James and I drove home together, laughing quietly. The moonlight danced across the barren streets where no shadow man dared to hide. All of the stars shone so brilliantly that I assumed I was dreaming of their sheer beauty. My dress caught the nightly light, and I smiled warmly to myself as the laughter died down so that we rode in silence. James' right hand kept on reaching over for mine so that our fingers danced together. I glanced over at him only to see a grin playing at his luscious lips. He was so dazzling himself that I couldn't believe how gorgeous his spirit was.
The minutes crept by slowly as the engine purred smoothly. Only a few cars were out tonight, which was odd for the city of Seattle, but faith led me not to question it. Finally, around ten o'clock, we arrived at his apartment complex.
"There's something I want to show you upstairs," James explained with a tender smile.
I nodded as he squeezed my hand tenderly before he exited the car from the opposite side. We walked into the building, side by side, never letting our fingers leave the other's. It seemed as though, after the talk we had had, our relationship was flourishing with a strength that I had never experienced before.
His individual apartment was naturally dark, and I waited in the doorway while he turned on a single light and tampered with his entertainment system in the corner. I watched him intently when suddenly I heard the tinkling of piano music growing from his CD player. James walked towards me as a woman's voice began to sing. "We were strangers starting out on a journey/Never dreaming what we'd have to go through/Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing/At the beginning with you."
"Do you remember the first time we met?" he asked.
"Yes, I do. You were all by yourself, drinking your miserable beer."
"I know. I saw you and sat by you, but never got up the courage to talk to you. Remember how we danced?"
"Yes."
He extended his hand. "Then, Alanza Guevara, may I have this dance?"
"James Wilson, you will always have a dance."
He smiled, flashing his white pearls of teeth in the moonlight that came in through the large window of his apartment. Wrapping an arm around my back, he pulled me closer to him so that our right fingers interlocked with my left arm across his shoulder. He kissed my ear and whispered, "Don't you ever think I've ever stopped loving you, Alanza. Don't ever think that."
"I won't," I replied, my voice equally as hushed, "I won't…"
The song played as we moved across his carpeting, and I realized, once again, how songs could come back to you with more force than necessary. The music intensified, and I let my head rest on James' shoulder, deriving my entire strength from his being. "I'll be there when the world stops turning/I'll be there when the storm is through/In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you."
My lips met his, and the noise of the song faded into oblivion as he caressed my back with strokes more tender than was possible. Running his butterfly lips down my neck, I writhed with the tempting feeling and merely kept my hands on his chest. He, in one smooth motion, lifted me off my feet and carried me into his bedroom, where he laid me on the bed. The room smelled of cedar and faint scent of metal, but I wasn't entirely sure with the passion clouding my mind. Kneeling beside me on the bed, James met my eyes with warm intensity.
"I won't do anything that you're not ready for. Just tell me, and I'll stop."
I looped my arms around his neck, pulling me down next to me. Our cheeks met, and I whispered in his ear. "Don't ever stop," I pleaded, and I knew that I had surrendered myself as I had been warned not to do. All of the Manticore power my body contained was given to James for his longing and my own pleasure as well.
His burning lips trailed down my neck until they met my shoulders where my dress straps covered them. With a tender finger, he pushed the pieces of fabric aside and kissed my bare shoulders that were still sore from my fight in New York. Yet, it felt as though he could heal anything, and I felt absolutely no pain whatsoever.
Barely breathing, I unbuttoned his satin shirt with numb fingers. Shrugging out of it, his body rocked with mine as our lips met once again. My fingers were splayed across his fiery chest, and I gently massaged his back. Slowly, my dress cascaded to the floor in one red waterfall, but I failed to notice the November chill of the weather. James kissed the curves of my breasts, while I forced myself to take in air. Everything was happening too fast; I delighted in every moment of it nonetheless.
He bent his head down, letting hot breath spill upon my already burning skin so that I tore at his pants, fumbling with the belt buckle, eager to pull them off so that I could have him once and for all. Suckling at my hardened nipples, James pressed his now near naked body against mine, and I felt him grow hard against my leg. I knew that if he stopped, I would probably kill him. Arching my hips towards him, I wrapped my arms around the cords of powerful steel muscle in his back. I loved the feel of such might right underneath my fingers as he writhed against me.
Gently, he pulled off my underwear and traced his finger along the hot line of skin. Slowly, he kissed skin with the only purpose of being on the human body is to be kissed. I dug my fingers into his back like a drowned swimmer in a turbulent ocean, as he moaned. He was the James that I knew, yet he wasn't. And, I suppose that I wasn't the same person I had once been either. A fiend had stolen our minds and made ours into bland putty.
Running his hands down the curvatures of my hips, I felt myself burn with desire that I had never felt before. It was a dangerous feeling, for I was unsure of its destruction, but I knew that I loved him. I loved everything about him. Nothing could go wrong now. Meeting my mouth with fragrant kisses, he straddled me, prepared to enter. Never before had I felt something this strong that could make me be so utterly dominated and controlled, while at the same time strong and killing.
