Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine, though I wish it was, then things would have turned out differently. ~_^

**:Song Lyrics

Back to You
Chapter 2

"Who are you?"

Placing her fingers against the cool surface of the mirror, Hilde asked the question again.

Staring back at her was the face of a complete stranger. She didn't recognize herself, not even underneath all the fancy coverings. Taking her index finger, she traced the contours of her heart shaped face. She noticed the lines at the corners of her eyes; the frown that seemed etched in her forehead, the worry lines around her mouth.

Hilde slowly pulled her hand away from the mirror and brought it to her shoulder as she turned away from the vanity mirror in her bathroom. Sighing, she stepped back into her bedroom and sat down on a small cushioned stool. Holding her chin in her right hand, she looked down at the floor.

Earlier that afternoon, she had heard the commotion as everyone else arrived. She popped out of her room long enough to greet the rest of the crew, noticing that Duo was not among them. She breathed a sigh of relief and felt disappointed at the same time. Along with the Heero, Relena, Wufei and Sally, other guests such as business partners, family and famous friends arrived at the mansion for the party.

Lunch had been a quiet affair without Duo's presence. Hilde had been introduced to so many people; she couldn't remember the names of half of them. After lunch had concluded, Hilde excused herself and returned to the solitude of her room. She was aware of the fact that the rest of the guests had been housed in the west wing, while she was kept in the east wing, not too far from Quatre and Trowa's room. She smiled at the thoughtfulness of her friend.

Pushing herself off the stool, she decided it was time to face the music. Literally. The party had been underway for about 45 minutes, while she had sat up here and contemplated on whether or not to make an appearance. Fifteen minutes ago, guilt overrode better judgment and Hilde walked over to the closet and pulled out the dress bag. As she took hold of the doorknob, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the full-length mirror across the room.

The strapless, velvet navy blue dress had been out of style for a couple of months, but it was the only thing she could afford on her budget. Depending on the way the light hit the dress; it could be mistaken for black. The bodice of the dress fit over her curves like a glove. Hilde smiled at the fact that this dress not only gave her the appearance of having breasts, but the double slits on the side of the skirt made her appear taller than her 5'4" frame. Cocking her head to the side, she decided the dress was very flattering on her. She had only spent a couple of minutes on her make-up; since she never wore any during normal days, the little she had applied had enhanced her natural beauty. Her midnight black hair was secured in a sloppy bun by lacquered chopsticks.

She liked the way she looked in the dress, like a woman. But she also knew it was just a facade; playing dress up as a child and pretending to be someone else.

The real Hilde preferred demin and cotton over satin and lace. Corn dogs and football games to escargot and cricket. She was outgoing, or at least she used to be. Maybe that's why she didn't recognize herself anymore. The spark she had once had for life was now just an ember.

Hilde's blue eyes widened as she realized exactly who was finally staring back at her in her own reflection. For the first time, she could clearly see her own reflection. Maybe she had been blind to the fact or subconsciously ignored it, but she was no longer the same girl, she had grown up. She looked deeper into her reflection, seeing all the changes in herself and she became sadder. The person looking back at her was the new Hilde, the one that kept moving forward, created a new life. The hardest part was she knew that she had to keep moving forward even if she had to leave a big part of herself behind. Dropping her gaze from the mirror, Hilde walked out of the bedroom, pulling the door closed.

****************

The terrace was the perfect way to sneak into the ballroom. Couples sharing chaste kisses and groups of people discussing business were spread out on the patio. Sliding out of the shadows, Hilde moved forward and grabbed a crystal flute full of white wine from the tray a waiter was holding, as he was flirted with one of the partygoers.

The party was in full swing by the time Hilde stepped onto the brick patio, letting the laughter and music wash over her before she stepped through the open doors. She felt more comfortable coming through the back door, instead of drawing attention to herself by descending the main stairs that lead into the room.

Beautiful chandeliers hung from the ceiling, their lights dimmed, casting the ballroom in a romantic glow. The outer fringes of the room held numerous tables and buffet tables overflowing with food, while the middle of the ballroom had been reserved for dancing. An orchestra played from a raised stage in the far corner of the room.

She chose to stand near on of the columns next to the patio doors, sipping on her wine. That way she would be able to watch everything and also make an unnoticed exit after she had given birthday wishes to Quatre. Hilde scanned the crowd of people, nameless faces, looking for the birthday boy when she saw them standing together.

