Sorry this took so long. I've just started 9th grade, so things are probably going to severely slow down. Of course, I'd probably write more if I got more than EIGHT DANG REVIEWS! Oh, well. In today's episode, we meet Ukyo. What else happens? Your guess is as good as mine.
Part 5
***
"Genma Saotome! It's been a long time," said the long-haired, masked figure.
"Do I know you?" asked a confused Genma, trying to figure out where he'd seen the spatula-wielding young man in front of him. Of course, he had to admit it was difficult to remember all the people who he had… ahem… BORROWED from… Still, the youth looked familiar…
"UKYO! The one you left behind!"
"KRAK!" went the spatula over the stunned man's head.
"Hey, who're you and why are you beating up Pop? Although, knowing him, he probably deserves it…"
"Ra… Ranma?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"YOU JERK! Leaving me behind!"
"Wha?! I've never met you!" Ranma assumed a defensive posture, but failed to block the oversized spatula from hitting him over the head.
"How could you leave your fiancée behind? And taking the okonomiyaki cart, no less! Jackass!"
WHAP! SPLAT! CLANG! We might take the time to mention that Ukyo's spatula has had more lines so far in this scene than Genma! Isn't that something?
"Waitaminnit… Pop engaged me to a guy?!"
"Grrr… DIE!"
"Uh… Ranma?"
Both turned to look at poor, battered Genma. Sniff, sniff. How cruelly I abuse him.
"You think I would stain the Saotome name by doing that? No, Ukyo, your childhood friend is really…" Cue phantom microphone. "A GIRL!"
Ranma blinked. "Ucchan? No way! Since when have you been a girl? Want me to get some hot water for you?"
It was Ukyo's turn to blink. "What the heck do you mean? How would hot water solve anything?!"
Doesn't everyone love the weather in Nerima? One minute, it's a nice, sunny day; the next, it's raining. It's a meteorologist's nightmare.
Much blinking in disbelief, poking, and pinching ensued.
"Is that really you, Ranma?" Ukyo asked the piglet. Ranma squealed in the affirmative. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA! Serves ya right, jerk!"
The piglet stared back at Ukyo, with huge eyes so cute it makes your teeth want to rot. She began to feel a little guilty.
"Ranchan? What happened, anyway?"
A nearby panda held up a sign that read [Hot water…]. Ukyo shrugged, lifted the little piggy into her arms, and headed for her restaurant. The injured panda remained lying on the ground. Nobody really cared, though. They figured the zoo would come and get it eventually. Besides, the boy and the girl with the spatula were way more interesting to watch. Who cares about a dumb panda when you can watch a real-life soap opera?
***
"So Pop ran off with your dad's okonomiyaki cart and left you behind? The moron."
"My life as a woman ended then. I promised myself I'd never go out with another guy, or even do anything other than train, until I had exacted my revenge on you two."
"Such a shame. And a cute girl like you, too."
Ukyo turned approximately six shades of red. "I'm NOT cute," she stated, trying to focus on making okonomiyaki for the two of them.
"Yes you are. I'm surprised, really. Considering who else Pop's engaged me to…"
"SOMEONE ELSE?! I'll KILL him!"
"Relax," Ranma said hurriedly. "She's just some uncute tomboy. There's no way I'm gonna marry her."
"AHEM."
"Akane?"
"Ranma..."
"See what I mean?"
"Huh."
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
"It's okay, Ryoga! Don't worry! He didn't hurt me!"
"And you! Who are you, and why are you insulting Akane?!"
"Who are YOU?!"
"I asked you first!"
This continued for a few more minutes. By the way, five bucks if you can figure out what just happened. I know I can't.
***
"Where's Shampoo? Why does she keep running away? Why does she hate me so?" Mousse asked a cow.
"Moo," said the cow.
"I know! I'll go back to Nerima and wait for her! She's sure to return, and it beats going back to the village every other day!"
The cow looked at Mousse strangely, wondered what the grass over here was laced with, anyway, and proceeded to another part of the field.
