Everybody makes their way to the small table underneath the window and
peers out while ignoring Qui-Gon's pleas to "Stay calm, everyone!" He
finally gives up. "Uh, meeting adjourned." Several humanoids can be seen
through the window, all carrying wrapped gifts.
"Will you take a look at all those presents?"
"We're going to be bantha fodder for sure."
"Any Toydarian-shaped ones?"
"They're all in boxes, you idiot!"
"We're doomed!"
Qui-Gon stands by listening to all of the panicking voices. He shakes his head at them. "All right! If I send out the troops will you calm down?"
Yoda nods. "Use your noodle you did." (AN: Just be sure you think with the head here, not lower. LOL!)
Qui-Gon turns to Captain Panaka and his troops. Establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You now what to do!"
Captain Panaka nods. "Yes, sir! All right men, let's go. Code Red. Move out!"
The Captain and his troops head downstairs with a walkie talkie in tow while Qui-Gon gives orders to help set the second walkie talkie up. Within minutes, the troops are downstairs setting up, hiding when any of the family or guests might be able to see them. Looking past one of the leaves of the plant they were hiding under, Captain Panaka turns on the walkie talkie.
"Charlene's opening the first present now." Captain Panaka's voice came over the walkie talkie. Everybody quiets down, ears tune in.
"It's a female padawan. It's a female padawan." Qui-Gon turns, giving Obi- Wan an odd look. Obi-Wan blushes slightly. "I can dream, can't I?" Qui- Gon just shakes his head.
"It's...it's...it's...it's a Star Wars collectible lunchbox." Everybody lets out a sigh of relief and then hold their breaths again and await the annoucnement of the next present.
"Second present. Okay, it's bedsheets." Another sigh of relief and holding of breath...this process continues all the way through the opening of the presents.
(Dining room) "Oh. Only one left."
(Bedroom) "Okay, we're on the last present now."
"Last present! It's a big one. It's a...it's a board game!"
Everybody lets out a last sigh of relief. "Yeah. All right!"
The crowd starts to break up when Captain Panaka's voice comes back over the walkie talkie.
"Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet. Charlene's opening it. She's really excited about this one. It's a...oh Mom is in the way!"
Obi-Wan has climbed up next to the walkie talkie and is shaking it. "What is it!" He screams at the electronic toy. It tips over too far and crashes to the floor where the battery door pops open and the batteries spill onto the floor. Obi-Wan looks down at the mess he's caused, his mouth gaping open in horror. All falls silent as everybody stares at it, as well.
Yoda breaks the silence. "Padawan, sexually frustrated he is. Not to be near electrical appliances he is not."
Everybody suddenly springs to life as several of the toys scramble to put the batteries back in their rightful places. Qui-Gon, after a scolding look to Obi-Wan, jumps down and does it himself. Watto and Anikan help Qui- Gon pull the walkie talkie to an upright position and they hear Captain Panaka's frantic voice coming over loud and clear.
"Charlene is coming upstairs. Resume your positions now!"
Qui-Gon quickly shuts off the walkie talkie as everybody scatters, hurrying back to where they were. At the last second, Qui-Gon pulls himself up the bedspread and falla, slumped over, on the bed. Charlene and several party attendees come rushing into the room, yelling excitedly.
A voice calls up the stairs, Charlene's Dad. "Come on down guys! It's time for games!"
Charlene drops something onto the bed and Qui-Gon is pushed off the other side. The room empties as quickly as it was filled. Toys come out again and cautiously approach the bed, eager to see what's up there.
"What is it?"
"Can you see it?"
"What the heck is up there?"
"Qui-Gon, who's up there with ya?"
Qui-Gon crawls out from under the bed.
"Qui-Gon, what are you doing under the bed?"
"Uh, nothin'. I'm sure Charlene was just a little excited, that's all. Too much cake and ice cream, I suppose. It was just a mistake."
"Yeah, well that mistake is sitting in your spot, Qui-Gon."
"Oh, have you been replaced."
Qui-Gon's replaces his slightly hurt look with an annoyed one. "Hey, what did I tell you earlier," he snaps.
"No one is getting replaced." He takes a few deeps breaths and calms down.
"Now, let's all be polite and give whatever it is up there... a nice, big Charlene's-room welcome."
Qui-Gon adjusts he cloak and starts up the bedspread. He peeks over the top and sees nothing but a dark shape turned away from him.
Darth Maul looks around his new surroundings for a minute and then he focuses his attention to a silver bracelet on his wrist and punches a button.
Maul turns to look at his ship, laying carelessly against a pillow, upside down.
"My ship! Blast! This'll take weeks to repair."
