A Jedi Padawan writes up a list of ways to annoy a certain Jedi Master....
Written in my moment of pure boredom...
Title: Top Ten Ways to Annoy Your Master
Author: silver_dragon
1. Say the word 'master' at the end of each sentence. It doesn't show respect, it simply annoys them.
"Master can we go now?" Obi-Wan asked. "Master, it's late. We really should be going, Master. Hey, Master, did you just hear a word I said, Master?"
"Padawan?"
"Yes, Master?"
"Stop saying the word 'master.'"
"But, Master - "
"I'm warning you . . .."
"Okay, Qui-Gon. So, can we go now, Qui-Gon? Are you annoyed, Qui-Gon? Qui-Gon, I really should shut up shouldn't I? But, Qui-Gon, I'm not saying the word 'master' at all . . . you really have no reason to be angry . . .."
2. Nod yes and say, "I understand" when they're delivering their lectures and at the end, say, "Thank you for teaching me that. I will do my best to endeavor to your teachings." After a few lectures and the same reply, they'll get the point that you aren't listening. Which of course will deliver more lectures and more lectures, but to spend the time, imagine your master delivering this speech naked in front of the Council . . .
" - and so, you should always appreciate the simple things in life that we enjoy everyday. Food, Obi-Wan, is something that some in the galaxy do not have."
"Thank you for teaching me that, Master. I will do my best to endeavor to your teachings."
" - meditation is really a form of relaxing your brain. I don't see how you hate it so much. Really, without meditation, you would be without a strong connection to the Force."
"Thank you for teaching me that. I will do my best to endeavor to your teachings, Master."
" - you should never be eager for action. Excitement and adventure are two things a Jedi does not crave. To do, would lead to the Dark Side."
"Thank you for teaching me that, Master. I will do my best to endeavor to your teachings."
" - therefore, to mock your Master's valuable lessons is showing disrespect for the code that you made to me at the beginning of your apprenticeship."
"Thank you for teaching me that, Master. I will do my best to endeavor to your teachings."
"PADAWAN!"
Okay, naked Qui-Gon in front of the Council . . . Sith! Is he sensing my feelings?
"OH YOU ARE SO DEAD, OBI-WAN!"
Yup, I think he is. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Whenever they say "Sith!" remind them that they're pronouncing it wrong and it really should be "Shit!"
"Sith! Obi-Wan, what did you do with my tunics?"
"Actually, it should be shit, Master. You're pronouncing the word wrong."
"You say the word shit again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap."
"But you just said it!"
"Sith hells, Obi-Wan!"
"It's shit, Qui-Gon! Shit!"
4. On every mission, say "I have a bad feeling about this . . . "
"Master? I have a bad feeling about this . . .."
"Master? I have a bad feeling about this . . .."
"Master? I have a bad feeling about this . . .."
"Master? I have a bad feeling about this . . .."
"Master? I have a bad feeling about this too . . .."
"Keep on saying that and that won't be the last bad thing that feel today."
5. Right after they tell you not to activate your lightsaber until Stage Five, ask them, "So, do I activate my lightsaber at the beginning of the move?"
6. Whenever they get annoyed at you, remind them that annoyance leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering . . .
7. "Master, is it true you were once my age and exactly like me? So does that mean one day I'll be really crabby, gray, and smell like bantha poodoo?"
8. Whenever they show impatience, inform them that patience is an unwritten part of the Jedi Code and that they should mediate a few hours as punishment.
9. "I fried my lightsaber in your goldfish tank. Is that okay?"
10. "Hey, Master, how come you're in your bedroom, you've been there for several hours, and you're groaning really loudly? Are you asleep yet?"
