Chapter Nine

Limbo.

February 23

Rupert hefted a bag and set it down by the front door. "I'll be back tomorrow, probably late afternoon. Give Mera a call, I'm sure she'd like to talk to you. Invite her over. Her number's in the pad by the phone."

Spike looked a little nonplussed and Rupert studied him. "You haven't done anything social like that for a long time, have you?"

Spike thrust out his chin. "What, you think I don't know how to socialise? Shove it, Watcher. Go visit your lady-friend."

"Just don't drink everything." Rupert put on his coat and picked up his bag. "And clear up after yourself."

"Yeah. See ya." Spike shut the door and walked into the lounge. He went to the window and craned his neck to watch Rupert's car go down the drive and turn out of the gates, then he stood for a while in front of the book-case, looking at the titles with a profound lack of interest. Eventually, with a sigh, he opened the drinks cabinet and took out a beer.

"Ah, sod it!" He turned and dropped onto the sofa, closing his eyes.

He had his second beer in the kitchen, standing in front of the open larder and trying to get enthusiastic over the contents. His third and fourth beer he had while up to his neck in hot water and bubbles in Rupert's elegant bathroom. Then, for the hell of it, he had his fifth beer in the shower while he experimented with shampoo and a bottle of orange-scented bath oil that Olivia had left behind. By six o'clock that evening there were empty cans and bottles in almost every room of Rupert's house and Spike was steaming. He stood gently swaying by the phone, reeking of oranges and holding the number pad at arm's length, trying to focus on it. After several wrong numbers he heard Mera's voice.

"Hello."

"Mrra. Thehhh...ssWllm."

"Spike?"

"Eh! Pphhhh. Psst."

"Well, come over here and I'll sober you up."

"Doh wnnn ssbrr'p"

"Have you lost all your vowels? All right, come over here and stay drunk then."

"Ri." Spike dropped the receiver on the floor and, after a brief skirmish with the door, lurched out of the house into pouring rain. He met a few trees on his way down to Mera's cottage and managed to have a brief but strangely painful encounter with the only lamp-post in the village, to which he apologised. Mera's small garden gate gave him some problems, so he hung on it until the latch gave way and then he wobbled up the path to collide with her door.

Mera had a good view of the road from her staircase window and had watched this entertaining episode with interest. When she heard him hit the door, she opened it and looked at the sodden, scratched vampire swaying in the wind and peering myopically at her with his mouth open. She laughed. "Oh, for Christ's sake." She grabbed him by the collar and pulled. "Get inside."

Spike landed in a heap in her hallway and passed out.

*

While Spike was getting drunk, Rupert was talking to Olivia in her London home. She suggested they to go out to a pub but Rupert wasn't having any of that. He was there to talk and that was what he was going to do.

"I know what you're doing, Olivia. You want to keep us apart. That's all very well, but people in bad situations need someone to talk to - someone they trust."

Olivia looked worried. "Are you in a bad situation?"

"No, you are," he replied bluntly. "I'm merely in a confusing one. A painful one."

"I'm sorry." She took his hand. "It's just I - I don't have long and the more time you spend with me the worse it'll - "

"I know. That's not what's confusing me."

"Is it Mera?"

"It's something Mera said, and I just can't let it go without telling you." Rupert hesitated. "You have to have the choice."

"Choice about what?"

"Oh, god. I've told you about Mera, about what she is. I've told you about Path and how it all began. Spike and his question - I've told you everything about it, uncensored. Now I'm glad I did."

"Why?"

He threw up his hands. "Just come right out with it, Rupert," he told himself. "Path and Mera, what they have, what they are - they've offered it to you and me."

Olivia blinked. Then she frowned and shook her head. "I'm sorry, what?"

"They want us to join their family. I'm not saying I've accepted. I just think you should know the option is there."

Olivia's thin face went blank. "Oh." She looked down at her hands and felt a slow anger building. "I've only just got used to the thought of dying." Rupert watched her closely. "Oh my god." She stood up and looked around. "Oh my god."

"Olivia - "

"No." She held up a shaking hand. "No, just - stay here. I'm going to go upstairs, all right?"

He watched her go to the door. She wobbled a little as she went through and closed it quietly behind her, and Rupert shut his eyes and let his head fall back. Well, he'd told her. This was what he had come here for, to let her know that death wasn't her only option. His body went limp with relief and within a few seconds he was asleep.


*

February 24. 2 a.m.

"Well? Feeling better?" Mera led Spike into the kitchen.

"No. Oh, shit. What hit me?"

"You did. Coffee?"

"Yeah. What's the time?" Moving like an old man, Spike fumbled his way into a chair.

"Gone two. By the way, you left Rupert's door open and all his lights on."

"Oh, crap."

"I took care of it. Here you go, get it down you." Mera handed Spike a steaming cup. He held it in shaking hands and sipped it carefully. Mera regarded him seriously. "So what brought on the melt-down?"

"Dunno. Too much thinking, I suppose. Limbo ain't a nice place to be in." Spike cringed and put a hand to his head. "God, I think I drank everything."

"Well, as long as you didn't drink what was under the sink you should be all right. What were you thinking about?"

"Everything. Circles. Just went round and round." Spike closed his eyes. "A couple days ago Giles told me about your offer. Well, he didn't tell me - I worked it out. And I got angry."

"Why?"

"Fucking Drusilla - I never had a choice!" Spike shouted and winced again. "I'm gonna go back and go to bed. Got any aspirin?"

*

Olivia stood at the lounge window and looked out at the night. "I think I went through every emotion there is. I still don't know what to think."

