An FF7 fan fic-The King of Celebrity Nobodies
Written By Gabe Ricard
I promise this latest installment will have none of the following
1) Alice Cooper, Courtney Love and, Rob Zombie
2) Poorly written romance stuff between the author and a video game character
Just a quick note before the fic begins the ff7 fan fic Deathmatch reached 200 hits yesterday which I'm really proud of. Enough of this
boring introduction, on with the fic!
"Why the hell do we have to go back to the Deathmatch arena?" whined Gabe, remembering when he had his ass kicked by Aeris.
"They're having a Tifa/Aeris rematch and we all get VIP backstage passes," replied Cloud walking onto the airship along with everyone
else.
"Gabe, I'm really, really sorry about that," apologized Aeris.
"The hell you are flower slut!" yelled Tifa, walking past Aeris.
"Fuck you! You two cent, street corner, whore!"
"I hope they break each others jaws," said Cait Sith jumping over to his spot on the Airship Bridge.
"You an me both," agreed Barret popping two aspirins into his mouth.
At the Deathmatch arena
"You want all of us to fight again?" asked Cloud standing with the other members of Avalanche in Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez's
office.
"We need some last minute additions to the Tifa/Aeris match," replied Nick Diamond handing everyone a sheet of their matches.
"What the hell is the KOCN title?" asked Gabe looking at his sheet.
"The King of Celebrity Nobodies championship it's a title for washed up celebrities, one hit wonders and child stars."
"I'm not a celebrity."
"You where a guest interviewer on Celebrity Deathmatch," Replied Johnny Games.
"But what about the other members of Avalanche?"
""We still feel they are useful to society."
"Oh." Said Gabe, not sure if that was a compliment or not.
"You all can head to the locker room and get ready for your matches." Avalanche turned and walked out most of them looking annoyed
for having to fight.
Celebrity Deathmatch
Johnny: Once again the heroes of the hit video game FF7 come to our humble arena to do battle once again! Hi I'm Johnny Gomez
along side Nick Diamond and Nick what a card we have tonight.
Nick: Right you are Johnny. We've got in addition to Tifa battling Aeris in a mud pit match, we've also got Cloud Stryfe, Barret Wallace,
Cid Highwind and Red XIII VS Archie Andrews, Jughead Jones, Reggie and, Hotdog.
Johnny: That's not all. We've also have Cait Sith taking on Eric Cartman plus Vincent and Yuffie battle Al Gore and Joe Lieberman. In a
non-FF7 match Jay and Silent Bob will single handily take on the Hanson sisters and N Sync.
Nick: There's one more match I think..I can't remember who's in it though.
Johnny: Neither can I, must not be very important so without anything else lets head to the ring for our first match!
Cait Sith VS Eric Cartman
"Okay you fat foul mouthed little bastard I'm gonna claw your eyes out!"
"Fuck you cat! I will make you respect my authoritah!!" Cartman clad in his cop outfit waddled over to Cait Sith and swung his nightstick
at him but Cait Sith jumped over him and landed on his back, clawing at his neck until Cartman threw him off and, batted him into a
corner with the nightstick. "Kick ass," grinned Cartman spinning his nightstick around and blasting Cait Sith again, knocking the crown
off his head.
"You knocked off my crown," whispered Cait Sith.
"You stupid cat!" taunted Cartman. "I've won this already." He decided, pulling out a bag of Cheezy Poofs.
"You knocked off my crown," repeated Cait Sith.
"Cheezy Poofs kick ass," said Cartman ignoring Cait Sith.
"YOU KNOCKED OFF MY FUCKING CROWN YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT. PREPARE TO DIE!" Before Cartman could even turn around, Cait Sith
jumped up and dug his claws into Cartman's eyes, tearing them out.
"Owwww my eyes! My goddamned eyes! You fucking cat I'll kill you!" Cartman pulled his nightstick out and, swung in the complete
opposite direction of where Cait Sith. At that moment Cartman stopped, clutched his chest, and dropped dead.
Nick: Johnny, what the hell happened?!
Johnny: I don't know Nick. Mills Lane is looking at Cartman and will be able to give us something in a few minutes. It's obvious though,
that Cait Sith is the winner!
Nick: Indeed it is Johnny! Though I'm not sure just what happened. Lets go to the locker room where our guest interviewer Krista Parks
is with Jay and Silent Bob.
