Finally! I'm sorry, I've been busy. Since I'm sure you've been waiting SO LONG for this chapter, I'll skip the stupid intro and get on to the fic.
***
Part 6
***
Shampoo sat on the small bed she had in her room above the Nekohanten. It was her break time, so stupid duck-boy could do the work for now. She had things to think about.
She stared at the two pictures on her lap. Her two beloved husbands. Great Grandmother had told her it was fine for her to pursue both of them. However, ultimately she would have to choose one.
At least Mousse was out of her way. She snickered, remembering the look on his face when Ukyo hugged him. Of course, Shampoo didn't really *hate* Mousse; she just didn't love him. He was always too serious when she was playing around with him. Okay, maybe she *was* being a bit mean when she dressed a dog up to look like herself and watched the two from the bushes, or pretended to be possessed by some ancient spirit that had sworn revenge on all nearsighted boys… He still thought she hated him. With any luck, they could be friends. If Mousse would just stick to Ukyo and quit bugging her…
Sighing, she returned to the pictures. Each was so wonderful and so different. How on earth was she supposed to choose one? Ranma: skilled, handsome, cute, lovable… and a pig. Ryoga: gentle, kind, strong, loyal… and a girl, too. Then, there was the matter of the Tendo girl. Though she pretended not to notice, Ryoga obviously liked her. She wasn't sure about Ranma, but he didn't seem to have any feelings toward her. He *was* her fiancé, though. Oh, well. Shampoo would definitely end up with one or the other. She would make sure of that.
***
Meanwhile, Ukyo sat behind the counter and pondered the previous events. How on EARTH did she fall for that idiot Mousse, anyway? As soon as the two had been separated, she had been overcome with the urge to imprint his face on her spatula. How could he DO that to her, anyway? How could he mistake her for that Amazon hussy? The jerk. With any luck, she wouldn't see him again for a while.
Now, I'm sure many of you expect me to have Mousse come stumbling in and something random happen. Why, I'm shocked! You really expect me to do that? Anyway, he's washing dishes in the Nekohanten and Cologne would probably smack the heck out of him with that stick of hers if he even tried to leave.
Now, back to Ukyo. Though she no longer wanted to kill Ranma for abandoning her, she wasn't sure if she still liked him. She wondered if this was a side effect of the Amazon love pill, or if she ever did… Wait a minute! Of COURSE she loved Ran-chan! And there was no way a pair of Amazons would stand between them. To prove this to herself, she quickly whipped up a deluxe okonomiyaki and headed off for the Tendo house, making sure to flip the sign by the door to "CLOSED" and locking the door behind her.
***
At the Tendo house…
"Hey, Kasumi, mind if I help with dinner tonight?"
"Of course you can, Akane," Kasumi replied, giving her one of her kind smiles, if not tinted with worry.
"Great! What should I do first?"
"Well, you can boil some water… Um, Akane? That's sulfuric acid…"
"Oh, sorry!" Akane apologized, quickly throwing the pot out the window before the acid found her skin and permanently scarred her.
"OUCH! Ahhhh! It's burning my skin off!"
"Oh, shut up you big baby! Here!"
"Bweee…"
Akane growled at this, but was determined not to be discouraged. She'd cook the best dinner yet!
"Akane, that's not salt. It's sand."
"Oops… What is all this stuff doing in the kitchen, anyway?"
"Hmmm, I'm not sure."
***
Yes! Finally, Mousse was free from the evil mummy that plagued him so! (At least for the next hour!) He began to laugh maniacally, only to be pummeled in the back of the head with heavy, blunt objects.
"Quiet, Mousse! You'll scare away the customers!"
Stupid mummy… Oh, well. He had better things to do. Much as he hated to go, he had to talk with Saotome about how to get Ukyo to leave him alone. He really, really, really didn't want to go tell Ukyo that he wasn't interested. Something about being beaten to death with an oversized spatula just didn't appeal to him.
If he could get enough money, the first thing Mousse would do would be to purchase a pair of contact lenses. How he mistook the crazy girl for his Shampoo, he had yet to figure out. Somehow, he had to get her to stop liking him. It was driving him insane! There was no way he would be worthy of Shampoo if he wasn't loyal to her, even if she was going out with TWO OTHER GUYS… Of course, they had yet to agree to go out with her, but of course they would. Shampoo was perfect! If there were anyone who said otherwise, Mousse would kill him… Of course, he would have to do that to anyone who tried to date her, too… Life's confusing, ain't it?
