'To waste our lives would be a sin'
Eventhough you
said those cruel words to me, I still... I couldn't stop loving you, Ken. No
matter what, eventhough... eventhough...
'Release me
and let me love again'
Eventhough you
belong to Yohji now...
The black
coffee never feels so blunt.
***
The morning
starts with the sun shining gently upon the city of Tokyo. I open the flowershop
first today, wondering on the wooden table about what should my face look like
to him today.
Will it be
sad? Will it be expressionless? What should I do when I see him?
Doesn't give
me an enough time to think, fate send Ken to the Koneko earlier than the usual
days. He's startled when he sees me, of course, I am the one who he broke the
day before yesterday. Maybe the first boyfriend that he broke too.
"A-Aa...
Aya, ohayou!"
His trembling
voice even makes me feel uncomfortable.
I have to do
something, something usual by the cold mask of mine, something that will make
him feel better. I don't care about myself, let myself be, broken and
shattered for all I care, it's just... it's just I don't want him to be
sad.
So I take the
first mask that I have and mastered in: coldness.
"Hn."
I could see
his face fault and the gleaming eyes seen very guilty. It's like he just
committed a very devilish sin. Why? Why Ken? You did the... right thing... I
don't deserve you, you don't have to tell me about it. I will have to part
with you, sooner or later anyway.
But... I love
you... and all the common senses in me couldn't get me an answer of why did
you do that.
"Aya...
umm... about that night... I..."
"Why?" I
cut his words off. The words that I don't want to hear.
His eyes widen
at the snap in my voice and the look in my eyes. Although what I look like in
times like this escapes me.
"T-that..."
"Why,
Ken?"
He pauses.
"You never
say you love me... that makes me feel unworthy for you. Every look of cold that
you throw to me every single night when we were together... hurt a lot. I
couldn't stand it anymore...so..."
Nani...
Just... that?
Because of my cold looks to you? JUST that?
Trying to
stretch my patience from grabbing his wrist and look at his eyes deeply, just to
show how much I love him, I lower my eye level to the ground, shoulder trembling
and fists clenching.
"...Aya?"
Hurts. It
hurts a lot. In my heart, the broken sound of a heart could be heard. The glass
heart that brought up to Heaven and disgustingly thrown away by an angel... deep
down to Hell.
"It's just
because of that...?" I ask, couldn't help my voice not to tremble.
"A-Aya... I
can explain..."
And it's
when his new lover walks into the Koneko, all with his shining face of happiness
glued on his face. I'm like seeing my own face before the night from
yesterday.
Yohji looks at
us and he doesn't take much time to understand the situation we are in.
The devil's
triangle that each of us doesn't want to let go.
Yohji, being a
defensive lover after me, hugs Ken from his back and looks at me, teaming up
with Ken in putting an against war with me. I don't step back though. My pride
and my dignity are what left in me now don't allow me to do so.
But...
They are
broken, they are lost, they are gone... forever, ever since Ken said about
releasing him to...
...to Yohji...
Couldn't
bear with the pain, I lay my trembling backbones to the wooden table, sitting on
it, eyes still glued in them. Ken really doesn't look comfortable though, why
of course.
And when I
think about something to say... I say the first thing in my mind.
I start to
sing.
Here I go
again, I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
Yohji and Ken
widen their eyes, a sign of unbelievable feelings they have in mind.
It's
been seven months in counting
You've moved on, I still feel exactly the same.
It's just everywhere I go all the buildings
know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Yes, I still
feel exactly the same... ever since we punched each other when we first met,
ever since you stop by in my room every night when we were together. I still
love you... and will never change this feeling of you, no matter what.
Ken's eyes
trail down to gentle caress as I go on.
Steel and
granites reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
"Ken, don't." I could hear Yohji's voice to him
as he cup his hands harder on Ken's chest, hurting me even more but doesn't
and couldn't stop me from singing my feelings to him.
Ever since
you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call
another name to your love
To your lover now
To your
love...
The lover
after me
And as Ken
couldn't take it anymore, he pushes his face to Yohji's wide chest. Yohji
throws me a dark glare, telling my by his eyes that Ken is his now. I look at
him, blank-faced, I could feel myself don't feel any kind of pains now.
Maybe it's
just too much of the pain that I can handle until I couldn't feel it anymore.
"...Take me
away..." Ken whispers to him, red-faced.
I could see
that Ken starts to cry when Yohji folds his arms around Ken and throws me one
more glare before he walks out from Koneko, carrying Ken with him.
TBC~ ^^