Thunder rumbled ominously in the background. "Soon, Shampoo, you will be mine. With these ancient Amazon love pills, there's no way you'll turn me down again! BWA HA HA Hwak…" Stupid unpredictable weather…
***
"Saotomeeee…"
"Now, now, Tendo, no need to get angry…"
"How could you? What about Akane? Don't you have any morals at all?" Soun turned to his friend, only to find a cute, cuddly panda playing cutely with a cute beach ball. He sighed, then went to check on Kasumi in the kitchen.
Meanwhile, in the dojo…
"How many fiancées do you have, anyway?" Akane asked Ranma furiously.
"How could you get engaged to her when you have me?"
"You act like this is all my fault! It's all Pop and his stupid promises!"
"Hmph. Well, if I'm so much trouble, you can forget the engagement. Hope you're happy together," Akane told Ranma coldly. With that, she stomped out of the room.
"How uncute can you get?" muttered Ranma.
Ryoga gave Ranma a menacing look, then followed Akane. Well, pretty much. He ended up in the kitchen, the bathroom, the dining room, the dojo again, and the middle of the koi pond, in that order, before he finally reached the room he was sharing with the Saotomes.
***
"So, you're not her fiancé anymore? Do you have any others that I should know about?"
"Uh, not that I know of, unless you count…
Being the smart audience you are, I'm sure you can guess what happened right then. But, for those of you who can't, I'm offering multiple choice answers. So what happened? Did…
A. a pipe spring a leak and Ranma turn into a pig?
B. Ukyo arbitrarily beat Ranma with her spatula just for good measure?
C. a fish in the koi pond blink?
Or…
D. Shampoo, followed closely by Mousse, smash through the wall, glomping Ranma and Ukyo, respectively?
Remember, this exam counts for 99.4% of your grade. Fill in all answers on the bubble sheet with a number two pencil. Good luck!
***
"Sh… Shampoo!"
"Nihao, airen!"
"Shampoo!"
"Wha… Who…?" Ukyo found herself being crushed in the arms of…
"Hey! Who the heck are you?!"
"Oh, Shampoo, how could you forget me already?"
"I'm not Shampoo!"
"You think you can fool me that easily? Of course you're Shampoo! Here, have this!"
"Hey!" Ukyo was about to spatula the guy across one of the remaining walls, but she found something small and round in her mouth. She tried to spit it out, but Ranma grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to swallow.
"At last! Shampoo, you shall be mine!"
"Hey, stupid Mousse? Shampoo over here."
"Wha? Shampoo? Then who is this?"
Ukyo whipped out her Spatula of Doom (™ ) to beat the living heck out of that… that… that PERVERT! How dare he grab her and give her… give her… Hey, he was sort of cute. No, not cute. More like the hottest, se…
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!" Ranma demanded.
"Oh, boy," Mousse muttered, attempting to pry Ukyo off of his waist.
"I said WHAT IS IT?"
"Now, now, no need to yell," Mousse said nervously. "I'm sure I can find the antidote…" He rummaged through his sleeves. Let's see, butcher knife, chain, yo-yo, metal claw, scratched-up framed picture of Shampoo, darts, small explosives, teddy bear, armchair… Where did he put the stupid antidote? He knew he had it somewhere… Suddenly, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor.
Shampoo picked it up. "Ai ya! How you be so stupid, Mousse? Is from the love pill you use on her? Then is no cure! She like this forever!" She flipped the card at Mousse, making an indentation in his forehead. "Who is, anyway?"
"Uh, I guess she's my fiancée…"
"Oh, is too bad… Ranma fiancée?!" Shampoo blinked. Then, she walked over to Mousse and kissed him, causing him to faint. "Good work, Mousse! Now Shampoo have Ranma all to self!"
"Hey, you! How could you kiss MY Mousse?!"
"You Mousse? You have Mousse if I have Ranma."
Ukyo's eyes doubled in size and filled with tears. "Oh, thank you, thank you!"
"But Shampoo!"
