Rae: Blame this chapter on Jari and Kuriko. They wanted to read it, so it unearthed my amusement at this plotline and behold! The Sears Senshi Saga arises!

Equal Romance! Stockboys Are Annoying!!

Yusuke woke to the wonderful aroma of Kurama's cooking. It was odd, since they should have been taking turns, and the fox had already cooked for them the night before, whipping up a fantastic meal with the little means he had, and silently retiring to bed before anyone could get a word out of him.

"I wouldn't go in there." Hiei warned stoically, looking up at the groggy detective.

"Why not?" Yusuke stumbled into the kitchen to get a glass of water and was met by fierce green eyes.

"I am a man." Kurama stated. "I am a man."

"Um. Okay. Can I get some water?"

Kurama frowned at him, filled a glass and shoved it in his face.

"Okay. Geez." Yusuke mumbled as he made his way back into the living room. "Who works this morning?"

"Me." Kuwabara answered, coming out of their room coming his hair. "Smells good, Kurama, wha-"

Yusuke flung himself against Kuwabara and clamped his hand over his mouth.

"Don't bother him." Yusuke warned. Hiei was perched on the arm of the couch, cross-legged, smirking derisively at them all.

"I will accompany you to the store." Hiei told them. "Without my other duties, I should be better able to ascertain strange behavior from the humans."

"He's right." Kuwabara admitted. "It's impossible to keep an eye on the other employees when those evil bitches are breathing down your next."

"Melanie, the customers, or the demons?" Yusuke grinned. Kuwabara burst out laughing.

"Sarah and Rae do the cutest thing when they hear her coming!"

"Idiot. If you have time to notice that, you should have time to notice whether or not they act strangely." Hiei said flatly. Kuwabara sneered but ignored him.

"You can hear her heels clacking against the floor, and Rae can hear it before we can, so she'll nudge Sarah and they'll go: dun du-dun du- duu duu dun du-dun du- duu duu." Kuwabara continued, in his best impression of the little song. Yusuke looked at him blankly.

"What does that mean?"

"It's the theme music for the Wicked Witch of the West." Kurama told them sharply, balancing plates as he came into the room. "A rather old America film."

"Wicked witch?" Yusuke asked, taking a plate. "Well, that damn well fits. She annoys me! With all her rules. She's always coming up behind me like I don't do my job right!"

"Do you?" Kurama asked, sitting on an ataman. Yusuke rubbed his nose and grinned.

"Most of the time, I do. What the fuck does she know about shoes anyway? She's wearing those loud clodhoppers."

"Hm. I doubt she'd appreciate your input."

"Nice breakfast, fox. You'll make someone a good housewife someday." Hiei noted, looking up at the ceiling. Kurama stood and pulled a rose from his hair.

"Not in the apartment!!" Yusuke yelled.

"I. AM. A. MAN!!!" He cried, releasing his rose whip and breaking the plate in Hiei's hand. Hiei snarled back and began to unwrap his ward.

"No! No! Nooohoo!" Yusuke wailed, standing between the two. "If we blow our cover we'll have to start this thing all over!!"

"Look on your papers, fox." Hiei replied, ignoring their supposed leader. Kurama's face relaxed into complete blankness.

"I know, Hiei. I know." Kurama slumped back down onto his seat and starred with animosity at the wall.

"Too bad. Seemed like she liked you."

"Why should it be too bad?" The flaming mane shifted as a sly grin spread across his face. Hiei frowned deeper.

"For obvious reasons."

"Not so obvious apparently. I've had an itch lately. You didn't seem to mind when Belle was picking me up." Kurama took off his apron and headed for their room to get dress. "Maybe I'll scratch it."

Hiei grabbed his black coat and headed out the door silently. Yusuke sat back down on the couch to finish his breakfast, and contemplate the fact that they had no real outlet for their aggressions, and two angry and rather randy demons to deal with.

***

"Now, Sailor Sears!"

