Disclaimer: I really don't own any of the characters or anything, so... yeah don't sue!
Journal
I really like to watch the rain fall, and splatter against the window. It makes a soft splattering sound as it dies against an invisible barrier. Rain is like my soul, I once said, it's formed by many things and clouded by pollutants, but most of all: it dies when it collides with an invisible obstacle. That's what I feel like now: the rain. Before, I thought it was a respect for the water nature so steadily sends to the grave, now I know better.
Lightening flashes, but there is no thunder, I suppose it should be odd, but strangely enough: it seems very fitting. Just a small illumination in an otherwise black covering. The momentary light blasted through the raindrops and the streaks on water on my window: creating eerie pictures on my wall. I know that the pictures are there, though I watch the rain, Filia says that's what happens when you watch something too much. I can't help it though, when the rain falls I feel like I'm viewing my own soul as it comes crashing down. It's nice.
I know it's strange for a dragon to find the thought of death soothing, but after my life I don't think anything is strange. Oh, I can remember what my life (er... lives) was like before everything happened. My sister was the cutest little hatchling, and my three older brothers would always pick on me. No, that's not right, Eltia, the eldest, was good to me. Reminiscing about the past doesn't get me anywhere, but I can't really think of anywhere I want to go. Besides, with my past, it takes up your present and your future.
Heh, never thought I'd be one to write things down like this: I never was too good with my feelings. I suppose that's something I picked up from Filia, "If you aren't going to tell me, tell yourself." Interesting, that gold, I think she's the only decent one among those murderers. Really, the ones born after my clan's slaughter aren't to be blamed, I know that now... After living through all this, I've learned a lot, and that's one of those things.
Oh, the memories are coming back to me again... Filia and the others had hoped that I wouldn't remember, but I did... I remember summoning DarkStar to this world, wanting to purify it... I was fooling myself: I wanted to destroy it, to destroy all the hatred, the contradictions- everything. Lina-san stopped me, with Filia, and the damned mazoku priest and general. I still hate that jerk, but only based on a hatred I hold so deep in me I can't see to let it go.
There I go again... I really don't understand how I am able to write these things. I haven't written for at least 1000 years, let alone in anything impersonating this type of speech. Back when Gaav-sama died, I couldn't even think straight long enough to form sentences that weren't crude, and rude... The hate-drenched ones towards the Golds, yes, but emotions that strong can make any being do anything. Oh, well, I suppose I should get over it before I bore myself.
I've returned myself to Lord Cephied, I should have said that earlier. I guess it's not as important as my thoughts at the moment: It's times like this that I am glad that I CAN write like this, or I'd go insane... again. But anyway, like I said earlier: I have decided to follow Lord Cephied again. I know it's kind of weird, but after my 20th year of my rebirth, I had to find out some things. That's how I met him, yeah me, *I* talked with Lord Cephied. I was a hot-head back then, with wars brewing inside me I couldn't even recognize: but he's more understandable than I gave him credit for.
In certain ways, I'm not entirely dragon in my thought process though. I mean, I call him Lord Cephied, but that's just for respect. Now, he's like an uncle, funny that... I don't think I really deserve a relationship like that, but it's for the better. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really depressed about all the 'sins' I've committed against M'Lord, at all. I still think some of what I did was right, and the rest extravagant, but not intentional. I won't take blame, the priest reprimand me for that, but what do they know? Have they ever spoken directly with Lord Cephied? Or talked with a Demon King AND another Dragon God?
I have, but I don't feel like writing that tonight: It's too much after everything else I've written. So well written... I will read over this again, I can tell. I'm babbling about how astounded I am that I wrote this clearly, know I think I've got it: Zelgadiss. Yeah, after a while Filia couldn't take how down and thoughtful I was. Like I said: I can't express myself and my emotions very well, or at least until that one trip. Zel had come, begrudgingly I recall, when Filia asked him to take me on one of his travels. Neither of us liked the idea, I was growing up a third time, and already had my adult mind, but I was in a 16 year old body. Zel knew that, and didn't want to deal with me: especially as a baby-sitter.
That first night we were by the fire and just glaring at our shoes. I can't remember exactly how it happened, but somehow we got into a hot-head feud that lead to a mock-fight. It was actually kind of fun, and once it ended we got over it all, and sorta went from there. It must have been good for both of us: we really are so much alike in some respects.
The rain has almost stopped, I can tell it's letting up. My beautiful soul-watching had ended again, but I'm not upset: I know my own soul is still falling. Maybe one of these days I'll reach a bottom... that would be nice. Until then, I think I'll watch the rain drip, and splatter: injured and dying slowly on my window.