Hilde watched as they chatted with each other with such ease, though from what she knew, Heero wasn't much of a conversationalist. She felt a twinge of jealousy as she watched them interact. Hilde had never really been a part of their 'clique'. Duo had dragged her along to different events and parties held by his friends, but she had felt like the third wheel. Sure, they had all been nice to her, but she realized long ago that they were being polite because she was a 'friend' of Duo's. The only person in the group that had actually befriended her was Quatre.

After Libra, Quatre had come to visit her in the hospital, bringing her flowers and a friendly smile. He had sat with her during visiting hours, chatting about nothing in particular to the meaning of life. She knew that Quatre was the reason why Duo had come to visit her two days before she was released from the hospital. Though Quatre already had nearly 30 sisters, he treated her as a young sister, constantly looking out for her well being. She cherished their friendship.

Hilde placing her empty glass down, she pushed away from the column and was about to make her way over to the small group, when she saw him moving back over to the group, plate of food in his hand. Quickly, Hilde pulled back into the dim light near the patio door.


His long hair had been pulled back into his patented braid. He wore a dark black tuxedo, just as every other man in the ballroom, put he seemed to stand out among the crowd. Duo's back was to her, so didn't feel too guilty caressing his body with her eyes. 'It's got to be a sin to look that good in a tux.' Hilde continued to let her eyes roam up his body. As her eyes crested his shoulder, she made contact with a pair of deep Prussian blues eyes. She quickly turned her head and moved out onto the patio. She should have known better to stand there and gawk at them. Heero had an uncanny sense to know when he was been watched. 'God only knows how long he had been watching me staring at them.' Hilde turned her eyes upward, looking at the fake nighttime sky.

'The quicker you go in there, the quicker you can wish Quatre a Happy Birthday, and get the hell out of here.' After straightening her shoulders and smoothing the skirt of her dress, Hilde marched back into the party. She glanced over at previous place where the group had been and noticed that Quatre and Trowa were no longer standing there. She politely made her way through the crowd, searching for the both of them. After about 20 minutes, Hilde gave up and decided to sit down.

Hilde watched as the people moved across the dance floor with such grace. It reminded her of the antique jewelry box she had found at a yard sale. There was a knob on the back that you turned, winding up the internal gears and when you opened the lid of the box, a prince and princess danced along a small-mirrored surface inside. She was so lost in the memory of watching the tiny figurines dancing, that she didn't realize the shadow standing over her.

"Hilde, would you like to dance?"

Hilde tilted her face up and found intense green eyes staring down at her. She started to tell him 'No', when Trowa slightly bowed at his waist and as he straightened, he took hold of her hand and lead her to the dance floor. The sound of her heels clicking across the floor as she followed Trowa resounded loudly in her head. 'Great. Now I'll really be drawing attention to myself.' She sent Trowa a pleading look, but he chose to ignore it. Putting one hand on her waist and taking hold of her hand with his other, they began to move with the music.

****************

"... The summit isn't for a couple of days, so Heero and I are planning to take a quick 'vacation' before hand.'

"Relena Yuy, you take a vacation? I've been trying to get you to take one for years, but you refused to listen to doctors orders, so why now?" Sally questioned her friend.

"It's because she has 'other' things to be doing now while she's on vacation, not just sit and read a book." Duo replied, watching Relena blush and Heero glare at him.

Wufei and Sally joined Duo in some giggles at the newly weds expense. Wufei lifted his glass to his mouth, hoping for a sip of his drink. But the glass came to a stop half way to his mouth, as he noticed Trowa out of the corner of his eye. "Well, there's something you don't see everyday." He muttered.

"What are you talking about?" His wife asked.

Motioning out to the dance floor with the hand holding his drink, Wufei stated. "That. Trowa dancing with a woman."

Everyone quickly turned their attention out toward the dance floor, trying to search out Trowa among the crowd of people. Finally, Trowa and his partner came into view.

Duo nearly dropped his own glass, his eyes widening in surprise. "Hilde?"

The last time he had seen Hilde, beyond the vid-phone, was the day she boarded the shuttle bond for Earth. It nearly killed him to stand there and let her go. One salty tear slid down his face as he watched the shuttle depart the colony three years ago. He had made his choice and she had made hers. He had meant it when he said that making love to her was a mistake. He felt as if he was holding her back, like a bird with clipped wings. Duo knew she deserved better things in her life, than to be stuck beside a person who had no idea about living. So Duo pretended that the night they shared had meant nothing to him, but he was only fooling himself.