Sailor Sears twirled her wand around swiftly with purpose, and with a mighty force...

Bonked Home Fashions on the head.

"I do not need you guys to tell me when to attack!" She insisted. Home Fashions stuck her tongue out.

"Then I won't tell you it's coming right this way."

"Eeep!" Sears made a break for it but got caught by a tentacle. "Fuck!"

Out of nowhere a stockcart came flying, and ripped through the tentacle holding Sears.

"Now, Sailor Sears!" Came a voice from the direction the cart had come flying. Sears growled.

"I especially don't need any help form you, you skank. You could have hit me with that!" She told the strange guy who was edging up close to her. She rammed a palm into his face. "Shouldn't you be in a tux or something?"

The guy in civies scratched the back of his head. "Tuxes cost. Sides, I just got up a few minutes ago."

Sears rolled her eyes and looked at the other three. "I'm surrounded."

She wound up and did her attack.

"Sexy...."

Hardlines looked at them. "Ever feel like yer in a rut?"

"We should tape their mouths shut before they get beat. I feel like I'm getting molested vicariously." Hub suggested, whisking away.

Hiei watched the girls as they jumped off, one by one. Sears paused. She looked at the man severely.

"Dammit, StockBoy. Give me my underwear back."

"No. They're mine." He grinned at her. She twitched a bit and pinned him to the wall with her wand.

"Fine, freak. Just stay out of our way. We don't need guys on our team." She snarled, jumping into the air.

"Lesbian." StockBoy muttered. Hiei mentally laughed at the man.

Oh, there seem to be quite a few in this store. Even if some of them are guys.

***

Out of the corner of his eye, Hiei caught sight of the girl they called Raederle walking briskly towards his direction. A dark red substance was all over her hands, which she held rigidly apart from her body. Noting the look of disgust on her face, Hiei smirked.

"Kill someone?"

"Ch'. Not yet." She sighed wearily. "This isn't blood. It's candle snot."

Hiei blinked. Did he understand the language right? "What?"

"One of those raspberry gel candles got too hot and started to ooze. It snotted on me, dammit." She headed into the ladies room.

"Be careful in there." He said just loud enough for her to hear.

"No doubt." She called tersely over her shoulder. "I think someone's ass exploded in here."

and Rae can hear it before we can,

Hiei continued on his way to the breakroom. That girl has pointed ears. I should have noticed before. The illusions the Sears Senshi cast must dampen all forms of observance.

"What are you grinning at?" Kuwabara asked, poking Hiei as he entered the breakroom.

"Nothing." He snapped, returning his face to its usual glowering mask. "I have come to the conclusion that the presence of the Sears Senshi is dampening the observance of all creatures residing in this store."

"That would explain why their coworkers can't recognize them." Kuwabara said obtusely. Hiei nodded seriously.

"We should attempt to draw the Senshi to another location, so their powers will not be as strong, and we can identify them."

"Koenma will pay for this." Kurama promised them coldly handing the boys their lunches quickly as he entered the room. Kuwabara dug into the bag and ignored both of the demons. "He didn't even tell me he'd filled out my papers as though I were a girl! He simply assumed they would come to that conclusion!"

"Well." Hiei said. "They did."

"That's not the point."

"It got you a girlfriend."

Kurama glared at him. "That it did. I suppose I won't be needing you anymore."

Hiei blinked at him and kept his bored expression. Kurama retreated from the breakroom irritably, saying nonchalantly: "Tell me what you find when you get home."

"I said I wanted it slow. We can keep it slow. And I can keep my cover." He sighed softly to himself as he walked through the hallway. "Damn that godling brat."

Hiei's not even jealous! Oh, well, I suppose he has no reason to be. Once Belle realizes I'm a man, she won't be interested anymore, which is why he finds this humorous rather than threatening. I wish he'd make an attempt, though.

Oddly enough, he could feel Hiei's eyes on him suddenly, and looked up to see his tall, oblivious lover standing in front of him.

