'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE SOLSTICE
by Jrpanther
DISCLAIMER: Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo, Hercules, Iolaus, Jason and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series' Xena: Warrior Princess, and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright (2001) of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.
Author's Note: This is clearly a winter solstice tale. A number of characters pulling together for a bit of christmasy fun. I will try to keep the moralistic nonsense to a minimum. "A Dark Day" by me was referenced in this story but it is not imperative that you read that story first. Thanks go out to Beckers for her feedback on the progress of this story, and to Warrior Queen 1049 who helped me out with some Hercisms. Last but not least in the thank-you department, as always, my trusty pal Ramleaf is always a great help. And one last thing — yes, I realize that this weather is, shall we say, uncommon for the hot, southern country of Greece. But what can ya do? It's a fricken Christmas story.
Violence: Zilch.
Sex: Mild steam. More likely to gross you out with its doe-eyed cutesieness.(PG 13)
Language: A few unsavoury things said, but no four-letter words.
Subtext: Zip.
Episodes Referenced: The Royal Couple of Thieves, Remember Nothing, Return of Callisto, A Solstice Carol, Destiny, The Quest, A Necessary Evil, A Day in the Life, The Furies, The King of Assassins
Solstice Day
Rebecca and Cyrene had been up for a good candlemark or two when the morning sun broke free from the horizon, bathing the sky in its subtle pink and orange hues. The wooden sign with the word closed' etched into it had been placed outside the door, to keep away any non-related patrons. Winter Solstice was a time for family and close friends.
The sounds were that of the clinking of kitchen utensils and a crackling fire. The meal being prepared was a big one. Most of it had been taken care of, but the main items like the roast ham, rack of lamb, and goose still had to be dealt with. Cyrene had been lucky to find the biggest, fattest goose she'd ever seen, and promptly purchased it from the market, squawking and flapping its wings as she carried it home. The doomed creature had spent the last few days in a pen just outside the tavern, and Cyrene, wielding a large kitchen knife, had just stepped out to slaughter it for the meal.
Autolycus was the first of the guests to descend down the stairs that morning. Being the first to go to sleep the night before, the King of Thieves was feeling extremely well rested. He stretched languorously before making his way into the kitchen that managed to bustle with the work of just one small blonde. She was busy chopping onions and garlic to place about the peppered lamb racks that were marinating in a glass dish.
He sauntered in casually and quietly. She startled when he spoke: "Hello, my sweet."
The knife clattered on the cutting board as she spun around, "You scared me"
"Apologies, it's what I do best, I suppose. Taking people by surprise. It's my career of choice."
The blonde was clearly not too impressed.
Hmmm. She is going to be more difficult to woo than I thought, he mused, fingering his beard. Usually my bad boy appeal is enough. Couple that with my good looks and charm He put his hand in his pocket and felt the necklace inside.
A great amount of bashing and crashing could be heard as Joxer made his way down the stairs, riding them like a carpet. "Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay" he finished before toppling, the hardwood floor rushing towards him and clonking him on the noggin. A groan escaped his half-open lips. The sound of footsteps scampering around him made him lift his head dozily, only to see Cyrene standing over him with a bloodied kitchen knife, her apron covered in suspect red stains.
The warrior wannabe shrieked and jumped to his feet, before Cyrene cried, "No no! It's from the Solstice goose!"
By that time, the King of Thieves and Rebecca had made their way out from the kitchen to see the trembling, still slightly concussed man standing hunched before them. Rebecca approached him carefully. "Are you okay?" she asked with concern, watching as the man teetered to and fro. She held her arms out to steady him.
"Yeah," he slurred, his voice wavering.
She helped Joxer over to the couch and bent over him, taking her time feeling his forehead. His vision began to clear and he suddenly realized that there was a beautiful woman standing in front of him. While he wouldn't deny it was a pleasant sight, the memories it brought back were embarrassing and he began to panic. He averted his eyes as best he could, and in doing so, noted that Lila was now standing behind him with her arms folded and a stern look on her face that was only betrayed by the sparkle of fresh tears in her eyes. She had clearly seen where his blurry, unseeing gaze had landed. Sheesh! Why do I keep screwing up, he chastised himself sorrowfully as the Poteidaian brunette simply walked away.
"Excuse me, sorry," he said, still dazed, as he nudged Rebecca out of the way to amble after Lila. A massive headache had spread across his entire cranium. He could hardly see, let alone fix what he ruined with his idiocy. "Where did she go?" he demanded, clutching at his forehead and trying to make sense of the spinning room. The arms seemed to point in all directions, but thankfully, one helpful voice said "left," and Joxer turned left, wobbling slightly as he made his way in the direction she had gone.