Krista: Jay and Silent Bob, you get a chance tonight to rid the world of some of the most hated bands in music history. Do you have a
strategy?
Jay: Yep, I'm gonna be like BOOM, POW, SLICITY SLICE!!!! Then once me and Lunchbox finish layin the smack down we're gonna go
smoke a bowl, snoogins.
Silent Bob:......
Jay: You tell em Silent Bob!
Nick: That's our next match and N Sync along with the Hanson sisters are in the ring awaiting the match.
Jay and Silent Bob VS N Sync and Hanson
"Holy shit Silent Bob! Where did you get that?" asked Jay referring to the Light saber Silent Bob had pulled out of his trench coat. Silent
Bob shrugged and charged at Hanson and sliced one of them in half, then ducked a kick from another and sliced her head off. However
before Silent Bob could take out the third, the surviving Hanson sister knocked the Light Saber out of his hand and, knocked him to the
ground.
"I'm gonna fry your fat ass!" sneered the Hanson sister, pulling out a flame-thrower and aiming it at Silent Bob's head. Before she
could pull the lever on the flame-thrower, Jay jumped down, grabbed the flame-thrower, and, stuffed it down her throat. Just as the
other Hanson sister exploded N Sync who had been hiding in the corner jumped Jay and Silent Bob.
"Hold that little stonner!" ordered one of them. Another nodded and held Jay while the other wound back with a brick and went to nail
Jay but, he ducked and the brick shattered the face of the one holding Jay.
"Nooooo my face! My beautiful face!" Jay grinned and clenched his fists, extracting Wolverine claws which he used to turn the two N Sync
members into little slabs of flesh.
"Snootch to the mother fucking nootch!" cried Jay jumping on top of another and driving his fists into each side of his head.
"No don't kill them all please!" pleaded a voice. Jay and Silent Bob had pulled out uzis and where about to finish the other two off when,
Brittany Spears ran into the ring. "Please, if you kill them I'll have no one else to gang ba- I mean hang out with!" Silent Bob looked at
Jay and shrugged, pulling the trigger and riddling their bodies with bullets.
Silent Bob and Jay then pointed their guns at Brittany Spears and where about to fire. "No please don't kill me. I promise I'll make it
worth your while!" with that she slowly removed her top revealing her silicone breasts.
"Sorry baby," sighed Jay. "But even I got standards." Jay nodded towards Silent Bob and they opened fire avoiding the breasts for fear
the bullets would bounce off.
Nick: What a blood bath Johnny! The fans got two for the price of one here!
Johnny: What surprises me Nick is that Jay turned down his first chance to be with a woman in years!
Nick: Jay probably didn't have the thirty cents to pay Brittany Spears night fee."
Johnny: Even if he did, do you really think he would want to waste the money? In any event we'll be right back after these messages
when we'll bring you Yuffie and Vincent against Al Gore and Joe Lieberman.
"Still looking for Eric?" asked Gabe meeting Krista in the hallway.
"Hey Gabe, yea Hawaii wasn't very successful. I heard he was going to be here tonight so I got a job as the guest interviewer."
Gabe nodded. "That's good."
"I was wondering," asked Krista. "What happened to Cartman in his fight with Cait Sith?"
"Heart attack due to stress," grinned Gabe.
Johnny: And we're back! Without anything else we're going to get right into our next match as Yuffie and her boyfrien-
Nick: Yuffie has a boyfriend?
Johnny: Yes.
Nick: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Johnny: um.okay. I think we better just go to the ring.
Nick: (Head in arms, sobbing, pounding the table) Yuffie.my beautiful Yuffie..how I want you.
Vincent and Yuffie VS Al Gore and Joe Lieberman
"After we win this battle, I promise to shut down this evil, perverted, obscene arena in order to save others from viewing this disgusting
display of sex and violence." Sneered Joe Lieberman.
"I agree. This looks like something people enjoy so we MUST shut it down!" replied Al Gore.
"Okay then, lets get the-AHHHHH" Joe Lieberman let of a brief cry of pain as a bullet wizzed through the air and shattered his skull.
"Joe?" Al Gore turned around and lost his head, thanks to Yuffie's shuriken.
"We won Vinny!" cried Yuffie jumping into Vincent's arms and making out with him untill they where carried away.
Johnny: A short but sweet match that I think everyone enjoyed right Nick?