"Hey, baby." He said casually. He could feel Hiei's youki rising just a bit. He was angry.

Belle smiled and slid an arm around his waist. "You look great. Are you working today?"

"Nope. Just dropping off lunch for the boys."

"Big sister routine?" She laughed, walking him out the door.

"Something like that." He replied, speeding up. Not jealous, Hiei? Well, perhaps this will teach you to take me more seriously.

When his fox was out of earshot, Hiei growled deep and low in his throat.

"What's your problem?" Kuwabara asked him.

"Nothing." Hiei glared at him. Kuwabara shrugged and continued eating his sandwich. Realizing that this investigation was going nowhere, Hiei had taken his day off to flit around the store, "eyeing" every human available. Oddly enough, he couldn't get a ki reading on the purple haired one, or any of her friends. Either this was a breeding ground for bricks, or Hiei suspected these girls were up to something. He'd have to take a closer look somehow.

He ate the banana sandwich that Kurama had prepared for him quickly, and headed out into the mall again to keep an eye on those strange girls.

***

"I'll need to see your driver's license, please." Sarah said politely to her customer. Hiei was sitting inconspicuously in between a rack of cotton throws, decorated in happy snowmen and various prints of a fat man with a beard, and had been observing her actions. Sarah didn't really need to see the license, because, as he'd observed, the girl simply punched in the number before reading it on the card. Prescience, telepathy, the girl had some kind of power, and he wasn't able to read it.

At that point, Hiei pondered if this was how Kurama often felt. Since his battle with Karasu, his senses had increased greatly, but were still nothing in comparison to what he'd been accustomed as the Youko. He was precisely a weakened form of his former self, simply different, and such a change must have been difficult for him to adapt.

Hiei did not doubt himself, however. He knew something strange must be surrounding the girls, so that his Jagan could not see what they were doing. Perhaps it was a phenomenon caused by the Sears Senshi's presence. Their illusion magic spread to the ordinary citizens.

Regardless of his findings, he headed out to observe more of the associates.

"Hi!" A brown haired man with large circular glasses approached him eagerly. He prepared for a fight. "I'm Ryo, I'll be working with you when you work next. I've been on vacation."

Hiei ran his eyes down the tall, slender man's body. He was quite attractive, in an introverted computer geek sort of way. Kurama had friends over on occasion studying, who had a similar build. He was a bit stronger in the arms however, which pulled pleasingly on the fabric of his work shirt.

"I am Hiei. How did you know who I am?"

"I'm a friend of Rae and the girls. She described you for me, too. Dark and serious, with large, pretty red eyes and black hair. She also mentioned the bandages, or wards or whatever."

"Wards. Hn." Hiei looked up at him, masking all emotions so that he could not read what he was thinking. Quickly he scanned the human for a reiki, and came up with a light blue aura, just strong enough to have a vague sense of those around him. Ryo was not blocked.

Ryo smiled easily and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I'm glad Belle likes you, too. She can be hard to get along with, though I hope her new girlfriend works out. She's had trouble sometimes."

"Such as picking a boy for a girlfriend."

Ryo blushed. "Ye gods. You've heard already? Oh, well don't think too badly of her. She's not from around here, and can't tell so easily."

"She isn't the only one. Where is she from?"

Ryo crossed his arms and looked down at the little fire demon. "I'm not really sure. I bet Sarah would know, if not her, Rae definitely."

"Hn." Hiei replied, leaving the conversation abruptly.

"Nice talking to you!" Ryo waved.

Hiei almost came back after him, reading the thought the unwitting human projected immediately after.

And a nice little ass too!

***

"So we finally get to fight!" Yusuke said happily. Hiei looked him his direction, sipping his miso soup, but said nothing.

"For the purposes of testing Hiei's theory, yes." Kurama explained. "If their powers of illusion do not extend outside of Sears, we may be able to identify them."

"But we get to fight them, and bring them back to Koenma, right?" Yusuke said eagerly.

"I don't want to fight a bunch of girls." Kuwabara frowned.

"Then don't. We don't need you." Hiei snapped. "I have reason to believe that your girlfriend may be the source of our troubles. A friend of hers today insinuated that she was not of this place."

"How do we find out?"

"You must interrogate your coworkers, ningen."

Kuwabara shrugged. "Whatever to speed this along."

"Until then, we must test them."

***

"These new towels match your hair, Kuwa chan!" Rae laughed, holding it up for him to see. He looked over at her and threw at towel at her. She was so often straight-faced, completely serious, or emotionless, he couldn't tell. He liked it when the girls laughed and smiled with him, even though he'd guessed by now that neither Rae nor Sarah were interested. It just gave him a better reason to be faithful to Yukina.

She calmed her face and turned to ask a man in the cookware if he needed any help.

"Nah, I'm just lookin, hon." He smiled at her. Rae nodded and pranced over to sit on the counter.

"You're crazy today."

"It's been slow, I have good reason to be happy." She yawned widely. "Hey… do you guys want to come with me and Belle for pool on Friday night? We know this place that's open all night."

"That sounds fun. I think Belle already invited Ku… Shuiichi."

"I'm not surprised." Raederle informed him flatly. Her ears perked and she hopped off of the counter and began straightening things around the registers. Before he could ask what was wrong, the sound of clip-clopping made him freeze.

"Hello, sir." Melanie said over-brightly. "Can I help you pick out some cookware today?"

The man swiftly turned to her. "I SAID NO!!"

The woman blinked, smile unfreezing. "Okay!"

Raederle and Kuwabara bit their tongues as she clip-clopped out of their department. The man turned to them and wiggled his eyebrows good-naturedly. The two associates broke out in laughter.

"Ding dong, the bitch is dead." Rae sang softly.

Their merriment was disrupted by a disturbance by the front entrance, and Rae nodded to Kuwabara as she ran to see what it was. A huge checkbook slammed its fists against the register and tossed the hapless Lawn and Gardens employee across the walkway.

"Stop right there!" Sailor Hardlines ran across the store, making her way through the crowd to get at the monster. "You can't treat salesbitches like that!"

"Oh, can't I? The customer is always right!! Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!" The checkbook taunted her. Hardlines crossed her arms irritably.

"Bring a fucking photo ID when writing a check! I can guess what happened here, you idiot. The system did a random call to Equifax and you were too dumb to bring an ID, so you can't get it cleared! Well, screw you, hippie."

"Nice, Hardlines, really classy." Sailor Hub said as she walked in. Rae eyed Kuwabara as he was watching the fight. Slowly she moved to leave.

"It's okay. I'll make sure you don't get hurt, Rae." Kuwabara insisted. She forced a smile.

"Thanks." She said appreciatively through gritted teeth.

Just then a shoe came flying across the crowd, slamming into the giant checkbook.

"You annoy me!" Yusuke yelled, tossing another shoe and heading for the door. The checkbook followed suit and Kuwabara got the feeling that the Sears Senshi were starring right at him expectantly.

"Don't blame me!" He said. Rae slithered away from the heavy hand on her shoulder and raised her index fingers to her lips, her hands forming an L shape as she gently chanted the words. It was the barest hint of a whisper, and Kuwabara couldn't make it out. Only a bit.

"…see. Power… By….make…" Whatever it was, she chanted it three times, and then nodded to the other girls, who promptly darted outside.

Yusuke was hard pressed not to use his abilities against this thing, since otherwise he'd have to let it beat him up for throwing shoes at it. Hardlines grabbed him by the cuff of his shirt just in the knick of time. He was about to get a deadly paper cut.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded of him. Yusuke shrugged.

"Just… reminded me of half the jerks I have to deal with." He made up lamely. Hardlines eyed him suspiciously, but Hub cleared her throat loudly.

"Excuse me, girl. But we have to stop this thing. It's smashing cars."

Hardlines sighed and dropped him to the ground.

"You have violated the sacred trust between customer and sales rep." Hub began, twirling her little transformation wand.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Hardlines asked her.

"Shuddap. I'm working." Hub said to her, then focused her attention back on the monster. "You have attempted to use someone else's identity, and for that, I won't forgive you!"

"Hub, hon-"

"Quiet! I am Sailor Hub, and how would you like your financial merit ruined, you sick freak?" A grin sparked her face and she raised both of her hands to the air. A rush of blue energy came up. "Hub CREDIT CHECK!!"

Immediately she threw her arms down like in a race and thousands of credit cards came rushing over the monster, slicing it to pieces in front of them. On ropes, it fell to its knees.

Hardlines blinked, and leaned over to Hub. "Can we change it back without her?"

Hub kept the smile on her face as she looked down at the fallen foe. "I have no fucking idea." She hissed.

The two brightened up as Sailor Sears dropped in out of nowhere. "Sorry I'm late, guys."

"Now!" Hardlines insisted. Sears gave her a cold glare and Hardlines looked away and tapped her foot.

"Alrighty, here we go!" She shoved her large wand into the air and screamed. "Sears Gorgeous Takedown!"

The rainbow energy whooshed the checkbook into the air, spinning him around and sucking out all of the remaining negative energy. Then, it slammed it into the pavement. Slowly it changed into a high school jock.

"Prolly took his dad's checkbook." Hub muttered. She squeeked when a huge stockcart came flying their way. "Damn you Stockboy!"

"Eh… sorry I'm late girls." He mocked, rubbing up against Sailor Sears. She twitched a little then put the sharp edge of her wand up to his crotch.

"Touch me again, pube boy, and you'll really be one of us, kay?" She perkily jerked her head to the side as she said the last word, and Stockboy paled.

"Y'know, you guys are supposed to be drooling after me. Like in the cartoon. Y'all all want me and only Sears gets to get her scrog on with me."

"Ch'." Sears dismissed him loudly. "Give us something drool worthy and maybe you'll get your wish."

"Like Sherrie." Hardlines grinned. Hub shook her head.

"I don't even swing that way and it looks like a better choice right now." She pushed Stockboy away with one dainty hand. "Go on home boy. She don't want you."

"Aww." He sighed, groping Sailor Sears' rear end as he left.

"If you steal one more pair of my panties I swear you're paying for the replacements at Victoria Secrets!" She threatened, whacking him on the head with her wand. The Stockboy ran off. She sighed.

"What took you so long?" Hardlines said before they took off.

"I'm supposed to change in front of a crowd?" Sears rebutted. And then they disappeared.

Yusuke groaned and headed back into the store barefoot.

***

Yusuke sprawled himself over the couch.

"Damn, they're strong. I wonder who would give them that much power?" He dug his toes under a pillow for warmth. "Back to the drawing board."

"It was a good plan anyway." Kurama remarked, mostly for Hiei's benefit.

"Hn."

"It would have worked." Kuwabara said. The others looked at him. "What? It would have, but the girls caught on to what would happen if they went outside with you there, Urameshi. They waited a minute before they went outside."

"Maybe they had some way of activating the illusion outside of Sears." Kurama suggested, taking the new information into account. He rubbed his chin. "Did you notice anything else out of the ordinary?"

Kuwabara shrugged. "Not really."

"We may have to take more drastic measures." Hiei said darkly. He was getting sick of this mission. No real danger or challenge. Except… getting Rapid Credits… He shuddered.

"We still have some time." Kurama informed them evenly. "Something may turn up. Until then, we may have to consider capturing the Sears Senshi. Or even fighting them ourselves."

***

Koenma turned to George from his chair and said: "You'd think I'd at least get to see the girls change!"

George sighed. "I know, Lord Koenma. It's a sad time for all of us."