Chapter 7: The Monkey Infested Chapter

(While Luigi was busy taking care of the egg, Mario was still looking for Luigi. Mario, Baby Mario, Daisy and Wario were on the deck. Wario was steering the ship.)
Daisy: Are we there yet?
Wario: You asked me that about forty times. No.
Mario: Daisy, you shouldn't annoy the captain like that.
(Baby Mario jumps up and down.)
B. Mario: Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!
Daisy: What do you want? I changed your diapers half an hour ago.
(Baby Mario points to the east. Daisy and Mario look in that direction and saw a giant gorilla's head.)
Mario: It's Kong Island. Turn that way, Wario.
Wario: All right.
Mario: All right? Aren't you supposed to say something like 'you're not the boss' or 'Aye aye Captain Barfio?'
Wario: I told you. I only said that stuff because Waluigi wanted me to. At least I don't turn nature against my rival.
Daisy: I guess that's true.
Wario: Speaking of Waluigi, I think the statue needs another blast. It thawed out a bit last night.
Mario: I blasted it a few times last night, silly.
Wario: Never mind. Waluigi needs to learn some manners. He's pretty rude.
(On Kong Island D.K. and Cranky were leaving D.K.'s tree house when they saw Wario's ship.)
Cranky: What in sam hill is that?
D.K.: I don't know.
Cranky: It better not be K. Rool again. I'm really getting sick of him.
D.K.: That's too small to be K. Rool's Ship. I don't think he really likes the color yellow.
Cranky: Well, who's ship is it?
D.K.: I'm not sure, but it's coming this way.
(On the ship Daisy is having a little 'potty problem'.)
Daisy: Wario, where is the bathroom?
Wario: We don't have one.
Daisy: What? Where am I supposed to go?
Wario: Just go over the side. That's what I do.
Daisy: Are you crazy? What if someone sees me?
Wario: I'm not going to watch. I'm not some kind of sick weirdo like Waluigi.
(Daisy starts to do her 'business' over the side of the ship. Mario appears and saw Daisy.)
Mario: What the heck? Whoa! That's gross!
Daisy: Eeeeeek!
Mario: Wario! Why didn't you give her a Dixie cup to pee in? I think I'm blind!
Wario: We had Dixie cups? Whoops! Sorry.
Mario: Daisy, you must excuse Wario for his stupidity.
Wario: I heard that!
(Back on Kong Island D.K. was able to identify the incoming ship.)
D.K.: Hey, that must be Wario's ship.
Cranky: Wario? You mean that Mario imposter. What is he doing here?
D.K.: Maybe he wants to play tennis.
Cranky: You dumb ape! Chunky finished making the court a few days ago. Like Wario would know about it.
(The ship reaches the island. D.K. runs up to it.)
D.K.: Wario! Is that you?
Wario: Who did I look like? The boogey man? Ha!
Mario: I'm going to get off.
D.K.: Come over here.
(Mario gets off the ship and walks over to D.K.)
Mario: Hi. What's up?
D.K.: I'm taking Cranky for a walk.
Mario: Wow. What a drag. Look, have you seen Luigi around here?
Cranky: No. I didn't see that whipper snapper.
Mario: Don't call Luigi a whipper snapper!
Cranky: Face it. He's a whipper snapper.
Mario: Darn it. If you call Luigi a whipper snapper one more time I'm gonna kick your butt!
(There was silence for a moment.)
Cranky: Whipper snapper.
Mario: That does it!
(Mario charges at Cranky, but D.K. blocked him.)
D.K.: Leave him alone.
Mario: I'll forget about it. He's too old to fight back. He's such an easy target.
D.K.: Why are you here?
Mario: I'm looking for Luigi.
D.K.: Isn't he with you?
Mario: D.K., do me a favor and round up all the Kongs and meet me at your tree house.
D.K.: I'll get all I can. Bye!
(D.K. runs away.)
Cranky: I bet he won't even find anyone.
Mario: You are so mean.
Cranky: I remember when the only thing you could do was bash barrels with a hammer. Now you got your fancy dives and flips and blah blah blah...
Mario: Mama mia. What a grump.
(Mario gets back on the ship.)
Daisy: Is he here?
Mario: I don't know yet. D.K.'s rounding up all the Kongs so we can discuss this. We're meeting them at the tree house.
Wario: That's a good idea.
Mario: Hang on. Let me do something.