Nick: (writing on a piece of paper) Yuffie, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Johnny: I aplogize for this fans I had no idea Nick had an obsession with a girl thirty-two years younger then him. We've got our next
match in the ring right now.
Cloud Stryfe, Barret Wallace, Cid Highwind and Red XIII VS Archie Andrews, Jughead Jones, Reggie and, Hotdog.
"Ahhhhh!!! Please don't kill me!!!" cried Archie, ducking Cloud's sword and ducking in the corner.
"Stop bitching and die!" replied Cloud swinging and missing again.
"Mmmmmm I could go for a hamburger," mumbled J ughe walking towards Barret.
"I aint no damn hamburger foo!" exclaimed Barret crying out in agony as Jughead bit his arm. Clutching his arm Barret kicked Jughead
back and blew him into a million pieces.
"Die motherfucker!" cried Reggie leaping into the air and catching Barret with a left then whipping him into Cid.
"Hey! What are you trying to do to me?" asked Red XIII being cornered by Hotdog. "Hey! Wait I don't do that with other male dogs!
Ahhhhhhh!!!"
"Oh..god.." Cloud dropped his sword and stared in horror watching Hotdog "attack" Red XIII. As he was watching, Archie hit him in the
back of his head and yanked his ultimate weapon away from him.
"At last! The world will stop mocking Archie Andrews!" with that he raised the sword and charged at Cloud. Just as he was about to bring
the sword upon Cloud, he lost his balance and fell forward driving the sword into his throat Cloud quickly jumped up, grabbed the sword
and Omnislashed Reggie.
"Who's your daddy?" taunted Hotdog, still "attacking" Red XIII. Finally after five or so minutes of laughter Cid speared Hotdog into the
wall.
"Took you all long enough," mumbled Red XIII limping away.
Johnny: Between this match and my colleagues obsession with one of RPG's most annoying characters this has been the most
disturbing night in recent Deathmatch history.
Nick: 35,125.35,126.35,127
Johnny: It's been a brutal night thus far and our main event promises to top them all. A rematch between Aeris and Tifa but this time
in...MUD WRESTLING!
Nick: 35,133.35,134
Tifa Lockheart VS Aeris Gainsborough
"This is it, turbo-slut! You got lucky the first time but this time I'm going to beat you down!" said Aeris wearing a red two piece bikini.
"Luck had nothing to do with kicking YOUR ass!" Tifa clad in a similar blue bikini jumped across the ring and speared Aeris into the
mud. Smiling Tifa reached over and grabbed some mud but as she did Aeris smashed her in the face with some mud.
"How do you like the taste of mud bitch?" taunted Aeris, punching Aeris in the face and rubbing mud into her now bruised face and hair.
"You'll have to try it for yourself!" spat Tifa, flipping Aeris over into the mud then grabbing he head and smashing her face into the
mud. Just as Tifa was about to go for the kill, she felt someone grab the back of her head and throw her into the corner. "Who the fuck
did that?" demanded Tifa wiping the mud out of her eyes to see Betty and Veronica.
"What the hell do you two bimbos want?" asked Aeris pulling herself up.
"Your ass hole boyfriend killed our Archie so now we're going to kill the both of you!" replied Veronica kicking Aeris in the stomach while
Betty jumped up and drove an elbow into Tifa's back.
"Are you going to let these two do this?" asked Tifa, getting up and being clotheslined.
Mills Lane shrugged, "I'll allow it." Before Tifa and Aeris could protest, both Betty and Veronica attacked them, smashed their heads
together, and threw them to the other side of the ring.
"I hate to admit this, but I don't think we can beat them on our own."
Tifa grumbled and nodded, "You're ri.ri." without even finishing the sentence, Tifa jumped in the air and uppercut Betty then grabbed
her arm and whipped her towards Aeris who cast Bolt3 then Ice3. When she was finished, Betty looked like a crispy ice cube.
"Beat Rush!!" cried Tifa, her fist glowing with power, pummeling Betty the crispy ice cub while Aeris kept Veronica at bay.
"I didn't need that fucking ditz anyway!" stammered Veronica who was now cornered by Tifa and Aeris.
"Oh yea?" asked Tifa sarcastically.
