Bakura Rain: No Promises
Ok. Quick recap. We're on Bakura. I'm being my normal half-brained self. Kousotsu is being a gentleman. Mori and Annika are being mushy. I'm being an idiot. Bad guys attack. Foreshadow-y stuff happens, and then this whole Love And Destiny thing comes to a head. Have I mentioned I'm being an idiot?
~*~*~*~*~
"Kousotsu! Look at me! I'm broken, hurt! You're getting a defective model here." Frustrated, I tried to think of something else to say, but I couldn't. We'd...well, I'd been arguing. More with myself than Kousotsu. Finally, I just held out my hands, protesting. My hands...my scarred hands...gah, sometimes I'm so obsessed with my own scars. They remind me of who I was and how much of a potential there is for me to become her again. How many wrong things I've done...how evil I am...how unlovely I am...
He smiled at me. "I love you."
Why did that make it all better? It even made me smile. "You do, don't you."
I have to admit he looks cute when he's confused. He nodded, unsure exactly where I was going with this.
"But I'm not that great of a person," I complained again. "I'm not even very pretty."
He smiled at me, like he'd been doing the whole time. "That doesn't matter. Besides, I think you're beautiful."
I'm fairly sure I blushed. Not that I'm not used to guys telling me I'm beautiful...it's just usually in prelude to some type of lewd suggestion. He meant it. I smiled and leaned back against him. Just yesterday I would have been terrified out of my mind to be this close. It still scared me a little...but I'd made up my mind to trust him. I guess we aren't like most lovers.
"I...I can't make any promises," I whispered. "I don't know how."
I felt him playing with one of the braids my hair was braided into. "That's ok," he said, his breath warm on my cheek. "I don't need promises."
~*~*~*~*~
It was just right—coming to terms with this all on Bakura. The decadent gardens, dripping with a watery bounty, were the perfect backdrop for a forlorn mercenary and an out-of-place Jedi to fall in love. Or—for me at least—let go.
It's kind of funny, in a way. Before all of this, keeping to myself and not letting anyone close was my only means of survival...now it's all different. Now I can't do anything without thinking of Kousotsu. I think about how he'd react and even—get this!—what he'd think of me for doing it! Me! Worried about what someone might think, especially a guy. It seems ridiculous.
Most of this I can't even believe. That someone...anyone would love me, even thought I'm so imperfect and so ugly sometimes? I guess I don't understand. I wonder if I ever will.
And I wonder if we'll ever "have a song" like most lovers do. If we ever do, then I want "You're My Home". It's a Billy Joel song...he's an Earth singer. Coru gets me records from Earth every once and a while. "When look into my eyes and you see the crazy gypsy in my soul, it always comes as a surprise when I feel my withered roots begin to grow. Well, I never had a place I could call my very own, but that's all right, my love, because you're my home."
Now that I know what I've been missing, I think I'd die without it. It's almost like a drug. I can't get enough and just thinking about him makes me glow. I can't promise that I'll always be true—because I don't know how—but I'll give this crazy trip my all. And somehow...I think that's good enough.
