Early the next morning Rupert stood in his garden, thinking. His shock of last night had faded and now he didn't know what to feel. The only thing that pleased him was the memory of leaving Mera's house calmly this time, saying goodnight and walking slowly throught the village to his home. He knew he hadn't fooled her for a second.
He remembered only vaguely the conversation they'd had about her offer. He'd tried to talk rationally, questioning her about why they'd chosen him, telling her what his initial feelings were; how even if he wanted to he couldn't think of considering it when Olivia was about to die before her time. He clearly recalled Mera's response to that one: "That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long while." Then she cut off his spluttering protests. "Don't fret about Olivia, Rupert. Path agrees that if she wants to she can come too. She's a worthwhile woman."
Rupert had sat stunned after that and Mera had smiled at him. "To add three more to our family is, for Path and I, a wonderful thought. But don't worry - I won't push. I won't mention it until you do, even if that means never again. All right?"
Now, shivering in a chilly wind, Rupert found himself thinking about how old he was. He was shocked at what he was doing, but, like an understanding psychiatrist, he knew why he was doing it. Nothing like an offer of immortality to get a person thinking about death, eh? To get them thinking about age, about how the years fly past faster and faster as you get older until it reaches the point where you barely have time to get used to a year starting before Spring and Summer are gone and the leaves are falling and woosh! you're putting up Christmas tinsel again. The nineties? Where the hell did they go?
Faster and faster, and here comes the big five-oh, see it? Standing just over there, grinning and waving at you?
If you're lucky you might have another thirty or forty years - which will pass by like five, you stupid bastard - and you still have a thousand things to do and a million books to read and you'll never. have. time. The places in the world you've always wanted to see - stop.
And the tragedy, the incredible tragedy that's bad enough to make you want to cry? When your body is fifty your mind will be thirty. Now, isn't that just precious?
Mera said her five thousand years had gone in a blink. Of course they had, she lives in the Now just like everyone else, even Spike. "Now is when we live," Michael Greco had said - Michael who was not afraid to die, who had done all he wished to do and was happy just to 'go gentle.'
But what if you weren't finished with living? Olivia wasn't finished with it, that much was obvious. She hated the thought of dying. What would she say to Mera? Would she agonise about it, or just grab the chance with both hands and burst into tears?
Oh yes, there's nothing like an offer of immortality to get you thinking….thinking too much. Vampires had it easy; all decided for them. Spike - William hadn't gone through this. One bite before he knew what was happening and it was Hello Spike, have a nice immortality. Lucky sod.
Lucky? What in god's name was he thinking? Damn Mera!
He realised he had his hand on the sundial and he looked at the bronze gnomon. There was no sun and the unicorn's horn couldn't tell Rupert anything - but he knew what time it was anyway. It was late, that's what it was. Bloody late. Almost too late.
Just think, if you agreed to her offer you'd remain like this, in this late forties body for all time. What would that be like? Well actually, thinking about it, it wouldn't be too bad. Late thirties would be better, but the forties weren't so terrible. Minimum aches and pains and Olivia liked the body. Down the endless years together, never changing, never weakening. Never getting ill - cancer; heart attack; brain tumour - stop. Stop, you moron.
What if life became boring? What if it became so boring you felt it was time to go? You couldn't take the nicer way out and down a bottle of sleeping tablets. Wouldn't work. You'd have to stake yourself. Oh god, what a thought. Would it ever get boring? Mera wasn't bored.
Those little aches and pains are going to get worse - stop.
And when you did finally die, where would you go? Which one of the two aiches would you end up in? No - think about Buffy. No evil equals heaven.
Buffy would have a fit just to hear about Mera's offer, but then Buffy was young and incredibly healthy and had never expected to live long anyway. She didn't plan to get lines on her pretty face and gritty noises in her joints.
Come to think of it, the old knees clicked a bit. Shut up.
Rupert ran his hand over the unicorn and sighed, looking around his wet garden. Then, once more: Olivia was smiling. Rupert gasped. Spike leaned back on his elbows in the sun, talking lazily with Tara and Dawn.
"Oh my god." Rupert stood frozen. "That's why he's in my fantasy."
