By Night - Chapter Four
by Angel Eternal aka Angeline
email: spikes_angel01@yahoo.com.au
Website: In Dreams and Shadows
http://www.geocities.com/spikes_angel01/index.html
Rating: R
Pairings: Primarily S/B, but also has W/T and X/A
Summary: Secrets revealed have a disastrous aftermath.
Author's Notes: This is set S6, and is loosely based on spoilers concerning the season. I just want to point out
though that I haven't seen S6 and won't for a while, so if things aren't quite right, you'd know why. Sorry about the
delay guys, but RL is gonna definitely slow down this.
~~~~~~ this indicates the beginning and ending of a flashback. So as not to confuse you guys, this chapter is like a
series of flashbacks.
This is a really long chapter; so fair warning!
Distribution: "In Dreams and Shadows", "Shadow Borne", "Shelby's and Erin's Place" and at FF.net but it you want to
archive it go ahead, but just let me know first - I kinda like to know where it's going, and plus I find out about more
S/B shipper sites! ::grins::
Disclaimers: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Whedon, several companies and God knows who else.
Lyrics used by: Britney Spears, M2M, Andrew Lloyd Weber, Christina Aguilera, Hootie and the Blowfish, Brandy,
Alanis Morrisette, 98 Degrees, Mariah Carey, and Monica.
One thing is certain - I don't own any of it! Nothing - zip - nada!
Dawn dumped her bag on the floor, heading straight for the kitchen.
Buffy was there, contemplatively drinking a glass of juice.
"Hey Buffy."
Buffy snapped out of her reverie, "Oh, hey Dawnie, by the way, you're gonna spend another wonderful night
over at the shop."
Dawn nodded, taking it in stride, "When's Tara gonna come back?"
Buffy shifted uneasily in her seat, "I...I really don't know..."
Dawn sighed, and then she smiled at her sister. Attempting to be casual, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear,
"So Buffy, there's gonna be this party on Saturday..."
Before she could even finish the rest of her sentence, Buffy snapped at her.
Sulkily, Dawn sat down, listening to her sister rant about the dangers of Sunnydale - as if she didn't know. Her
mind drifted....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No buts Dawnie - you stay right here with Willow and Tara."
Dawn pouted and crossed her arms, "Won't you need them?"
Buffy merely cocked an eyebrow at her, before sailing up the stairs.
Dawn glared up at her resentfully. "I need time." she called out
Buffy paused at the top of the stairs; Dawn tried again. "Joy?"
She sighed, gazing up at her sister forlornly, "I need space."
"Dawn, we're not talking about this anymore!"
Dawn watched her disappear, "No, I need me."
"Say hello to the girl that I am. You're gonna have to see through my perspective."
Resentfully, she moved into the living room. "I used to make mistakes just to learn who I am. And I don't wanna be
so damn protected!"
She plopped down on the couch. "There must be another way. Cause I believe in taking chances. But who am I to
say, what a girl is to do? God I need some answers!"
Idly, she picked up a cushion, fingers tracing over the heavy brocade, "What am I to do with my life? Why am I
supposed to know what's right? I can't help the way I feel. But my life has been so overprotected."
She threw the cushion across the room, glaring into empty space. "I tell 'em what I like. What I won't. What I don't.
But every time I do I stay corrected."
Dawn sighed, as the last strains of music faded, and she was left in the dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy sighed, only half-listening to her sister's ramblings about the hardship that was the life of a teenager. Her thoughts
were drifting to another time, allowing herself for the first time to remember.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slowly, she brushed her hair, placing the brush down, she ran her fingers through her long blonde hair, wondering
if a change was in order. She hated fighting with Dawn; it took so much out of her.
As Buffy stared at her reflection, she thought.
It had been a couple of weeks since her return; life had fallen into an uneasy pattern. Her friends would stare at
her hopefully. She would indulge them with a quip, words falling from her mouth, meaningless and quickly forgotten.