As more and more people moved out on the dance floor, he looked on as Trowa tightened his hold on Hilde. Duo had to berate himself for the white-knuckle grip he had on the crystal glass. He had nothing to be jealous over, Trowa was only her friend and he had no claim to Hilde; he'd made sure of that three years ago.

Watching her glide across the dance floor with Trowa almost knocked the breath out of him. He had hoped that she would attend the party, so he could see her, even if it was from a distance. Here he was, standing on the sidelines, watching the object of his dreams dancing across the room and no one had even bothered to tell him that she had been in the same room with him all this time.

Relena laid a hand on Duo's shoulder. "You didn't know she was here?"

Before he turned to face his friends, he made sure he hid the hurt that shone in his dull cobalt eyes. "Nope. She didn't tell me she was coming." Setting his drink on a nearby table, Duo excused himself from the group and went in search of a certain blond haired Arabian.

Leaving his friends staring at his back, Duo made his way through the throng of people gathered in the ballroom. It didn't take him too long to find Quatre; all he had to do was look for the largest cluster of people in the building.

Quatre had been talking to an important diplomat when he caught the narrowed glare of an angry God of Death coming closer toward him. Inwardly cringing, Quatre rolled his eyes. 'He must have spotted Trowa and Hilde. I honestly believe Trowa is trying to goad Duo's temper.' Kindly brushing off the stuffy representative, Quatre headed in Duo's direction.

"Boy, the night has been full of surprises, hasn't it, Q-man?" The sarcasm evident in Duo's low voice. "Why didn't you tell me that Hilde was here?"

Quatre, being the ever-present voice of reason in the group, held his hands up in front of his body. "It wasn't my place to tell you she was here."

Duo lowered his gaze to the floor and let out a huge sigh. He had no right taking out his frustrations on Quatre. He was both hurt and upset with the beautiful sprite out on the dance floor. She had hid from him. Duo knew if it wasn't for Trowa pulling her out on the dance floor, he might not have ever known she had attended the party.

Quatre looked past Duo and noticed the dance had ended. Trowa had bowed to Hilde, while she gave him her best curtsy. Quatre watched as his lover turned a mischievous look towards him and grabbed Hilde's hand; leading her off the dance floor and directly towards Duo.

Hilde had to smile. Trowa was a wonderful dancer; he moved with such grace, she felt clumsy in comparison to him. All the twirling had sent the glass of wine she had straight to her head. The room was still somewhat spinning, so she gladly let Trowa lead her. She was hoping he was leading her toward a table so she could sit down, but when the fog cleared, Hilde found herself only 20 feet from Duo and closing fast.

Hilde shot Trowa a seething look, hoping that he would take the hint and quickly change directions. But he only chuckled and whispered, "This is for your own good. For the both of you."

Duo looked up as the sound of clicking heels on the marble floor grew louder and saw Hilde moving toward him. He saw a look of apprehension in her eyes, and knew that the look mirrored his own. For the first time in his life, Duo was at a loss for words. Good thing Quatre wasn't.

"Hilde, you looked wonderful out there. Not too many people can keep up with Trowa." An honest smile appeared on Quatre's face.

Hilde blushed a little. "Well, he's a great partner, even complimented me when I stepped on his toes."

"You should always compliment a lady, wouldn't you agree Duo?"

Duo turned his attention to the raven-haired woman that stood in front of him. His mouth grew drier than the desert in the summer; his tongue felt too heavy to form words. Never taking his eyes off Hilde, he merely nodded his head.

Silence dragged on for only a minute, before Trowa walked between them and grabbed Quatre by the elbow and started to drag him away. "Quatre, weren't you suppose to introduce me to the Arabian ambassador from X7-02. If you'll both excuse us." Before Quatre could protest, Trowa had him nearly across the room.

"Trowa . . ."
"Happy Birthday, Quatre. Before you start, little one, I know what you're about to say."
"You do?"
"Yes. You're going to ask if I read your mind when you blew out the candles on your cake."

Quatre blushed as he smiled. "Thank you, Trowa." He was thankful the dim lighting masked the blush that crept up his face as he asked the next question. "That isn't all you had planned for my birthday present, was it?"

Dropping his hand from his elbow, Trowa ran his index finger down his lover's arm. "No. I have more in store for you." Trowa answered. Hoping the party would quickly die down, they continued into the crowd.

****************

Cobalt eyes held cornflower blue ones, neither set darting away or breaking the contact.

"Hilde . . ."
"Duo . . ."

Uneasy laughter escaped both of them. Hilde took the initiative, gesturing toward Duo. "You go first."