"You no like Ukyo?"
"You don't like me?" Ukyo's radiant smile crumpled, and she readied her spatula as she choked back sobs.
"Oh, no no no! Of course I like you, Ukyo!" Mousse replied hurriedly.
"Yay!" Ukyo glomped Mousse, who sighed.
"Shampoo hope Mousse and Ukyo happy together! See you later!"
With that, Ukyo dragged a sad-looking Mousse along the street to her shop.
***
"Good work, son! Now you can marry Akane with one less person in the way!"
"I already told you, I'm not marrying her. Why not let Ryoga? They seem to like each other.
"Hey!" protested Akane and Ryoga, each turning four interesting shades of red.
"See what I mean," snickered Ranma.
"I have no intention of marrying anyone right now. We're still in high school!"
"Uh, yeah," Ryoga agreed.
Dinner continued in silence until…
"Oops, must have accidentally bumped my cup. Sorry, Ranma," said Genma.
"Grrr… KWEE!"
Genma fell to the floor with several large bumps on his head.
"Bweek," Ranma stated. He hopped down off the table and made his way upstairs, towing his clothes behind him.
"I wonder where Shampoo went, anyway," Ryoga said, changing the subject.
"I don't know. With any luck, she moved back to China."
"You think she did? She didn't seem the type to just give up… Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough."
***
Sorry this took so long. As I said before, I have tons of homework. I started this chapter about a week ago and just now got around to finishing it. I know Ukyo was quite a bit out of character near the end, but that was just because of the love pill. Sorry, Gyzzmo. I tried some other couplings, but they would have been worse. Would you prefer Kuno and Ukyo? I thought not.
As always, review. Please? Does it really take up too much of your precious time to write a sentence or two? Heck, a word, a letter, or a punctuation mark would work, too! *Sniff, sniff.* Only eight people care about my HARD WORK to write something… *Sob*
Don't expect the next chapter too soon. Unless, of course, I miraculously get a ton of reviews, but what are the odds of that? Keep an eye out for it, anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter of "Ranma ½ WHAT?!", and hope to hear from you either in a review or in an e-mail.
Part 5
***
"Genma Saotome! It's been a long time," said the long-haired, masked figure.
"Do I know you?" asked a confused Genma, trying to figure out where he'd seen the spatula-wielding young man in front of him. Of course, he had to admit it was difficult to remember all the people who he had… ahem… BORROWED from… Still, the youth looked familiar…
"UKYO! The one you left behind!"
"KRAK!" went the spatula over the stunned man's head.
"Hey, who're you and why are you beating up Pop? Although, knowing him, he probably deserves it…"
"Ra… Ranma?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"YOU JERK! Leaving me behind!"
"Wha?! I've never met you!" Ranma assumed a defensive posture, but failed to block the oversized spatula from hitting him over the head.
"How could you leave your fiancée behind? And taking the okonomiyaki cart, no less! Jackass!"
WHAP! SPLAT! CLANG! We might take the time to mention that Ukyo's spatula has had more lines so far in this scene than Genma! Isn't that something?
"Waitaminnit… Pop engaged me to a guy?!"
"Grrr… DIE!"
"Uh… Ranma?"
Both turned to look at poor, battered Genma. Sniff, sniff. How cruelly I abuse him.
"You think I would stain the Saotome name by doing that? No, Ukyo, your childhood friend is really…" Cue phantom microphone. "A GIRL!"
Ranma blinked. "Ucchan? No way! Since when have you been a girl? Want me to get some hot water for you?"
It was Ukyo's turn to blink. "What the heck do you mean? How would hot water solve anything?!"
Doesn't everyone love the weather in Nerima? One minute, it's a nice, sunny day; the next, it's raining. It's a meteorologist's nightmare.
Much blinking in disbelief, poking, and pinching ensued.
"Is that really you, Ranma?" Ukyo asked the piglet. Ranma squealed in the affirmative. "BWA HA HA HA HA HA! Serves ya right, jerk!"
