"Now, the gist of this whole thing is simple," Mrs. Bundy was saying in the front of the room. "You kids make all this food, and try not to blow up the kitchen while you're at it. Then, I'll take all the food home and give it a grade, before checking it for poison and then eating all of it. Got it? Good." And then the Home Ec. teacher promptly settled into a chair, watching Oprah on her tiny handheld television.
The
rest of the class quickly got to work, and the sounds of chopping, mixing,
slicing, and dicing resounded loudly against the walls of the Home Ec.
class. The only duo that wasn't working was Heero and Wufei--the former
had apparently gone into shock when Mrs. Bundy thrust a mixing spoon into
his hand, the latter still fuming and grumbling about having to become
a weak, womanly housewife. Meanwhile, over in the next cubicle, two girls
were frantically mixing batter for cookies, and as one of them churned
a large chunk of icky, gooey batter went flying through the air, and landed
with a squishy splat right in Heero's hair.
"My
hair! Omae o korosu!"
That was all that Heero needed to snap him out
of his pre-cooking-induced daze, as the former gundam pilot prepared to
chase after the hapless girls. Several gunshots rang out, none of which
hit their target due to the fact that the batter in Heero's hair was clouding
his normally better than perfect vision, and several of the Home Ec. students
leaned back in shock as one's lemon meringue pie blew up in his face while
another's roast lamb, fresh out of the oven, was set violently aflame.
Meanwhile, Wufei, who was already blue in the face from ranting so much
without pausing to take a breath, promptly passed out cold from lack of
oxygen.
Twenty minutes and several 911 calls later, Heero and Wufei, heavily sedated, were happily back at their cubicle, making a complete mess of the kitchen. Not that Mrs. Bundy could have cared less, seeing as she was still concentrating on Oprah.
"I
love you, you love me," Heero and Wufei chorused together, unaware of what
they were doing due to their tranquilizer high. Skipping around in pink
and lace, the two boys threw into a giant mixing bowl whatever they could
get their hands on, which included, amongst others, egg shells, hardened
chewing gum stuck under the sink, pink icing, sour milk left over from
last year's Home Ec. class, and even a, um, 'moist towelette', as Duo would
put it. Keep in mind that all this was happening while Heero and Wufei
were happily quoting songs composed by none other than the wise, the great,
the legendary...Barney the purple stuffed dinosaur!
"I
feel pretty, so very pretty," Heero and Wufei trilled out, having switched
from Barney to Broadway as they dumped unpeeled grapes into their mixture,
while the other students openly gawked at them and began to slowly inch
away from their workstation.
"So,
Wufei, like, what's the next step for baking our totally awesome sugar
cake?" Heero shrilled nasally in a high-pitched valley boy voice.
"Oh,
like, it says here to bake the totally awesome sugar cake at four hundred
degrees for one hour," Wufei sang back, looking like he might just burst
into giggles at any given second.
"That
is, like, so totally unnecessary," Heero pouted. "I, like, have a totally
awesome idea."
"I'm
sure you, like, totally do," Wufei tee heed out, dancing around and unwittingly
doing the grind, while the other students (particularly the female ones)
stared in openmouthed shock. Heero, meanwhile, grinning like a valley boy
idiot, giggled out, "Why don't we just totally reduce the time by, like,
half, and bake the totally awesome sugar cake at eight hundred degrees
for, like, half an hour?"
"That
is, like, so totally an awesome idea," Wufei trilled, as he adjusted the
oven settings. Tapping his chin, the Chinese boy leaned back thoughtfully
and mused, "Hmm...what to do in the meantime while we wait for this, like,
totally awesome sugar cake to bake?"
Heero got a maniacal grin on his face as he turned
to Wufei and sang out, "Oh, I know what to do." Wufei got an equally psychotic
grin, before the two of them burst into a stunning rendition of Summer
Lovin'.
Twenty-five
minutes later, Heero and Wufei paused suddenly in the screeching butchering
of what was already a cheesy song in Wind Beneath My Wings, as their sedative-induced
high wore off. The duo froze dead in their tracks, and gaped openmouthed
at their frilly pink aprons and poofy white chef's hats, then turned to
stare at each other. Flushed and uncomfortable, Heero and Wufei coughed
and cleared their throats longer than necessary, before reaching a mutual
agreement that they would never, eeeeever (not to quote Mr. Jericho, or
anything) talk about this particular incident again.
"So...what
exactly do you think we did while we were, you know," Wufei mumbled, scuffing
his shoe in the linoleum tiles.
"While
we were knocked up on sedatives?" Heero finished for him. Wufei nodded,
and the two struggled to remember. However, it wasn't too long before they
remembered, and as twin expressions of horror graced the two G-boys' faces,
the oven, which had already been dangerously on the edge of bursting, promptly
let out a high-pitched whistle and exploded.
BOOM!
Cough, cough, sputter, sputter, whine about injustice.
Heero and Wufei, their faces streaked with soot and gloppy cake batter,
blinked in the dust and debris, before realizing that they'd literally
blown the roof off the room. Around them, the other students were gaping
in shock at the two newcomers--they seemed to be doing that a lot lately--all
covered with exploded cake batter and black smoke to a certain degree.
At the head of the classroom, Mrs. Bundy, her poofy red hair streaked with
black soot and gooey batter, continued to watch Oprah, unaware that anything
had happened.
Heero and Wufei, still sporting their pink, lacy aprons which read, I'm The Chef, So Kiss Me! and Come And Get It, Boys!, respectively, headed off into the men's room to get cleaned up. They came to a stop in front of the first restroom they spotted, which had numerous colorful graffiti sprayed on its door, amongst which Le Hetero Jock's Corner O' Pissing was scrawled boldly across the front in red and black. The duo shrugged, before pushing their way into the men's room, not thinking twice of the rather, erm, suggestive messages printed across their frilly pink aprons, ready to wash up. Fifteen seconds later, they were promptly chased out of the restroom by a hoard of furious, sneering football players, wondering why exactly the jocks were so mad at them. Heero and Wufei gave dual sighs as they ran from the sneering football jocks. First day of school, and they had already succeeded in blowing up the Home Ec. class, turn cooking into a very badly-sung musical, and get chased around by beefed-up football guys. Oh, hell yeah, their school year was off to a great start.
