Spoilers: none (for now)
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me, nor the song 'Please Release Me' and
'The Lover After Me' by Engelbert and Savage Garden (I love Savage Garden^^)
Part
2: Dusts of Heart's Pieces
Kisaragi Yuu
It's the 23rd day of cold October when I open
my eyes, just to look at the clock that point to 7 AM in the morning and soon
find out that it's raining. The raindrops that fall down to the earth, making
my heart to savor the minutes of painful memories as the thoughts of Yohji
holding Ken come to my mind.
I motionlessly tilt my head to the side of the
white-sheeted bed, one hand tugged on my blanket and the other on my forehead. I
try to think about something else, something really different, anything, other
than the thought of Ken.
How about soccer games?
No.
How about chocolate brewed Milo and apple pancakes?
No.
How about the scent of pure mocha and sun-bathed grass?
No. No. No.
Hell. I couldn't stop thinking about him. He, who goes
all crazy whenever there's these dull soccer games, he, who loves chocolate
brewed Milo and sweet apple pancakes for his breakfast in the morning, or he,
who has this dainty scent of pure mocha and sun-bathed grass, heck to all the
shampoos he used, he...
No, no, control yourself Fujimiya Ran, you can get through
this.
You are the cold leader of Weiß, the coldest assassin in
your group and never cry anymore since that incident happened to you. You are
sinful, way too sinful until everyday you see blood on your pale hands,
hallucination or not, but they are the signs of sins. You never can or will fall
in love seriously to the others, no matter who they are or where they come from.
Not even the guy who's in the same group you are and live
a sorrow life like yourself.
No, especially not that guy, not... Hidaka Ken.
But...
I already did.
And madly too.
As I can't help it, this forbidden feelings for the
beautiful brunette... I love him.
I love you... Ken.
***
Ken is late. And so is Yohji.
The two new lovers that start to show off in front of me
just to hurt me more. Especially the taller one, he always smile that kind of
smile that I hate most whenever I see him. Showing that he has Ken now and I'm
not.
I never have liked that guy.
Either way, emotion or devotion, those two are going to get
a scold from their leader as soon as they arrive.
Soon enough, the door creaks open, revealing someone that I
don't expect to come, Omi.
"Aa ohayou Ran-kun! I thought today is my shift to open
the flowershop first?" his wide blue eyes sparkle in the morning, smiling his
own cheerful kind of smiles to me. I couldn't help myself not to curve my lips
a bit. He reminds me a lot of Ken. The two are the only one left with
cheerfulness and innocence after these times. They are alike. So much alike that
it even hurts me just to look at this blonde boy.
"But I woke up earlier than you."
He smiles to me, "Saa... I never could beat you!"
I glance to him, 'never could beat you'? What does that
mean?
Giving the stare of my famous deathglares, I ask him,
"What do you mean?"
A faint blush comes to his cheeks as he tries to smile,
reassuring me that nothing is behind that state. It doesn't work for me
though. "Betsuni! Anyway, where are Yohji-kun and Ken-kun?"
Aa... a tactic to save yourself from the topic, ne Omi?
Although I know this is all just a play that he puts up
with, I have no time to drag him in it, so I reply, "Hn."
I wish I can say something more than 'hn's or 'hm's
or 'whatever's. This is one of the problems I have until my beloved Hidaka
Ken left me. No wonder...
No, no, no, didn't you promise yourself NOT to think
about Ken again?
"Ne Ran-kun... daijobu ka? You look paler than
yesterdays..."
I widen my eyes, am not prepared for his face to come near
me. Hiding my reddening face, I swing my head to the side and look down,
"Daijobu desu."
He really reminds me of Ken... even their hairs smell the
same. Are they using some sort of popular mocha shampoo now?
Then it's time when the door for the second time creaks
open, now revealing the two guys I've expected to come.
"You are late." That's my welcome to the blasted
couple.
Yohji smirks, sending me tons of laughter inside my head
like a devil. God I hate him... soon he smiles and he replies, "Gomen, Mr.
Fujimiya stick-shoved-up-to-his-ass Ran, Kenken didn't get a good night's
sleep yesterday."
Then a blush from my ex-lover rises up to his cheeks. I
don't have to take so much time to realize what has been going on. Ken
knuckles Yohji's waist gently as he tries to smile his usual smile to me,
bowing his head a bit.
"Gomen Ran, Yohji's car broke down when we were on the
way."
Oh? Now Yohji even drives you in or out the flowershop I
see.
Saying nothing, I take my back to face them as I go to the
cashier and start working. Omi gets the sign to work soon though, he soon also
joins me after he greets the lovers and takes his apron.
This is going to be a hell long day.
