A Kenshin Christmas Carol

Note: Don't take this fic seriously! I know they don't celebrate Christmas but the idea came up and I couldn't resist. Apologies to Dickens and the guy who wrote Kenshin and Dr. Seuss (for the random Grinch comment) and the character Aoshi (he is one of my favorites).

Chapter One: Beshimi, Hyottoko, Shikikai, and Hannya

Beshimi, Hyottoko, Shikikai, and Hannya were dead to begin with. Dead as a doornail. They used to be part of a group known as the Oniwaban before they bit the big one. Their leader was a skinflint known as Aoshi Shinomori. The five of them used to be unstoppable, unstoppable until the gratling gun was invented. Aoshi's four friends were beaten and killed. Since then, Aoshi went a little obsessive of beating the Hitokiri Battousai, also known as Kenshin Himura. Well, he was obsessive before, but at least his buddies took his mind off it.

It was the night before Christmas and Aoshi was brewing a plan that would beat the Battousai once and for all. He decided to copy the Battousai in everyway imaginable. He got a sakabatou, had the whole Hiten Mitserugi style written down on graphs, started to say "oro" and "de gozaru", and even got a red wig so he could look the part.

At last he made it over to the Kamiya Dojo where Kenshin, Sanosuke, Yahiko, Kaoru, and Megumi were out in the snow singing Christmas Carols. When they saw Aoshi approach, they all stopped singing except for Yahiko who got an elbow in the gut by his teacher.

"Himura Battousai, I have a proposition for you!" Aoshi declared. Megumi and Sanosuke glared at him.

Kenshin smiled cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Aoshi-san! What proposition?"

Aoshi would have sneered if he could show any emotion. "Bah humbug! Christmas! What a waste!"

Kenshin nodded his head, "Gomen nasai. I did not mean for my wishing you a Merry Christmas would be taken offense..."

Yahiko yelled, "Christmas is the best time of year!"

Aoshi looked at Yahiko, "Because you get presents. Another excuse to indulge in material pleasures."

Sanosuke rolled his eyes impatiently, "What do you want?"

Aoshi said, "Oh yes! Of course this pointless conversation about Christmas has lead me off track. Tomorrow Battousai, I will come over and slay you and become the best for real!"

Kenshin looked up wide-eyed. "Oro? Tomorrow?"

"Hai, tomorrow."

Kenshin replied, "But tomorrow is Christmas! A time to spend time with family and loved ones!!"

"To dance and sing and get drunk!" Sanosuke mused.

Aoshi sneered his invisible sneer, "Bah Humbug! Anyone who wastes their time for Christmas should be slain."

Kaoru snapped, "That's not very Christmasy!"

"No I guess not," Aoshi replied dryly. "But what will you do about that racoon girl? Want me to cut you a christmas tree?"

Aoshi turned to leave. But before he did, he unsheathed his kodachi and sliced it through a tree. The tree landed on top of Sanosuke who screamed in agony.

"Someone get me a doctor!!! IT HURTS!! AHHHHH"

Megumi sighed, "I'm right here, dummy."

Aoshi ignored this conversation and retreated to his cheap house on the bad side of town.

"Tomorrow will be so easy," He thought. "Christmas is a weakness, Battousai, and I will use it on you!"