She still couldn't bring herself to tell them the truth. Willow would sigh dramatically, looking to her, eager for approval,
the pat on the head. How could she look into Willow's dreamy green eyes and tell her that she had wrenched her
from peace? Xander would cock his head to the side, eagerly asking her what she wanted. How could she crush him
by telling him that all she wanted was to go back?
She just couldn't and she hated herself for it.
But she could tell him.
Buffy picked up the brush again, anything to keep her hands occupied. She didn't want to think about it.
"Mirror, mirror lie to me. Show me what I want to see." She pressed a hand to the mirror. "Mirror lie to me."
Buffy sighed, and leaned back, gazing intently at her reflection. "Why don't I like the girl I see. The one who's standing
right in front of me. Why don't I think before I speak? I should have listened to that voice inside me."
She should've jumped. "I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be outta my mind; to say the kind of things I said last
night."
To him. Why to him? "Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall. You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all.
Mirror, mirror I wish you could lie to me. And bring my baby back. Bring my baby back to me."
Her eyes widened as her own words hit her. "Mirror, mirror lie to me. Show me what I want to see. Mirror lie to me.
Show me what I want to see."
Buffy stood, and she started to pace, "Why did I let you walk away? When all I had to do was say I'm sorry?"
I let my pride get in the way. And in the heat of the moment I was to blame."
Buffy closed her eyes, the truth in her own words hitting her. "Now in the cold light of the day I realise."
She sat down on her bed, "If only wishes could be true. Then all my dreams could be true. There would be two of us
standing here in front of you. If you could show me that someone I used to be. Bring back my baby. My baby and me."
The words started to fade into a plea. "Mirror, mirror lie to me. Show me what I want to see. Mirror, mirror lie to me."
As the song faded into the night, Buffy was left staring at the mirror, shock evident on her face.
She couldn't...she...
With a growl, she picked up her jacket and stomped down the stairs, hoping not to bump into either Willow or
Tara.
"Hey Buffy, going out to slay?"
Buffy turned and turned to her little sister, "You who I cradled in my arms, you. Asking as little as you can
Little snip..."
She chocked back on the words, her eyes misting with tears. "I know I'd give my life for you. You didn't ask to be born, you. Why should you learn of war or pain? To make sure you're not hurt again...I swear I'd give my life for you."
Tentatively, Buffy brushed her knuckles over Dawn's cheek. Dawn leaned into the caress. "I've tasted love beyond all fear. And you should know its love that brought you here. And in one perfect night. When the stars burned like new,
I knew what I must do."
Dawn's eyes misted over at the words, knowing what her sister referred to.
"I'll give you a million things I'll never own. I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown." she clasped Dawn's
hands firmly in her own. "You will be who you want to be, you can choose whatever heaven grants. As long as you
can have your chance. I swear I'll give my life for you."
Buffy pulled back slightly; mind drifting to thoughts of a vampire, "Sometimes I wake up, reaching for him. I feel his shadow brush my head.
But there's just moonlight on my bed. Was he a ghost? Was he a lie? That made my body laugh and cry?
Then, by my side, the proof I see." she turned back to Dawn. "This little one, gods of the sun, bring him to me!"
Buffy clasped Dawn's eyes tighter. "You will be who you want to be, you can choose whatever heaven grants. As long
as you can have your chance. I swear I'll give my life for you. No one can stop what I must do. I swear I'll give my life for you."
As Buffy's voice drifted off, she pulled Dawn into a tight embrace.
Dawn pulled back and smiled at her sister. "When I'm lost in the rain; in your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my
way. When I'm scared, losing ground. When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around."
Buffy's eyes started to mist over again, as she listened to her little sister.
"And when I'm down, your there pushing me to the top. Your always there giving me all you got." Dawn smiled
at her tremulously.
"For a chill, from the song. For a friend, for the love to keep me safe and warm. I turn to you. For the strength to be
strong. For the will to carry on...For everything you do, for everything that's true. I turn to you."
