The next morning was an absolute nightmare. I was up by six, so that I could be dressed and to go with Max by seven. From my apartment, we would travel anywhere from hour and a half to two full hours to the campsite that she deemed to be acceptable.
By the time I was up, dressed and eating breakfast, Mom and Original Cindy had already left for work. Geez, I thought to myself, how early do they have to leave?
A note was on the counter from Mom saying that she hoped that I would have a good time and to call her if anything went wrong-the phone number was also included in the note. She left two ten-dollar bills, in case "I needed anything". Folding the bills up and shoving them into my back pants' pocket, I smiled. Thanks Mom.
I thought I was the only one in the apartment, which made getting ready easier. You don't have to worry about modesty when you're the only one there-i.e. slurping cereal and burping rudely.
But, I was mistaken.
Just as I pouring myself a bowl of old cereal that was most likely pre-pulse because it was so stale, Dad exited his, used to be Mom's, room.
He was still dressed in jeans and a T-shirt that were both mussed and wrinkled. Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, he yawned loudly and strode out into the kitchen, barefooted. His fading blond hair was strewn all over his head, and I suppressed laughter at the sight of it.
"'Morning, Dad," I chirped, trying to overcome both my excitement from going with Max and my shock of seeing him.
Plopping down at the table across from me, he rested his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. At least that caused his hair to look somewhat better. "'Mornin' 'Lanzie," he grunted, still not fully awake.
"Didn't sleep well?" I asked wryly.
"Late night," was all he said before raising his head to look at me. Carefully, he studied me and noticed that I wasn't dressed in pajamas, like I normally would've been. "You goin' somewhere?" he asked.
"Yep. Up north with Max."
"Max?"
"Jace's daughter. We've already been through this, remember?"
"No. When did you say you were going camping? Does Max know?"
"Yes, Mom knows. And, no, I did not tell you I was going camping because I was afraid that you wouldn't let me go."
He laughed under his breath as he shook his head and wiped his hand over his mouth. I saw that the facial hair that he had tried to grow out when he had first arrived was gone and in its place was just a bunch of fuzz. Syl and Krit must have made him shave. Interesting.
"'Lanza, y'know, I can tell you that I don't want you to do something until I go hoarse, and you'll still do it."
"Take after you too much-don't I?" I asked with a slight laugh.
"Far too much."
I leaned forward as if we were in a room full of people that I didn't want overhearing us. "Dad?"
"Yeah?" he mumbled. I was beginning to wonder if the coffee wasn't spiked, and he had a hangover. He sure acted like it.
"Remember what you said? About Lydecker being dead…in Phoenix and everything?"
He nodded blankly and slowly lifted his eyes off the table and set them on me.
"Are you sure he's dead?"
"Definitely. Why?"
"I-I just got this feeling last night," I stuttered, knowing that he was probably going to dismiss it as "just a bunch of b.s" as I leaned back in my chair so that there was once again space between us.
"Alanza, if his ghost is buggin' you…"
"No, no, it's not like that."
"Yes, he's dead. Dead as a doornail. I saw the body with my own eyes. It was him. Most definitely."
"I don't know, it's just kinda odd that there isn't somebody evil out there chasing after us."
"Better that way. Besides," he continued, "sometimes we always can't see everything that's after us."
"Good point," I told him as I rose to my feet so that I could clean out my cereal bowl.
"Alanza?" he asked as he too, stood up.
"Yeah, Dad?"
"When you get back, I…I probably won't be here."
"You're leaving?" I cried in disbelief as I twisted around to face him.
"Mm-hmm."
"But why? Lydecker's dead. You got a family here. Us! Krit, Syl, Brin, Max Jr.…they're all here!"
"I know that," he acknowledged.
"What about Mom?"
"Look, Alanza," he began, glanced away at the floor, then back at me before continuing, "I may be your dad, and she may be your mom, but we won't ever be like…like…y'know…"
"Lovers?"
He nodded mutely. "We got mixed up together by mistake…no offense."
"None taken," I responded.
"She…Max… has someone that she loves. And it's not me-"
"Don't you still love her?"
"Of course I have. I always will. Just because I leave doesn't mean that I stop."
"Then why leave at all?"
"It's the way I've always lived. I'm not about to change after forty years. What would the point to that be?"
I stepped forward, trying to fight the tears from invading my eyes. Why did I think he would change? Why did I choose to believe in such foolishness? Why? God, now it was coming back to bite me.
Normally, I just would've shrugged and let him leave like he had all those other hundred times, but this was different. I truly, truly thought that he would stay this time. And that we really would be a family-for once in my life. "Are you coming back?"
He shrugged. "Perhaps."
"Perhaps?"
"I should be back."
"But you've only been here…what? Two days?"
"Yes. Look, Alanza, staying cooped up like this…it isn't me." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Dad didn't like confessing his feelings-even with his own daughter. "Reminds me too much of the cells in Manticore," he muttered.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Long time ago. Just a weakness."
I was about to say something when I heard a honking horn from down below. "That'd be my ride," I told him, hurrying into the living room area.
"Take care of yourself," he called from the kitchen as I grabbed my coat and threw it on. My hand was on the door handle, prepared to leave, when I turned back around and dropped my case and rolled-up sleeping bag on the couch again.
I rushed towards him and hugged him fiercely. He stiffened under the gesture, but soon allowed his arms to wrap around me as well. Resting my head on his shirt, I inhaled deeply, taking in his warm scent. God, why couldn't he just stay?! Just be normal for once? Why, oh why did he have to leave and caused everything to fall into chaos?
I backed away and struggled to contain my tears. Picking my case and sleeping bag back up, I grinned wryly, trying to be strong like I knew he would want me to be, despite the tears coating my eyes. "No," I told him, "You take care of yourself."
