Notes: Once again, thanks for the reviews. I know some stuff is unexplained, but that's being sorted out, I promise.
All previous statements apply: yaoi, Kensuke, excessive use of four letter words coming, don't own Digimon, don't sue, author very poor.
All that said….
CHAPTER 3
Fear. It could choke, impair a man's ability to reason, and fracture the most perfect fantasy. Ken hated being afraid. Tension pulled at his nerves. Anxiety churned in his stomach. All because of one Daisuke Motimiya. Fighting any and all urges to flee for his life, he sat once more in the upstairs lounge, gaze locked on the stillness outside the window. Mind roaming the planes of memory, Ken decided to indulge himself a little...
Remembering all the times he had seen those shining looks in Daisuke's eyes, every time they had shared their secret smiles, all the jokes they shared only with one another about the other Digidestined, and above all, remembering how very much it hurt to let go. Still, no matter how hard Ken tried to push it back, his love for his friend remained. Learning that he now had a son, that Dai had been married, and that he had lost his wife… Ken wished he could have been there. Been there to hold him and comfort him as he surely must have needed. But now, there were no more secret smiles. Daisuke didn't look at him with the same affectionate gaze. Ken had been too afraid to tell him when he should have. Blinking away past hurts, Ken was startled at a sound behind him.
Daisuke coughed, alerting the other man to his presence. Ken turned in his chair. "How long have you been standing there?"
Shaking his head he replied, "My, my, full of questions tonight aren't we?" The frown on his old friend's stopped him. Brown eyes lowered to the floor, Daisuke spoke again, very quietly. "I'm sorry, Ken. I've been such a dick to you tonight." He looked up into wavering indigo. "But you have to understand. I left for a reason. I stayed away for a reason. You… you…" his words dropped away.
Ken stood and pulled Dai into a comforting embrace. In the years since he had last seen him, he had dreamt of holding him like this- only there was much more passion usually involved… Eventually Daisuke pushed him away. "Please, Dai, I only want to help."
Roughly wiping at his eyes, he let out a chuckle. "That's rich, coming from you, Ken-chan. Kindness, right?" Daisuke continued to laugh to himself as if there was something unbearably funny.
"For fuck's sake, Daisuke! What did I do?" He paused, then added thoughtfully, "And when did I become Ken-chan?"
He flung his arms wide. "You've always been Ken-chan! From the time I met you- the fucked up psychotic that you were. All through it. Kaiser through downfall, high school… And then you just sort of pulled away." All rants aside for a moment, he looked at Ken with raw emotion in his eyes. "It hurt."
Guilt washed over him. "Oh, oh Daisuke, I had no idea," he pulled the other man into his arms again. Dai was openly crying, soaking Ken's sweater with a puddle of salinity. Ken rocked him gently, hushing his sobs. "I wish I could have been there to meet your wife. To see Angel's birth." Running a hand through the other man's auburn hair he buried his face in the fragrant locks trying to breathe comfort into his Jogress partner. Only to find Daisuke pushing him away again.
"No, Ken, please don't," he begged. Tear tracks marked his face. "I can't do this. I can't play this game anymore. You have Miyako and I have… well, I have Angel and I know I'll find someone who will love me as much as I want." Swiping at his nose and shaking his head, Daisuke chuckled again. "Just go, Ken. Don't worry about it. None of this is your fault. Just go to your wife and forget about me."
A pale hand reached out to touch- finding only air. "Dai, what are you talking about? I could never forget you and whatever this is I fell like I'm responsible for it. Please just tell me what is going on."
Another shaky grin, a few more tears… "I love you, Ken. I always have and I always will." A moment later Daisuke's face hardened again. "Now, go back to your wife. Forget you even knew me."
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to be continued yet again…
Sorry, I wanted to update this one more time. Hope you liked it. Review if you want to.