The crowd was coming together well that morning. Cyrene had killed and cleaned the goose, and was now taking a moment for herself to change out of her bloody apron and have a bath. Rebecca was whipping up a butter sauce for Iphicles' vegetables, and even Autolycus was helping with the cheeses. Iolaus and Hercules, having come down the stairs not too long after Lila, vowed to stay out of the kitchen and help in other ways. They were most certainly not heroes of a culinary nature.
Hercules looked up from his table settings towards the stairs, where shouting could be heard. He couldn't make out the words, but an angry exchange was going on and Hercules put his denars on the culprits being Hower and Minya.
"Not morning people, are they Herc," Iolaus quipped, peering up the darkened stairway.
"I should go up there and break it up, shouldn't I," said Hercules with a sigh. That was truly the last thing the son of Zeus needed.
"Guess so," grinned Iolaus, punching his friend playfully on the arm, nearly dropping the silverware he kept in the other hand.
"Why don't you do it, Iolaus? You seem to be in a really good mood."
Iolaus then laughed. "No way, Herc! That's your department! I'll stick to being the good looking one who charms all the women, okay?"
The demigod had just put down the cloth napkin to make his way up the stairs when he heard the sound of heavy footsteps. It was Hower. Not an especially tall man, but his stomps could have woken the whole inn.
He must be pretty ticked off, thought Iolaus, watching the balding man as he sat heavily in his seat, sulking with his arms folded over his chest.
"Hower, Hower! You get back here!" demanded the taller of the arguing pair as she lumbered down the stairs. "Oh! Oh Hercules," she said, her facial expression changing in an instant from seething anger to dreamy. "Good morning," she cooed, sashaying up to the muscular man and linking her arm in his.
Iolaus began to giggle surreptitiously, much to the demigod's annoyance. Minya shot a look at the hunter, then cringed in his direction. "Eeuuww. What happened to your face!"
"That's not important." Iolaus dropped his giggle and folded his arms defensively, looking somewhat grumpy.
"Minya"
"Yes, Hercules?" The dark haired dominatrix breathed, leaning into Hercules so her chest squashed against his arm. He carefully untangled from her claw-like grasp, trying to communicate with her that he just wasn't interested.
"What's he got that I don't," grunted Hower, standing up from his seat and striding over to Hercules. "I mean, Zeus, he may be tall"
"Handsome" supplied Minya, gazing dreamily at the demigod. "Smart-"
"You don't know that, how can you know that? You've met Hercules for five minutes and you can't possibly know if he's smart."
"Smarter than you, farmer boy. That hussy you're so fond of, isn't she upstairs? You know, the one you dream about?"
"You'd better not be talking about Xena." Hercules' eyes darkened and the large-ish woman gave him a backhand that would have been vicious if he hadn't been a half-god. As he was, the smack felt like it had come from somebody's grandma's grandma.
"That wench!" she boomed. "She's taken another one from me. I just know it! Xena, I'll turn your backside into burger meat!"
Iolaus stood back, fighting a losing battle to keep a straight face as Hercules grasped at Minya's wrists, holding them firmly. Minya began to melt, her eyelashes fluttering seductively at the demigod. "That masculine grip," she said breathily, not even realizing that the words had processed any further than her own mind.
The golden hunter was almost about to explode with laughter. He quickly excused himself from Hercules' side and Minya's field of view sidling up to the King of Thieves who was leaning on the doorframe that entered into the kitchen. "What's going on?" he whispered to the moustached man.
"You know how girls get when they meet Hercules. They go all strange."
"Yeah, I know. And on Winter Solstice too. What a shame." Iolaus leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest as he continued to watch the display.
"Oh, they're not the only ones," continued Autolycus in hushed tones. "Joxer and Lila, too. They had some kind of fight too. Joxer chased after her when she stormed out just before you came down."
"Maybe I'll go see how he's doing."
"He went thattaway," directed the King of Thieves, pointing left. "By the way, what happened to your face?"
"Oh, it's nothing, really" shrugged Iolaus, inwardly cringing at the large purple mark he knew resided in a dark patch around his nose. He quickly thanked Autolycus for his directions and made his way silently out of the room. Autolycus leaned back and continued to watch the exchange in amusement.
"I don't think you want to take on Xena. Besides, I was never yours." Hercules leveled an intimidating, authoritative look at Minya with the intent of silencing her. It only served to fuel the fire.
"How can you say that, after"
"After what?!" snorted Hower, placing his hands on his hips and trying to stand up to the son of Zeus. "Those steamy dreams you keep having about Hercules? Hate to break it to you Minya, but they're not real!" He stood back with a satisfied smirk.
"No, no.." shouted Minya, before Cyrene, much to everyone's relief, charged into the room and interrupted her:
"Everyone just calm down!"
*
Joxer searched every archway frantically, until he found the softly sobbing girl sitting in the same storage room where she'd bandaged his arm. She was sitting on the crate, her shoulders hunched over as she cried into her hands. "Lila?" he said quietly, knocking on the door that was slightly ajar.
