A/N A SNEEZE challenge. I've wanted to write a Grinch parody for a long time. Heh, go me. This
fic is flame-worthy, just know that IDGARA! Ahem, yes. These were the requirements:

-Someone must say, "Sie sind Ein von ihnen!" which
is German for, "You're one of them!"
-I love this next one. CROSSDRESSING! And a heck
darn lot of it! : )
-A teacher must get the axe! (Whether they're
beheaded or fired is up to you)
-At least 3 people must die EXTREMELY unusually!
Hehe.


And THIS, is the fic!


All the students at Hogwarts
Loved Christmas a lot
But Snape, in the dungeon
Clearly did not

Old Snape hated Christmas
The whole Christmas season
You wanna know why?
Only I know the reason...

Long, long ago
When Snape was a lad
On a cold Christmas morning
A shoe killed his dad

It fell from the sky
From a blue winged llama
And knocked him right over
On top of Snape's mama

And he was so heavy
That Snape's mama broke
And she drowned in a pool
Of conveniently placed coke

So Snape sat in his dungeon
His shoes on the floor
He heard some strange music
On the other side of a door

He followed the tune
Through the halls made of stone
And found Draco Malfoy
And he wasn't alone

The huge room smelled
Of sweet butterbeer
All the Slytherins danced
With much holiday cheer

Snape turned red in fury
Grabbed Draco, and then
Screamed in his face:
"SIE SIND EIN VON IHNEN!

"You LIKE this... this Christmas!
You all do, I feel it!"
Then he got an idea...
'I know! I can STEAL it!'

He laughed like a monkey
Who was high on cocaine
And dragged Draco to his office
To give him the cane

Once in his office
He started his plan
But Malfoy cried out
"I AM NOT A MAN!

"I thought I was, really
But I must confess
I looked good wearing robes...
BUT I'M DEAD SEXY IN A DRESS!"

Snape goggled at the child
Whose skirt was quite pretty
Black tank top to match it
Purchased in New York City

"O... kay..." replied Snape
Not knowing what else to say
Then, "BEGONE!" he ordered,
"I MUST stop Christmas Day!"

So off Malfoy scampered
And tripped down the stairs
And died when he landed
But, nobody cares

So, Snape got to work
And made a Santy Claus suit
Complete with red jacket,
Hat, pants, and boots

He went off to Hogsmeade
And bought a whole lot of sacks
And while he was there
He got a dog named Max

He built a flying sleigh
And took some red thread
And put a big horn
On the top of Max's head

The clock struck midnight
And Snape set to work
He was gonna steal Christmas,
that oily old jerk!

He took all their presents!
He burned all their trees!
Decorations? All ruined!
He cackled with glee (glee, such a funny word....)

Then he went to the kitchens
And, (how very rude!)
He tied up the elves
And took all the food!

The sun was rising
When he finished the job
He hid all the loot
Waiting for the great sob

"Oh, this will be priceless!"
he snarled with a sneer,
"They'll all start crying
When they see Christmas ain't here!"

But then the students gathered
A miraculous thing
They all joined hands
And started to sing

Snape turned bright red
And then he turned blue
But then, another miracle:
His heart suddenly GREW!

He jumped out of his seat
And giggled and bounced
"I feel so... fuzzy!"
He loudly announced

He hugged Harry Potter
"I LOVE YOU!" he cried
But then an axe came out of no where
And hit him, and HE died!

So the group of dazed students
Blinked with suprise
As blood from the wound
Trickled into his eyes

"HEY!" Prathdrake shouted
From somewhere we can't see
"Stop with the blood,
this is rated PG!"

ALR said sorry
And the story went on
Dumbledore stood
"Well... Professor Snape's gone...

"Thank you, dear Neville
For throwing that axe
Now, let's go to the dungeon
And steal Christmas back!"

And the students of Hogwarts
Threw their hats towards the ceiling
For Snape was not living
Oh what a great feeling!

And they ate their great feast
Till their stomachs were rollin'
For at Hogwarts school
Christmas cannot be stolen!