- Valgaav Aira
Journal
I really like to watch the rain fall, and splatter against the window. It makes a soft splattering sound as it dies against an invisible barrier. Rain is like my soul, I once said, it's formed by many things and clouded by pollutants, but most of all: it dies when it collides with an invisible obstacle. That's what I feel like now: the rain. Before, I thought it was a respect for the water nature so steadily sends to the grave, now I know better.
Lightening flashes, but there is no thunder, I suppose it should be odd, but strangely enough: it seems very fitting. Just a small illumination in an otherwise black covering. The momentary light blasted through the raindrops and the streaks on water on my window: creating eerie pictures on my wall. I know that the pictures are there, though I watch the rain, Filia says that's what happens when you watch something too much. I can't help it though, when the rain falls I feel like I'm viewing my own soul as it comes crashing down. It's nice.
I know it's strange for a dragon to find the thought of death soothing, but after my life I don't think anything is strange. Oh, I can remember what my life (er... lives) was like before everything happened. My sister was the cutest little hatchling, and my three older brothers would always pick on me. No, that's not right, Eltia, the eldest, was good to me. Reminiscing about the past doesn't get me anywhere, but I can't really think of anywhere I want to go. Besides, with my past, it takes up your present and your future.
Heh, never thought I'd be one to write things down like this: I never was too good with my feelings. I suppose that's something I picked up from Filia, "If you aren't going to tell me, tell yourself." Interesting, that gold, I think she's the only decent one among those murderers. Really, the ones born after my clan's slaughter aren't to be blamed, I know that now... After living through all this, I've learned a lot, and that's one of those things.
Oh, the memories are coming back to me again... Filia and the others had hoped that I wouldn't remember, but I did... I remember summoning DarkStar to this world, wanting to purify it... I was fooling myself: I wanted to destroy it, to destroy all the hatred, the contradictions- everything. Lina-san stopped me, with Filia, and the damned mazoku priest and general. I still hate that jerk, but only based on a hatred I hold so deep in me I can't see to let it go.
There I go again... I really don't understand how I am able to write these things. I haven't written for at least 1000 years, let alone in anything impersonating this type of speech. Back when Gaav-sama died, I couldn't even think straight long enough to form sentences that weren't crude, and rude... The hate-drenched ones towards the Golds, yes, but emotions that strong can make any being do anything. Oh, well, I suppose I should get over it before I bore myself.
I've returned myself to Lord Cephied, I should have said that earlier. I guess it's not as important as my thoughts at the moment: It's times like this that I am glad that I CAN write like this, or I'd go insane... again. But anyway, like I said earlier: I have decided to follow Lord Cephied again. I know it's kind of weird, but after my 20th year of my rebirth, I had to find out some things. That's how I met him, yeah me, *I* talked with Lord Cephied. I was a hot-head back then, with wars brewing inside me I couldn't even recognize: but he's more understandable than I gave him credit for.
In certain ways, I'm not entirely dragon in my thought process though. I mean, I call him Lord Cephied, but that's just for respect. Now, he's like an uncle, funny that... I don't think I really deserve a relationship like that, but it's for the better. Don't get me wrong, I'm not really depressed about all the 'sins' I've committed against M'Lord, at all. I still think some of what I did was right, and the rest extravagant, but not intentional. I won't take blame, the priest reprimand me for that, but what do they know? Have they ever spoken directly with Lord Cephied? Or talked with a Demon King AND another Dragon God?
I have, but I don't feel like writing that tonight: It's too much after everything else I've written. So well written... I will read over this again, I can tell. I'm babbling about how astounded I am that I wrote this clearly, know I think I've got it: Zelgadiss. Yeah, after a while Filia couldn't take how down and thoughtful I was. Like I said: I can't express myself and my emotions very well, or at least until that one trip. Zel had come, begrudgingly I recall, when Filia asked him to take me on one of his travels. Neither of us liked the idea, I was growing up a third time, and already had my adult mind, but I was in a 16 year old body. Zel knew that, and didn't want to deal with me: especially as a baby-sitter.
That first night we were by the fire and just glaring at our shoes. I can't remember exactly how it happened, but somehow we got into a hot-head feud that lead to a mock-fight. It was actually kind of fun, and once it ended we got over it all, and sorta went from there. It must have been good for both of us: we really are so much alike in some respects.
The rain has almost stopped, I can tell it's letting up. My beautiful soul-watching had ended again, but I'm not upset: I know my own soul is still falling. Maybe one of these days I'll reach a bottom... that would be nice. Until then, I think I'll watch the rain drip, and splatter: injured and dying slowly on my window.
- Valgaav Aira