"Go away, Joxer."
"Please" he begged, his heart felt like it was being pulled from every which direction. "Let me talk to you?"
"I don't have anything to say to you," she said, turning her face away from him.
Despite her refusal, he stepped inside. "Just let me explain myself."
Her eyes flashed with anger as she turned again towards him. "Fine. Say what you will. It had better be good, Joxer."
"It is, I promise. I wrote you a note. I was going to give it to you. But I tripped over something"
"And landed with your face in my in my" she couldn't quite finish her sentence.
"Well, yeah." Joxer rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he began to break out into a sweat.
"Show me the note then."
"Sure, sure" he said, rummaging around in his pockets. "It's in here. Just give me a sec." She didn't look too patient, and that made Joxer's frenzied search even heavier with pressure. He almost cursed, but caught himself. "It was here when I left your room. It was here! In this pocket!" he gestured, continuing the fruitless search through his baggy clothing. Just perfect, he thought to himself.
"Nice try, Joxer," sighed the girl sadly, before standing up and taking her leave.
Joxer just sat there and tried to absorb what had just happened. He rested his chin in his palms and took a deep breath. You're such an idiot, he scolded himself. Why did you have to trip over her boot, and land there of all places. And now she thinks you're a liar as well as a pervert. Great!
"Denar for your thoughts?" A curly blonde head poked through the crack in the door.
Joxer simply shrugged and sighed before squinting at the hunter with a semi-disgusted expression. "What happened to your face?"
"Can we just leave that for a moment?" Iolaus said with some irritation, "Didn't go too well, did it?"
"Not really, no," said Joxer indignantly, picking up a small roll of bandage that had been left sitting on the crate from the night before and chucked it rather anticlimactically against the wall.
"I could tell. She looked pretty angry. I saw her storm out." He paused, and took a seat on the crate opposite the bumbler. "Joxer, women act in strange ways. They're mysteries, every one."
"You seem to know all the answers with women," he spat, "why don't you give me some of them?" He frowned at his words, "Sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just"
"I know. There really isn't a lot of difference between us, Joxer. Like you, when I fall, I fall hard. There have been a lot of women, but I mean about as much to them as they mean to me, which was very little. Until you find the right one. And then you have to fight for it. Fight hard." Iolaus leaned forward, resting his forearms along his thighs and clasping his hands together.
"Sometimes you can't have the one you think is right for you."
"Well, yes, that's very true. But you can't just give up on Lila already-"
Joxer shook his head. "I'm not talking about Lila."
Iolaus scratched at his touseled locks, "I'm confused. Who are we talking about here?"
Pain flickered in the would-be hero's eyes. "Gabrielle."
"Oh." The hunter was speechless. Despite how hard he tried, he couldn't think of a single thing to say.
"It's okay. I know how you guys are, and I think that's great. I really do. The point was slowly getting to is this: Lila is the first one I've had real feelings for since Gabrielle broke my heart. She's the closest thing there is to the right thing, and I think maybe sometime, she can become the right one. After I've fully gotten over Gabby." Joxer shrugged dismissively, slightly embarrassed that he'd brought up the bard, especially to Iolaus.
"That's a good thing isn't it? You've found love beyond Gabrielle. Some people don't love more than once."
"We'll see. I don't know if I love Lila yet, but it sure feels like it's going in that direction. I hope I didn't blow it."
"What happened, anyways?"
"You don't wanna know. I tried to leave a romantic note on her bedside table. I tripped over something in the dark and I fell right on top of her, waking her up. Now she thinks I'm a jerk."
"So show her the note."
"I can't find it, so she doesn't believe me."
"Well, are you going to try talking to her again?" asked Iolaus, looking for every possible avenue.
Joxer just shrugged. "I wouldn't want to make it any worse than I already have."
Iolaus was getting frustrated now. "Well, do you want me to talk to her for you?"
*
Gabrielle rolled over onto her side. Facing the early morning sunlight, she opened her eyes, but quickly shut them again, as it seemed to pierce her brain. The bright rays were glinting peacefully off the new fallen snow. She yawned and smiled as she remembered the events of the night before, her eyes sparkling with merriment.
She stood up and stretched her aching muscles, ready to face the day. The blonde bard dressed herself in her usual green top and brown skirt, tying the laces of her boots tightly. With a few strokes of a brush through her honey coloured hair, Gabrielle was ready to make her way to the common room.
She could hardly believe the commotion when she entered the sitting area. The crackling fire, homey scent and solstice decorations were all offset by the blazing row that was taking place. Cyrene seemed to be doing her best to calm everyone down, especially Hower and Minya. She thought, briefly, how strange it was that such a pair would be considered good company to the Inn mother, then dashed such musings. Obviously, there wasn't a tall, bronzed hero of any variety to pique their hormones or their jealousy at the time, she rationalized.