*
The door to Spike's room stayed shut all day and not a sound came from inside. Rupert spent his time moving from room to room, unable to settle. He tried to read but his mind wandered. "Damn you, Mera!" he muttered over the frugal lunch he had put together and had no appetite for. "Damn you, damn you!"
He stood by the phone for a long time while his mind raced, then quickly he picked it up and called Olivia.
"No. No, Olivia - I'm coming over. I need to see you. I need to talk to you. Yes, it is all upside-down here at the moment, but I'll come on whatever day you say. Now give me a date, Olivia."
That evening Rupert felt completely exhausted and went up to bed early. He saw that Spike's bedroom door was open, and he looked in.
The vampire was flat out on the bed, on his front with his face in the duvet and feet on the pillows. Raising his head, he caught Rupert's gaze and sat up. "Blimey. What's happened?"
Rupert slumped against the door frame and rubbed his face wearily. "Nothing. I'm tired, that's all."
Spike sighed. "Bollocks, Watcher. I told you before I'm not just pretty." He looked hard at Rupert's face. "What's got you in a whirl?"
"I said it's - "
It hit Spike suddenly. "Oh" he said in wonder, his eyes wide. "Bloody hell! She offered it, didn't she? You lucky bastard - I never had a choice!" Rattled, Spike patted his pockets and fumbled a bent cigarette out of a crushed packet. Then he chuckled. "You look like shit, Rupes. Better get some sleep." Dropping the cigarette, Spike fell back onto the bed. He grabbed a pillow and slammed it over his face, holding it there with his arms as he began to groan.
Rupert continued on to his own room. As he entered he heard another chuckle. "Good luck on the sleeping bit, Rupes."
"Funny," muttered Rupert, and slammed the door.
*
"Frankly, I wasn't expecting to see you for a while." Mera looked curiously at Rupert.
Rupert grimaced. "Yes, well I spent all day yesterday in a daze - cursing you, actually."
She laughed. "I'm good at making people do that. What brings you over?"
"I want to know if you've decided what to do about Spike."
"Oh." Mera waved him to a seat. "I'm all for trying it, if we can find a way. I've thought about it and I'm going to talk to Path today and see what she thinks."
"Do you really think it's possible?"
"I see no reason why it shouldn't be. I just can't think how to do it. It's his demon, you see. I think it'll fight like the - ha! - like the devil if I try to turn Spike in his current condition. I'm going to have to get rid of it beforehand. Anyway, if he keeps it he'll still be a vampire."
"But it's all that's keeping him alive, isn't it?"
"Yes, at the moment."
"If it did fight, would it win?"
"The vamp demon has one of the strongest survival instincts in existence. It's full of the old Demon's determination, you see, even though it has no intelligence of it's own. It won't let go. It might even gain the upper hand again and Spike'll end up being what he was before. No, it needs to be killed."
"God. What about the chip?"
"Oh, I can get rid of that, no trouble," said Mera airily. "You know the faith-healers - those swine who pretend to remove tumours and suchlike without making incisions?"
"Yes."
Well, they have no idea that it's actually possible. If you know how, you can remove almost anything from a body. And I know how. It was my tribe's speciality."
"Good god," Rupert gasped, his heart suddenly beating hard. "Could you - "
"No. I said almost anything. The cancer's all over her. I'd have to remove her blood."
Rupert sank back, shaken.
"I'm sorry, Rupert. There's only one thing I can do for her."
"Yes. It's all right." He forced himself to relax. "You said you were going to talk to Path?"
"Yes. You can listen in if you like."
"What? How?"
"Me how. Do you want to?"
Rupert was suddenly intensely curious and at Mera's invitation he joined her on the sofa.
"I haven't seen Path for several decades," Mera said. "But we talk often."
"Decades!"
"We think of time differently. A decade seems to go in a blink."
"A blink? Then there isn't that much difference." Rupert looked sad for a moment. "But you know you'll see the sun set a hundred years from now."
Mera tactfully didn't answer that. "Path thinks in words," she said. "She just can't say them very well. But she thinks very clearly." She raised a hand and paused. "If you wish to say anything to her, think precisely. Don't say 'don't'. Say 'do not'. Speak aloud if it helps. Understand?"
He nodded. Mera placed her hand on his head and closed her eyes - and suddenly Rupert was drifting, isolated from the world. When he heard Mera speak it was as if she was talking from inside his bones. He shuddered.