(Mario ran to the Waluigi ice cube, which thawed out quite a bit.)
Waluigi: Hey Bunghole. Quit freezing me!
Mario: Shut your trap.
(Mario froze him again, then runs back to Daisy.)
Mario: Follow me to the tree house.
(Mario, Baby Mario, Daisy, and Wario get off the ship and walk past Cranky.)
Cranky: ...blah blah blah. You can ride that dumb dinosaur too. Where's my dinosaur? And you have all those cool suits. Where's my frog suit? blah blah blah...
Mario: Is there a button that turns him off? I didn't know the geezer could talk that long.
Daisy: Hey Cranky. Aren't you going to the tree house?
Cranky: I'm too old to climb trees. How come Mario doesn't age? Why is he so worried about that whipper snapper? Blah blah blah...
Daisy: (muttering) Sorry I asked.
(They went to D.K.'s tree house and rested for awhile. Later D.K. returns with a few Kongs.)
Mario: Three? Only three?
D.K.: Well, Funky is fixing my Coconut Shooter, Candy is on vacation, and I don't know where Diddy is. You're lucky that I found Tiny, Lanky, and Chunky.
Mario: Did you see Luigi?
Tiny: No. On the way back here I saw an evil-looking Luigi on the beach.
Daisy: Oh no! Waluigi got away!
Tiny: Who?
Wario: Waluigi. He's my brother.
Lanky: Why did you want us, Mario?
Mario: I want you guys...er...monkeys to search the island for Luigi. Can you do that for me?
(Lanky itches his head.)
Lanky: I guess.
Chunky: I'll look for him in Jungle Japes. Lanky, search Angry Aztec. Tiny, scan Fungi Forest. D.K...uh...
D.K.: I'll check the beach.
Mario: And if you see Waluigi, can you knock him out for me?
Chunky: What does he look like?
D.K.: He's really tall and skinny. He wears purple and black. He's also very ugly.
Chunky: Can I use the Super Duper Simian Slam on him? Please?!
Wario: Do what ever it takes. Now get going!
(All the monkeys leave. Mario lies down on D.K.'s hammock.)
Mario: Wario, can you go on the ship and get my back pack?
Daisy: And can you get the baby bag?
Wario: Yeah, sure.
(Wario leaves the tree house. Moments later he returns with the stuff.)
Wario: Here's the bags. Mario, I found this letter.
(Wario hands the letter to Mario, who begins to read it.)
Mario: Dear Mario, I finally got out of the ice, you careless piece of crap. I've decided to hide on the island and you'll never find me or Luigi. Ha ha ha. Signed Waluigi, the greatest tennis player of the century. P.S. Wario is a turd.
(Mario crumpled up the letter and tosses it out the window. It hit Cranky in the head.)
Mario: I'm gonna tear him a new butthole when I find him! That stupid Stick Figure!
Wario: Yo, Mario, calm down. You got four monkeys looking for him. I'm sure they'll do the job.
Mario: You're right. I'll try to relax. What smells?
B.Mario: Mama mia.
Daisy: Baby Mario pooped his diapers. Yuck!
(Daisy changes the diapers, then tries to feed Baby Mario, but she's not getting much luck.)
Daisy: Come on. Eat it.
Wario: The trick is to do it like this.
Mario: Wario!
(Wario stuffs the spoon into Baby Mario's mouth. The tot chews a few times, then spits the food onto Wario's face.)
B.Mario: Hee hee.
Wario: You little brat!
(A few hours later the Kongs return.)
Mario: (quickly) Did you find him? Did you find him?
D.K.: He's not on the beach or in Crystal Caves.
Lanky: No sign of him in the desert
Tiny: I didn't see him in the forest.
Chunky: He's not in the jungle.
Mario: What about Waluigi? Did you see him?
D.K., Tiny, Lanky & Chunky: Nope.
Mario: That son of a...son of a...son of...
(Mario fainted.)
D.K.: Oops. I think I killed him.
Daisy: Good going D.K.! Now I have to wake him up.
(Daisy bent down and kissed Mario. He instantly woke up.)
Mario: What in the world is going on here?
Wario: How many times do I have to tell you to relax?
D.K.: It's getting dark. You should eat something and go to bed.
(Everyone but Baby Mario and Daisy climb down from the tree house and found an annoyed looking Cranky Kong holding a crumpled up piece of paper.)