Suddenly, James' face was replaced by Dad who stood before me like he always done with arms crossed. Dad blankly told me in the voice that he had always used, "If you ever become pregnant, the child will be immediately aborted. No questions will be asked, nor will there be any chances of adoption. Don't ruin your life because of one moment of passion. Love is blind, Alanza. If you think you can control it, then you'll be the one who gets slapped in the face in the end. One moment, one second, can change your entire life. Don't make that mistake."
Dammit, Dad was right, and I knew it. Grabbing James by the shoulders, he froze a second before I told him to. He too, had felt that something was wrong. We met eyes, both of us panting and trembling, while he looked down at me with sad, hollow eyes.
"James, I-I can't."
"I know," he responded, rolling next to me as he fumbled with the bedsheets. All of sudden the room was feeling wickedly cold. Finally, we were wrapped up in a flannel blanket, our own body heat barely keeping us warm. "I can't do to you what my father did to my mom."
"It's more than that." After all, there was such a thing called birth control, yet mistakes could not happen, and we both knew that. Had I become pregnant, my entire life would have been sucked away before my very eyes.
"I know," he agreed solemnly. "It's not right."
"No, no," I whispered, moving over on my side to face him as I caressed the side of his face. "It's too right and that's what scares me."
He nodded in affirmation, yet wouldn't meet my eyes. "You're correct."
"I'll always love you, James."
"And I'll always love you, too, Alanza."
"But not now."
"No, not now." He reached for me, pulling us closer. I rested my head against his shoulder and sobbed quietly in the darkness, while he wiped my tears away despite the fact that I felt them coming from his own eyes. We were so utterly close-separated only by a layer of skin-yet we remained miles apart. And there wasn't a damned thing that either of us could do about. Surrounded by lies and secrets that neither one was willing to expose, our lives balanced delicately on a thin strand. One mistake, and we would lose the other.
Later in the night, I awoke due to the fact that I needed to use the bathroom, and I didn't care if there was something in there that may have related to my birthday. Pulling on my dress for some modesty, I plodded over to the bathroom and locked the door behind me, fumbling for the light-switch in the darkness. While doing what I had to do, I cried so hard that the toilet seat underneath me shook. How much longer could I deny myself? Deny who I was?
When I washed my hands, I accidentally moved my head too quick and ended up smacking it against the medicine cabinet above the sink. The doors swung open and out dropped out a box. Being polite, I reached down to the floor and picked it up. There, in my hand was a used box of condoms. There were supposed to be twelve; only eight were left in the cardboard box.
Clasping my hand to my flighty chest, I gasped for air as I backed against the door. He had insisted that I was the only one in his life; that I was the only one he loved, and now I had found a pack of used condoms. It wasn't like they were his father's either because it was a brand-new package, and James had kicked his father out awhile ago.
With a heavy heart, I told myself, you have to come clean with him and he'll be clean with you, Alanza. Reluctantly sighing, I made my way back to the bedroom.
James was still asleep, but quickly managed to notice me as I sat down at the foot of the bed causing disturbance on the mattress. "Alanza?" he asked, rubbing at his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"I need to tell you something."
Moving closer, but not daring to touch me, James said, "You can tell me anything."
"I'm not like other people."
Believing that I was my usual facetious self, he laughed in mid-yawn. "That we all know."
"No, James, you see, I-"
Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Hold on, I'll be right back," James told me as he pulled on his pants and boxers. Leaving me, he turned on the hall light and moved slowly towards the door in exhaustion, but not apprehension. Although I kept my distance, I followed him nonetheless in case he was mugged in his dazed state. I was awake and alert in both shock and tension.
"Who is it?" he asked, checking the digital clock on the stereo with a quick side-glance. It was two in the morning.
"It's me," the voice answered.
"Case?"
"Yeah." Swinging the door open and seeing that it really was his friend, James stepped back with a puzzled look upon his face.
"Well, come inside. What's wrong?"
"You see-" Case began, stepping into the apartment, but he faltered as he saw me appear out of the shadows. James too, glanced behind him only to see me, then turned his attention back to his friend.
"What's wrong?" I echoed.
Case swallowed a harsh lump, and I could see in the pale apartment lighting that he had been crying. His eyes were rimmed in red, but sunk into black moons. It was obvious that he had been up for an exceedingly long time and had been sobbing the entire time. Something was definitely wrong. In a hoarse voice, he responded, "It's Max…"
"What about her? Is she okay?" I immediately asked as I moved closer to him, fearing the worst for both of my friends.
"She's hemorrhaging…" Case whispered right before he fell against the wall out of exhaustion and pure sorrow. "The baby's dead…she lost it."