***
Ranma and Ryoga, curses negated, were lounging around in the back yard when Mousse appeared. He leapt over the wall… and straight into the koi pond, bumping his head on a rock and knocking himself unconscious in the process. Ranma and Ryoga sighed in unison, and Ryoga proceeded to extract the duck from the pond, retrieving the shattered glasses as well. Female Ryoga dragged the duck along towards the bathroom… actually, towards the dojo, until Ranma got up and dragged the girl by her bandana to the intended destination.
After a quick bath…
"Okay, whaddya want now, duck-boy?" Ranma demanded.
Mousse, who was wearing a spare set of Ranma's clothes, turned to Saotome. Then, he began to bow repeatedly and, sobbing, said, "You've gotta help me! How do I get rid of your fiancée? I can't take it! I love Shampoo, only Shampoo, and you got rid of Ukyo before so tell me how you did it and tell me now before she shows up or something!"
Much sweatdropping followed. Ranma was the first to recover.
"How should I know how to get her to go away? Before, Pop just stole her okonomiyaki cart and left, dragging me behind him! And anyway, she still found me! Believe me, if I knew how to get rid of her I would have one less fiancée to worry about right now!"
"Y-you can't help me?" Mousse fell to the ground. "Oh, well. I guess I can go back to China. Sure, just go back and leave Shampoo here… with… you… JERKS! You will die for what you have done to Shampoo!" Mousse shouted with renewed enthusiasm. "I may have to go back to the village, but I'm not leaving my love with YOU!"
There probably would have been much pain if Akane hadn't stepped outside at that moment.
"Oh, hi Mousse. Why are you here?"
"Uh, just had to discuss something with-"
"Hey, why don't you stay for dinner? I helped cook tonight!" she said proudly.
"Um, okay, if it isn't too much trouble," said a grateful, if not a bit confused, Mousse.
"Great! It's almost ready, so finish up what you're doing!"
"Okay. Thank you!"
"No problem. We'll probably end up with a bunch of leftovers, anyway. For some reason, we always do when I cook… See you in a few minutes, then!" Akane hurried back into the kitchen.
"You guys are *so* naïve. Of course, I guess there's no way to know about her little… sickness…"
"What is it, Nabiki?" Ranma asked.
"Oh, nothing. By the way, the phone's in the hallway if you have to call the hospital. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a business meeting with Kuno-baby."
"It can't really be that bad, can it?" Mousse asked.
"I dunno. You think Nabiki would joke about this type of thing?"
"Akane would never deliberately try to hurt us… Except maybe you, Ranma."
"Uh-huh. You're sure there's nothing between you two?"
"Of… of course not! Come on, it's time to go inside," said a blushing Ryoga.
The three hurried into the dining room… Actually, Ranma had to drag the other two so they would end up in the same room within a reasonable amount of time.
"See, doesn't it look good? I tried a new recipe, too! Lasagna, from Italy!"
"Uh… You sure that's what it's supposed to look like?" Ranma questioned.
"Well… I'm sure it tastes better than it looks," Ryoga said quickly.
This, of course, was an utterly stupid thing to say. Anyone remotely acquainted with Akane's cooking would do just about anything to get un-acquainted. Those who survived it, at least. Now, most of those attempting to consume the substance had a relatively strong stomach. Genma, Ranma, and Ryoga, who spent most of their lives traveling, quite often had to eat stuff that was barely edible, lasted the longest. The other Tendos, who had been forced to eat, had built up somewhat of a tolerance against it.
Mousse was the first to pass out. Just as Soun was about to call an ambulance, however, the doorbell rang. Ranma hurried over to answer it, only to be greeted by Ukyo.
"Hi, Ran-chan! I just came over to… What on earth happened here?"
"Akane's cooking. It seems to have claimed another victim," Ranma said sourly. He moved from the doorway, revealing Mousse.
Ukyo stared for what seemed to be a full minute. 'I do not like Mousse! I hate Mousse! Nope, no feelings except for hate! Serves him right to be poisoned! I hope he-" Ukyo's body ignored her mantra and ran over to help her beloved Mousse.