The piglet stared back at Ukyo, with huge eyes so cute it makes your teeth want to rot. She began to feel a little guilty.
"Ranchan? What happened, anyway?"
A nearby panda held up a sign that read [Hot water…]. Ukyo shrugged, lifted the little piggy into her arms, and headed for her restaurant. The injured panda remained lying on the ground. Nobody really cared, though. They figured the zoo would come and get it eventually. Besides, the boy and the girl with the spatula were way more interesting to watch. Who cares about a dumb panda when you can watch a real-life soap opera?
***
"So Pop ran off with your dad's okonomiyaki cart and left you behind? The moron."
"My life as a woman ended then. I promised myself I'd never go out with another guy, or even do anything other than train, until I had exacted my revenge on you two."
"Such a shame. And a cute girl like you, too."
Ukyo turned approximately six shades of red. "I'm NOT cute," she stated, trying to focus on making okonomiyaki for the two of them.
"Yes you are. I'm surprised, really. Considering who else Pop's engaged me to…"
"SOMEONE ELSE?! I'll KILL him!"
"Relax," Ranma said hurriedly. "She's just some uncute tomboy. There's no way I'm gonna marry her."
"AHEM."
"Akane?"
"Ranma..."
"See what I mean?"
"Huh."
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
"It's okay, Ryoga! Don't worry! He didn't hurt me!"
"And you! Who are you, and why are you insulting Akane?!"
"Who are YOU?!"
"I asked you first!"
This continued for a few more minutes. By the way, five bucks if you can figure out what just happened. I know I can't.
***
"Where's Shampoo? Why does she keep running away? Why does she hate me so?" Mousse asked a cow.
"Moo," said the cow.
"I know! I'll go back to Nerima and wait for her! She's sure to return, and it beats going back to the village every other day!"
The cow looked at Mousse strangely, wondered what the grass over here was laced with, anyway, and proceeded to another part of the field.
Thunder rumbled ominously in the background. "Soon, Shampoo, you will be mine. With these ancient Amazon love pills, there's no way you'll turn me down again! BWA HA HA Hwak…" Stupid unpredictable weather…
***
"Saotomeeee…"
"Now, now, Tendo, no need to get angry…"
"How could you? What about Akane? Don't you have any morals at all?" Soun turned to his friend, only to find a cute, cuddly panda playing cutely with a cute beach ball. He sighed, then went to check on Kasumi in the kitchen.
Meanwhile, in the dojo…
"How many fiancées do you have, anyway?" Akane asked Ranma furiously.
"How could you get engaged to her when you have me?"
"You act like this is all my fault! It's all Pop and his stupid promises!"
"Hmph. Well, if I'm so much trouble, you can forget the engagement. Hope you're happy together," Akane told Ranma coldly. With that, she stomped out of the room.
"How uncute can you get?" muttered Ranma.
Ryoga gave Ranma a menacing look, then followed Akane. Well, pretty much. He ended up in the kitchen, the bathroom, the dining room, the dojo again, and the middle of the koi pond, in that order, before he finally reached the room he was sharing with the Saotomes.
***
"So, you're not her fiancé anymore? Do you have any others that I should know about?"
"Uh, not that I know of, unless you count…
Being the smart audience you are, I'm sure you can guess what happened right then. But, for those of you who can't, I'm offering multiple choice answers. So what happened? Did…
A. a pipe spring a leak and Ranma turn into a pig?
B. Ukyo arbitrarily beat Ranma with her spatula just for good measure?
C. a fish in the koi pond blink?
Or…
D. Shampoo, followed closely by Mousse, smash through the wall, glomping Ranma and Ukyo, respectively?
Remember, this exam counts for 99.4% of your grade. Fill in all answers on the bubble sheet with a number two pencil. Good luck!
***
"Sh… Shampoo!"
"Nihao, airen!"
"Shampoo!"
"Wha… Who…?" Ukyo found herself being crushed in the arms of…
"Hey! Who the heck are you?!"
"Oh, Shampoo, how could you forget me already?"
