Disclaimer: Rasmussem and all the ideas and characters presented in VVV's User Unfriendly belong to her. The characters loosely are based on my friends, and they belong to themselves. Constructive flames are groovy.



We had read about him in an online newspaper; Shelton Jankowitz, the boy who had pirated the computer game Rasmussem. He had gotten caught when one of his friends had to go to the hospital because she had gotten sick in the middle of playing the pirated game. The article told us that he had gotten the program removed from his computer, and the hacking offence would go on his permanent record. I could just see it; every time he would try to get a job, people would probably start the interview with "Aren't you that hacker boy?" He would never be able to live such a crime down. It didn't seem very glamorous to me. But to some of my friends, Rasmussem was more than a game, and to feed their addiction to it, they would go to any lengths. They thought that Shelton's actions were quite justified.

Rasmussem was a computer role playing game, and you played a character in a medieval time set. You and your friends went on quests. This program was unique though, because your brain was hooked up to the computer. You felt as if you actually had been born and currently existed as that character, though you could still remember everything about your real life. Granted, it was an amazing program. The cost to play was huge, though. So by my friends' logic (which had hopelessly illegal tendencies), if one person could pirate the program, you could and should do the same if you had the skills. Or "skillz" as K.C. said when she and Ari were explaining the process for us. They weren't going to bother if enough of their friends weren't going to come, so they were using several tactics to try to entice us into breaking the law. K.C. finally desisted from mocking slang terms after some good-natured violence on Ari's part. Ari was going to be doing most of the work. They were both the most nerd-like in the group, but Ari (the self dubbed "script kiddie") was teaching K.C. (the webmistress, and the two were apparently different) to hack. All of it was very strange to me. I was quite content to listen to K.C. and Ari's banter instead of learning the process. It wasn't like I would learn anything; the process was dumbed down for the computer illiterate in our circle of friends, anyway. In the end, Dorian, Rori, and I agreed.

Whatever K.C. and Ari did, they did it. It took them about a week. I had not realized that pirating could be such a loud process, but I figured that's what happens when you leave two nerds in a room staring at a computer screen for hours on end. Without eye drops.

As it was summer, we spent a lot of time together, and so I got to over hear Ari and K.C. yelling at each other because someone had done this or such and such wasn't correct.

"We've finished," Ari said, red eyed, as he and K.C. came down the stairs to the living room where the rest of us were. K.C. collapsed on a couch. I held back a comment on her nocturnal nature. Dorian and Rori were watching the Princess Bride, each trying to outdo the other by reciting the lines more perfectly than the other in unison with the actors.

"Finished what?" Dorian asked, pausing the film so he wouldn't miss a line.

"Finished doing whatever they were doing to illegally get Rasmussem," Rori answered for them.

"Yeah, that," said Ari. Our unglamorous phrasing and lack of worshipful enthusiasm apparently bothered him.

"So now what?" Rori asked.

"We program everyone's character. You describe them and K and I fill out an e-form. Dorian, want to go first?" Ari asked.

"You guys are going, aren't you?" K.C. asked from the couch, the edge noticeable in her voice.

"Yes, of course we are. Ari has some other friends who are coming too, right?" asked Rori.

"Yeah, Khaliq and Adra, I thought. Khaliq is an okay guy-"

"We know Khaliq," K.C. snapped crankily.

"Okay," he said, apparently understanding her mood, or just used to it. "And Adra-"

"We know her too." This time it was said calmly and gently, which was as close to repentance as K.C. would get in her sleep deprived state.

"Haven't you programmed yourselves already?" I asked. K.C. gave a little jump, as though she hadn't noticed me. I was in a corner, so it's understandable. As I was a foot taller than everyone there, it was a strange sensation for me nonetheless.

"No; we'll strain out creativity later." For a nerd, K.C. talks a lot like an art student.

"I'll go then," I said.

"Great, Rocio. Come on, K. The set up's a bit different from regular character input; you should learn how to work with it." Ari sounded as tired as K.C. looked.

"It could wait until later," I suggested.

"No, it's okay, Rocio, I'm coming." K.C. hauled herself off the couch. I was gestured upstairs to Ari's room. It was filled with posters of software companies and the end products of wooden dinosaur kits. It amazes me that my friends are so different from me. I know all the domains and personalities of the Viking Gods, but if I've ever heard of "Red Hat", it didn't register.

So I sat down on the bed, and began to explain Sieppa, my mage elf character that I played in the role-playing Rasmussem game. Ari and K.C. crowded the screen so I couldn't see what was going on. All I heard was the continual tapping of keys and occasional muttering. They never snickered, so I figured that all the times I had drawn or written about Sieppa had paid off. I had only played Rasmussem once. After that, I could always think of a better use for 80 bucks.

My parents would probably hang me up by my thumbs (or cut them off; which ever caught their fancy) if they knew what I was going to do. My friends thought that my parents were suppressive of my inner nature, and they kept nagging me to assert myself. They were sure that my parents' "keeping me in a box" would eventually have negative psychological effects on me. They were equally sure that participation in an illegally retrieved game would help me with this. They were all of the opinion that rules were made to be broken. I was unsure, but with K.C. giving me lectures on letting a patriarchal system push me around, and how I was letting the feminist movement down, I really didn't want to say no.

Eventually, everyone's characters were programmed. Ari and K.C. did their own separately, and K.C. programmed herself after everyone had fallen asleep.

Ari's mother was a little surprised to see all of us in the morning. She was under the impression that only Dorian was spending the night. The rest of us had been at Rori's. K.C. had excused herself to go help or learn or whatever she was doing with Ari, and Rori and I came along later. It had only taken a few confused phone calls to work it all out.

"When do you think we can get everyone back here?" K.C. was asking Ari.

"A day or so? Next weekend?" He guessed. "It's summer; schedules are erratic. We'll tell people not to plan anything."

When everyone had been called, it was decided that we would hook up in three days. Adra- Khaliq's girlfriend- would stay behind and watch over us through Ari's computer. When I say, "stay behind", I mean not attach an earpiece to her head and have certain censors in her brain triggered to think that she was in a fantasy land on a quest. With Adra regulating, things would be a lot safer for us in the game. So we came over to Ari's house at 7 on Wednesday night.

Khaliq and Adra got there about the same as everyone else, but Khaliq's characters had to be programmed, which took about fifteen minutes.

Then, the more avid players of the game went over a few pointers for those who didn't play much. K.C. had found 2 newspaper articles, which she had photocopied, for us: one on the game, and one on the game and reality. The latter was highly philosophical, and K.C. and Ari began debating over some of the issues. By the time Dorian was shooting me glances that said that the conversation was way over his head, Rori pointed out that it was 8:00 and shouldn't we get going. Rori is a bit more gracious and sensitive to others' discomfort. I think some other members of the group revel in it. So we trooped up the stairs with Ari and K.C. still debating amicably. We settled ourselves on the floor and bed, with Adra at the computer making final preparations. The earpieces were passed out. People attached them, and tried to spread themselves out to lie down. That way, when they fell into REM- that was the state of unconsciousness in which one experienced Rasmussem- they wouldn't fall over and dislodge their earpieces or hurt anyone.

"Ready?" Adra asked. I felt a rush of adrenaline in my nervousness and excitement. 'You're breaking the law,' said a little thought in my head. 'Quiet you,' I thought back.

I heard Adra's final click of the mouse, and we were off!