Chapter 7: The Monkey Infested Chapter
(While
Luigi was busy taking care of the egg, Mario was still looking for
Luigi. Mario, Baby Mario, Daisy and Wario were on the deck. Wario was
steering the ship.)
Daisy: Are we there yet?
Wario: You asked
me that about forty times. No.
Mario: Daisy, you shouldn't annoy
the captain like that.
(Baby Mario jumps up and down.)
B.
Mario: Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!
Daisy: What do you want? I changed
your diapers half an hour ago.
(Baby Mario points to the east.
Daisy and Mario look in that direction and saw a giant gorilla's
head.)
Mario: It's Kong Island. Turn that way, Wario.
Wario:
All right.
Mario: All right? Aren't you supposed to say something
like 'you're not the boss' or 'Aye aye Captain Barfio?'
Wario:
I told you. I only said that stuff because Waluigi wanted me to. At
least I don't turn nature against my rival.
Daisy: I guess that's
true.
Wario: Speaking of Waluigi, I think the statue needs another
blast. It thawed out a bit last night.
Mario: I blasted it a few
times last night, silly.
Wario: Never mind. Waluigi needs to learn
some manners. He's pretty rude.
(On Kong Island D.K. and Cranky
were leaving D.K.'s tree house when they saw Wario's ship.)
Cranky:
What in sam hill is that?
D.K.: I don't know.
Cranky: It better
not be K. Rool again. I'm really getting sick of him.
D.K.: That's
too small to be K. Rool's Ship. I don't think he really likes the
color yellow.
Cranky: Well, who's ship is it?
D.K.: I'm not
sure, but it's coming this way.
(On the ship Daisy is having a
little 'potty problem'.)
Daisy: Wario, where is the
bathroom?
Wario: We don't have one.
Daisy: What? Where am I
supposed to go?
Wario: Just go over the side. That's what I
do.
Daisy: Are you crazy? What if someone sees me?
Wario: I'm
not going to watch. I'm not some kind of sick weirdo like
Waluigi.
(Daisy starts to do her 'business' over the side of the
ship. Mario appears and saw Daisy.)
Mario: What the heck? Whoa!
That's gross!
Daisy: Eeeeeek!
Mario: Wario! Why didn't you give
her a Dixie cup to pee in? I think I'm blind!
Wario: We had Dixie
cups? Whoops! Sorry.
Mario: Daisy, you must excuse Wario for his
stupidity.
Wario: I heard that!
(Back on Kong Island D.K. was
able to identify the incoming ship.)
D.K.: Hey, that must be
Wario's ship.
Cranky: Wario? You mean that Mario imposter. What is
he doing here?
D.K.: Maybe he wants to play tennis.
Cranky: You
dumb ape! Chunky finished making the court a few days ago. Like Wario
would know about it.
(The ship reaches the island. D.K. runs up to
it.)
D.K.: Wario! Is that you?
Wario: Who did I look like? The
boogey man? Ha!
Mario: I'm going to get off.
D.K.: Come over
here.
(Mario gets off the ship and walks over to D.K.)
Mario:
Hi. What's up?
D.K.: I'm taking Cranky for a walk.
Mario: Wow.
What a drag. Look, have you seen Luigi around here?
Cranky: No. I
didn't see that whipper snapper.
Mario: Don't call Luigi a whipper
snapper!
Cranky: Face it. He's a whipper snapper.
Mario: Darn
it. If you call Luigi a whipper snapper one more time I'm gonna kick
your butt!
(There was silence for a moment.)
Cranky: Whipper
snapper.
Mario: That does it!
(Mario charges at Cranky, but
D.K. blocked him.)
D.K.: Leave him alone.
Mario: I'll forget
about it. He's too old to fight back. He's such an easy target.
D.K.:
Why are you here?
Mario: I'm looking for Luigi.
D.K.: Isn't he
with you?
Mario: D.K., do me a favor and round up all the Kongs
and meet me at your tree house.
D.K.: I'll get all I can.
Bye!
(D.K. runs away.)
Cranky: I bet he won't even find
anyone.
Mario: You are so mean.
Cranky: I remember when the
only thing you could do was bash barrels with a hammer. Now you got
your fancy dives and flips and blah blah blah...
Mario: Mama mia.
What a grump.
(Mario gets back on the ship.)
Daisy: Is he
here?
Mario: I don't know yet. D.K.'s rounding up all the Kongs so
we can discuss this. We're meeting them at the tree house.
Wario:
That's a good idea.
Mario: Hang on. Let me do something.