Buffy listened to note of sincerity beneath the lyrics, and she found it hard to swallow.
Dawn continued, clasping her sister's hand tightly. "When I lose the will to win. I can reach for you and reach the sky
again. I can do anything, cause your love is so amazing. Your love inspired me."
Dawn's mind flashed to that fateful event, not knowing if she could ever forgive herself for it. "And when I need a friend, you're always on my side. Give anything and taking me through the night."
Tears slipped down Buffy's cheek as she returned her sister's teary smile.
"For the arm to be my shelter for the rain. For truth that will never ever change. For someone to lead on. For a heart I can rely on to do anything. You can rely on me too. For the world. I turn to you. For everything you do. For
everything that's true I turn to you...I turn to you..."
The sisters fell silent, simply acknowledging the words sung.
Dawn drew in a deep breath, and again smiled at her sister, "You better get going."
Buffy quickly wiped away the tears drying on her face, "Yeah I better."
Dawn flashed her a grin. "Come back in one piece, okay?"
Buffy laughed, "I'll try."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy sighed, shaking herself out of her reverie. "Dawn, I really don't want to fight with you...please?"
Dawn stopped in mid-whine, and sighed as well. "Okay, fine...no party for me."
Buffy studied her, hating herself for denying Dawn. "I'm sorry Dawn..."
Dawn merely shook her head and smiled, "It's ok - I understand, I really do."
"You sure?" when Dawn nodded, Buffy grinned at her, "Wanna go Bronzing tonight?"
Dawn brightened, "You mean it?"
Buffy laughed, "Yeah I mean it. You can even get all dressed up and stuff."
Dawn smiled eagerly, "Ok!" then her face fell, "But I thought you said we'd be at the shop tonight."
"Oh...yeah..." then Buffy nodded resolutely, "Well, I'll just tell them that we need a little R & R. How about we
spend the first part of the night at the Bronze then head over to the Magic Box?"
Dawn grinned, "Excellent plan!"
She bounded out of the kitchen, Buffy watched her, a part of her wishing she could give her a normal life.
* * *
"Spike? Spike? Wake up!"
Xander blew out his breath, glaring at the unmoving heap. Violently, he shook him, "Spike!"
With a growl, the vampire bolted up, eyes briefly glowing yellow before it registered who was disturbing him.
"Whelp...this better be good!"
Xander smirked, "Why? Am I disturbing you and Buffy?"
Spike growled at him, "What do you want? Do you know what time it is? Couldn't you at least wait for sundown like
any decent person?"
Xander sighed, "Look man, I just didn't...didn't know who else to go to."
Spike studied the defeated slump, he realised that he hadn't seen Xander this dejected in a while. "Is it the demon
girl?"
Xander's nostrils flared in anger. "Her name is Anya!"
Spike waved that aside, "Yeah, yeah. So, what? You guys got in a little spat, because of your own stupidity I might
add, it'll blow over."
"Nah man...she's...I think she's leaving me."
Spike remembered the words that Xander himself had said...or rather sung to him.
You don't wanna be alone
You don't wanna see the sun go down
You don't wanna open the door
And see her go
One step then tomorrow comes
Here's tomorrow
Two steps and she's off with someone
There she goes
Three steps and it's all you know
You'll be home, she'll be gone
You'll be home, she'll be gone
Spike sighed, shaking his head, "Look Xander, if you're gonna sit in some dingy crypt you're gonna lose her.
Remember what you said to me? You gotta go out there, let her know how you feel, and damn well leave the dead
to rest!"
Xander laughed, "Right man...right."
With that he was out of the door, leaving Spike to his thoughts. He remembered that night so vividly, some things
more then others, but now he thought of Xander.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You don't understand whelp...back off."
Xander shook his head, nursing his beer, "Yeah, I don't understand, make me."
Spike took a deep breath, "Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed
something so bad you can't sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever? Have you ever?"
