Rating: PG, you know, for fairy tale-ish stuff… oh, and insanity. Lots of insanity.
Feedback: I'd like that, thank you.
Distribution: At the moment, here. If someone wants it, I'd really appreciate it if you would ask me, please. I would also be completely shocked.
Spoilers: Not a single thing.
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Mutant Enemy (Joss Whedon), a wonderfully creative company whose characters I have borrowed for a completely profit-free flight of fancy. Kindly do not sue me, please, as I am terrified of you. Thank you.
Dedication: I'm dedicating this to all the people who first got to read this… and had to wait months and months between chapters, on occasion.
Author's Note: By this point, you've probably figured out this is S/D. Not that I'm planning on leaving anybody lonely…
Chapter FourWhen she arrived back home, she found all the lights had been turned out. This frightened her.
"Daddy! Where are you! Someone has painted my eyeballs black!" she shrieked in hysterics as she swung out blindly in the darkness.
"Everything's fine, sugar dumplin'," the green demon soothed her as he flipped on the lamp. "We just wanted to give you a little surprise party."
"Daddy!"
She absolutely refused to calm down until the dark-haired vampire was holding her in his arms and stroking her hair.
"It's alright, Rose," he said gently. "Come on, why don't you take a look at what everybody got you."
"I've got presents?" she asked, her eyes immediately lighting up with girlish glee.
"Just a little something from each of us," the ex-librarian said with a smile.
"You didn't get me a book, did you? All the letters dance around in my brain and make pictures of camels eating oatmeal."
Everyone took a moment to let that image form in his brain.
"Uh, no, dearheart," the Englishman said slowly. He handed her the lovely gown, and her eyes widened in rapture.
"Oh, bookman," she breathed, "this is lovely! Did you make it from a cloud?"
"Well, actually, it did appear in a puff of smoke, so almost," he said, considering this.
"Me next, precious," said the green man, handing her the brightly wrapped box. "Open it!"
It took Rose a moment or two to get over her fear of the loud paper (she was convinced it was playing an electric guitar and a gong in her brain), but when she finally unwrapped it, she smiled happily at her present.
"A pretty little rose for Rose! And this one won't die, will it?" she asked as he fastened it around her neck.
"No. But the petals fall off my rose one by one until finally I have to stay a beast forever," groaned a strange, yak-like creature wearing a royal blue suit who had roamed into their living room. Everyone stared.
You're in the wrong story, you idiot! Get out of here!
"Huh?"
Leave! Vamoose! Adios! Go look for Beauty somewhere else!
"Sorry," he grunted as he left once more. They all decided to act as though the weird occurance had never taken place.
"Do you have a present for me, Daddy?" asked Rose expectantly.
"Um, yes," he said nervously as he handed her the brown paper package.
"Tied up with string! These are a few of my favorite things."
Please, no showtunes without notice, greenie.
"Honey, that was a song cue if I ever heard one."
Well, I can see how it would be tempting. I'll let it go this time.
Black Rose undid the paper and pulled out a lovely little doll dressed in white. She gazed at it with wide eyes. Then she threw her arms around the vampire and sobbed.
"What did I do!" he hissed at the other two men who shook their heads, chalking it up to the mystery that is the female of the species.
"Th-th-thank you," Rose sobbed. "She's lovely. And I see your thoughts behind her, too. I'll always be your little girl."
The vampire smiled whistfully and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.
"I shall call her Windowshade."
Okay, I'll bite this time, no pun intended. That name is just odd.
"To a vampire, a windowshade is a very, very lovely, important thing."
Point taken. Pray continue.
The three men looked at each other and realized it was time to tell Black Rose about her other family, especially since she would be going back to them in less than twenty-four hours.
"Um, Rose, we have something we need to talk to you about," the vampire began slowly.
"I know. The red-headed witch and the weird Twinkie-boy are my other Mummy and Daddy, yes?"
"That's amazing," the Englishman said as he toppled into a wingchair. "How on earth did you…"
"Stars told me," she answered. "Not that big a matter. It's not like I'm going to live with them tomorrow or anything."
"Well, actually princess, and I use that term literally, you kind of… are," the demon said.
She looked at him as though he were crazy. "What?"
"I'm sorry. We should have told you sooner," the vampire began with a guilty look.
"But," she said as her blue eyes began to fill with tears, "what about my William?"
"Your what?" asked the Englishman with a note of panic.
"Whoops," she said after she remembered that they would not be happy about her little secrect. She gave the vampire a sheepish grin. "Sorry."
"Rose, you didn't…" the demon began as he practically collapsed into a chair.
"He won't even wake up until tomorrow night."
"Oh! You sired him! Well, if that's all…" the demon exclaimed in relief. The others just looked at him. "What?"
"Black Rose has just taken a mortal's life and turned him into one of the undead, and your reaction is 'well, if that's all'?" the Englishman said in a disbelieving voice.