"I'm not Shampoo!"
"You think you can fool me that easily? Of course you're Shampoo! Here, have this!"
"Hey!" Ukyo was about to spatula the guy across one of the remaining walls, but she found something small and round in her mouth. She tried to spit it out, but Ranma grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to swallow.
"At last! Shampoo, you shall be mine!"
"Hey, stupid Mousse? Shampoo over here."
"Wha? Shampoo? Then who is this?"
Ukyo whipped out her Spatula of Doom (™ ) to beat the living heck out of that… that… that PERVERT! How dare he grab her and give her… give her… Hey, he was sort of cute. No, not cute. More like the hottest, se…
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!" Ranma demanded.
"Oh, boy," Mousse muttered, attempting to pry Ukyo off of his waist.
"I said WHAT IS IT?"
"Now, now, no need to yell," Mousse said nervously. "I'm sure I can find the antidote…" He rummaged through his sleeves. Let's see, butcher knife, chain, yo-yo, metal claw, scratched-up framed picture of Shampoo, darts, small explosives, teddy bear, armchair… Where did he put the stupid antidote? He knew he had it somewhere… Suddenly, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor.
Shampoo picked it up. "Ai ya! How you be so stupid, Mousse? Is from the love pill you use on her? Then is no cure! She like this forever!" She flipped the card at Mousse, making an indentation in his forehead. "Who is, anyway?"
"Uh, I guess she's my fiancée…"
"Oh, is too bad… Ranma fiancée?!" Shampoo blinked. Then, she walked over to Mousse and kissed him, causing him to faint. "Good work, Mousse! Now Shampoo have Ranma all to self!"
"Hey, you! How could you kiss MY Mousse?!"
"You Mousse? You have Mousse if I have Ranma."
Ukyo's eyes doubled in size and filled with tears. "Oh, thank you, thank you!"
"But Shampoo!"
"You no like Ukyo?"
"You don't like me?" Ukyo's radiant smile crumpled, and she readied her spatula as she choked back sobs.
"Oh, no no no! Of course I like you, Ukyo!" Mousse replied hurriedly.
"Yay!" Ukyo glomped Mousse, who sighed.
"Shampoo hope Mousse and Ukyo happy together! See you later!"
With that, Ukyo dragged a sad-looking Mousse along the street to her shop.
***
"Good work, son! Now you can marry Akane with one less person in the way!"
"I already told you, I'm not marrying her. Why not let Ryoga? They seem to like each other.
"Hey!" protested Akane and Ryoga, each turning four interesting shades of red.
"See what I mean," snickered Ranma.
"I have no intention of marrying anyone right now. We're still in high school!"
"Uh, yeah," Ryoga agreed.
Dinner continued in silence until…
"Oops, must have accidentally bumped my cup. Sorry, Ranma," said Genma.
"Grrr… KWEE!"
Genma fell to the floor with several large bumps on his head.
"Bweek," Ranma stated. He hopped down off the table and made his way upstairs, towing his clothes behind him.
"I wonder where Shampoo went, anyway," Ryoga said, changing the subject.
"I don't know. With any luck, she moved back to China."
"You think she did? She didn't seem the type to just give up… Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough."
***
Sorry this took so long. As I said before, I have tons of homework. I started this chapter about a week ago and just now got around to finishing it. I know Ukyo was quite a bit out of character near the end, but that was just because of the love pill. Sorry, Gyzzmo. I tried some other couplings, but they would have been worse. Would you prefer Kuno and Ukyo? I thought not.
As always, review. Please? Does it really take up too much of your precious time to write a sentence or two? Heck, a word, a letter, or a punctuation mark would work, too! *Sniff, sniff.* Only eight people care about my HARD WORK to write something… *Sob*
Don't expect the next chapter too soon. Unless, of course, I miraculously get a ton of reviews, but what are the odds of that? Keep an eye out for it, anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter of "Ranma ½ WHAT?!", and hope to hear from you either in a review or in an e-mail.