His fingers traced over the rim of his glass, lost in thought now. "Have you ever been in love? Been in love so bad,
you'd do anything to make them understand? Have you ever had someone steal you're heart away, you'd give anything
to make them feel the same? Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart, but you don't what to say
and you don't know where to start?"
Xander stared at the vampire, surprised to see the emotions flickering across his face.
"Have you ever found the one, you've dreamed of all your life, you'd do anything to look into their eyes? Have you
finally found the one you've given your heart to? Only to find that one won't give their heart to you?"
The pain behind the words struck Xander.
"Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there? And all you can do is wait for that day when
they will care?"
Spike's eyes misted over, "What do I gotta do to get you into my arms baby?"
It was clear to Xander that the words were a plea to Buffy, words that she would never hear, and he felt a pang
of sympathy for the love-sick vampire...no, man, that sat before him.
"What do I gotta do to get to your heart? To make you understand, how I need you next to me? Gotta get you in my
world, cuz baby I can't sleep..."
Spike's head lowered as the strains of music died out, he took in a ragged breath, and looked up at Xander.
"So mate...you understand now?"
"I think I'm beginning to."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike shook his head, it was still light out - maybe he should just sleep some more, and dream.
* * *
Xander walked away from Spike's crypt, his mind set. He had to find Anya, apologise, and hope to God that she
would see fit to take back the worm that he was.
With a pang, he remembered that night, and cursed himself for his stupidity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Goodnight Xander."
"Oh, come on Wills! I just...just a little something to calm my nerves - how about a time messer-upper? You
know forward time or something to make that damn day come faster?"
He heard Willow sigh, "Xander, it's my turn to cook dinner - I'll see what I can do later ok?"
"Ok."
Xander hung up, still feeling anxious. His eye fell on the book that Anya had brought home from the shop.
Idly, he flicked through the pages, then a spell caught his attention.
"Oooo...lookee here." he read the spell, "Seems simple enough, Willow and all her 'these things are complicated!"
With a snort, he read the few words out loud; the air around him seemed to shimmer.
"Xander, what are you doing?"
With a start, he dropped the book, "Anya..."
Anya walked swiftly to his side, and picked up the book, "Xander, what have you done?"
"Nothing I..."
"I'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed, would I be putting it right with my silence and rage?
Would I be letting you in; invite a reaction, yeah?"
Anya stared at him, as the song flowed from his mouth.
"And how would I explain, how would I explain this to my children if I had them? Because I can't not.
Because I can't not. Because I can't not win without my losing, my dear. Would it be whining if I said I needed a hug?"
Xander took a step towards her, "Would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough?"
Anya's mouth dropped open, as her eyes misted with tears.
"And how dare I complain? And how dare I complain when you want for a chance for this? Because I can't not.
Because I can't not. Because I can't help but laugh at your delusions. Because I can't not. Because I can't not.
Because I can't help wonder why you ask me, to all the unheard children in the school yard. You think you're the right
ones. You swear you're the charmed ones I'm sure. But how can you go on with such conviction?"
Xander took a step away from her, horror dawning on his face, but unable to stop singing. "Who do you think you are
when you question me? Because we can't not. Because we can't not. Because we can't help but laugh at your
delusions. Because we can't not."
Anya stumbled away from him, tears freely flowing down her face.
"Why do you affect me? Why do you affect me still? Why do you hinder me? Why do you hinder me still? Because I
can't not. Because I can't not."
The music died down, and they were left staring at each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xander groaned, he hated remembering, but he had pulled that image of Anya's face in front of him for the
millionth time in the past two days. The shattered look on her face had broken him, he had never wanted to let her
know of his fears, of his doubts, but all had come spilling out of his mouth.
He shook his head; even more determined to make things right with Anya.
* * *
With a heavy sigh, Anya finished packing the last of her clothing. She didn't want to do this, but Xander had left
her little choice.
As she sat on the bed, she remembered the cruel words he had sung to her. The horrible thing was that the spell,
he had clumsily cast, required the truth to be sung.
With a sob, she flung herself on the bed, she thought the tears were spent; obviously she was wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tears glistened on her cheek, as she stared up at the man she thought she loved, and she thought loved her.
"Spending another night alone, wondering when I'm gonna ever see you again. Thinking what I would give to you baby. I should have told you how I felt then. Instead I kept it to myself, yeah. I let my love go unexpressed.
'Till it was too late. You walked away."
Xander wanted to protest, he was right there, he reached out for her, but she shook his hand off.
"Was it some thing I didn't say, when I didn't say "I love you"? Was it words that you never heard all those words I
should have to you? All those times, all those nights when I had the chance to - was it something I didn't say?"
Anya took a step away from him, really studying him, "Always assumed that you'd be there. Couldn't foresee the day
you'd ever be leaving me. How could I let my world slip through my hands baby? I took for granted that you knew,
yeah. All of the love I had for you, yeah. I guess you never had a clue. 'Till it was too late. You walked away."
She turned her back on him, "All the words were in my heart, they went unspoken. Baby now my silent heart is a
heart that's broken. I shoulda said so many things. Shoulda let you know you're the one I needed near me. But I
never let you hear me."
Xander felt paralysed as Anya walked into the bedroom, and all could be heard in the silence that followed as the
click of the door being locked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was oblivious to the knock on the door.
Xander hesitantly opened the door, and peered in. What he saw in there, broke his heart.
Cautiously, he walked in. He sat on the bed, unsure of what to do. "An?"
He ran a hand soothingly down her back, but Anya flinched away from his touch. "Xander go away - you don't
want to marry me. You don't love me!"
"Anya, baby, that's not true!"
Anya sat up, viciously wiping the tears on her cheeks, "Xander, I've seen this so many times. I should've known."
Without another word, she stalked out of the room, leaving Xander bereft.
* * *
"You ok Wills?"
Willow paused on the stairs, unable to look Buffy in the eye. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Buffy stared at her friend, not knowing what to do. She wanted desperately to talk to Willow about Tara, but
she wasn't going to push. "Ok, then."
Willow trudged up the stairs; she headed straight for the room.
She cringed as she entered it, and stared at the bed. A bed that was so empty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What are you doing hon?"
Willow looked up and smiled at Tara, "Oh just looking for a spell for Xander."
Tara frowned, "Willow, maybe you should ease up on the magic a bit."
Willow glared at her, tired of this same argument over and over, "You try to read me. You try to figure out.
You try to breathe me. But you can't blow me out. You try to feel me. But I'm so out of touch. I won't be falling.
You wont have to pick me up."
Willow stood, and Tara stared up at her, "Sorry if I sound confused. I don't feel the way you do. But I won't turn around. I won't turn around. You think I might act out but I wont. Think that I might have doubts but I don't.
No insecurities. Won't you just let me let me be?"
She moved to the mirror, wanting to put distance between them, "Think that you know me now, but you don't.
Think that I can't stand on my own. Ain't my philosophy. Won't you just let me let me be?"
Willow moved to Tara's side again, and caught her hands, "Trust in my instincts, trust that I know what's right.
These are the reasons that keep you up at night. Don't try---"
The music faded, but Willow continued, "Don't try to chain me, or I will chain you. You know not what you
face. Magic has woven around you're head, and made you forget. Forget that things aren't as perfect as they seem."
Tara jumped back, as the last words hit her. "What?"
Willow jumped back as well, shocked at the words that had come tumbling out of her mouth. "Tara I..."
"You put a spell on me?" Tara's eyes were wide, and her breath came in short gasps. "What did you do Willow?"
Willow's head dropped, "I made you forget we had a fight."
Tara backed away, the caster's admission had broken the spell, and now she was remembering.
"Shattered dreams, cut through my mind. Tragically our love has died. Memories confined my head. Bitterly I face the end."
Tara remained where she was, staring hard at her lover. "Trustingly, I gave myself to you. I let you inside. Believing
your lies. And you don't remember, every time you told me you were mine forever. For eternity. And you don't
remember, how you used to hold me. How we'd melt together. How you needed me. How we used to be - In love."
Willow wanted to protest that she still loved her, but Tara held up her hand, "Stranded here in nothingness. With only
tears and loneliness. Foolishly, I gave my soul to you, I let you inside, believing your lies!"
Tears started to flow down Tara's face, "Helplessly, I fell so deep. I was so naive to let you in. Why did I let you in
to my heart?"
As the music faded, a hard glint came into Tara's eyes, "Don't come looking for me."
Without another word, she was out the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow lay in the bed, burying her head in the pillows and drank in Tara's scent.
* * *
"Who was that?"
Buffy still stared up the stairs, "It was Willow."
"Oh." Dawn moved to the couch, "Have you talked to Spike?"
Buffy started and she stared at her sister, "What? Why would I talk to Spike?"
Dawn glared at her, and Buffy sighed, "No...I haven't."
Dawn continued to glare at her, until she relented, "Ok, fine! I'll talk to him tomorrow!"
One sleek eyebrow rose, and Buffy crumbled, "All right! Geesh - pushy much?"
Dawn simply smiled at her as she walked out the door.
Buffy muttered about pushy little sisters as she walked, but she knew that Dawn was right. She had to talk to
Spike. She had yet to do so, but something about her scared her. Maybe it was the strength of his emotions. The
guy felt everything so deeply, she didn't know if she would be able to match his passion. What if...
With a shake of her head, she remembered his words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Spike."
"Well, well - I must say, tonight must be Scooby night or something. Is something in the air pet?"
Buffy ignored him, and just sat down on his sarcophagus. "Something feels...off."
Spike studied her, since her return, she had opened up to him, revealed things that he knew she really had no wish
to reveal.
"When you're feeling lost in the night. When you feel your world has collapsed. Call on me I will be waiting.
Count on me I will be there."
Buffy's head snapped up, as his rich baritone filled the crypt.
"Anytime the times get too tough. Anytime, I'll be the one to make it better. I'll be there to protect you, see you through. I'll be there, and there is nothing I won't do."
She listened, and heard, perhaps for the first time, the sincerity and love behind his words.
"I will cross the ocean for you. I will go and bring you the moon. I will be hero, your strength anything you need."
Spike crossed the space between them. "I will be the sun in your sky. I will light your way for all time. Promise you,
for you I will."
Buffy had to smile at the irony behind the lyrics.
"I will shield your heart from the rain. I will let no pain come your way" he held out his arms, and willingly, she
fell into them.
"Know these arms will be your shelter. Know these arms won't let you down."
Buffy closed her eyes, in his arms, she felt safe.
"If there is a mountain to move. I will move that mountain for you. I'm here for you. I'm here forever."
Spike squeezed her tightly, relishing the feel of her in his arms. "I will be your fortress tall and strong. I'll keep you safe
I'll stand beside you, all along."
He leaned backwards, and stared into her eyes, "For you I will lay my life on the line. For you I will follow, for you I will die. With every breath, with all my soul." He grinned at her crookedly, and she returned his grin.
"I'll give my world I'll give it all. Put your faith in me, and I'll have to let it be. I promise you, for you I will…"
Buffy stared up at him, and saw him for the first time. She snuggled into his chest. "Spike?"
"Yeah luv?"
"Just hold me."
"Always Buffy, always."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy smiled at the memory, even more determined now to talk to him.
* * *
Spike stretched, feeling more relaxed now then he ever felt in years. It felt good being able to help someone out,
even if that someone was Xander.
Noticing that there was still enough sunlight out for it to be uncomfortable for him, he settled back into his pillows,
revisiting his fondest memory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike stared down at her blonde head; she had fallen asleep. So trusting.
Had it been another time, he would've easily snapped her fragile neck, but if it was that other time, Buffy would
never willingly fall asleep in his arms.
He smiled down at her tenderly, calling himself a wanker, but at this point no longer caring.