Veronica looked around, hoping that out of nowhere someone would come and save her but knew that wasn't going to happen. Taking a
deep breath, Veronica ran at Tifa but stopped dead in her tracks as she felt Aeris's Princess Guard being violently driven into her
stomach then her head. Veronica stumbled back but before she could regain her composure, Tifa jumped in the air kicking her in the
face then driving her knee into Veronica's throat.
"All yours Aeris!" said Tifa winding back and throwing Veronica to Aeris who smiled and cast Knights of The Round then sat back and
enjoyed the brief but still entertaining show.
"You know Aeris, I think this could be the start of something really great." Smiled Tifa standing in the ring with Aeris.
"Oh I agree," replied Aeris. "What's that in the rafters?"
Tifa looked up, "I don't see anything." Aeris grinned and wound back, punching Tifa in the stomach causing her to falls face first into
the mud. Aeris said nothing only walking on top of Tifa, pushing her face back into the mud and walking out of the ring.
"How is she?" asked Cloud a couple hours later at the bar.
"No idea," replied Gabe. "Tifa hasn't left her room in since we got back. Good match by the way."
"Thanks by the way, what happened to your match?"
"It was held behind the arena. I killed some guy named Tony Danza and won that KOCN title. We paid the janitor to referee."
"Oh," replied Cloud. "Cid, Barret, Cait and me are going to go check out that new strip club at Costa De Sol, you coming?"
"Damn right." Said Gabe grabbing his belt off the table and walking out with Cloud.
Later That Night
"So what did you and the guys do?" asked Aeris laying in bed with Cloud.
"Um.nothing.poor children.we uh.helped..poor children."
"Nice try, What did you really do?"
"Went to a strip club," sighed Cloud. "Please don't kill me."
"I wont. I'm not upset."
"You're not?"
"Nope." Cloud looked into Aeris's eyes and at that moment realized what he had to do. He sighed and got off the bed and got on one
knee. "Aeris?"
"Yes?"
:"Will you marry me?"
At that moment Aeris's heart leapt into her throat and she couldn't speak. Somehow she was able to nod and jumped into a deep
embrace with Cloud that she hoped would never end.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOJ
0000000000000000000000000000" Tifa slowly looked around the room then wiped some of the sweat off her forehead. "What a
horrible nightmare." She thought laying back down. "That's all it was..just a horrible dream."
End.
Written By Gabe Ricard
I promise this latest installment will have none of the following
1) Alice Cooper, Courtney Love and, Rob Zombie
2) Poorly written romance stuff between the author and a video game character
Just a quick note before the fic begins the ff7 fan fic Deathmatch reached 200 hits yesterday which I'm really proud of. Enough of this
boring introduction, on with the fic!
"Why the hell do we have to go back to the Deathmatch arena?" whined Gabe, remembering when he had his ass kicked by Aeris.
"They're having a Tifa/Aeris rematch and we all get VIP backstage passes," replied Cloud walking onto the airship along with everyone
else.
"Gabe, I'm really, really sorry about that," apologized Aeris.
"The hell you are flower slut!" yelled Tifa, walking past Aeris.
"Fuck you! You two cent, street corner, whore!"
"I hope they break each others jaws," said Cait Sith jumping over to his spot on the Airship Bridge.
"You an me both," agreed Barret popping two aspirins into his mouth.
At the Deathmatch arena
"You want all of us to fight again?" asked Cloud standing with the other members of Avalanche in Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez's
office.
"We need some last minute additions to the Tifa/Aeris match," replied Nick Diamond handing everyone a sheet of their matches.
"What the hell is the KOCN title?" asked Gabe looking at his sheet.
"The King of Celebrity Nobodies championship it's a title for washed up celebrities, one hit wonders and child stars."
"I'm not a celebrity."
"You where a guest interviewer on Celebrity Deathmatch," Replied Johnny Games.
"But what about the other members of Avalanche?"
""We still feel they are useful to society."
"Oh." Said Gabe, not sure if that was a compliment or not.
"You all can head to the locker room and get ready for your matches." Avalanche turned and walked out most of them looking annoyed
for having to fight.
Celebrity Deathmatch
Johnny: Once again the heroes of the hit video game FF7 come to our humble arena to do battle once again! Hi I'm Johnny Gomez
along side Nick Diamond and Nick what a card we have tonight.
Nick: Right you are Johnny. We've got in addition to Tifa battling Aeris in a mud pit match, we've also got Cloud Stryfe, Barret Wallace,
Cid Highwind and Red XIII VS Archie Andrews, Jughead Jones, Reggie and, Hotdog.