Mera: "Path?"
Path: "Hello, Mera."
Rupert's mind reeled under the force of the thought. Deep, strong and unstoppable, like - like a river of thick warm mud, or toffee.
Mera: "Path, Rupert is here with us. I have asked him our question. He is considering."
Path: "Welcome, Rupert." primitive tattooed smiling face.
Rupert hadn't expected the visual. He found he was holding his breath. He had just met what was probably the oldest living creature on earth.
Mera: "She is looking into a mirror, Rupert. Do you wish to say hello to her?"
Rupert: "Oh, er, h-hello Path. I'm - um - I am happy to meet you at last."
Path: smiling, deep brown eyes creasing.
Mera: "I will tell her now what has occured with Spike. Path, William the Bloody has arrived here. I have spoken to him."
Path: "What does he want?"
Mera: "He wishes to know if it is possible to become one of us and if we would agree to it."
Path: eyes widening "This is unheard of."
Mera: "Yes. Very unusual. I have heard his past story from Rupert, as William himself relayed it to the Slayer. I have doubts as to its truth."
Rupert's brow creased and before he could stop himself he said: "You do?"
Mera: "Wait, Rupert."
Path: thoughful frown "Why do you doubt?"
Mera: "William is not the person he pretends to be. Deep, deep inside him lives someone else: the one he was before he was turned."
Path: "Why does he pretend?"
Mera: "This hidden person has no malice in him. William changed himself to appear more - dangerous. He may have done this in order to survive, given the family he was 'born' into. Or it may have been simply a reaction against the times in which he had been living. It may have been all these things."
Path: sad face "Who is he now?"
Mera: "If we ignore his demon parasite, he is now an energetic, pleasant mixture of gentleness and violence, recklessness and care. With an acid tongue on him sometimes. He is also, without doubt, an empath. His talent was probably only latent during his human days and it may have mislead him somewhat. I imagine it was fully released and greatly reinforced when he was turned. It has allowed him to fall in love with the Slayer."
Path: wide eyes "He loves the Slayer?"
Mera: "He is a man who, with his enhanced talent, will always be drawn to the most worthwhile women. Drusilla was a worthwhile woman before she was turned. I expect a remnant of this still lives deep under her madness and he has probably always sensed this. His demon is now controlled. William is in charge. He has rejected Drusilla and fallen in love with his enemy, a much worthier woman - sane, for a start, and strong, volcanic, with a deep well of feeling inside her. Perfect for him. She rejected him, of course, but he pursued her nonetheless. Even if I could not sense his empathic talent, this alone would be enough to inform me of it's presence. He knows the Slayer's innermost feelings." Rupert jumped and Mera tightened her grip on him.
Path: "Do you believe we should attempt this?"
Mera: "Yes. We must find a way. He would make a fine addition to our tiny family."
Path: "How is his demon controlled?"
Mera: "Ah. This was a happy accident. I will tell you his recent story as Rupert knows it."
*
When Mera took her hand from his head Rupert spoke immediately. "What did you mean about Spike knowing Buffy's innermost feelings?"
"I'd have thought it was obvious. Think about it. Why would he pursue her with such determination if he knew that she truly couldn't stand him?"
Rupert's mouth was open. "You're saying Buffy - oh, good god!"
Why call on god? Come on Rupert, her human lovers have been disasters. She hasn't killed Spike but she has no hesitation about killing other vampires. The only other person she's been in love with is Angel."
"But - "
"No. There's no 'but'. She's connected to them, you know that. Why do you think the Council works so hard to make Slayers into virtual machines? Kendra - lord, I felt sorry for that girl. Talk about indoctrination. And segregation. I don't know what the Council does or doesn't remember but they know that Slayers and vamps must remain strictly separate. There was a terrible accident once, back when the Council was young. I don't know all the details - Path doesn't like to speak of it, it upsets her. Basically, I think a Slayer let a vampire try to turn her. I'm not sure, but I think it was someone she knew before he was turned, someone she was in love with and of course the human part of him still loved her. From what I gather, the Source went berserk and I would not have liked to have seen that. The Council took steps to try and make sure it never happened again and their methods were successful for a long time. But this world we live in now - it's impossible to keep Slayers down. Unless they're virtually kept in purdah, they will meet people and they will fall in love. Or indulge their bad tendencies. Given a chance, Slayers will always be attracted to the most unusual vamps, like moths to a candle. It's like a fascination. They're from the same mould."