Hercules had an irritated look on his face, but remained ever calm. Autolycus, of course, looked amused. Rebecca looked tired, but neither Joxer, Lila, Xena nor Iolaus were anywhere to be seen.
"Good morning sunshine," cooed the King of Thieves, as Gabrielle made her way towards him, gliding her fingertips along the wall as she walked.
"What's happening?"
"Why is everybody asking me," he groaned, tossing his hands up in mock despair. Beneath the din, he confided: "Hower and Minya were having some kind of disagreement and then she started making a stink about O Great Hero of the Known World over there. Why does Hercules get all the action? Legendary hero or not, The King of Thieves should be worth something, shouldn't it?"
Nodding as if she cared, she quickly smirked before quipping, "Well, when Minya's done with Hercules over there, I'll send her your way, okay?"
"Now Gabrielle, I didn't say" he said nervously. Gabrielle was sporting a no-nonsense expression, one that he'd seen to be the only one to hold any sway with the Warrior Princess herself. A mischievous glint flickered in her vibrant green eyes and he pleaded, "you wouldn't"
She smiled, and Autolycus let out the breath he'd been holding. "No, I wouldn't do that to Minya. But Cyrene looks like she needs some help."
"Yeah. Perfect timing," said the thief, vainly inspecting his fingernails. Turning back to Gabrielle, "Hey!"
The less-than-graceful clomping of soldier's boots alerted the room to the presence of the ex-warlord's somewhat sleepy descent.
"Good, I was just about to step in. Something tells me a sensitive chat isn't going to do the trick here," admitted the bard. She gave a good morning nod to Xena.
"Woah, woah WOAH!" boomed the woman in leather. "What in the name of Tartarus is going on here?"
Minya span around and rolled her eyes at the sight of Xena. "What is your problem?" she whined.
Xena looked questioningly at the angry woman before her. Taken a little aback, "My problem?"
"Isn't your little blonde tart enough for you?" A surprised gasp rippled through the audience.
"Oh Minya," sighed Gabrielle, hiding her face in her hands as all eyes turned towards her.
Minya didn't pause. "First Hower, then Hercules, why are you doing this?" Her voice seemed to calm down and became almost sorrowful.
"Look Minya I thought I told you this already. Hower is not someone I'm interested in. Nor Hercules, in that manner," she interjected her word with a knowing nod to the demigod, to which he responded in kind. "Now, just please calm down. For the sake of everyone here. For Hower's sake."
Gabrielle smiled at her friend. She was doing pretty well with this. Considering that I'm the one who usually does the sensitive chats
Minya began to pace back and forth, then eventually took a seat on one of the cushions before turning to the son of Zeus. "Okay. I'll calm down. But I'm still mad at you, Hercules." She paused, almost expecting some kind of heartfelt apology' from him.
"Okay," he replied confusedly, still unclear at what it was he had done to warrant such wrath.
"and Hower," she continued irritably, "this doesn't mean we're back together."
"Right," came the small voice from the short, balding man as he chewed his bottom lip and played the carpet with his boot.
Lila appeared at this time looking somewhat sullen, but brightened when she saw the familiar face of her sister.
"Well, let's get this tree decorated, shall we?" piped Cyrene.
Everyone heartily agreed. It was a much needed distraction from the boiling tempers of a certain pair in the room, a pair that Cyrene was beginning to regret inviting at all. Still, things seemed to have calmed down for the moment and they were enjoying a relatively pain free time after such a horrific morning. Soon the room would fill with the smells of the enormous roasting bird, and later the ham and racks of lamb. Nobody was planning to eat a bite before dinner.
Iolaus and Joxer came in through the hall and joined in the festivities. Joxer tried to make eye contact with Lila, but she refused it. She kept at her work busily, picking the carefully wrapped, blown glass ornaments from their cushioned boxes and finding the perfect place on the tree for them. The warrior wannabe chewed his bottom lip and looked at Lila with a creased brow. Her back was too him as she fumbled with a small wooden ornament, nearly dropping it. Joxer admired the way her soft brown hair curled subtly as it coursed down the nape of her neck.
She could feel the heat of his eyes on her back. Why can't he just leave me alone? This is hard enough already! She sighed and stood on her tip-toes, hanging the wooden soldier from the bending branch. She felt his hand on her shoulder, and her first instinct was to welcome it, but the image of him lying on top of her in the middle of the night flashed before her and she shrugged away, disgusted with herself.
"Morning, Joxer," said Gabrielle.
He turned around and greeted the bard, who was standing next to Iolaus. Iolaus cast his eyes elsewhere, almost looking guilty standing next to her, knowing how Joxer felt. "Hi, Gabby."