"Mission log, stardate 4-0-7-2. My ship has run off course en route to Coruscant. I've crash-landed on a strange planet. Terrain seems a bit unstable and very odd. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere."
Suddenly, Qui-Gon jumps into his line of sight.
"Greetings."
Maul, taken by surprise, jumps backwards into a not-too-perfect fighting stance, ready to attack.
Qui-Gon holds up his hands in immediate surrender.
"Whoa! He-Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. My name is Qui-Gon Jinn...and this is Charlene's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see-- the bed here."
Maul relaxes and resumes his standing position while he looks at Qui-Gon.
Maul begins to explain his situation. "My ship has crash-landed here by mistake."
Qui-Gon jumps in. "Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot." He motions with his hands at the spot where Maul's ship rests.
Maul continues as though he hasn't even heard him. "I need to repair my turbo boosters."
As Maul is inquiring about what power resources there might be the rest of the toys, impatient, make their way to the top of the bed. Maul sees them slowly approaching behind Qui-Gon. Maul grabs Qui-Gon and throws him down, jumps over him and lands in his fighting stance.
"Who goes there?"
Everybody ducks and shrinks back. Qui-Gon quickly gets up and steps between the two.
"Whoa. It's okay. Friends."
Maul gives Qui-Gon a suspicious look. "You know these lifeforms?"
Qui-Gon looks at him with a "Duh, of course!" look on his face. "Yes. They're Charlene's toys," he says slowly as if it might take a while to make sense.
Qui-Gon turns to the skittish toys behind him as Maul steps forward.
Maul waves his hand for them to come closer. "All right, everyone. You're clear to come out. I am Darth Maul, Dark Lord of the Sith. I come in a troubled frame of mind." (AN: I come in peace just didn't really seem to fit this guy!)
Watto flies forward, happy as a Wookie. "Oh, I'm so glad you're not a Toydarian."
Maul nods to everyone. "Thank you for your kind welcome."
Anakin is standing beside Maul, looking at a little red button on the bracelet. "Hey, what's this do?" Anakin points at it.
Maul looks down and pushes it and a recording of his voice comes out. "Yes, my master."
"Hey, Qui-Gon's got something like that. His is a pull string, only it..." Watto says before he is interrupted by Yoda.
"Sounds like a transport ran over it, it does. Quality sound system this is."
Qui-Gon's annoyed look returns.
Obi-Wan changes the subject. "So, uh, where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?"
"No. I'm actually from Iridonia originally but now I reside on Coruscant, when not on my ship, that is."
Qui-Gon gaze travels to the ship, which was actually just a box in the shape of a Sith Infiltrator. On the back was a description of Maul.
Maul continues, "I am a Sith, bound by my honor to do the bidding of my master at any cost."
Qui-Gon is reading the exact same thing off the back of the box.
"Oh, really? I'm from Hasbro," Obi-Wan says.
"And I'm from Mattel."
Qui-Gon stands off to the side, mumbling to himself. "You'd think they'd never seen a new toy before."
Amidala comes up beside him. "Well, sure, look at him. He's got more gadgets on him than a Swiss Jedi knife."
Anakin was now looking at the oddly long cylinder on Maul's belt and he reaches out a hand to touch it. Maul swats his hand away. "Don't fool around with my lightsaber."
"Hey, a lightsaber! Qui-Gon, how come you don't have a lightsaber."
Qui-Gon doesn't answer that question. He knows where it is, out of sight that's where. It didn't actually work anyway. It was just plastic.
"It's not a lightsaber, it's just a small piece of plastic," Qui-Gon says defensively.
Anikan looks at R2 D2. "What's with him?"
Watto answers. "Eh, lightsaber envy."
Qui-Gon's excellent hearing picks that up. "All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Charlene's new toy."
Maul face takes on a puzzled look. "Toy?"
Qui-Gon turns toward him. "Yeah. T-O-Y. Toy!"
"I think the words you're searching for is Sith Lord."
Qui-Gon scowls. "The words I'm searching for I can't say because there are young toys present." Meaning Anakin.
"Getting tense you are, Qui-Gon." Yoda says, meaning to be helpful.
"Oh, uh, Darth Maul." Watto comes flying closer. "I'm curious. What does a Sith Lord actually do?"
Qui-Gon steps back into the conversation. "He's not a Sith Lord! He doesn't have a lightsaber that actually works and...and he doesn't really know how to fight. A toy doesn't take tae kwon do lessons."
Maul defensively pulls himself up to his full height. "Yes, I can."
Qui-Gon steps closer to him. "No, you can't."
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't!"
"Can."
"Can't. Can't. Can't I tell you."
"Okay, Mr. Baggy Pants. Prove it!"
"Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan calls for his attention.