(Mario
ran to the Waluigi ice cube, which thawed out quite a bit.)
Waluigi:
Hey Bunghole. Quit freezing me!
Mario: Shut your trap.
(Mario
froze him again, then runs back to Daisy.)
Mario: Follow me to the
tree house.
(Mario, Baby Mario, Daisy, and Wario get off the ship
and walk past Cranky.)
Cranky: ...blah blah blah. You can ride
that dumb dinosaur too. Where's my dinosaur? And you have all those
cool suits. Where's my frog suit? blah blah blah...
Mario: Is
there a button that turns him off? I didn't know the geezer could
talk that long.
Daisy: Hey Cranky. Aren't you going to the tree
house?
Cranky: I'm too old to climb trees. How come Mario doesn't
age? Why is he so worried about that whipper snapper? Blah blah
blah...
Daisy: (muttering) Sorry I asked.
(They went to D.K.'s
tree house and rested for awhile. Later D.K. returns with a few
Kongs.)
Mario: Three? Only three?
D.K.: Well, Funky is fixing
my Coconut Shooter, Candy is on vacation, and I don't know where
Diddy is. You're lucky that I found Tiny, Lanky, and Chunky.
Mario:
Did you see Luigi?
Tiny: No. On the way back here I saw an
evil-looking Luigi on the beach.
Daisy: Oh no! Waluigi got
away!
Tiny: Who?
Wario: Waluigi. He's my brother.
Lanky: Why
did you want us, Mario?
Mario: I want you guys...er...monkeys to
search the island for Luigi. Can you do that for me?
(Lanky itches
his head.)
Lanky: I guess.
Chunky: I'll look for him in Jungle
Japes. Lanky, search Angry Aztec. Tiny, scan Fungi Forest.
D.K...uh...
D.K.: I'll check the beach.
Mario: And if you see
Waluigi, can you knock him out for me?
Chunky: What does he look
like?
D.K.: He's really tall and skinny. He wears purple and
black. He's also very ugly.
Chunky: Can I use the Super Duper
Simian Slam on him? Please?!
Wario: Do what ever it takes. Now get
going!
(All the monkeys leave. Mario lies down on D.K.'s
hammock.)
Mario: Wario, can you go on the ship and get my back
pack?
Daisy: And can you get the baby bag?
Wario: Yeah,
sure.
(Wario leaves the tree house. Moments later he returns with
the stuff.)
Wario: Here's the bags. Mario, I found this
letter.
(Wario hands the letter to Mario, who begins to read
it.)
Mario: Dear Mario, I finally got out of the ice, you careless
piece of crap. I've decided to hide on the island and you'll never
find me or Luigi. Ha ha ha. Signed Waluigi, the greatest tennis
player of the century. P.S. Wario is a turd.
(Mario crumpled up
the letter and tosses it out the window. It hit Cranky in the
head.)
Mario: I'm gonna tear him a new butthole when I find him!
That stupid Stick Figure!
Wario: Yo, Mario, calm down. You got
four monkeys looking for him. I'm sure they'll do the job.
Mario:
You're right. I'll try to relax. What smells?
B.Mario: Mama
mia.
Daisy: Baby Mario pooped his diapers. Yuck!
(Daisy changes
the diapers, then tries to feed Baby Mario, but she's not getting
much luck.)
Daisy: Come on. Eat it.
Wario: The trick is to do
it like this.
Mario: Wario!
(Wario stuffs the spoon into Baby
Mario's mouth. The tot chews a few times, then spits the food onto
Wario's face.)
B.Mario: Hee hee.
Wario: You little brat!
(A
few hours later the Kongs return.)
Mario: (quickly) Did you find
him? Did you find him?
D.K.: He's not on the beach or in Crystal
Caves.
Lanky: No sign of him in the desert
Tiny: I didn't see
him in the forest.
Chunky: He's not in the jungle.
Mario: What
about Waluigi? Did you see him?
D.K., Tiny, Lanky & Chunky:
Nope.
Mario: That son of a...son of a...son of...
(Mario
fainted.)
D.K.: Oops. I think I killed him.
Daisy: Good going
D.K.! Now I have to wake him up.
(Daisy bent down and kissed
Mario. He instantly woke up.)
Mario: What in the world is going on
here?
Wario: How many times do I have to tell you to relax?
D.K.:
It's getting dark. You should eat something and go to bed.
(Everyone
but Baby Mario and Daisy climb down from the tree house and found an
annoyed looking Cranky Kong holding a crumpled up piece of
paper.)