She smiled. "Are you going to help out with the tree? We're just about done and you won't get an ornament hung if you don't get in soon." She picked out a small figurine of what the lesser educated mortals believed that cupid looked like, and offered it to the warrior wannabe.
"Oh.. oh. Yeah." He accepted the decoration. He found a spot that looked like it could use some colour, and hung it.
"That's it!" announced Cyrene, clapping her hands together for emphasis. "Only one left." She took a glittering star from the old crate and handed it to Xena. "Next to Hercules, you're the tallest — and well, you're my daughter so you get to put it on the tree."
Hercules chuckled, and everyone watched as Xena reached up to the very top of the tree and fitted the star to its apex, then broke into a vigorous applause. The tree itself was a sight to behold; draped from top to bottom in dried berry garlands, dried flowers from the summer, some wooden and glass ornaments. It was placed between two oil lamps in the wall that lit it beautifully.
Hower and Minya even did their best to get along during the festivities. Their words were curt and their smiles forced, but it was the general opinion of the crowd that it was better to be curt than full out yelling.
The always quiet Rebecca made her way back to the kitchen with Cyrene in tow, to continue preparing for the meal of the evening. Lila decided that she would also help. She found that distraction was the best way to keep her mind off the hurt of Joxer's intrusion.
Joxer plopped himself onto the couch lackadaisically and propped his elbow up on its arm. He rested his chin in his palm and breathed out listlessly as he watched Gabrielle's sister follow Cyrene and Rebecca into the kitchen.
"Why so glum, chum?"
The voice startled him. Had he been wearing his pointy hat, it surely would have clattered to the floor with the jolt. "Oh, nothing. Women," he said. Gallant warriors showed no emotion and as such, he played down his situation. It would not do to be less of a man in front of the King of Thieves.
"Thought so. Trouble. All of them."
"You're just saying that cause you haven't got one," Joxer gloated, returning a bit to his former self. He nodded sagely.
"You're right. Not one a lot."
"That's not what you told me," said Gabrielle, nudging into the conversation with a cheeky grin.
"Well, you just wait. I'll have one by the end of the night, I guarantee you." The King of Thieves bowed in a gentlemanly fashion and went off to find Rebecca.
The warrior wannabe sighed through his fingers and looked up towards the kitchen again. The sounds of utensils clinking against dishes didn't hide the sound of voices inside, one of them, the most muted, was Lila's.
"Maybe I ought to talk to my sister." Gabrielle looked sadly at the face of her friend. He can't have done anything too bad, could he? She thought it best not to bring it up at the time. She would corner Lila when she had a moment just to find out what it was that was so terrible that he did, and try to put it right. Joxer would never intentionally hurt a fly.
Joxer shrugged. "Wouldn't help. I wouldn't bother if I were you."
"We'll see."
*
"Can I steal this one for just a moment?" The moustached man poked his head through the doorway into the kitchen and gestured at Rebecca.
"Why don't you ask me that question," she said dryly, but put down her spoon. "Keep it quick. There's a lot to be done"
By the time I'm done with you, my sweet, you'll wish you didn't have to go back into that kitchen, he mused as he flashed her his charming smile. "I'll have you back in no time."
They took the quick stroll to an area where Autolycus was sure they wouldn't be interrupted. "I've brought something for you. Never until now has a beauty stricken me enough to give this away. But it is a trinket next to your most enchanting beauty," he said, his voice smooth like honey.
"Oh," she said, a little taken aback.
Autolycus pulled the sapphire necklace from his pocket and held it before the woman. Her eyes widened in surprise. "You see, I knew you'd love it." And now me!
"This is mine, you arse!" she cried angrily, snatching the trinket from the grasp of the dark haired man, leaving his jaw slack with surprise.
"Ahh of course it is, I'm giving it to you."
"No, you idiot, I mean it's mine. It was stolen just the other day. Where did you get it?"
"I, ah bought it. Yes, that's it I bought it in a tavern at the next town."
"What? You're the King of Thieves, aren't you. Well, some King! Very smooth work, Autolycus. Steal it from my jewellery box, then give it to me as a present. More like the village idiot of thieves."
"No no I stole it from oh Zeus on Olympus. I got it from the next town, I told you!" Of all the unlikely things to happen. Hermes, you're not getting one denar of an offering from me for the next decade!
"Well, thanks for it back. I hope that you give back the rest of my belongings, and Cyrene's too. Or I'll have to tell her who took them. It's your choice." She stormed out of the room and left Autolycus with his jaw hanging.
How come the only time I get caught is when I didn't do it? Because you're the King of Thieves,' he answered himself aloud, groaning.
"I heard that!" came Rebecca's voice as it faded down the hallway with her footfalls.
*
"Gabrielle, would you mind grabbing some cordial and wine from the cellar downstairs? I've got my hands full over here," asked the weary looking inn-mother.