"Darling! Speak to me! Are you alive?" she questioned the unconscious form.
"Grrr… It wasn't THAT bad, was it?" Akane asked. She looked to see Ranma and Ryoga's responses, but they were gone. Further investigation showed that they were back in their room, along with the panda, with icepacks on their foreheads and covered by blankets. Akane growled again, then stomped off to her room to sulk.
***
Back at Ucchan's, Mousse woke up.
"Hi, Mousse-honey. You feelin' okay?"
No. It couldn't be Ukyo. How on earth did he end up here, anyway? And furthermore, where were his glasses? He knew he kept a spare pair in his sleeves… which failed to be on his arms at the moment.
"HUH?!"
"Oh, don't worry! I'm just washing it. Here are your glasses."
Mousse gratefully took the glasses and put them on. He found himself in a relatively simple room with a bed, a dresser, and a desk.
"What… what happened?"
"You just woke up after eating Akane's cooking. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. Just a bit of a headache… Was she trying to kill us?'
"Naw. Nabiki said that she never could cook. It's not her fault."
"Oh."
"You're lucky you even survived. According to Nabiki, Akane's cooking has killed lesser men. Have to remember to help her with that… Well, I have to get back to the restaurant. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs."
She left the room. Mousse lay back on the bed and thought. Ukyo *was* sort of cute. Of course, she could NEVER compare to Shampoo! No, of course, Shampoo was the only one for him. Seemed like sort of a waste, though… NO! Shampoo and only Shampoo. If Ukyo liked him, too bad. He would never be unfaithful to his one true love.
Mousse sighed and checked to see if his robe was dry yet. Then, he started to rummage through the pile of stuff next to it that had fallen out of the sleeves. There *had* to be something to counteract the love pill! All he needed was a plan… And something other than a stuffed elephant and a few stray keys to use in it.
***
Okay… That took way longer than it should have. Sorry! I'll try and get a few chapters up over vacation. I hope you enjoyed this installment of Ranma ½ WHAT?! and will actually make an effort to read the next chapter. Again, I apologize to all those who hate the pairings I'm using, the lack of a plot, or my guts in general. Please review!
***
Part 6
***
Shampoo sat on the small bed she had in her room above the Nekohanten. It was her break time, so stupid duck-boy could do the work for now. She had things to think about.
She stared at the two pictures on her lap. Her two beloved husbands. Great Grandmother had told her it was fine for her to pursue both of them. However, ultimately she would have to choose one.
At least Mousse was out of her way. She snickered, remembering the look on his face when Ukyo hugged him. Of course, Shampoo didn't really *hate* Mousse; she just didn't love him. He was always too serious when she was playing around with him. Okay, maybe she *was* being a bit mean when she dressed a dog up to look like herself and watched the two from the bushes, or pretended to be possessed by some ancient spirit that had sworn revenge on all nearsighted boys… He still thought she hated him. With any luck, they could be friends. If Mousse would just stick to Ukyo and quit bugging her…
Sighing, she returned to the pictures. Each was so wonderful and so different. How on earth was she supposed to choose one? Ranma: skilled, handsome, cute, lovable… and a pig. Ryoga: gentle, kind, strong, loyal… and a girl, too. Then, there was the matter of the Tendo girl. Though she pretended not to notice, Ryoga obviously liked her. She wasn't sure about Ranma, but he didn't seem to have any feelings toward her. He *was* her fiancé, though. Oh, well. Shampoo would definitely end up with one or the other. She would make sure of that.
***
Meanwhile, Ukyo sat behind the counter and pondered the previous events. How on EARTH did she fall for that idiot Mousse, anyway? As soon as the two had been separated, she had been overcome with the urge to imprint his face on her spatula. How could he DO that to her, anyway? How could he mistake her for that Amazon hussy? The jerk. With any luck, she wouldn't see him again for a while.
Now, I'm sure many of you expect me to have Mousse come stumbling in and something random happen. Why, I'm shocked! You really expect me to do that? Anyway, he's washing dishes in the Nekohanten and Cologne would probably smack the heck out of him with that stick of hers if he even tried to leave.