Cranky: Hey Jumpman. You better watch where you're
throwing your thrash.
This is what Mario was known as in the
original Donkey Kong. While we're on the subject, it is said that
Cranky is the original Donkey Kong and the modern D.K. is really
Donkey Kong Jr. But what about the D.K. Jr. in Mario Tennis?
Mario:
My name is Mario, you wrinkled prune!
D.K.: Don't call him that.
Try calling him Grandpa.
Tiny: You guys shouldn't fight. That's
not very nice.
(D.K. and Chunky run away.)
Mario: She's right.
Sorry about that Cranky.
Cranky: You're not so bad. As long as you
can keep that Bowser guy away, you're doing something right.
(D.K.
and Chunky return with tons of bananas and melons.)
Chunky: This
is all I can carry. Do you need more?
Mario: What do you think I
am? A monkey?
(Mario starts to walk around like a monkey.)
Mario:
Ooo ooo ooo! Look at me! I'm a monkey!
(Everyone laughs)
Lanky:
Ha ha ha ha! You make a funny monkey.
Cranky: What is the world
coming to? I never thought I'd see the day where Mario went
bananas!
Tiny: Cranky!
Wario: Yo Monkey Boy! Eat this!
(Wario
crams a banana into Mario's face.)
Mario: I'm gonna get you for
that, Lard Butt!
(Mario throws a banana at Wario and hit him in
the chest. Lanky threw a slice of melon at Mario.)
Lanky: Food
fight! Food fight!
(Now there was bananas, banana peels, and melon
slices being thrown everywhere. Chunky was dropping entire melons on
D.K. Even Tiny and Cranky were having fun. Cranky throws a peel at
Wario.)
Cranky: Take that, Piggy!
Daisy: Boys! What are you
doing?! I'm trying to get the baby to sleep and you're not
helping!
Mario: Sorry Daisy. Lanky started it.
Tiny: No he
didn't. Wario did it first.
Wario: Mario started the whole
thing.
Chunky: You do it you lit-
Daisy: Don't do it
again!
(Daisy got down from the tree house and picked up a few
bananas. She went back into the tree house. Every eats the fruit that
wasn't wrecked.)
Mario: I'm ready to go to bed.
D.K.: Good. You
and Wario can sleep in my house tonight. I'll sleep in the banana
hoard.
Mario: All right. Good night.
(Mario and Wario go into
the tree house. All the Kongs walk in different directions. A little
later, Chunk was walking on the beach when he saw a dark figure. The
figure saw Chunky and started to run away.)
Chunky: Hey! Wait! Who
are you?!
(Chunky chased the mysterious figure. Chunky was kinda
slow, but that wasn't a problem. The figure wasn't watching where he
was going and ran into a wall. Chunky quickly catches him.)
Chunky:
Who are you?
(There was only silence.)
Chunky: I said who are
you?
Mysterious voice: I'm not telling.
(The dark figure tried
to run away, but Chunky pounded him into the ground.)
Mysterious
voice: No! leave me alone!
(BAM! Chunky pounded him again. Now he
was up to his neck in the sand.)
Mysterious voice: Let me go!
(Too
late. Chunky was already gone.)
Mysterious voice: Help! Mario!
Wario! Daisy! Um...Luigi. Help!
(In the morning, Chunky went to
D.K.'s tree house and wakes up Mario.)
Chunky: Hey Mario. There's
something you might want to see.
Mario: Huh? What is it?
Chunky:
I will show you, Sleepy Head.
(Chunky and Mario get out of the
house and walk on the beach until they find Waluigi stuck in the
sand.)
Chunky: Here it is. Is that Waluigi? What an ugly
freak!
Waluigi: I'm not a freak you stupid baboon! Get me out of
here!
Mario: Do you ever shut up? You're not going anywhere. I'm
leaving you right here.
(Mario and Chunky walk away.)
Waluigi:
No! Noooooooooo!
(In the afternoon Mario, Wario, Baby Mario and
Daisy prepare to leave.)
Mario: Well Kongs. It's time for me to
leave. I guess Luigi isn't here.
D.K.: I want to come with
you.
Mario: Okay. If you want to.
(D.K. gets on the ship with
Mario and the others, then Wario starts the motor and begins to drive
away.)
Mario, D.K., Wario, B.Mario & Daisy: Good bye!
Lanky,
Cranky, Tiny & Chunky: Bye! See you later!
(The ship
disappears on the horizon.)
Cranky: I hope they find whipper
snapper...er...Luigi.