"Sure," said Gabrielle. "I wonder how you managed to do all this on your own last year!"
"I'll come with you. You can always use an extra pair of arms, especially with this group of lushes." Iolaus grinned at her with a twinkle in his eye. He hadn't had any alone time with the bard since the night before and he was aching for it.
They made their way down to the cellar, taking their time slowly along the creaking hallway. They found the steps leading down, and took them blindly in the dark.
"I suppose we should have brought a candle with us," said Gabrielle as she allowed Iolaus to take the lead.
"These hunter's eyes have a keen sense of the dark," he said rather proudly, before taking Gabrielle's hand.
She smiled, unbeknownst to the blonde warrior. "Well, hopefully you can read the old labels on the bottles. Cyrene's got many talents, but handwriting isn't one of them."
They were lucky enough to find an oil lamp burning dimly in an alcove in the wall. Iolaus turned it up and they headed inside the cellar. There were bottles and bottles of different kinds of drinks. Red wine, roman poscas, ale fermenting in wooden barrels
Out of nowhere, while inspecting the wines, Iolaus said: "I didn't know that you and Joxer had a past." His voice was curious, and also registered the shock and mild hurt he felt for not being told.
Gabrielle cocked her head at the hunter, leaning against the shelving. "What?"
Iolaus shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "It's nothing really, I just didn't know."
"Well," said the bard, tucking her golden mane behind her ears, "we don't really. It was just a calamity involving cupid's arrow. I nearly married him, but neither of us were in our right mind. Why, what did Joxer say?"
"Ah. Nothing. He just mentioned that there had been something. I think I misunderstood what he meant." Iolaus cringed internally for the poor wannabe.
Gabrielle thought for a moment, then said, "Do you know anything about what happened between Joxer and Lila?"
*
Some time had passed.
For Joxer, the minutes went by like hours and the hours went by like days. Every time he tried to look at Lila, she turned away. He eventually stood up and looked for some way to help out. Nobody was interested in his cooking. He offered to go chop some more firewood but Hercules suggested that it might be a better idea if he did that. The table was already set, the sitting room was cleaned, everyone seemed to have some excuse for him not to get involved so he sat down on the couch and waited, yet he still felt guilty about doing nothing.
Gabrielle came in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on an old towel. "I never want to see another dirty dish again," she chuckled.
"Yeah, dishes are the worst." Joxer looked at the ground.
The honey-haired woman took a seat next to the bumbler. "I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone yet. I'll do it."
"You really don't have to."
"Maybe not, but Joxer I suppose Xena and I don't always show it very well, but we care about you. I care about you."
A quick shrug was Joxer's only response.
She bit her bottom lip briefly before continuing, "My sister is a lucky girl to have someone like you be interested in her. You're kind, you're a gentleman in your own way you may be a bit awkward sometimes but we all are. Lila especially. I think she sees how lucky she is but she's a bit misguided. Iolaus told me what happened."
"Oh, great," he said, sighing upwards from his bottom lip and flipping his always out of control bangs. How embarrassing. Does the whole world have to know?
"No no it's okay Joxer. I know you're telling the truth. I think I can get Lila to see that too."
Joxer half-smiled at the irony of the situation. Gabrielle was the woman his heart burst with love for. But at the moment, worry and determination were the most prominent emotions he was experiencing. No use chasing after what you can never have, he rationalized. But it made him so happy to hear Gabrielle tell him that she actually cared about him. Both her and Xena. They thought he was more than just a nuisance. He smiled briefly, resolute in his decision not to let Lila get away from him for something he didn't do. "Thanks, Gabrielle. I guess I just think that if anyone does this, it should be me."
"Alright, if that's what you want, I'll stay out of it. But don't leave here without her believing the truth, okay?"
He smiled again. "Okay, I guess."
"Good." The bard stood up from her seat next to the warrior wannabe, coached him up, and gave him a warm, friendly hug. "I'd wait until after dinner. Things are a little hectic in the kitchen, they're all just finishing up."
"Oh. Okay. I don't know if I can wait that long, but I'll give it a try."
The silver bell jingled and Hercules and Iolaus came through the door, both carrying armfuls of chopped wood for the fire. "I figured Cyrene should have enough to last a while," said Hercules with little strain, while placing the wood in their proper basket by the fireplace. "Ahh, that's it." He brushed his hands off on his leathers as Iolaus crouched down to build the logs into something that would burn with the most efficiency.
It was mid-afternoon now, and the sky was already beginning to darken. The snow was coming down in torrents, the soft flakes forming small piles in the corners of the windowpanes.
The first signs of dinner made their way to the long table. The fragrance of home cooking was enough to begin the mouths of even the sickliest of men watering. Soon enough, the entire meal was spread before them, the dishes for just the dinner course taking up the entire table.