Now, back to Ukyo. Though she no longer wanted to kill Ranma for abandoning her, she wasn't sure if she still liked him. She wondered if this was a side effect of the Amazon love pill, or if she ever did… Wait a minute! Of COURSE she loved Ran-chan! And there was no way a pair of Amazons would stand between them. To prove this to herself, she quickly whipped up a deluxe okonomiyaki and headed off for the Tendo house, making sure to flip the sign by the door to "CLOSED" and locking the door behind her.
***
At the Tendo house…
"Hey, Kasumi, mind if I help with dinner tonight?"
"Of course you can, Akane," Kasumi replied, giving her one of her kind smiles, if not tinted with worry.
"Great! What should I do first?"
"Well, you can boil some water… Um, Akane? That's sulfuric acid…"
"Oh, sorry!" Akane apologized, quickly throwing the pot out the window before the acid found her skin and permanently scarred her.
"OUCH! Ahhhh! It's burning my skin off!"
"Oh, shut up you big baby! Here!"
"Bweee…"
Akane growled at this, but was determined not to be discouraged. She'd cook the best dinner yet!
"Akane, that's not salt. It's sand."
"Oops… What is all this stuff doing in the kitchen, anyway?"
"Hmmm, I'm not sure."
***
Yes! Finally, Mousse was free from the evil mummy that plagued him so! (At least for the next hour!) He began to laugh maniacally, only to be pummeled in the back of the head with heavy, blunt objects.
"Quiet, Mousse! You'll scare away the customers!"
Stupid mummy… Oh, well. He had better things to do. Much as he hated to go, he had to talk with Saotome about how to get Ukyo to leave him alone. He really, really, really didn't want to go tell Ukyo that he wasn't interested. Something about being beaten to death with an oversized spatula just didn't appeal to him.
If he could get enough money, the first thing Mousse would do would be to purchase a pair of contact lenses. How he mistook the crazy girl for his Shampoo, he had yet to figure out. Somehow, he had to get her to stop liking him. It was driving him insane! There was no way he would be worthy of Shampoo if he wasn't loyal to her, even if she was going out with TWO OTHER GUYS… Of course, they had yet to agree to go out with her, but of course they would. Shampoo was perfect! If there were anyone who said otherwise, Mousse would kill him… Of course, he would have to do that to anyone who tried to date her, too… Life's confusing, ain't it?
***
Ranma and Ryoga, curses negated, were lounging around in the back yard when Mousse appeared. He leapt over the wall… and straight into the koi pond, bumping his head on a rock and knocking himself unconscious in the process. Ranma and Ryoga sighed in unison, and Ryoga proceeded to extract the duck from the pond, retrieving the shattered glasses as well. Female Ryoga dragged the duck along towards the bathroom… actually, towards the dojo, until Ranma got up and dragged the girl by her bandana to the intended destination.
After a quick bath…
"Okay, whaddya want now, duck-boy?" Ranma demanded.
Mousse, who was wearing a spare set of Ranma's clothes, turned to Saotome. Then, he began to bow repeatedly and, sobbing, said, "You've gotta help me! How do I get rid of your fiancée? I can't take it! I love Shampoo, only Shampoo, and you got rid of Ukyo before so tell me how you did it and tell me now before she shows up or something!"
Much sweatdropping followed. Ranma was the first to recover.
"How should I know how to get her to go away? Before, Pop just stole her okonomiyaki cart and left, dragging me behind him! And anyway, she still found me! Believe me, if I knew how to get rid of her I would have one less fiancée to worry about right now!"
"Y-you can't help me?" Mousse fell to the ground. "Oh, well. I guess I can go back to China. Sure, just go back and leave Shampoo here… with… you… JERKS! You will die for what you have done to Shampoo!" Mousse shouted with renewed enthusiasm. "I may have to go back to the village, but I'm not leaving my love with YOU!"
There probably would have been much pain if Akane hadn't stepped outside at that moment.
"Oh, hi Mousse. Why are you here?"
"Uh, just had to discuss something with-"
"Hey, why don't you stay for dinner? I helped cook tonight!" she said proudly.
"Um, okay, if it isn't too much trouble," said a grateful, if not a bit confused, Mousse.
"Great! It's almost ready, so finish up what you're doing!"
"Okay. Thank you!"
