Hello, all, yes it's that time again.. Just some advance info.. Kasumi is already married to Dr. Tofu, and, since I don't feel like writing them in, also, it's essential to the plot that Kasumi not be there, later, later, I have had them move away. *cry, cry* Anyway. If anyone deigns to steal this fic, their computer will be poisoned or put to sleep by my own personal Kodachi...

Holy Matrimony!

Kuno-Nabiki

Nabiki sighed, chewing desolately on her special K.

"Man, there hasn't been an ounce of decent food here since Kasumi left." She thought disgustedly. Of course, there was okonomiyaki, but one only had so much of that before they kacked. She watched the four newlyweds. well, less newly than just weds.

"I need something like that to go for me. but I was always too busy making money for all that." She slumped, chin in hand. Of course, now she had Kuno, but that wasn't a big deal. He was too stupid to make any moves that didn't involve Shakespeare, and he was too smart to let her (which really doesn't say a whole lot) Just then, Kuno popped in with a bouquet.

"Hello, my fair Nabiki!" he said brightly. It seemed that after Akane was taken, he decided to gravitate to Nabiki. Which wasn't such a bad deal for her, what with all the expensive gifts.

"Good morning, Tatewaki," Ranma said. Kuno glanced at him warily.

"I have come to see the fair Nabiki, and no one else must deign to grace my eye." He offered Nabiki the flowers, which she took, and then popped back out.

"What does the card say, Nabiki?" Akane asked. Nabiki read it.

"My dearest Nabiki, please come to a dinner at my mansion, tonight at six sharp." She said. She thought that over.

"Are you going?" Akane said. Nabiki thought.

"YES!" she shouted. The rest sweatdropped.

"Why?" they all asked.

"Finally, a decent meal!" Nabiki said, going to her room to find something to wear.

Later that day, at the Kuno mansion.

"Is everything ready?" Kuno asked his massive staff. The staff nodded profusely, "Was my twisted sister anywhere near the food?" he asked. The staff shook their heads, "Good." Kuno said. The doorbell rang. It was Nabiki, dressed in a long, flowing gown.

"Hey Kuno-baby." She said. Kuno grinned.

"Come in fair Nabiki," he said. At the top of a high stairway, Kodachi fumed.

"First I lose my dear Ranma, and now this? My brother, betraying me by proposing to one of that dread Akane's sisters! I shall NEVER get over this!" Kodachi said, "Perhaps I can find a way to ruin it. yes.." She laughed then, a noise best not described, but I will tell you that all the dogs within a three mile radius started screaming in pain. I must also tell you that pigs have almost as good hearing as dogs.. So P-chan, hiding under the table, was having a hard time keeping from screaming. Then the laughing subsided, and he went back to listening in.

".nice. Thanks for inviting me over, Kuno-baby." Nabiki was saying. Kuno grinned,

"You haven't even had the dessert, fair Nabiki.. Francois!" Kuno shouted. A stuffy butler came in, carrying a huge platter.

"What's this?" Nabiki asked. The top was taken off the platter, and on it was a tiny box. Kuno lifted the box off the platter and opened it. In it was a HUGE diamond, almost as big as Nabiki's thumbnail.

"KUNO-BABY!" she shouted, eyes wide.

"Nabiki Tendo, would you be my-" Kuno said, but just then (isn't it always) a swirl of black rose petals flew from the ceiling. Faster than a flash of lightning. Pause for effect Kodachi flipped by and snatched the ring out from Kuno's hands. She proceeded to throw it out the window, where a distant snap was heard as it was found by Mr. Green Turtle.

"My ring..." Kuno said, shattered. Nabiki walked over and gazed mildly out the window. Then she walked over to Kuno. She smiled.

"Yes." She said. Kuno looked at her, confused.

"Yes. but the ring is-" Kuno said, pointing out the window with his bokken.

"The ring is not important.." Nabiki said. Kuno smiled, and, gentleman as always, took Nabiki's hand in his own and kissed it.

An indeterminate time later. (probably somewhere around a year)

As always, the Tendo Dojo was filled with people. Again there were streamers and again there were guests. And again there was Father Random. And also again, Soun was crying.

"MY LAST DAUGHTER!!!" he shrieked, tears pouring from his eyes. The door opened. Kasumi stepped in, alone, her husband had chosen to stay home and play with his skeleton. She walked over to Soun.

"Father, what's the matter?" she asked.

"I'M LOSING MY DAUGHTERS!!!!!" He shouted. Akane stepped over.

"Don't think of it as losing a daughter, think of it as gaining a Kuno." She said. Soun thought about that for a moment, then burst into twice as fervent sobs. Ranma shrugged.

"You gotta admit, it is kinda a tragedy." he said. Akane elbowed him in the ribs.

"That's my sister's fiancee you're talking about!" She shouted. He moaned an apology. The guests sat down, and the wedding started. The groom's family's seats were occupied by the strangest bunch of people anyone had ever seen, and all with strange nicknames.. 'The green football', 'the fuchsia rocket booster', 'the light orange math book', 'the yellow rainbow' anyway.. it was a sight to see. Father Random shook his head at the collected group of crazies. He whispered to a groomsman.

"Oh, that's just because he's crazy." Ryoga said, as an explanation of why the father of the groom had a palm tree growing out of his head. He shrugged.

"All right, let's get this show on the road." The random pastor said. The bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up, they were, Akane, Kasumi, Ukyo, and Ranma, Genma, Ryoga, respectively. Kuno took his place at the front.

"OHHH, MY BABY!!!!!" Soun was crying, as he led Nabiki up the aisle. Nabiki was stunning in a dress that had a slit cut up the side and a low cut neckline. She was patting her father on the shoulder.