Everyone sat down, except for Cyrene who was still bustling about looking for the wine that Gabrielle and Iolaus had earlier brought up and put in the cold cupboard for chilling. She finally returned with several glass bottles and began filling the ornamental goblets that she only brought out for special occasions.
The conversation was, for the most part, light and airy. There were tensions between Hower and Minya, of course, who kept their words civil but carried an undertone that was cold and unfeeling. Joxer and Lila were placed, not coincidentally, across from each other, which made it very difficult for Lila to avoid eye contact with the would-be hero, though she tried valiantly. Xena and Hercules sat opposite each other as well, and next to them were Iolaus and Gabrielle. Autolycus, much to his disdain, faced an empty chair. Cyrene and Rebecca headed opposite ends of the table.
"This is great, mom," said Xena, tucking heartily into the solstice goose, avoiding her vegetables like the plague as she was wont to do.
Cyrene thanked her daughter for the praises given, as well as everyone else who jumped on the congratulatory bandwagon. "Xena, you should eat your vegetables," she added, scooping out several spoonfuls of buttered herbed carrots onto her daughter's plate.
"Oh, yeah. Thanks mom," she replied, doing her best to hide her annoyance. "That's enough. Thanks."
"She's right Xena," added Hower, gulping as he caught Minya's suddenly evil eye. "Ah, they say vegetables keep you from going blind. And they keep you fertile, too. At least, that's what Beas the doctor in Laurel says."
"He's not a real doctor, Hower," retorted the tall woman tersely, concerned that Hower would even mention Xena's fertility. "He just says that and gets away with it because sucks like you believe him. Ever notice that Beas mans the vegetable stand in Laurel too?"
"Well, he got rid of your wart pretty good."
"You jerk!" she cried, embarrassed. She picked up a dinner roll and lobbed it in Hower's general direction. It whizzed past his ear, smacking Lila in the temple.
"Hey!" cried the Poteidaian, trying to pull the butter out of her hair.
"What do you think you're doing, Minya!" Hower grunted as he scooped up a handful of mashed potatoes from his plate and threw it at his girlfriend, hitting her smack in the eye.
Here we go again, thought Xena, looking at the big boned woman next to her who sported a most unfashionable new eyepatch. Minya scraped the potato from her face, and picked up a large piece of broccoli.
Gabrielle looked at Iolaus and he sighed, shrugging in a what can ya do' manner. Her brows furrowed. She stood up and breathed deeply before slapping her hand down onto the table for attention: "You know what, just stop!"
All eyes turned to the blonde bard and Minya was stopped in the middle of her wind-up.
"It's Winter Solstice." She paused, before continuing, as the crowd began to murmur. "The solstice festival is a time for love and celebration, not anger and fighting. Take a look around you!" she admonished in disbelief as those at the table followed her advice, and made eye contact with all around them, even Joxer and Lila. "These are the people you love, all of them.
"Hower, how long have you and Minya been together?"
"I dunno, five or six summers?"
"You can't even remember, you oaf? Why should I be surprised, you've missed every anniv-"
"Shut up, Minya." Gabrielle threw an almost feral glare in her direction, and began again: "Think about what it was that brought you two together. Just think about it. How did you meet?"
"Who cares. Things aren't the same. I want romance along with the mad animal —" she stopped herself. "Just because I don't look delicate, doesn't mean I don't want those things things like romance"
"I can be romantic!" Hower said, puffing out his chest.
"You haven't since two years ago, Hower! And then Hercules" She sighed dreamily as she looked at the demigod.
Hercules, silent up until his recognition, raised a confused eyebrow. "What?"
"That poem you wrote."
"I didn't write any poem," he said flatly, looking at Minya.
"Oh come on, Herkie, you know, Your eyes they shine like stars so bright, To light my soul in dead of night"
"Your skin so soft and heart so light, Hair like chocolate mousse done right" concluded Joxer, gulping loudly.
All eyes turned to the warrior wannabe, including Lila's. She moistened her lips nervously as her gaze locked on Joxer's. Her soft brown eyes held the weight of guilt.
"You wrote me a love poem?" grunted Minya before laughing loudly.
"I didn't write it for you," he answered, turning again towards Minya. Irritation showed in his voice. "I wrote it for"
"Then why was it outside my door in the middle of the night?" she demanded, leaning back in her chair, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"I must have dropped it."
"Well." Minya couldn't think of another thing to say, so she again said, "Well!"
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you, Joxer," said Lila awkwardly.
"We'll talk about it later, okay?" She nodded shyly, but reached her foot out to touch his under the table. She giggled and bit her lip, spreading a wide grin over Joxer's face.
Gabrielle smiled. One down, one to go. "Now, Hower and Minya?"