Maul sends a clumsy kick to a unprepared Qui-Gon's stomach, who is on the ground in a millisecond. While Qui-Gon is busy falling, Maul struggles to regain his balance.
"Will you take a look at all those presents?"
"We're going to be bantha fodder for sure."
"Any Toydarian-shaped ones?"
"They're all in boxes, you idiot!"
"We're doomed!"
Qui-Gon stands by listening to all of the panicking voices. He shakes his head at them. "All right! If I send out the troops will you calm down?"
Yoda nods. "Use your noodle you did." (AN: Just be sure you think with the head here, not lower. LOL!)
Qui-Gon turns to Captain Panaka and his troops. Establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You now what to do!"
Captain Panaka nods. "Yes, sir! All right men, let's go. Code Red. Move out!"
The Captain and his troops head downstairs with a walkie talkie in tow while Qui-Gon gives orders to help set the second walkie talkie up. Within minutes, the troops are downstairs setting up, hiding when any of the family or guests might be able to see them. Looking past one of the leaves of the plant they were hiding under, Captain Panaka turns on the walkie talkie.
"Charlene's opening the first present now." Captain Panaka's voice came over the walkie talkie. Everybody quiets down, ears tune in.
"It's a female padawan. It's a female padawan." Qui-Gon turns, giving Obi- Wan an odd look. Obi-Wan blushes slightly. "I can dream, can't I?" Qui- Gon just shakes his head.
"It's...it's...it's...it's a Star Wars collectible lunchbox." Everybody lets out a sigh of relief and then hold their breaths again and await the annoucnement of the next present.
"Second present. Okay, it's bedsheets." Another sigh of relief and holding of breath...this process continues all the way through the opening of the presents.
(Dining room) "Oh. Only one left."
(Bedroom) "Okay, we're on the last present now."
"Last present! It's a big one. It's a...it's a board game!"
Everybody lets out a last sigh of relief. "Yeah. All right!"
The crowd starts to break up when Captain Panaka's voice comes back over the walkie talkie.
"Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet. Charlene's opening it. She's really excited about this one. It's a...oh Mom is in the way!"
Obi-Wan has climbed up next to the walkie talkie and is shaking it. "What is it!" He screams at the electronic toy. It tips over too far and crashes to the floor where the battery door pops open and the batteries spill onto the floor. Obi-Wan looks down at the mess he's caused, his mouth gaping open in horror. All falls silent as everybody stares at it, as well.
Yoda breaks the silence. "Padawan, sexually frustrated he is. Not to be near electrical appliances he is not."
Everybody suddenly springs to life as several of the toys scramble to put the batteries back in their rightful places. Qui-Gon, after a scolding look to Obi-Wan, jumps down and does it himself. Watto and Anikan help Qui- Gon pull the walkie talkie to an upright position and they hear Captain Panaka's frantic voice coming over loud and clear.
"Charlene is coming upstairs. Resume your positions now!"
Qui-Gon quickly shuts off the walkie talkie as everybody scatters, hurrying back to where they were. At the last second, Qui-Gon pulls himself up the bedspread and falla, slumped over, on the bed. Charlene and several party attendees come rushing into the room, yelling excitedly.
A voice calls up the stairs, Charlene's Dad. "Come on down guys! It's time for games!"
Charlene drops something onto the bed and Qui-Gon is pushed off the other side. The room empties as quickly as it was filled. Toys come out again and cautiously approach the bed, eager to see what's up there.
"What is it?"
"Can you see it?"
"What the heck is up there?"
"Qui-Gon, who's up there with ya?"
Qui-Gon crawls out from under the bed.
"Qui-Gon, what are you doing under the bed?"
"Uh, nothin'. I'm sure Charlene was just a little excited, that's all. Too much cake and ice cream, I suppose. It was just a mistake."
"Yeah, well that mistake is sitting in your spot, Qui-Gon."
"Oh, have you been replaced."
Qui-Gon's replaces his slightly hurt look with an annoyed one. "Hey, what did I tell you earlier," he snaps.
"No one is getting replaced." He takes a few deeps breaths and calms down.
"Now, let's all be polite and give whatever it is up there... a nice, big Charlene's-room welcome."
Qui-Gon adjusts he cloak and starts up the bedspread. He peeks over the top and sees nothing but a dark shape turned away from him.
Darth Maul looks around his new surroundings for a minute and then he focuses his attention to a silver bracelet on his wrist and punches a button.
Maul turns to look at his ship, laying carelessly against a pillow, upside down.
"My ship! Blast! This'll take weeks to repair."
"Mission log, stardate 4-0-7-2. My ship has run off course en route to Coruscant. I've crash-landed on a strange planet. Terrain seems a bit unstable and very odd. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere."
