Trouble in the Staff Room
Chapter One: Decisions

I need to tell them Snape thought as he hid behind the paper. It was only six months after the trouble he had, had with the Board of Governors, and he had to, noneeded to tell them.
Think calmly he said to himself. How could I tell them? How will they react? What would happen? Oh god why did this have to happen? He shook his head, there was no way he could pluck up enough courage to tell them, how could he? And how would he say it? Just suddenly, say 'hey guess what I'm gay!' he was in a mess, a muddle how did he allow himself to get into this mess?

* * *

Albus Dumbledore looked over to the young staff member. He didn't know what he must be feeling right now, but, oh it was no use. He could not and would not make Severus Snape 'come out' it was up to him and him alone.
The Board had said he had no choice but to 'come out' thankfully they had said that he was to 'come out' when he was ready though and in his own time.
Severus will never be ready to tell them Dumbledore thought bitterly. He cleared his throat. "Severus, could I please see you in my office?"
"Sure." Snape replied standing up, glad to get away from the smoke filled staff room.

* * *

"My father knows something about Snape, but he won't tell me." Malfoy said for over the sixteenth time that afternoon. Crabbe had a burning desire to tell Malfoy what it was that his father wouldn't tell him, but Crabbe's loyalties were to his house master and his father not his friends.
"Does it matter?" Crabbe replied gruffly.
"Of course it does Crabbe!" Malfoy said this as though it was a preposterous idea that his own father should keep a valuable piece of information from him. He slammed the Potion textbook down on the wooden bench. "It's no bloody good! I can't concentrate!" Malfoy stalked off in the direction of the dormitory, leaving Crabbe and Goyle to endure a nice game of Gobstones.

* * *

Snape sat nervously in front of Professor Dumbledores grand desk. The old wizard looked kindly down upon the young man and spoke, breaking the silence that had filled these rooms for over five minutes.
"Severus." He spoke softly. "You know why I wish to speak to you?"
"Yes sir," Snape replied
"And you are going to give me an honest answer?"
"As honestly as I can sir."
"Stop calling me sir."
"Sorry sirI mean professor." Snape looked glumly at his shoes. Dumbledore shook his head.
"I don't know Severus. One month you are your normal self and the next, well, you are reduced to a cowering wreck." He surveyed Snape through his half moon spectacles. "Do you feel ready to 'come out' I believe the term is."
"I feel ready, butI'm scared about it."
"I understand, well to an extent anyway. What makes you scared?"
"I don't know what the reaction is going to be. You saw what happened when the Board found out about me, this world is very homophobic I'm just scared about how, well how the others will accept me." Snape could feel the emotions inside him, creeping around his mind and body like ants.
"Yes I can see why you are afraid. Severus, remember that this world is becoming more and more tolerable of things that are different." Dumbledore replied; he wanted to put his young friends' mind at ease.
"I suppose so." Snape replied. "I really don't know how or when to tell them."
"How about you wait out the term, as this is the last term until the summer holidays? You can tell them then, it would be a perfect time. They could get used to the idea over the summer hols."
Snape thought this over for a few moments before answering.
"Very well." Dumbledore smiled.
"Good, lets hope that we don't have any objections to you at all."

* * *

Over the next few months, weeks, days, minutes and hours Severus Snape sat thinking about how he was going to tell his fellow colleagues about his sexuality. Minutes ticked by and still he could come up with no good of easy reason to tell them about it. True they had a right to know, but did they need to know?
Shut up! He told himself for over the seventh time that evening. I am going to tell them! They need to know and no egoistic man or woman is going to stop me from being who I am he was determined in what he told himself, but always there was a tiny little voice in the back of his mind but who are you? It said repeatedly stinging his thoughts and poisoning his dreams.

* * *

Professor McGonagall was dreaming. She was flying on a magic carpet, over a mystical land full of wonderful creatures that she had never dreamed of seeing. In her dream muggles, squibs, pure and half bloods all got on well with each other. A sharp tapping noise entered her dream and she felt herself slipping away, away from it all.
She woke up quite suddenly, listening intently in the darkness. Then she realised what the tapping noise was; it was someone tapping on her chamber door. She was severely tempted to quote Edgar Allan Poe, but managed to refrain from doing so.
"Who is it?" she called sleepily.
"Me, Severus." A voice answered.
"Sev, it's 3 am in the bloody morning! What do you want?" McGonagall answered
"I need to talk, can I come in?"
"I don't see why not." She was now awake and it wouldn't harm her in the least to hear what he had knocked her up for. Snape walked into the room; he was pale and look as though he hadn't slept in days. His grey night-shirt hung more loosely around him and he looked almost to small to be allowed in his checked cotton dressing gown. He looked ill.
"You know about well" he struggled to find any words.
"Your sexuality?" McGonagall offered.
"YesI need towell that is I have decidedwell not really decided"
"To tell the staff?" McGonagall saw where the nervous young Welsh man was driving to.
"Yes."
"So what do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know how or if I should tell them." He replied gloomily.
"You should tell them, Sev. They have a right to know about you, it's not a secret you can hide from, you need to confront it to make yourself feel relaxed about it. How, well I believe that is really up to you."
"Thanks." He simply said. "At least I know I will have two people who will support me."
"Hey, Sev I am sure that there will be more members of staff that are willing to treat you the same as they have always treated you."
"Sure."
"Sev it's too early in the morning for bad feelings." She smiled. "Don't be such a pessimist." This time Snape smiled.
"I'll try to be an optimist then."
"Sev if you were optimistic about something then I think people would start panicking. Believe me, the way you have been acting over the last month, well it's odd, it's not how you normally act or anything."
"Sorry, I've had a lot to think about."
"I can understand. Good night Sev."
"Night Professor." Snape turned slowly to walk from her chamber. "Thank you." He said softly

* * *

He lay on his bed, that night he had made up his mind. He had decided to go ahead and tell the staff. He smiled softly, he wasn't optimistic about it all, but yet he had a feeling that could only be described as a fuzzy feeling. Thing were beginning to get slowly better.