"What." Minya looked up at Gabrielle sulkily, before shooting a glare at Hercules.
"You still haven't told us the story of how you met."
"Well," coughed Minya, "I was milking the goats back home in Laurel, and one of the damn things started thrashing around, and it managed to kick me in the hand. Broke two fingers!" she stated somewhat proudly, lifting a little out of her funk as she held up a pair of fingers that curved in a slightly unnatural way.
"And I took her to Beas."
"Yes, he was so kind. He would have carried me if he could."
"I tried."
"I remember, pumpkin."
"Oh Minya"
"Oh Hower"
They looked at each other with moons in their eyes as they leaned across the table and rubbed noses. "I'm so sorry. So so sorry my sweet thing. I'll never look at another woman again."
"Hower, there's nobody else for me. Oh poopie. I'm so sorry."
Rebecca gave Autolycus an eye from across the spans of the long table, as if to say, Don't you have anything to say? He looked back at her helplessly and shrugged. She breathed out loudly. Don't make me do this.
At that moment, a figure came up to the window and began to bang loudly on it. His breath came hot against the glass.
"He's trapped out there in the cold!" said Cyrene of the figure, nodding to Gabrielle. "Let him in. It's Solstice after all."
Gabrielle obliged, and motioned through the window to the door. She made her way there and opened it up, and the man stumbled inside, covered in snow. "Thank you, thank you. It's so cold outside"
and then he noticed the familiar face of the moustached man staring at him. "You! Thief!"
"You!" replied Autolycus, standing up and making his way over to the man. The intruder's menacing glare seemed to evaporate as the strangers stood up, one by one, in support of the thief with the moustache. "Gabrielle, don't let him get away!"
Gabrielle moved in position against the door. "What's going on? What did he do?"
"Let's not have another fight in my tavern!" cried Cyrene, collapsing forward onto the table, clutching at her hair.
The man who had come in from the cold shrank back from Autolycus as he had nowhere to run. Autolycus had no intention of harming the man, he simply picked him up, turned him upside down and shook vigorously.
Scores of jewels and coins fell from the unfortunate man's pockets, among which were some of the belongings missing from the tavern itself.
"Cyrene!" cried Rebecca, rushing over to her end of the table and shaking her shoulder. "Look!"
"Let me go, let me go!" cried the man, writhing around beneath Autolycus' grip. From his upside down position, the man caught a rather unsteady sight of the indominant blonde man with the large purple swelling around his nose. "What happened to your face?"
Iolaus ignored him.
When Autolycus was convinced that the jingling had stopped he turned him right side up but held his wrists tight. "I don't think so. And you're a terrible thief, I might add."
"Am I? Then where's your wallet?"
"Nice try. I'm not letting go of you to check for my wallet, either."
"No matter. I'm not a thief by trade."
"Well, whatever you are, you're going away for a while. It's one thing to steal from the hopelessly rich, but a middle class inn mother? Don't you have any style?" Autolycus rolled his eyes in disgust at the pitiable man.
At this point, Rebecca and Cyrene had made their way to the pile on the floor, and were picking through it to find what belonged to them.
"My mother's bracelet!" cried Rebecca, overjoyed.
"This necklace it was from Atrius. He gave it to me while we were courting," said Cyrene, holding up a golden chain with a leaf shaped pendant. Her eyes sparkled briefly, recalling the pleasant time in their marriage, before he changed.
Rebecca approached Autolycus looking a little sheepish. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you," she mumbled. Autolycus closed his eyes and puckered up his lips in waiting, but was most disappointed to feel Rebecca's lips press briefly against his cheek. She pulled away, much to Autolycus' disenchantment, and turned to address the thief. "Where did the rest of this stuff come from?" Her hazel eyes pierced his determinedly.
"I told you, I didn't steal it. I'm not really a thief. I'm a fence!"
"Well, it's going to have to go back somewhere. Why don't we sell the jewels and use the profits to help some of the hungry children in Athens something to eat?" said the Warrior Princess, leaning over to eye the fence' critically.
His fears heightened by Xena's stare, he wriggled his way free from the King of Thieves, scooped up a handful of jewels, and dashed quickly for the exit. Xena grabbed a dried berry garland from the nearby Solstice tree, lashed out in his direction, and managed to snare his ankles, bringing him to the ground. "Who's for dessert?" She flashed a grin.
And so, the fence was bound and gagged. Nobody trusted him, so he was placed in the seat opposite to Autolycus'. He was beginning to lament for the time when that seat was empty, because the fence's muffled, gagging conversation was not especially gripping.
The winterberry crumble, apple pie, and surprisingly enough the pumpkin pie were all a big hit. The rest of the evening went off without a hitch, turning out to be, much to everyone's delight, one of the loveliest Winter Solstice celebrations yet.
Continue to The Morning After (Epilogue)...