Cranky: Hey Jumpman. You better watch where you're throwing your thrash.
This is what Mario was known as in the original Donkey Kong. While we're on the subject, it is said that Cranky is the original Donkey Kong and the modern D.K. is really Donkey Kong Jr. But what about the D.K. Jr. in Mario Tennis?
Mario: My name is Mario, you wrinkled prune!
D.K.: Don't call him that. Try calling him Grandpa.
Tiny: You guys shouldn't fight. That's not very nice.
(D.K. and Chunky run away.)
Mario: She's right. Sorry about that Cranky.
Cranky: You're not so bad. As long as you can keep that Bowser guy away, you're doing something right.
(D.K. and Chunky return with tons of bananas and melons.)
Chunky: This is all I can carry. Do you need more?
Mario: What do you think I am? A monkey?
(Mario starts to walk around like a monkey.)
Mario: Ooo ooo ooo! Look at me! I'm a monkey!
(Everyone laughs)
Lanky: Ha ha ha ha! You make a funny monkey.
Cranky: What is the world coming to? I never thought I'd see the day where Mario went bananas!
Tiny: Cranky!
Wario: Yo Monkey Boy! Eat this!
(Wario crams a banana into Mario's face.)
Mario: I'm gonna get you for that, Lard Butt!
(Mario throws a banana at Wario and hit him in the chest. Lanky threw a slice of melon at Mario.)
Lanky: Food fight! Food fight!
(Now there was bananas, banana peels, and melon slices being thrown everywhere. Chunky was dropping entire melons on D.K. Even Tiny and Cranky were having fun. Cranky throws a peel at Wario.)
Cranky: Take that, Piggy!
Daisy: Boys! What are you doing?! I'm trying to get the baby to sleep and you're not helping!
Mario: Sorry Daisy. Lanky started it.
Tiny: No he didn't. Wario did it first.
Wario: Mario started the whole thing.
Chunky: You do it you lit-
Daisy: Don't do it again!
(Daisy got down from the tree house and picked up a few bananas. She went back into the tree house. Every eats the fruit that wasn't wrecked.)
Mario: I'm ready to go to bed.
D.K.: Good. You and Wario can sleep in my house tonight. I'll sleep in the banana hoard.
Mario: All right. Good night.
(Mario and Wario go into the tree house. All the Kongs walk in different directions. A little later, Chunk was walking on the beach when he saw a dark figure. The figure saw Chunky and started to run away.)
Chunky: Hey! Wait! Who are you?!
(Chunky chased the mysterious figure. Chunky was kinda slow, but that wasn't a problem. The figure wasn't watching where he was going and ran into a wall. Chunky quickly catches him.)
Chunky: Who are you?
(There was only silence.)
Chunky: I said who are you?
Mysterious voice: I'm not telling.
(The dark figure tried to run away, but Chunky pounded him into the ground.)
Mysterious voice: No! leave me alone!
(BAM! Chunky pounded him again. Now he was up to his neck in the sand.)
Mysterious voice: Let me go!
(Too late. Chunky was already gone.)
Mysterious voice: Help! Mario! Wario! Daisy! Um...Luigi. Help!
(In the morning, Chunky went to D.K.'s tree house and wakes up Mario.)
Chunky: Hey Mario. There's something you might want to see.
Mario: Huh? What is it?
Chunky: I will show you, Sleepy Head.
(Chunky and Mario get out of the house and walk on the beach until they find Waluigi stuck in the sand.)
Chunky: Here it is. Is that Waluigi? What an ugly freak!
Waluigi: I'm not a freak you stupid baboon! Get me out of here!
Mario: Do you ever shut up? You're not going anywhere. I'm leaving you right here.
(Mario and Chunky walk away.)
Waluigi: No! Noooooooooo!
(In the afternoon Mario, Wario, Baby Mario and Daisy prepare to leave.)
Mario: Well Kongs. It's time for me to leave. I guess Luigi isn't here.
D.K.: I want to come with you.
Mario: Okay. If you want to.
(D.K. gets on the ship with Mario and the others, then Wario starts the motor and begins to drive away.)
Mario, D.K., Wario, B.Mario & Daisy: Good bye!
Lanky, Cranky, Tiny & Chunky: Bye! See you later!
(The ship disappears on the horizon.)
Cranky: I hope they find whipper snapper...er...Luigi.