"There isn't a time-limit, you know, not on this. No-one's pushing for an answer."

"Just as well. God, is it really past three? I haven't slept at all."

Rupert put his arms around her. "Want to go to bed?"

"I won't sleep." She turned and put her head on his shoulder. "I hated you for a while, you know."

"I expect so."

"It's because of you I believe there's something beyond death. I'd given in." She shook her head. "You get into one mind-set, all acceptance and calm, then you get turned upside-down. It was
violent."

Rupert said nothing and Olivia looked up at him. "What do you think about it?" she asked.

"I've tried not to," he said with a harsh laugh. "And you know what happens when you try that, don't you?"

"Yes. Don't think about a pink elephant."

"Clear your mind and think of nothing."

Olivia laughed. "You end up thinking about clearing your mind." She left his arms and sat down. "So. What have you thought?"

"Oh god." Rupert sat on the floor next to her. "Everything. You, Michael, my age. Spike. Time. You name it."

"Poor Rupert. I think it's easier for me. Die soon or not at all. Simple yes or no."

"I hate the thought of growing physically useless."

"Yes."

"I've changed a lot in the last five or six years. Before I became Buffy's official Watcher I would have rejected Mera instantly."

"That's probably why she didn't approach you before."

"Oh, definitely."

Olivia leaned forward. "If she was a proper vampire would you have told me?"

"If she was a proper vampire we wouldn't have a choice and I'd already be turned. But no, I wouldn't have told you."

"So you trust her?"

"Yes."

"With this?"

"Oh, god. Yes, with this. Real trust doesn't have limits. You either trust someone or you don't. You have to chance it."

"Does Spike know?"

"Yes. Him and his bloody empathy - I didn't have to say a word." Rupert shook his head. "He's sharp, that one. As Mera said - 'pesky'."

"Rupert," Olivia said seriously. "Now that you've told me will you promise me something?" He nodded. "Will you not mention this again? Not tonight, not tomorrow. Not until I do?"

"Yes."

"And I want you not to call me, or see me. I want to be left completely alone with this. I'll contact you when I have an answer."

Rupert reached up and squeezed her hand. "I promise."

*

The huge marble clock on the mantlepiece in Mera's lounge ticked loudly, whittling away at the afternoon. Mera sat unmoving with her eyes closed and her hands folded neatly in her lap as she conferred once again with Path on what she called The Spike Problem. They were into their third hour now and Mera's brow was furrowed.

The clock ticked.

Suddenly Mera shifted and spoke aloud. "Oh, good god! Of course!"

Tick.

"I do not know the recipe, you will have to tell me."

Tick.

"If it does not work, he will be gone forever."

Tick.

"Oh, do not worry. You need to see this boy, Path. Believe me, I will make sure it goes everywhere"

Tick.

"I am nothing of the kind!"

Laughing, Mera broke the connection.

*

Moving carefully, Spike emerged from his bedroom and headed for the shower. His foot caught a beer can and sent it rolling down the passage, leaving a long dribble of liquid behind it.

"Oh, sod!"

He looked at a crumpled towel on the floor outside Rupert's bedroom and ran back into his room to look at the clock.

"Bugger!"

Forgetting his shower, Spike embarked on an energetic clean-up operation that made his head thump and took him to every room in Rupert's house. He flung open each window he came to and the temperature plummeted. He was on his knees in the kitchen scrubbing at a congealed puddle of spilled beer and dog-ends when the phone rang.

"Shit!" he yelled into the receiver. "What?"

"Yes, and a good afternoon to you too, Spike. How's your head?"

"Sorry Mera. Listen, I'm in the middle of cleaning up. If Giles comes back now he'll stake me."

"Yes, I saw the mess last night. It was impressive. You do like to do things properly, don't you?"

"Mera - "

"All right. Path and I talked this morning and we think we've thrashed out a way to do what you
want."

Spike's stomach turned over. "Er. Yeah?"

"Yes. When's Rupert due back?"

"Any time."

"Well, tell him you two are to come over here tonight and we'll talk about it."

"Okay, I'll tell him. See you." Shaking slightly, Spike put the receiver down. He rubbed his face hard and went back into the kitchen.

*

"Tell me why it's below 16 degrees in here and smells of oranges."

"Oh, I, er - yeah, I just gave it a blow-through." Spike serruptitiously touched a spot on his t-shirt where a large splash of bath oil had hit it. "You know. I had a fag last night."

"You only had one? You astonish me." Rupert dropped his bag and coat on a chair and went into the kitchen. He looked around and frowned. "Oranges in here, too."

Spike followed him. "Yeah. Look, Mera says she wants us to come over tonight. Says her and Path think they know what to do about me."

"I don't suppose that would involve a stake? Sorry." Rupert shook his head as his guest sighed. "I've had a tense twenty-four hours and I need a nap. Give her a ring, would you, and tell her we'll be there about six?"

Spike nodded and left the kitchen. Rupert made himself some tea and wished he could uncover the window and let the sun in. He turned up the heating thermostat and sat down, closing his eyes.

Spike returned and put some letters on the table. "These came this morning." He dropped into a chair and drummed his fingers on the table top.

Rupert glanced at him. "What's the matter with you?"

"Oh, charming. You're not the only one who's had a tense day, you know. I don't know what's going to happen to me."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry if I were you."

"If you were me? How the hell would you know what I'd think if you were - if I was - you're not me. So you don't know."

"Look, it's going to work. Whatever Mera does, it'll work."

"Oh, right Mr. Clairvoyant. That makes me feel so much better. How the sod would you know?"

Rupert smiled slightly. "I just know. Stop being so - negative."