Suddenly, Qui-Gon jumps into his line of sight.
"Greetings."
Maul, taken by surprise, jumps backwards into a not-too-perfect fighting stance, ready to attack.
Qui-Gon holds up his hands in immediate surrender.
"Whoa! He-Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. My name is Qui-Gon Jinn...and this is Charlene's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see-- the bed here."
Maul relaxes and resumes his standing position while he looks at Qui-Gon.
Maul begins to explain his situation. "My ship has crash-landed here by mistake."
Qui-Gon jumps in. "Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot." He motions with his hands at the spot where Maul's ship rests.
Maul continues as though he hasn't even heard him. "I need to repair my turbo boosters."
As Maul is inquiring about what power resources there might be the rest of the toys, impatient, make their way to the top of the bed. Maul sees them slowly approaching behind Qui-Gon. Maul grabs Qui-Gon and throws him down, jumps over him and lands in his fighting stance.
"Who goes there?"
Everybody ducks and shrinks back. Qui-Gon quickly gets up and steps between the two.
"Whoa. It's okay. Friends."
Maul gives Qui-Gon a suspicious look. "You know these lifeforms?"
Qui-Gon looks at him with a "Duh, of course!" look on his face. "Yes. They're Charlene's toys," he says slowly as if it might take a while to make sense.
Qui-Gon turns to the skittish toys behind him as Maul steps forward.
Maul waves his hand for them to come closer. "All right, everyone. You're clear to come out. I am Darth Maul, Dark Lord of the Sith. I come in a troubled frame of mind." (AN: I come in peace just didn't really seem to fit this guy!)
Watto flies forward, happy as a Wookie. "Oh, I'm so glad you're not a Toydarian."
Maul nods to everyone. "Thank you for your kind welcome."
Anakin is standing beside Maul, looking at a little red button on the bracelet. "Hey, what's this do?" Anakin points at it.
Maul looks down and pushes it and a recording of his voice comes out. "Yes, my master."
"Hey, Qui-Gon's got something like that. His is a pull string, only it..." Watto says before he is interrupted by Yoda.
"Sounds like a transport ran over it, it does. Quality sound system this is."
Qui-Gon's annoyed look returns.
Obi-Wan changes the subject. "So, uh, where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?"
"No. I'm actually from Iridonia originally but now I reside on Coruscant, when not on my ship, that is."
Qui-Gon gaze travels to the ship, which was actually just a box in the shape of a Sith Infiltrator. On the back was a description of Maul.
Maul continues, "I am a Sith, bound by my honor to do the bidding of my master at any cost."
Qui-Gon is reading the exact same thing off the back of the box.
"Oh, really? I'm from Hasbro," Obi-Wan says.
"And I'm from Mattel."
Qui-Gon stands off to the side, mumbling to himself. "You'd think they'd never seen a new toy before."
Amidala comes up beside him. "Well, sure, look at him. He's got more gadgets on him than a Swiss Jedi knife."
Anakin was now looking at the oddly long cylinder on Maul's belt and he reaches out a hand to touch it. Maul swats his hand away. "Don't fool around with my lightsaber."
"Hey, a lightsaber! Qui-Gon, how come you don't have a lightsaber."
Qui-Gon doesn't answer that question. He knows where it is, out of sight that's where. It didn't actually work anyway. It was just plastic.
"It's not a lightsaber, it's just a small piece of plastic," Qui-Gon says defensively.
Anikan looks at R2 D2. "What's with him?"
Watto answers. "Eh, lightsaber envy."
Qui-Gon's excellent hearing picks that up. "All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Charlene's new toy."
Maul face takes on a puzzled look. "Toy?"
Qui-Gon turns toward him. "Yeah. T-O-Y. Toy!"
"I think the words you're searching for is Sith Lord."
Qui-Gon scowls. "The words I'm searching for I can't say because there are young toys present." Meaning Anakin.
"Getting tense you are, Qui-Gon." Yoda says, meaning to be helpful.
"Oh, uh, Darth Maul." Watto comes flying closer. "I'm curious. What does a Sith Lord actually do?"
Qui-Gon steps back into the conversation. "He's not a Sith Lord! He doesn't have a lightsaber that actually works and...and he doesn't really know how to fight. A toy doesn't take tae kwon do lessons."
Maul defensively pulls himself up to his full height. "Yes, I can."
Qui-Gon steps closer to him. "No, you can't."
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't!"
"Can."
"Can't. Can't. Can't I tell you."
"Okay, Mr. Baggy Pants. Prove it!"
"Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan calls for his attention.
Maul sends a clumsy kick to a unprepared Qui-Gon's stomach, who is on the ground in a millisecond. While Qui-Gon is busy falling, Maul struggles to regain his balance.
