Forever and a Day
Songfic to "I Promise You" by Judith Owens
Second in a series of short, angsty songfics
In the morning
When I wake, dear
You're memory comforts me
He's gone. I remember now, and I know that he's gone. Someone tell me how I'm going to get through this in a relatively small amount of pieces, since I know I'll never be whole again. Leo and Piper, Piper and Leo. We were one person, held together by and endless love that was stronger than time.
But not stronger than poison.
He's gone, killed by the only enemy he ever had, and I am left alone to care for our daughter. Our daughter… God, how am I going to tell her? How can I tell her that her father, the joy of her heart, won't be home to tuck her in? To kiss her goodnight or to turn her nightlight on or to leave the door open so the right amount of light comes in? For Christ's sake, she only five years old. No one should have to have their heart ripped out at five. Believe me, I know.
In the darkness
When I'm frightened
I can see you in my dreams
I don't know how I can handle this. I've had too much loss in my life. First Dad, then Mom and Grams, then Prue. Now Leo has been taken away from me, my one comfort through it all. Through everything, from cut fingers, to my sister's death, to Melinda's birth. He was there, right by my side, to help heal my pain. But where was I when he needed me? What did I do to help him? Nothing. I did nothing. There was nothing I could do to make him suffer even a little bit less. I remember I promised him that it would be okay, that nothing bad would happen. Call me a liar...
Though I'm far, dear
Though we're parted
I know that time can change nothing
So if you feel affright
And if you're hope is gone
Just remember all these things I promised you
It's not fair. I'm a good person, I was a good wife. Now I'll be a good widow. It's like history keeps repeating itself over and over, as if They enjoy messing with my mind. I feel like no one is here anymore, no one to talk to and cry with. Mel is too young, too small to understand that Daddy's gone. Forever. That just makes me even more upset, that she'll grow up never knowing who her father was, and how many lives he changed. God, that sounds so corny, but it's true. He did so many things for strangers, and he gave up his life for us. In a few years, Mel will come to me and say, "Mom, tell me about Daddy," and the only thing that I'll likely be able to say is that her father changed my life. He showed me that love can work for anyone, that when you love someone, you show it in everything you do. He had so much love in him. For me, for Mel, for life. I miss that the most, how much he loved life. I'd do anything to have that back, with him in my arms.
I will move heaven
I will move hell and earth to be where you are
I will move heaven
And it may take one life
It may take forever
But I promised you
I tried summoning him this morning. For hours I sat in that moldy old attic and cried, repeating those damned words over and over. Like it would help. I can't get past the fact that he's gone. Gone. I remember holding him in my arms, the arrow protruding hatefully from his side, and letting him slip away. He never spoke, just gripped my hand tightly in his as he closed his eyes forever. I held him for hours, hoping to revive the warmth in his body and the strength in his heart.
I never told him that I loved him as he went
Phoebe and Paige tried to help, but they just don't get it. Paige has her fiancé and Phoebe has Cole and their baby, Jonah. They still have each other. They are whole. This is one thing they can't empathize with me about. They can't follow me to this place that I go to get away. They haven't reached it yet. Me and Mel, we're the Halliwell outcasts. It took a while for it to sink in, but my baby knows that Daddy won't be home for dinner, or for her dance recital next week, or her first date, or her prom…
As I sail through
Stormy seas, dear
You come to still my heart
God, have I been selfish. This isn't about me, or about Leo, or even about our lives together. It's about her. She's the one with the life to lead, with something to lose if she doesn't get over her grief. Here I am, ranting about how upset I am, and my daughter is all alone, trying to figure out where Daddy went. I'm supposed to be the strong one, and it took a look at her to give me the strength I need. I have to keep going, I have to live my life. Love it like Leo did, and not waste it crying over myself. My baby needs me, now more than ever. And I need her.
As I walk through
The path of danger
You lead me through the dark
I'll always love Leo, no matter what happens in the future, but he wouldn't want me to waste my life by living in solitude, away from the comforts of the people I love, and who love me. He showed me how to live, how to love, and how to hold on to the ones who matter most. I'm not going to throw that away now, just when I think the road had gotten tough. So, Leo, I want you to know that I love you always. And don't worry about Mel and I, I think we'll be okay. I guess this is so long, But not goodbye. We'll see each other again, you and I. We're soul mates, remember? I love you, forever and a day.
Though I'm far, dear
Though we're parted
I know that time can change nothing
So if you feel affright
And if your faith is gone
Just remember all these thing I promised you
I will move heaven
I will move hell and earth to be where you are
I will move heaven
And it may this life
It may take forever
But I promise you
I promise you
Fin