He stared at Hilde for a couple of seconds. 'You look absolutely beautiful.' The thought ran across his mind, but instead of voicing the wayward thought, he stuffed his hands into the deep pockets of his pants. Rocking back on his heels, he asked, "How are things on Earth?"

Hilde flashed him a quick sad smile. "Fine. I have finals in two weeks. Graduation takes place the Saturday morning following finals week."

"And after graduation, what are you planning to do? You going to stay on Earth or come back to L2?"

Hilde quietly observed Duo through her thick eyelashes. Was there a hint of hopefulness in his voice or was it her wishful thinking? "I'm . . . I'm not sure just yet. I have a lot of different options to choose from."

Duo sent her one of his 100-watt grins. "But you'll tell me when you've decided, right?"

"Of course." As she continued to talk to him about her college life and her classes, trading funny stories with him, she thought back to what she had just told him. ' "I may run and hide, but I never lie." Duo's personal motto. Thank goodness I never adopted his motto for my own.'

Finally the both of them ran out of stories to swap, a silence grew between them.

The orchestra picked that moment to clear the way for a young woman as she made her way onto the stage, followed by Quatre.

Quatre made his way to the microphone. "I consider you all my dear friends and would like to thank you all for coming out to my 21st birthday party. Please feel free to linger as you may need, but I know most of you must catch early flights back in the morning. I would like to introduce Ms. Cyndi Thomson who will sing the finally song of the evening. Once again, thank you all."

Applause filled the ballroom, as Quatre made is way down the stage stairs. As the young woman moved in front of the microphone, couples started to move toward the dance floor.

Hilde watched as Heero lead Relena out on to the floor. Duo looked at Hilde as she continued to stare out into the crowd of people moving onto the floor. Reaching out, he lightly touched her bare arm. Hilde quickly swung her eyes to meet his. "Come on, Hilde. One last dance. For old times sake."

"Okay."

As Duo lead her on to the dance floor, as the music began to flow over the floor, he said, "I won't be held responsible for any damage done to your toes." Hilde giggled.

Placing her hand on his shoulder and taking hold of his other hand, they began to dance as the lyrics began.

*It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch
Breathing the same air
You asked me how I'd been
I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine
Oh but baby I was lying*

Duo frowned as he realized that Hilde was staring at his chest, refusing to look him directly in the eyes. But what had he expected, that she would be overjoyed to see him? Throw her arms around him, like she had done years ago, and smile at him? No, Hilde wouldn't do that again and that's the way he wanted it, wasn't it? Duo was happy that she didn't seem to be aware that his palms had grown sweaty and he was breathing harder as he held her in his arms.

*What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night
I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say*

Hilde continued to stare at Duo's chest through her own misty eyes. How many times had she dreamed at night of being held in his arms again? Every night, since the night they made love. Sure dancing with him may not have been the same intimate holding that haunted her at night, but it was nice to 'feel' him. To feel the warmth that radiated off his body and the tight cords of muscles hidden under his coat jacket.

*And as you walked away
The echo you my words
Cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held on to my pride
And watched you go
I wonder if you'll ever know*

Holding Hilde in his arms was one of the hardest things he had to do because he knew that when the song ended, he would have to let go of her. Part of him wanted to let her go now, so it would be easier to walk away. However, the other part wanted the song to never end so they could remain stuck in the moment. Duo sighed, knowing that his mind would overrule his heart. He would watch her walk away, again.

*What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
I'm still holding on
And here's the honest truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say*

As the song faded to an end, the couples broke apart and applauded. Hilde reluctantly let go of Duo's hand and stood beside him as she clapped. The young woman took her bow and headed off the stage, shaking hands with various party guests. She kept her gaze focused on the front of the room, waiting for her tears to clear before she turned to face Duo.

"Duo, are you still going to take me on a tour of the gardens?"

The sweet voice came from behind them. Hilde felt her tears automatically disappear. She turned to look behind her to find a tall blond standing in a cerulean blue dress.

"Hilde, I'd like you to meet Andrea McPherson. Andrea, this is my friend Hilde Schbeiker."

Hilde forced herself to shake the young woman's hand. "It was very nice to meet you." Looking around, she was unable to find a clock. Sighing she just went with the lame excuse anyway. "Well, it's getting late and I have a 6:00am flight tomorrow." She turned her face to Duo. "I'm happy that things are going well. I'll be in touch." Quickly, spinning on her heel, Hilde hurried out of the room, not hearing Duo call her name as she headed out on the patio.