Scene Two:
At Buffy's house. Everyone is spreading joy, oh god. Dawn drags Spike in through door.

Xander: Look, Dawn's back...with Spike. I thought we sent her out for milk and eggs...next time we're sending a list, who's with me?

Anya: I'm with you 'cause I love you.

Xander: [to Spike, rubbing it in his face] She loves me.

Spike: Oh great. Can I a brides maid? Xander's such a woman it's like too 'girly' couples. Actually, Willow's more of a man than Xander. Hell, that inanimate Christmas tree is more of a man than Xander.

Anya: Hey, he's a man! He has more man in his pants than you do.

Spike: [laughing manically, to Dawn] I was wrong, Thank you for bringing me here Niblet. I do feel better, in fact everything's coming up Spi...[sees Buffy enter] I stand corrected

Buffy: And you're here because?

Spike [clears throat, says to Buffy]: You piss me off, you make me sick, bring joy to my world, go suck a dick. He's right over there [points to Xander] And apparently he has a man in his pants.

[Buffy looks at Spike, quite disgusted]

Anya: And it's big too.

Xander [makes horrified Xander face]: Anya! What did we talk about?! Wrong place, wrong time!

Spike: There's a right place and a right time? Well, that's just pants.

Xander: [to Spike] What?

Spike: Nothing...

Buffy [looks at Dawn]: You brought him here? Why?

Dawn [holds Spike's arm, cowers a little behind him]: Well, he's lonely...no one should be alone on Christmas.

Spike: [says ala Tiny Tim] And god blesses everyone. [Buffy gives him a dirty look. Spike sniffs] Something burning luv?

Buffy: [horrified] Oh no! My pie! [she flees to kitchen to save pie...because well, its pie]

Spike [looks at Dawn]: I don't have to eat her cooking do I?

Xander: You can if you believe you can.

Spike: Well...Zoinks.

[Spike walks into Kitchen to see Buffy struggling to revive pie]

Spike: I think we gotta call it pet [looks at clock] pie died at...

Buffy: It didn't die its...Cajun.

Spike: Cajun? Yes, I see. Well, maybe if we scrape off the burnt bits...

Buffy: Think you can do better?

Spike: In a New York bloody minute. This [gestures to burned pie] is your "Cajun" pie. I'll make another pie and we'll let Tom Dubley and all give it a try and tell us which one tastes more nummy.

Buffy: Nummy? And how old are we?

[Spike shoots Buffy an exasperated look. Dawn pops her head into the room]

Dawn: Whatcha doing?

Buffy: Apparently I can't bake pie and Spike thinks he can do better...well, we're going to find out.

Dawn: [jovial] oooh, a bake off. Can I help?

Spike: Well, I don't see the harm. It'll be a 'Little Bit' of 'Spikey' pie.

[From outside Xander calls: "What pie?"]

Spike: We're not making pie, we're making blood pudding.

Dawn: [adds] The key ingrediant is blood.

[Xander from outside: He's warping her! Didn't I tell you?
Anya [also outside]: Less talking, more kissing.]

Spike: God, I can hear them smacking.

Buffy: If it helps you...Willow and Tara are all kissy kissy too.

Spike: Well that doesn't bother me so much as [covers Dawn's ears] Xander's apparent sex life. [he shudders. Buffy looks at him oddly as he uncovers Dawn's ears] What? She's wee, she doesn't need to know about that kind of thing yet.

Dawn: I know I may be young, but I know what you're talking about.

Spike: Humor an old man...

Dawn: You're not old.

Spike: I'm a hundred twenty odd years old, pet.

Dawn: [says in amusingly defiant voice] Well, you're not old until you reach two hundred.

Spike: [laughs] When did you decide this? [Dawn shrugs and grins. Spike turns to Buffy] Right, out of my kitchen.

[Buffy walks out]

Dawn: We'll just see which is better, slayer pie or a little bit of spikey pie.

Spike: [grins at Dawn] Did I ever tell you you're a wee bit of alright? [they begin to make the pie. By the, he's not hitting on her, he's a father figure....but if that's what you were thinking than go to the corner where you belong, you sick bastard.]