"Hey, uh, Tatewaki.." Ranma said. He had been wary around Kuno since his own wedding, when the entire truth had come out, "Why wasn't your sister a bridesmaid?" he asked. Kuno sighed.

"My twisted sister refused to take any part in my own wedding. Truly a pity." He said, "She told me that she would not accept me taking a sister of Akane, who she never forgave for marrying you. Of course, I believe that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." He said, in total seriousness. Ranma sweatdropped. The ceremony went on as usual, until one very crucial part.

"Whosoever wishes to protest this union, please say something now." Father Random said. A rain of black rose petals started from the ceiling.

"I protest! AHAHAHAHAHHAAA!" shouted Kodachi. She flipped down her ribbon whip, as she stood on the chandelier, "My dear brother will not marry a sister of that filthy Akane Tendo, whose wiles and evil ways have turned my Ranma into a newlywed wimp!" At this, both Akane and Ranma growled.

"Hey, that's total crap!" Ranma said.

"Shall we teach this flipping crazy a lesson?" Akane asked Ranma, as she cracked her knuckles. They both jumped up to her, and Ranma flipped around, grabbing the ribbon whip by the opposite end, and giving it a good tug. It shot out of her hand, and she was caught off balance. She windmilled her arms trying to keep from falling. The little ninja gasped.

"Miss! Miss! I'll save you!" he shouted, running beneath her.

"AHHHH!!" she screamed, falling off the chandelier. She landed on the ninja with a plop. He groaned. Kodachi moaned, rubbing her head.

"Ohh!" she groaned, "Where am I?" she said, looking around. Ukyo and Ryoga did some quick thinking.

"You must have gotten here by mistake, um, you'd better go home." Ukyo mumbled, rushing her out.

"Yeah, um, I think you may have gotten lost.." Ryoga said seriously. Ukyo gave him a look, then smacked him on the back of the head with a fan. He looked down.. They both rushed her out the door and waved.

"Bye, now! Bye! Bye! See you later! Ja ne! Hasta la vista! Salut! Guten nacht! Bienvenido! Hasta la huego!" they both said, waving. Dazed, Kodachi waved back, walking out into the streets. The little ninja followed.

"Wait Madam! Wait!" he shouted, waving. Ryoga and Ukyo gave each other high fives. Kuno, looking quite dashing in his black tux, sweatdropped.

"Oh, my poor sister.." he mumbled. Nabiki latched onto his arm. He smiled confidently. The random Pastor sweatdropped.

"Right, well, Um, Oh, yes, you may kiss the bride!" The pastor said. And he did.

Later, at the party, hosted at Ucchan's,

"YAY!!!" Soun was shouting. Nabiki's eyes widened.

"What's the deal, daddy dearest?" she asked, questioningly. Soun smiled.

"I just realized, all my daughters are married off!" he said happily. Nabiki raised an eyebrow. She took the cup out of her father's hand.

"I think you may have had a bit too much sake, daddy." She mumbled. Kuno grinned.

"Oh, my fair Nabiki, now that you are married to me, you won't have any need to sell pictures, or various other things for money! You will always have money, no matter what, and! You can buy more than two outfits, I'll help!" he shouted. Nabiki raised an eyebrow and thought at that one.

"No more? More outfits?" she sighed.

"But, Kuno-baby.." she said.

"Yes?" he said.

"If I still want to, can I?" she asked. Kuno sweatdropped.

"Of course." He sighed. Kuno walked off to keep his family from destroying things with their various types of wooden swords, or knocking things over with their bonsai trees, or cracking the glass with their laughs. Akane walked over, looking a tad shattered.

"I just realized something onee-chan." she said. Nabiki frowned.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Now, Kodachi is your sister-in-law." She said. Nabiki looked scared to death. Kuno came back. Nabiki looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

"Kuno-baby." she said.

"What?" he said.

"Hold me!" she said in utter terror. He smiled and held her close.

"Ah, it's wonderful to have a wife.." he thought, "It makes me feel.poetic.." He stood up straighter.

"My fair Nabiki, none can compare, to the softness of your brown hair," he shouted. Ranma sweatdropped.

"Oh, great, now that got him started." He mumbled.

"At this rate, he'll never stop!" Ukyo said, shaking.

"And your eyes, like to bright dots, of stars show that I love you lots.." he continued. Genma held up a sign reading,

"Like to Dickinson, ne?"

"Your lips like fire, your hands like ice, upon my skin, they feel so nice." He said. The entire room sweatdropped.

"Really, Kuno, this is a little more than we need to know." Ryoga said.

"And when you touch, your hand to me, I feel my eyes begin to see." He continued. Nabiki wasn't mortified, for some odd reason, "And though it lasts but a moment's lull, I know our love is eternal.." he finished. Nabiki smiled.

"That'll be two hundred yen for that lovely poetry recital.." She said. The room gasped.

"TWO HUNDRED YEN!" they shouted.

"Ne, It's because it was impromptu, much harder." Nabiki said. The populace opened their wallets as they filed out the door. As they passed, they mumbled things like,

"Highway Robbery.."

"Why do I even come to these weddings?" and

"God damn it, I was so sure she was a lesbian.." Kuno turned to Nabiki and smiled. They embraced, and it was all very touching. As they embraced, Nabiki whispered something. Kuno looked at her.

"What was that, My fair Nabiki?" he said.

"Nothing, Kuno-baby." She said, smiling. She kissed him softly on the forehead.

LATER.. at home.

"How did she manage to do that without me noticing?" Kuno asked. Nabiki smiled sweetly. And on Kuno's forehead, in red lipstick, read 'incompetent'

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER