Thank you so much for your comments guys! Seems that many people liked the last part ne? ^_^ *smiles widely* I hope you still enjoy this fic now. And hopefully, this series will end in its fourth chapter. I repeat, hopefully^^; anyway, comments are always welcomed with both hands. Go onto the ficcie!

Warnings: shonen-ai, foul words for part 3, angst^^
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me, nor the song 'Please Release Me' and 'The Lover After Me' by Engelbert and Savage Garden (I love Savage Garden^^)


The Lover After Me
Part 3: The Death of The Devil in Me

Kisaragi Yuu

It's 1:21 AM in the morning when I look to the dusty ceiling of my apartment room longingly.

The meeting of the two damned couple ended with Yohji stared with me with a 'you-are-going-to-die look, Ken limped and I walked outside muted. He thought I would do something warm like caressing his cheek when he limped, I guess. But no, Ken.

It's over. It's over between you and me, Ken.

I never know if we even had it started. You never loved me anyway, right?

I move to the side of my bed, closing my eyes and my heart for any hallucination of Ken or such. Those things just make my heart bleed again.

Speaking of bleeding, I still have my hands bleeding now, haven't I? Which reminds me that I haven't bandaged it yet. So then I get up from my white-seethed bed and head to the aid kit box I kept on the drawer. Taking it out, opening it, and finding no bandage is remained in there, I sigh.

Guess I'll have to do with this bleeding. It doesn't hurt anyway. What hurts is here, I tap to my chest, grabbing it rather hard.

I close my eyes, letting the dream realm brisk me in slowly...

***

The sun shines through the city of Tokyo in one Tuesday's morning.

I open my eyes as the sunbeam burns my eyes thoroughly, seems like last night I forgot to close the window. Digging myself back to the bed comfortably, I blink for several times, trying to cope up with the light. I have never been really good with sunny days. Then lazily, I tilt my eyes to the other side of my little bed...

...and find Ken is sleeping by me, naked.

I widen my eyes, getting up roughly, the white blanket falls down slowly and it doesn't take me long to find out that I'm naked myself. My jaw drops and I couldn't get it close.

What the hell is Hidaka Ken doing at *my* bed?!

While my intention is to scowl at him coldly and get him out from my apartment room as fast as I can... the beautiful scene in front of me doesn't allow me to wake him up and ruin this panorama.

His breathing is so orderly puffed in and out, while some of his chestnut strands cover his bangs despite the other that is stroke to the back, as like melting with the white pillow. One of his hands is tugged out from the blanket, and it's the time when I realize that the seethe is so 'pale', compared to his smooth life-coloured skin.

Perfect shape of body covered with the white seethed blanket, revealing enough flesh for the world to see and get jealous with him.

That dainty scent of pure mocha and sun-bathed grass...

He is very beautiful.

So beautiful that it hurts me a hell lot to just look at him.

Not giving me another minute to savor the moments of this graceful illusive scene, the realization of truth bangs my head to the wall and stabs me mercilessly. The truth that Ken is now other's, the truth that Ken claimed that he...

...never loved me.

The devil in me, the angel in you will never be concealed together

Anger spill to my mind again. And as soon as my enragement overflows in me, the scene of my apartment room suddenly changes to something pure black. I widen my eyes even more, finding that I already wear my Weiß custom and has a katana on my hand.

I am me, you are you, the truth is the lie while the lie is the truth

Seeing Yohji with his own Weiß clothes walks slowly to me before the darkness, I feel something liquid yet hard suddenly washed all over me. I look back at myself, and gasp as I see blood all over my clothes and chains on my parts of body. Enough chains to bind me hard, until I lose my ability to move.

I look at Yohji whose eyes are tearful. He's crying.

One of his covered hands points to me, I glance at the spot, it's my katana. That katana of mine is washed by blood too, until it's almost impossible for me to hold on the sticky blade.

But Yohji keeps pointing at my katana. I look back at him, but he isn't looking to me. No, it's not my katana that he's looking at, his glance is focused on something behind me, from the dark.

So it's better for me and for you to be abandoned in two different times and spaces

I slowly tilt my head to the back, suddenly afraid of something I will see. Sweats trail down to my cheeks, not helping in the crisis I'm facing. I look back...

As I don't know until when I could hold back these unbearable tortures you dumped to me

...Ken...

I sacrifice everything for your own private happiness

...I see the dead body of Ken, limply sprawl on the black ground. Slashes on his body are the slashes match to my katana length...

And your coldest attitude is what I ask for my regards

...that means... the murderer of Ken is...

"NOO!!"

I get up from my bed violently, feeling what is washed over me and make my bed wet is my own sweats. I puff for breath, lacking of oxygen.

"...Nightmare..." I whisper to myself, assuring that it's just a nightmare.

I look at the clock, it's nowhere to the sun to come. It's 3:47 AM in the middle of the night, the moon is still conquering the earth now. There's no way something like that could happen.

I put my hand on my face, brushing the sweaty bangs out of my forehead, still inhaling some oxygen rapidly. I could feel other liquid than sweats are trailing down my cheeks.

They're... tears.

Now what makes me cry is not the fact that I dreamt about killing Ken over this, but what makes my tears go out is the fact that the devil can't be restrained. I dared to kill someone I care about the most. Mercilessly. Purposely or not, I still killed him. Eventhough it's just in my dream, who knows what will the devil in me does tomorrow?

I couldn't hold myself and control my emotions, like I always do for all these years. I've been through anything, but still my emotions are under my sanity.

But why, over this love-matter with Ken...

Why I couldn't get my shattered self back?

I would be eternally happy if I haven't heard that acclamation. Eventhough I would be happy in tons of lies, but... sometimes, believing in something that you know is a lie, is far easier than to face the sick truth of life. But as far as I know, I always cope up with the sickness of life. No matter what the costs are, I always get through them sooner or later.

But this... why couldn't I get myself over it?

Why, Ken? Why do eventhough you tore me apart like this, still... I love you so?

Why...?

***

Asking so many questions but gaining no answer last night, I open my eyes sleepily, due to the restless night after that dream. I refused to go to the dream realm for the second time, supposing that I'd see a worse dream.

The sound of children running and saying 'tadaima' could be heard from the outside world of my window. It must be around 12 AM or so. I never get up this late before... my head hurts.

I get up from the bed, touching and brushing my hurting forehead.

I remember on vowing something last night... ah, to now shut my mind and door to any kind of lights, wasn't it? I remember it all now.

Aa, this is the only way I could hold myself clear and bounded. Who knows what'll the devil in me do if I ever let it go? Maybe killing Ken like the one I did in my dream could be true...

It's so funny isn't it when last night I wanted Ken to suffer, but now I'm fighting my own self over this? I'm having my own torturing contradiction, as I couldn't decide whether to make Ken suffer or fight this devil in me. While my body is aching to choose the first option... my heart doesn't allow me to do it.

Damn the good and bad side of me to hell. Why don't you just leave me alone and let me be, empty and shattered for all I care?

Ah see, now I start to ask myself stupid questions. I'm so hopeless.

What I need now is a shower. Definitely high rush of shower would be really good.

***

"Konnichiwa, Ran-kun!"

"..." I didn't reply to the youngest Weiß, but he already could find the reply from my eyes, I assume. He's far a good observer than those other two anyway. Looking around, I find no scent of the damned couple to be around. Saying nothing, I look at Omi.

Omi smiles, understanding the question mark I sent to him, "Ken-kun and Yohji-kun ne? Seems like last night there was an accident happened in the storage room, so they are gone to the hospital. I don't know who's sick though, but Yohji-kun said everything is fine."

Accident? Ah, 'accident' alright. Corrupting this little child with their lies... no wonder they can bear with lying to a mere adult like myself.

"I see." I turn my back to face Omi, soon I start to work, making the little boy to lose the guts to ask me about my lateness. I don't want to answer it anyway.

"Ne Ran-kun..."

"Aya."

"Eh?" he widens his eyes.

"My name is Aya."

Silence spreads over the flowershop, Omi keeps looking at me, suspiciously, "...Aya-kun..."

"Nani?"

Omi bits his lips, "I... wonder what happened yesterday at the storage room... Ken-kun said he was having a little clumsy-show again, but... his smile was different. It felt so... bitter."

"..."

"Something's up, something really bad is up. I just couldn't find out what is it."

"Yes something's up, and you are not counted in, Omi."

Omi raises his head to my cold state. I know that was rude, but, it really has nothing to do with him anyway, so why bother? He'll feel sad and shattered too like the rest of his teammates feel now, I wouldn't want to add one more masochist to our devil's chain. He really doesn't have anything to do with this.

Like I have nothing to do with both Yohji and Ken's relationship anymore.

"But... is it wrong?"

Eh?

"...Is it wrong to know what happened to your best friends, what incidents are going on in your house, or just being there to be with them, wanted or not?"

Eh...

"I'm still a kid if I'm being compared with you guys, but... all I know and understand very well is I love you guys and I won't leave you guys, my friends, alone in the dark while I'm in the sunlight alone. I prefer to be condemned to hell with you guys and suffer together, despite to be in heaven but all alone. Wanted or not, I'll be with my best friends."

I widen my eyes at the statement.

Then my inner mind is telling me that wanted or not, being broken-hearted or not, hated or not, it's not about the others feel about us, it's about our feelings for them.

Although I'm shattered, although I'm hurt, although the devil in me has regained its consciousness, but it all lost due the fact that although Ken hurt me, although Ken broke my heart, although Ken claimed that he never loved me...

...I still love him.

The fact that my love for him overdue everything else matter, including the painful acclamation Ken made.

I still...

The door suddenly swings open, revealing Yohji with his face angered and catchy breath. Omi blinks while I still frozen at the fact that I found out just a minute ago.

"...you fuckhead..." Yohji glares to me, "What have you done? Huh? WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE??!"

"Yohji-kun...?" Omi squeaks, is afraid with the sudden rise on Yohji's tone. I look at Yohji, forget to put my blue mask on my face. Yohji stomps to me as he grabs the collar of my shirt and looks down to my eyes, more like glaring.

"You never realized it, did you?"

"Eh...?"

One fist of full power flies to my cheek, making me to spit a little amount of blood, as Yohji doesn't give me any chance to breath and just grabs my collar harder.

"Yohji-kun!!"

"Shut up Omi! And how that baka Kenken loves him so, this fucking cold leader!!"

What...

I look back at Yohji, eyes wondering what is going on, "What... do you mean?"

Another clenched fist flies to my hurting cheek, almost breaking my jaw down.

"FUCK YOU, AYA!! Don't you realize that it's all a play?! Why the hell couldn't you see the look in Ken's eyes? What did YOU see over these years? Huh? Did you only see and savor the beauty of that stupid brunette? What have you seen among these years of him? You stupid shithead, what the hell have you seen?!"

Yohji's words are spoken so fast until I couldn't take them all in.

But then when the word of 'play' and 'Ken's eyes' sink to my mind...

"You mean..."

Yohji wants to fly yet another fist if Omi doesn't stop him, "Yohji-kun! Yamero!!"

"Don't stop me, Omi! This damned fucking person just has to get beaten so his mind would get sharp again! Why couldn't he realize that Ken always loves him all these times long and just hurt him like he's a piece of shit?! And it's on the time that Ken is...!!"

Ken is...

"Ken is what..."

Yohji widens his eyes as he clasps his mouth and realizes that he just spit out the words that I shouldn't have heard. I jerk myself from his hands as I grab his collar now violently.

"What Yohji?! Ken is WHAT?!!"

"..." Yohji realizes the mistake he just made. But I will not let him go this way, he has to tell me what is going on. Even if I have to tear his brain out and let that Schwarz redhead read his brain, I HAVE to know what happened.

"Yohji-kun..." Omi calls almost too softly, he looks up to the oldest boy as his eyes are giving hundreds of signs at him.

After a minute of silence, Yohji whispers, "...Ken is..."

Yohji silenced, couldn't tell me what's the truth.

I know that Yohji is a very stubborn person, and his ego won't let him spit out the answer. I bit my lips as I grab his collar harder, "Where? Where is the hospital?!"

"...St. Theresa Hospital..."

And as soon as that I run away from the Koneko, hearing Omi shouting my name but I don't look back. The only thing on my mind now is Ken.

Ken, what the hell happened to you?

TBC~