This is just a side story to Destiny's Lament, what exactly went on in Scott's head while Rogue was missing, and what he realizes while searching for clues in her room...Enjoy!


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He flipped through the journal, looking for something that could lead him to her. Rogue had been missing for nearly a month and he was going nuts. If only he had said he loved her, let her know he was there for her. He was afraid of rejection though. He sighed, and continued to flip through the leather book. A particular page caught his eye, his name written on it, within the entry.


Journal,

How can I deny how I feel? It's nothing like ever before. I love him. It's that simple. He doesn't know I remember everything yet, no one does. I don't want to remember. It's horrible, and the Scott that plays in my memory had a lust for Jean, never would I have a chance. I prefer to play dumb. I've been here a week since the car accident. In a matter of 3 days I remembered everything once again...I remember loving Scott. Being in love with Scott, to be precise. I doesn't matter though. I will keep up the charade. I don't remember *everything* but almost. Sometimes I have floods, memories I never knew I ever had. Things I didn't remember even before the accident. Oh well. It doesn't matter, and it's near time to go to bed.

- Marie Lanette Toseau(A/N: I gave Rouge a middle and last name. Part of the memories she gained back...heh...)


Scott flipped to the next page, a poem written upon it. It was called Alice.

Alice

Thunder breaks the fall of a crying girl
Chasing after rabbits in broken corridors
Smoke the catepillar's resting pipe
Don't worry, you'll wake up sometime

Always watching the tea party at a distance
Too afraid to join in the dementia
"You're safe here," they call to her
But she's been hurt too many times before

He stands in a corner, waiting
She's locked in the throne room
Only mirrors to reflect the fear inside her
She sees a stranger looking back

"Come here, little girl," he hails
She smiles nervously, backing away
"Oh, don't be afraid; I won't hurt you,"
The fangs drip crimson tears

He extends his hand to her
She hears the birds yelling vicious names
Grasping death, his hand is blazing hot
"Anticipation calls, my dear," he snorts

The pretty flowers laugh maliciously
The dormouse sleeps still; yet, she weeps alone
Her blue dress falls to the vacant floor
Blonde hair screams for release

"This won't hurt a bit," he smiles
But all she sees are painted roses
She thinks, "What am I doing here?"
She only hears the selfish queens bickering back

When will the White King wake?
"I don't belong here," is her useless plea
He grins sardonically and plunges into ivory
The key to the garden falls from the glass table

Mock turtles can't save her now
The walrus only licks his lips
The intimate line has been crossed
He stole her precious faith

The man has no face
Only eyes as cold as chains
He wraps her in his cloak of sin
She whimpers for her little Kitty

What is left when all is gone?
The Cheshire cat is grinning
She still cries; he still moves within
The mirrors are caving in

While the caucus race runs ragged
Blood drips from her chapped lips
Chastity falls from her smooth neck

He wipes his brow in exhaustion
"I'd never figure you for a quaker."
She stares blankly on as he buttons up his pants
Chanting, "It's only a nightmare. . ."

He grabs her once more for a final black kiss
"I'll call you," and he is gone
Nothing but mirrors and the past
To comfort a broken girl

Two humdrum boys pick her up
The blonde child screams in devoid protest
They dress her in spoiled Prussian
Her dress, now a jabberwocky's toy

She breaks free of the panic
And smashes the reflecting walls
Crashing down in a symphony
The cards in suit come tumbling down

Run from hatred, brace yourself for anger
Hundred miles to the kingdom
Listen to the conch along the way
We're not far from nowhere

Enter a new dream world
The chess board is far and wide
Grab the top hat and float away
Let the ground go to hell

She's just a little girl; a child
But she's falling fast
Fly away; catch the wings of a dodo
But she's afraid of the dark

A wonderland, they call it
With its fantasies, games and spoiled tricks
She waits for the phone to ring
Little does she know, Wonderland has no phone

She doesn't know it's not a dream
Glass flies by the haunted girl
No white rabbit to lead the way
The gloves are long gone by now


Wake from reality, split in two
Dive into your pool of tears
Wash away his loathsome leftovers
Let it go, live the dream

Stop this now, learn your lesson
French books glide by in sync
Wave to your studious sister
She's leaving you too

She knows it's a long fall
Kiss the tea party good-bye
Eat the cakes; drink the elixir
You're not going home.


Scott felt sick as he finished reading the poem. Was this how Rogue felt, remembering as she did. Is she feel lost and abused. She must have, how we all treated her now, how we treated her then. It was such a drastic change. He flipped to the next page. Another poem, no name, just words.

And she drives.

Fast.

Into the darkness.
The moon shadows her face.

Pain.

Now at her back,
Tears dried by the crisp wind.

And she drives.

Far.

Far from reality,
and all she once loved.
Never to return.

And she drives.
Only to escape the life she once knew.

And she drives...


It was almost like a prelude to what Rogue was going to do. Like she had been planning to run from the very beggining. Suddenly a desperation fell over him and he never wanted more to kill and kiss Rogue than ever before. He tucked the Journal into his arm safely and left her room, determined. He planned on reading the rest, but more importantly he planned on finding her right that moment.


~~*~~


Yeah...crappy, but review anyway! Thanks!

PS: The poems don't belong to me...The first one, Alice, is anonymous, but the socond one belongs to Katherine Carchich.