Title:The REAL Marauders

Summary: Let's Take a look at how it REALLY was back then...not exactly what you may expect...

Disclaimer: I own (None)

Warning: ALOT OF CURSING! You have been warned...
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Okay, this takes place at 11 O'clock at night in the G. Common Room back when James and the whole gang were around. Enjoy!

P.S. I really don't like any of the story's that involve only James and the Gang, so this is sort of a 'parody' of them.

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Sirius: *said slowly* Guesss whhhaaattt eeevvvrrryboodyyy?

Remus, James, Peter: What?

Sirius: III cannn tuuurn intooo a doooog.

James and Peter: yeah, we know.

Remus: Hey I think we should all give eachother lame ass nicknames.

Peter: *stutters* w..w...why?

James: Because he said so damnit!

Peter: Y..y..y..yes massster.

Remus: Go make me some puddin' damnit!

Peter: Whatevver you say *starts kissing Remus's shoes*

Remus: Damnit! I told you to get me some puddin'. Do it NOW!

*Turns into a rat and runs away with his tail tucked in between his legs*

Sirus: I thhhhouught onnly dooogs doo thaatt.

James: Damnit Sirius, can't you keep yourself quiet!

Sirius: I haven'tt saaaaid muuch

James: Whatever, bitch

Remus: At least my bitch is obediant.

Sirius: I caan beee a biiiitccchhh toooooo! *turns into a bitch*

James: Not NOW DAMNIT!

*Sirius turns back into human self*

Remus: now, back to those lame ass nicknames.

James: Let's call Sirius "The Stupid Bitch"

Sirius: Nooo guuuysss!!

Remus: You keep quiet damnit!

James: Naw... how about we call Sirius... hmmm...

Remus: Bitch-ass!

James: I love that name!

Bitch-Ass: Nooo! I haaaattte ittt! Stopppp beeeinnggg soooo meeeean!

James: I said shut up! *punches Sirius in the face, blood starts to come out of his nose*

Remus: Ha HA! That was a good one. *Gives James a 'high five'*

*suddenly, Peter comes back with some puddin'*

Peter: H..h..here you go master *places before Remus's 10 bowls of puddin'*

Remus: Thanks, Dumbass *kicks Peter in the face*

James: HA HA!

Bitch-Ass: Heeyy I likkeee hisss naaamee bettterrr!

Remus: I agree with James... can't you learn like Dumbass to be quiet? DON'T SPEAK! It takes you
a freakin' hour to say something. If you were ever to read us an essay, we would be dead by the time you were done
with it. Now for Ass's sake... SHUT THE HELL UP!

Bitch-Ass: I maayyy beee slooow in taaaalkkking... buttt at leaaaast I'm nottt TINY-ASSED!

James: Tiny-Ass, that's a good one! HA HA!

Tiny-Ass: Shut up, Wise-Ass.

Wise-Ass: Make me!

*Wise-Ass and Tiny-Ass get up and start punching eachother*

Reader-with-something-shoved-his/her-ass: Man this story sucks ass!

Author: Then stop reading the damn thing! *Throws shit at the Reader with something shoved up his/her's ass*

Dumbass: please m...m...masters! Stop fighting! I will do any..any...anything for you to stop!

*Wise-Ass and Tiny-Ass give eachother evil look and nod*

Wise-Ass: Go have sex with Snape...

Tiny-Ass: ...Malfroy, Crabbe, and Goyle...

Dumbass: *struck with horror* n..n..no! PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Wise-Ass: Fine... umm... go.. uh... Tiny-Ass, help me out

Tiny-Ass: I don't get why he is such a big baby.

Wise-Ass: That's it! Let's do 'The Fass' on him!

(A/N: The Fass is a cradle with spikes on the inside. The victim would then be rocked inside the cradle)

Tiny-Ass: To the WHOMPING WILLOW!

*Wise-Ass and Tiny-Ass carry Dumbass away to the Whomping Willow*

Dumbass: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Bitch-Ass: Heeeerreee I ammmm allll alooooooooneeee!

Reader: Well, duh! Thanks for stating the obvious.

(A/N: since Sirius is alone, his name becomes Sirius again)

Narrator: Suddenly the portal door opens and a tall figure enters.

Unknown Figure: Hello Sirius! I can't keep my mind off of you!

Sirius: Whoooo isss thaaaattt? Goooo awaaaaayyy!

Unknown Figure: It is me, your headmaster. I want you Sirius I really do!

Sirius: Gooo awaay! I toooolldd youuuu weee werrree throooooughh!

Dumbledore: You didn't tell that to my friend, Mr. Dope did you?

Sirius: Daammmniitt! Fiiiineee thiiis isss thhheee lassst timeeee... buttt teeeellll Mrrrr. Doooppee... thisss iiss ittt!


To Be continued.... (dun dun dunnnnnn)

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Author: Wasn't that funny/stupid/bad? I can't believe I wrote that!
I don't know if I can do something as great as that again... *wipes tears away* ~PHEW!~

Please Review! I thrive off of them, they alone are the things keeping me alive.

Oh wait, I think alot of people want me dead *ducks shoe thrown* Adios!