"No problem. We'll probably end up with a bunch of leftovers, anyway. For some reason, we always do when I cook… See you in a few minutes, then!" Akane hurried back into the kitchen.
"You guys are *so* naïve. Of course, I guess there's no way to know about her little… sickness…"
"What is it, Nabiki?" Ranma asked.
"Oh, nothing. By the way, the phone's in the hallway if you have to call the hospital. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a business meeting with Kuno-baby."
"It can't really be that bad, can it?" Mousse asked.
"I dunno. You think Nabiki would joke about this type of thing?"
"Akane would never deliberately try to hurt us… Except maybe you, Ranma."
"Uh-huh. You're sure there's nothing between you two?"
"Of… of course not! Come on, it's time to go inside," said a blushing Ryoga.
The three hurried into the dining room… Actually, Ranma had to drag the other two so they would end up in the same room within a reasonable amount of time.
"See, doesn't it look good? I tried a new recipe, too! Lasagna, from Italy!"
"Uh… You sure that's what it's supposed to look like?" Ranma questioned.
"Well… I'm sure it tastes better than it looks," Ryoga said quickly.
This, of course, was an utterly stupid thing to say. Anyone remotely acquainted with Akane's cooking would do just about anything to get un-acquainted. Those who survived it, at least. Now, most of those attempting to consume the substance had a relatively strong stomach. Genma, Ranma, and Ryoga, who spent most of their lives traveling, quite often had to eat stuff that was barely edible, lasted the longest. The other Tendos, who had been forced to eat, had built up somewhat of a tolerance against it.
Mousse was the first to pass out. Just as Soun was about to call an ambulance, however, the doorbell rang. Ranma hurried over to answer it, only to be greeted by Ukyo.
"Hi, Ran-chan! I just came over to… What on earth happened here?"
"Akane's cooking. It seems to have claimed another victim," Ranma said sourly. He moved from the doorway, revealing Mousse.
Ukyo stared for what seemed to be a full minute. 'I do not like Mousse! I hate Mousse! Nope, no feelings except for hate! Serves him right to be poisoned! I hope he-" Ukyo's body ignored her mantra and ran over to help her beloved Mousse.
"Darling! Speak to me! Are you alive?" she questioned the unconscious form.
"Grrr… It wasn't THAT bad, was it?" Akane asked. She looked to see Ranma and Ryoga's responses, but they were gone. Further investigation showed that they were back in their room, along with the panda, with icepacks on their foreheads and covered by blankets. Akane growled again, then stomped off to her room to sulk.
***
Back at Ucchan's, Mousse woke up.
"Hi, Mousse-honey. You feelin' okay?"
No. It couldn't be Ukyo. How on earth did he end up here, anyway? And furthermore, where were his glasses? He knew he kept a spare pair in his sleeves… which failed to be on his arms at the moment.
"HUH?!"
"Oh, don't worry! I'm just washing it. Here are your glasses."
Mousse gratefully took the glasses and put them on. He found himself in a relatively simple room with a bed, a dresser, and a desk.
"What… what happened?"
"You just woke up after eating Akane's cooking. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. Just a bit of a headache… Was she trying to kill us?'
"Naw. Nabiki said that she never could cook. It's not her fault."
"Oh."
"You're lucky you even survived. According to Nabiki, Akane's cooking has killed lesser men. Have to remember to help her with that… Well, I have to get back to the restaurant. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs."
She left the room. Mousse lay back on the bed and thought. Ukyo *was* sort of cute. Of course, she could NEVER compare to Shampoo! No, of course, Shampoo was the only one for him. Seemed like sort of a waste, though… NO! Shampoo and only Shampoo. If Ukyo liked him, too bad. He would never be unfaithful to his one true love.
Mousse sighed and checked to see if his robe was dry yet. Then, he started to rummage through the pile of stuff next to it that had fallen out of the sleeves. There *had* to be something to counteract the love pill! All he needed was a plan… And something other than a stuffed elephant and a few stray keys to use in it.
***
Okay… That took way longer than it should have. Sorry! I'll try and get a few chapters up over vacation. I hope you enjoyed this installment of Ranma ½ WHAT?! and will actually make an effort to read the next chapter. Again, I apologize to all those who hate the pairings I'm using, the lack of a plot, or my guts in general. Please review!