"Are you attracted to vampires?"
"In a way, but I never get emotional apart from feeling sorry for the poor buggers. A Slayer always has huge appetites, you know that, and the nature of their work - it would never succeed with an ordinary human. It never has. Face it, the best mate for a Slayer is a vampire who has overcome his demon. Enter Spike, who has been around Buffy for a long time and has shown her - and you - his true self. And what a fine self it is too. Plus, there's chemistry. Put it all together and what do you get? Of course, it doesn't happen often - apart from the one time I've mentioned, I think Buffy and Angel were the only other occurrance. But Buffy is in a spectacularly unusual position; she's never been indoctrinated with the agreed rules and she was on her own for a while before you came along. She slipped past the Council's net. They can't catch every potential Slayer, they've missed some before now but they always catch up with them and train them. Buffy - I don't know, you'll have to ask Quentin why they left her out there and didn't bring her in. I'm sure it was deliberate, perhaps an experiment concerning her family and friends and it looks like they did the same with Faith which, I'm sure I don't have to tell you, was a huge mistake. Now, there's a girl who needed proper care."
"Whatever their plan was, it worked with Buffy and failed with Faith. I hope to god they're more careful next time. Maybe, having done it the same way for thousands of years, they're trying something else now - pehaps a situation where the Slayer forges her own 'mini council', people who help her in the fight and who are free to make their own decisions. Because that's what your Buffy has done; made her own mini council, and the Watchers have let this happen."
Rupert sat quiet, remembering Quentin's testing of Buffy's friends.
"Sorry," said Mera. "I got a little off-track there. The point is, Buffy is in a unique position as a Slayer - she's bound to break the rules and think her own thoughts. And so we come full-circle back to Spike and his empathy."
Rupert shook his head. "I'm never going to remember all this. I should tape every conversation I have with you."
"I can go over it again as many times as you like."
"You'll have to. There's something else - you mentioned a parasite, Spike's parasite. Is that what you have?" Rupert hesitated. "What are you, Mera?"
"Don't know. Human, I suppose."
"Human? But - you aren't. Are you? You can't be."
"Excuse me, I was born of human parents. I think I'm qualified."
"Yes, but you've been changed haven't you?"
"No, I'm exactly the person I would be if I'd lived this long anyway. If you're trying to compare me to vampires, stop now. I'm immortal, yes. Extra-human strength, yes. But I do have a heartbeat, did you know that? I'm not dead. Path definitely had the best deal. Listen - "
She sat forward, concentrating. "Symbiont. That's the most fitting way to describe it. Vampires - well, they have a parasite. Living only for itself, it latches on to a nearly dead body and uses it. It takes them over. It may only be an instinct, but it's a very strong one - one that's impossible to resist. Until one of them is given the means to resist, that is. It rules their lives, ruins their lives in the true way of a parasite."
"Now me, I have a symbiont. You can call it a demon as much as you like but it hasn't taken the sun away from me and it doesn't make me do what I ordinarily wouldn't. I still have my soul, whatever the hell that is - I mention it merely because you Watchers seem to place so much importance on it. Whatever I decide to do, good or evil, is down soley to me, nothing else. I take the blame. It hasn't ruined my life - it has enriched it. Symbionts benefit the guest and the host and what I have might as well be called symbiotic because there's no other word that fits." She sat back. "I'm happy with the way I am. That's more than most of the world can say."
"This is why you have sympathy for them, isn't it? For vampires?"
"For the poor things trapped inside, yes. Like the First, they hardly ever have a choice, they don't know what's going to happen and it isn't their fault."
"But while the demon is in control - "
"Yes. We have no choice but to kill them."
"All right. Parasites and symbionts. So what does Buffy have?"
"Think about it. Has it taken over her life? Did she have any choice? Has it made it virtually impossible for her to function as a normal human being? Does it use her? I know what the answers are. Her part is an aspect like mine but it also functions as a parasite. It uses her because the Source has chosen to foist this thing upon her. And you know I'm right."
"I've never thought of it that way. It's incredible."
"Like I said before - it's a bloody tragedy. From start to finish."