"Hey, it could be worse. She could be in love with him or something, and since she's betrothed to that lawyer guy…" the demon looked squarely at the now-blushing Rose and a suspicion started to form. "Wait a minute. Rose, do a few bars of 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers'."
When she complied, the demon's eyes widened in shock.
"Oh, horse puckey. She's in love with the chump!"
The three males exchanged looks.
"Rose, how can you possibly be in love with someone you only met a few minutes ago?" asked the vampire gently.
"Oh, I know him very well. I can see inside his head. He has lovely, gooshy, sweet insides," she said dreamily. "And he'll be a wonderful warrior when the cheerleader attacks."
"Rose," said the Englishman, "I know this may seem bizarre to you," he paused momentarily, realizing that Rose lived in a perpetual state of bizarre, "but from the time shortly after you were born you have been engaged to be married to Lindsey, the prince of the country of Wolfram & Hart. Wait a moment. Narrator?"
Right here, G-Man.
"I have a question."
Fire away.
"I realize this is a fairy tale, but do you really think that the king and queen would have the personalities to put their daughter into an arranged marriage? Especially with someone from Wolfram & Hart?"
You've got a point. Give me a second and I'll come up with a mildly acceptable excuse.
"Take your time."
Ummm, they were put under an evil spell by King Holland that made them think that marrying off Rose to Lindsey was a gosh-golly-gee-swell idea?
"Hmm. Perhaps. But why would Wolfram & Hart want Rose?"
Well, uh, she is a seer. Maybe they want to use her for one of their none-too-legal business ventures?
"Alright, I will accept that – on one condition."
Name it, oh hot little English number. Aw, I made ya blush!
"The condition is that under no circumstances at the end of this story is our Rose to actually marry that evil so-and-so."
Granted. I'll figure out some bizarre plot twist that will forestall the impending nuptials. Just act like it's a complete surprise when it happens, 'kay?
"Fine. As I was saying, Rose…"
"Who were you talking to?" she asked, wide-eyed. "There's nobody else here. Are you feeling well, bookman?"
Slightly alarmed that Rose, of all people, thought he might be insane, the Englishman continued on. "Just thinking aloud. Rose, you must never see this William again and, tomorrow night, you will return to the castle to live with your other set of adoptive parents. I'm dreadfully sorry that this is the case, but, well…"
"You're acting just like you did when you gave the Slayer that nasty medicine that made her all wobbly," Rose said in tears.
"Oh, come now, nobody ever brings that up anymore," he said in annoyance.
"Rose, please, just come with us tomorrow night to the castle. Wouldn't you like to see the king and queen?" the dark-haired man said soothingly.
"You'll still be my daddy, won't you?" she said, her lip trembling.
"Just like you said, you'll always be my little girl," he intoned reassuringly, pulling her into a hug.
"Oh, this is so sweet!" the green demon said as he dabbed at his eyes. "I haven't been this moved since I saw Striesand in concert!"
Rose reluctantly agreed to go with them. Early the next morning, they started to make their way through the extensive Sunnydale sewer system to the castle.
"'Scuse me, sugar. It's me this time."
What's up, greenie?
"The wicked debutante said that she was going to get our little girl before the sun sets on her eighteenth birthday, yes?"
Correctomundo.
"Wouldn't it make more sense for us to lie low until after the sunset?"
Yup.
"So why are we leaving now?"
If you don't, it kind of wrecks the whole plot.
"But there's gotta be some kind of reason!"
Okay, this always bugged me in the original, too. Give me a minute… Got it! You decided to leave early so Rose wouldn't have the chance to run into William when he wakes up later on tonight. You're hoping for that whole out of sight, out of mind thing.
"Not bad."
Thanks. Sadly, Black Rose and her three adoptive relatives made their way through the underground tunnels. Rose walked with her dark head leaning against the vampire's chest, his arm around her comfortingly. The demon kept singing snatches of sad songs from Broadway musicals, not only because he was depressed about losing Rose, but also because the acoustics in the tunnels were fantastic. The only mortal in the group trudged along wearily, holding a torch aloft and looking decidedly glum.
After many hours, they arrived at their destination. The vampire opened a door and they exited into the basement of the castle. Oddly, instead of the usual torture chamber and prison cells, the lower level contained a washer and dryer, a clunky sofa, and a collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates. Apparently, the king was responsible for the décor.
The entire group had now reached the same broodiness level that the vampire usually displayed. They climbed a set of circular stairs until they reached the topmost level of the castle, which was housed in a tall tower.
"Rose, the sun is just about to set. Would you like a few moments alone to change your dress before you meet your parents and your fiance?" asked the Englishman gently.
Rose nodded gloomily, and the other three left the room, just as they are supposed to do in order for the story to proceed, so none of you mention how completely brain dead you would have to be to leave her at the most dangerous possible moment.