***
"Doumo Ran-kun! Oyasumi!"
That's the last thing I hear from Omi before he takes his
jacket and walks out. Yohji and Ken have been long gone, they said something
about a meeting with soccer kids. I guess Yohji just wants to play with me,
telling me all the unnecessary things that make Ken feels worse.
Ah heck, now that's not my problem anymore, is it?
Putting my mind of Ken away, I take the brownish flowerpot,
heading for the storage room to put it in before I also go back to my apartment.
When suddenly I hear someone's arguing with the other
someone about something.
I approach closer... and my realization doesn't take much time to find out they are Yohji and Ken. I thought they are gone... what are they doing in there?
"Why did you do that?!"
Ah that's Ken for sure.
"Did what?"
The lanky playboy himself, who else?
"Telling Ran all the plans we have and all the things we
did... don't you ever think about his feelings when he hear those things?!"
"Oh? And why do YOU care?!"
"He's... he's my ex and first lover after all!"
"You still love him, don't you?"
Silence.
"I know it. You never loved me, do you? You never think
of me when I kissed you, you always fantasize that it's Ran who's kissing
you. Heck, I don't even know whether you are thinking about me or him now."
"NO! You got that wrong, Yohji!!"
"WHAT is wrong Ken?! You love him and you STILL do!"
"I... I AM not in love with him!"
"No, you are. But you just don't want to admit it. You
love Ran and always do."
"I NEVER loved him!!"
'...What?
'...What did he just said...?
"...You are lying."
"No, I never... loved him."
'...You never...'
The pot on my hand slips down and crashed, along with my
heart, along with my love and trust to Ken, along with... everything.
The sound of shattering glasses and broken heart could be
heard, hitting the deepest floor of hell violently.
The sound of my feelings, hopes and trusts that break.
As soon as that, the coldness that was starting to melt
comes again to me, now even more with devil's wings on my back. Filling me in
with coldness, anger, and all horrible feelings I never thought I could have for
Ken, for Yohji, for the world, for everything.
The door flies open, revealing Yohji and widen-eyed Ken
stand in front of me.
"R-Ran!!"
Even Yohji looks shocked, a bit of guiltiness spreads on
his mimic. I don't look at him, instead I locked my violet eyes on the
weak-looking brunette behind him.
"Ran... are you eavesdropping at us?" Yohji asks.
Feeling all the warmness left in me is purely gone, I
answer, "Yes."
Yohji's eyes widen as he finds the coldest leader stands
in front of him. The one who is madly in love with Ken is gone by the wind,
replaced by something demonic. Something non-feeling. Something called the Weiß
leader.
There's nothing in my feelings now.
Empty.
The devil hidden in me reveals its concealment.
"Why?" Yohji asks again.
Aa, the big-mouthed playboy talks too much. My hand move
faster than what I think I should do, it punch him on the stomach awfully
powerful.
He hisses painfully as he throws his weight to the
doorframe, whispering something to his lover to run away.
But no, he doesn't know Ken well. The Ken I know will
NEVER run away, he'll deal with this once for all. That would be great for
now. I will never let him get away with this anyway.
And he does as what my premonition tells.
I stand in front of him. Violet orbs meet cinnamon ones.
This is Hidaka Ken I'm facing at. The Ken I dreamt about every night, the Ken
that I always have faith and hopes on, the Ken that I'm so madly in love
with...
...the Ken that played with my heart all this time long.
"Are you happy now?" I ask, my voice raspy and
dangerously low.
He shivers for the tone I used, "...Ran..."
"Don't 'Ran' me, Hidaka. You played with my
feelings, you know I'll go serious with you, and that's why you left me. To
see me lowering my dignity for you, to see me dreaming every night of you, to
see me suffering due to the regrets that I didn't treat you well. You laugh at
my behavior all these times long."
"No, Ran! You misunder-"
"Urusai!" I snap him, making him to stop talking all
those lies I don't want to hear again, "Enough of your lies, Hidaka. I had
enough."
His eyes really show all of the sad emotions in them. If I
didn't hear the state that he never loved me just now, I would have forgive
him by now and ask him to come back to me, to try it again, to make it work.
Even after he broke my heart in dusts of pieces, I still
hope for him.
But now... I will not do that again. So let's get this
over once and for all, Ken.
"Ran, listen..."
I punch one of the pots that arranged nicely on the pot
shelf behind him, breaking it at once with my hand. Many small sharp pieces of
it stab my hand and make it bleed, but... I don't feel anything. I don't
feel any pain.
I approach to him, tilting my head closer to him, forcing
him to look back to my eyes clearly.
"Ran... I-"
"My name is Aya."
TBC~
