A product of insomnia.

Standard disclaimers apply.


The Okashira Who Never Smiles

- The Beginnings


In the year 1853, in a village of Saku of the old Nagano prefecture, was born a boy called Aoshi. His parents were respected members of the village society. They had an older child, also a boy, called Tazuka.

At the time of Aoshi's birth, Tazuka was fourteen. Their parents were very loving and made a striking pair.

Wise, blue-eyed and placidly calm, the father was tall and impeccably handsome. The mother was equally attractive, a natural beauty, matched with an air of pleasantness. Their eldest son, Tazuka, in contrast, was wall-eyed and limping. He had lank black hair and he spoke only with difficulty.

Initially, Aoshi's parents dreaded his birth. They loved Tazuka as any parent would love their child but his disabilities were a severe drain upon their resources. Aoshi's mother, Satori, was forty-six, when she first learnt that she was pregnant again. She ran her fingers worriedly through her hair and noticed that it was all too obviously grey. It was late for her to have a child, and she feared that the newborn would be as disabled as Tazuka, if not more so.

Yet, the boy was perfectly formed, exceedingly beautiful, in fact. And it was very soon evident that his wits were sharp too. He had a punctuated sense of humor - although it was less than subtle; many times Satori had to beat him for the cruel tricks he played upon his elder brother. Tazuka, himself, merely laughed at the little boy's games, tolerating him as a dog does a puppy.

Aoshi's father died when Aoshi was aged three, and Satori was forced to run the household alone. Tazuka remained unwed: the girls of the village laughed at him. The only people who appreciated his kindness and humor were his mother, Satori, and his baby brother, Aoshi.

The two boys often wandered around the surrounding countryside, climbing trees and swimming in ponds. Tazuka's lameness prevented him from taking part in some of the more outrageous adventures that Aoshi proposed, but when he was in the water, their difference disappeared – with his powerful arms and his bull-like shoulders, Tazuka could haul himself across the surface more swiftly than most grown men.

For a child, Saku was a paradise. Well, actually in truth, the blacksmith, Yamato, was grumpy and would hit out at any child who dared come within an arm's reach; Kazuii, the local money-lender and notorious miser, would shout incomprehensible insults at the two boys as they walked past his shop. But these were minor irritations.

Saku is set within a ring of low gentle hills, where small children play freely and pigeons strut in sure confidence that they are safe from predators. The outside world is just that - outside- and the people of Saku cared little for what goes on there. As far as the boy, Aoshi, was concerned, Saku was all the universe there was.

On Aoshi's fourth birthday he persuaded Tazuka to take him fishing on the banks of the Chikuma River. The day was brilliantly clear, the sky, of an almost harsh blueness. The older boy picked up stones from the riverbank and spun them out across the lazy brown water, cheering them as they skipped and hopped. Each touch leaving an expanding circle of ripples that slowly dissolved as it moved down stream.

Aoshi squelched through the mud until he was just around a curve of the river from Tazuka. Regardless of his clean white gi, he threw himself down on his belly and gazed into the shallows. He could see small silver fishes darting eagerly, hither and thither. However, there was also a still, lurking presence - a trout or a salmon of prodigious size.

The boy caught his breath. If he could catch this fish, there would be a rich meal this evening - a meal fit to mark the occasion of his birthday.

He reached his skinny pink arm into the cold, powerful waters. He moved his hand slowly, so slowly that even the small fishes were not frightened by it. He felt their little bodies bumping against his forearm. Aside from his arm, his whole body was motionless, but not tense. He imagined himself to be a plant growing by the river, and tried to fill his mind with this idea.

Slowly, slowly he let his hand drift downwards towards where the great brown shape quivered.

However, a small cloud suddenly covered the sun, and Aoshi instinctively jumped as the bright daylight ebbed. His abrupt motion startled the huge fish and with a few efficient waves of its tail, it moved away.

Aoshi couldn't believe his lousy luck. He used a word that he had heard while playing with his friends but which he sensed, quite correctly, his mother would have forbidden him to utter. He got to his feet and, after checking that Tazuka was out of earshot, he used it again.

It was, however, a perfect day, and his anger soon vanished. He picked up a twig, threw it into the current, and watched as it was swept inexorably towards the sea. He began to grin. Fish or no fish for dinner, life was good and he was happy to be a part of it.

He wondered where Tazuka was, and began to pick his way back along the riverbank. The mud was deep, and at times, he sank in almost up to his knees – something his mother would not appreciate. So wherever possible, he used fallen logs as stepping stones.

This was a good idea until one of the logs moved beneath his feet. He realized with horror that he had just trodden on the back of a sleeping crocodile!

The beast was covered in bark-like scales, and its tail was edged like a broadsword. Its eyes were shut tight yet its large nostrils accurately located the intruder. It opened its vast jaws and snapped in the general direction of Aoshi's legs.

"Tazuka!" he shrieked. There was no echo to his cry, and he realized that the scream had only been in his mind. Yet Tazuka appeared around the bend in the river, waving a length of muddy wood that he had obviously just grabbed from the ground.

"Help me!" cried Aoshi, and this time, he knew that he had indeed screamed out loud.

The crocodile hissed. It sounded suspiciously close to a crackling bonfire being extinguished by a group of mischievous boys who decided to relief themselves on it. If only that were the case, the sound would have been most comforting, reassuring. Coming from the leathery lips of this powerful carnivore, it was the most terrifying sound that Aoshi had ever heard.

He leapt back into the mud as the beast swung its heavy tail. The crocodile was too quick for him. It took the high ground and began to advance, forcing him towards the water. Then its eyes popped open - a sure sign that it was seeking for food.

Tazuka was approaching as fast as he could, shouting meaningless syllables, in an attempt to frighten the mighty creature. However, his lame leg and the sticky mud were collaborating to make his progress slow.

Aoshi retreated before the crocodile's relentless onslaught. He found himself up to the ankles in water, then up to the calves. He knew he could not retreat much further. Crocodiles are swift on land, but in the water, they are even deadly swifter.

"Tazuka! Help! Please!"

The older boy dragged himself closer and fell upon the beast. He turned to look at Aoshi as the great teeth of the beast clamped down on his shoulder. With amazing calmness, he said, "Go now, Aoshi! Run all the way home and don't look back."

Aoshi picked up the branch which Tazuka had been brandishing, and beat futilely on the rock hard back of the creature. It paid him no attention though, but set about clinically, devouring the child's older brother.

The screams were to resonate in Aoshi's ears for the rest of his life. The child who had laughed through all the dusty streets of Saku would rarely smile again.

As he had been told, Aoshi ran all the way home. He battered on the wooden door of his home until his mother threw it open. She listened to his jumbled account just long enough to recognize that she had lost her eldest son. Her wail of misery rang through the entire village that day.

Aoshi felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, yet he could not identify its source. He wanted to comfort his mother, but he didn't know how to do this. He wanted to bring Tazuka back to life. But this was not possible. He wanted … he wanted to be something other than he was. Which was just as well.


Almost exactly a year later, he was selected by the Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu, himself, to train as a worthy omittsu in Kyoto. From the moment he arrived there, he was already a different person - he had discarded the remainder of his true sense of laughter and fun.

At break times he sat reading books while the other young adversaries ran around playing games. During the nights, he lay awake remembering the efficient crunch of the crocodile's teeth on the deadness of his elder brother. And sometimes, he thought of his mother, but not very often. As far as he was concerned, she was someone who had been important in his dim and distance past.

His role, he had decided, in the harsh environment of the Oniwabanshuu, was to be survivor.

And so he survived.

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I've just joined the community and this will be my first post here. Thanks for reading!