"I hope the man upstairs isn't mad at me, cause I have one of his angel's and she's here with me."
He grinned down at her, "Each time I see her precious smile and she spreads her wings, tt takes me to a place where
love meets eternity."
Spike's hold her tightened, "Oh no. I'm not letting go. I don't wanna be alone in this crazy world. Oh Lord, I love her
so. And I'll sacrifice it all to have her in my life. I found my girl. I'll tell the world that heaven is missing an angel.
My dream came true, when I found you. Yes, heaven is missing an angel."
Gently, he picked her up, and moved her to his bed, eyes riveted to her face, watching for any sign of wakefulness.
"Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for you. He blessed me with my angel, though I don't deserve you.
Before I met you girl, lonely was my best friend. Now that you are in my life, I am stronger within."
He laid her down on the bed, his thumb reaching out to stroke one delicate ear, "I can't wait to kiss my angel late at
night, and watch her go to sleep until I see her rise."
His thumb moved over to trace one dark eyebrow, marvelling at her beauty. "And all that I do is for you. Me without
you girl just won't do. Your love's all I wanna know. Angel don't you ever go. Life isn't the same without you, you, you, you. Oh Lord, I love her so. I don't wanna be alone in this crazy world. And oh no, I'm not letting go. I'll
sacrifice everything. Don't take her away..."
Spike let his head drop down to her shoulder, and she stirred, "Spike?"
"Yeah Buff - right here."
She blinked sleepily, then her eyes focused on him. "So let them say its wrong for me to love you. They could never
feel, the way that I do when we kiss, when we're close like this."
Buffy laid her hand on his chest, "They can't see inside my soul. They can't know the love we know. All they do is
waste their time. They can never change my mind."
Spike gaped down at her, her words barely registering on his numb mind.
"It's what my heart says that is what I listen to. It's what my heart feels, that tells me, tells me what to do. It's what my
heart knows, that's the only, the only truth I know is real. All I hear is what my heart says to me."
Buffy smiled up at him, "What my heart says."
One small hand, delicate, yet deadly, traced the side of his face, fingers tangling in his hair, "Let them say that I'm a
fool to fall so deeply. Cause they will never ever be, loved so completely. How can they even talk that way?"
Her fingers weaved through the strands, then wandered down to trace the outline of his cheekbones, "They can't see
it through my eyes. They can't feel this love inside. All their words don't mean a thing. They can't change the way I feel,
no, no."
Her fingers wandered over to his lips, and helplessly, he sucked on the digit, sending shivers racing through her.
"And I have never felt so sure about anything. See you are the one, the one that I need. It doesn't matter what they
think. Or what they say, I'm loving you anyway, oh, all I know is what I hear. What my heart says. Oh, what my heart says..."
The music faded, "My heart says I love..." something in the air snapped, "...you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike sighed, he didn't care to remember what happened next. Buffy had stared up at him bewildered. In a flurry
of words, she was gone, and he knew that magic was involved. Bloody hell, he'd been singing!
Spike rubbed his eyes, remembering Buffy's shocked expression, when Xander meekly apologised to the Scooby
Gang. Anya had coldly informed them, the specifics of the spell - that the truth was to come in song.
The truth.
Spike remembered that god-awful meeting; remembered how Anya had curtly excused herself. Remembered how
Tara had mumbled some excuse and left without meeting Willow's eyes.
His musings were interrupted by a tentative knock on the door.
"Spike?"
~To be continued~
Songs used: Overprotected - Britney Spears; Mirror, Mirror - M2M; I'll give my life to you - Miss Saigon;
I turn to you - Christina Aguilera; Hannah Jane - Hootie And The Blowfish; Have you ever? - Brandy;
Can't Not - Alanis Morissette; Was it Something I didn't say? - 98 Degrees; Let Me Be - Britney Spears;
And You Don't Remember - Mariah Carey; For you I will - Monica; Heaven's missing an Angel - 98 Degrees;
What My Heart Says - Monica
