; he wanted to put his young
friends' mind at ease.
"I suppose so." Snape replied. "I really don't
know how or when to tell them."
"How about you wait out the term, as this is the last term
until the summer holidays? You can tell them then, it would be a
perfect time. They could get used to the idea over the summer
hols."
Snape thought this over for a few moments before answering.
"Very well." Dumbledore smiled.
"Good, lets hope that we don't have any objections to
you at all."
* * *
Over the next few months, weeks, days, minutes and hours
Severus Snape sat thinking about how he was going to tell his
fellow colleagues about his sexuality. Minutes ticked by and
still he could come up with no good of easy reason to tell them
about it. True they had a right to know, but did they need to
know?
Shut up! He told himself for over the seventh time that evening.
I am going to tell them! They need to know and no egoistic man or
woman is going to stop me from being who I am he was determined
in what he told himself, but always there was a tiny little voice
in the back of his mind but who are you? It said repeatedly
stinging his thoughts and poisoning his dreams.
* * *
Professor McGonagall was dreaming. She was flying on a magic
carpet, over a mystical land full of wonderful creatures that she
had never dreamed of seeing. In her dream muggles, squibs, pure
and half bloods all got on well with each other. A sharp tapping
noise entered her dream and she felt herself slipping away, away
from it all.
She woke up quite suddenly, listening intently in the darkness.
Then she realised what the tapping noise was; it was someone
tapping on her chamber door. She was severely tempted to quote
Edgar Allan Poe, but managed to refrain from doing so.
"Who is it?" she called sleepily.
"Me, Severus." A voice answered.
"Sev, it's 3 am in the bloody morning! What do you
want?" McGonagall answered
"I need to talk, can I come in?"
"I don't see why not." She was now awake and it
wouldn't harm her in the least to hear what he had knocked her up
for. Snape walked into the room; he was pale and look as though
he hadn't slept in days. His grey night-shirt hung more loosely
around him and he looked almost to small to be allowed in his
checked cotton dressing gown. He looked ill.
"You know about well" he struggled to
find any words.
"Your sexuality?" McGonagall offered.
"YesI need towell that is I have
decidedwell not really decided"
"To tell the staff?" McGonagall saw where the nervous
young Welsh man was driving to.
"Yes."
"So what do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know how or if I should tell them." He replied
gloomily.
"You should tell them, Sev. They have a right to know about
you, it's not a secret you can hide from, you need to confront it
to make yourself feel relaxed about it. How, well I believe that
is really up to you."
"Thanks." He simply said. "At least I know I will
have two people who will support me."
"Hey, Sev I am sure that there will be more members of staff
that are willing to treat you the same as they have always
treated you."
"Sure."
"Sev it's too early in the morning for bad feelings."
She smiled. "Don't be such a pessimist." This time
Snape smiled.
"I'll try to be an optimist then."
"Sev if you were optimistic about something then I think
people would start panicking. Believe me, the way you have been
acting over the last month, well it's odd, it's not how you
normally act or anything."
"Sorry, I've had a lot to think about."
"I can understand. Good night Sev."
"Night Professor." Snape turned slowly to walk from her
chamber. "Thank you." He said softly
* * *
He lay on his bed, that night he had made up his mind. He had decided to go ahead and tell the staff. He smiled softly, he wasn't optimistic about it all, but yet he had a feeling that could only be described as a fuzzy feeling. Thing were beginning to get slowly better.