Johnny: That's not all. We've also have Cait Sith taking on Eric Cartman plus Vincent and Yuffie battle Al Gore and Joe Lieberman. In a
non-FF7 match Jay and Silent Bob will single handily take on the Hanson sisters and N Sync.
Nick: There's one more match I think..I can't remember who's in it though.
Johnny: Neither can I, must not be very important so without anything else lets head to the ring for our first match!
Cait Sith VS Eric Cartman
"Okay you fat foul mouthed little bastard I'm gonna claw your eyes out!"
"Fuck you cat! I will make you respect my authoritah!!" Cartman clad in his cop outfit waddled over to Cait Sith and swung his nightstick
at him but Cait Sith jumped over him and landed on his back, clawing at his neck until Cartman threw him off and, batted him into a
corner with the nightstick. "Kick ass," grinned Cartman spinning his nightstick around and blasting Cait Sith again, knocking the crown
off his head.
"You knocked off my crown," whispered Cait Sith.
"You stupid cat!" taunted Cartman. "I've won this already." He decided, pulling out a bag of Cheezy Poofs.
"You knocked off my crown," repeated Cait Sith.
"Cheezy Poofs kick ass," said Cartman ignoring Cait Sith.
"YOU KNOCKED OFF MY FUCKING CROWN YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT. PREPARE TO DIE!" Before Cartman could even turn around, Cait Sith
jumped up and dug his claws into Cartman's eyes, tearing them out.
"Owwww my eyes! My goddamned eyes! You fucking cat I'll kill you!" Cartman pulled his nightstick out and, swung in the complete
opposite direction of where Cait Sith. At that moment Cartman stopped, clutched his chest, and dropped dead.
Nick: Johnny, what the hell happened?!
Johnny: I don't know Nick. Mills Lane is looking at Cartman and will be able to give us something in a few minutes. It's obvious though,
that Cait Sith is the winner!
Nick: Indeed it is Johnny! Though I'm not sure just what happened. Lets go to the locker room where our guest interviewer Krista Parks
is with Jay and Silent Bob.
Krista: Jay and Silent Bob, you get a chance tonight to rid the world of some of the most hated bands in music history. Do you have a
strategy?
Jay: Yep, I'm gonna be like BOOM, POW, SLICITY SLICE!!!! Then once me and Lunchbox finish layin the smack down we're gonna go
smoke a bowl, snoogins.
Silent Bob:......
Jay: You tell em Silent Bob!
Nick: That's our next match and N Sync along with the Hanson sisters are in the ring awaiting the match.
Jay and Silent Bob VS N Sync and Hanson
"Holy shit Silent Bob! Where did you get that?" asked Jay referring to the Light saber Silent Bob had pulled out of his trench coat. Silent
Bob shrugged and charged at Hanson and sliced one of them in half, then ducked a kick from another and sliced her head off. However
before Silent Bob could take out the third, the surviving Hanson sister knocked the Light Saber out of his hand and, knocked him to the
ground.
"I'm gonna fry your fat ass!" sneered the Hanson sister, pulling out a flame-thrower and aiming it at Silent Bob's head. Before she
could pull the lever on the flame-thrower, Jay jumped down, grabbed the flame-thrower, and, stuffed it down her throat. Just as the
other Hanson sister exploded N Sync who had been hiding in the corner jumped Jay and Silent Bob.
"Hold that little stonner!" ordered one of them. Another nodded and held Jay while the other wound back with a brick and went to nail
Jay but, he ducked and the brick shattered the face of the one holding Jay.
"Nooooo my face! My beautiful face!" Jay grinned and clenched his fists, extracting Wolverine claws which he used to turn the two N Sync
members into little slabs of flesh.
"Snootch to the mother fucking nootch!" cried Jay jumping on top of another and driving his fists into each side of his head.
"No don't kill them all please!" pleaded a voice. Jay and Silent Bob had pulled out uzis and where about to finish the other two off when,
Brittany Spears ran into the ring. "Please, if you kill them I'll have no one else to gang ba- I mean hang out with!" Silent Bob looked at
Jay and shrugged, pulling the trigger and riddling their bodies with bullets.
Silent Bob and Jay then pointed their guns at Brittany Spears and where about to fire. "No please don't kill me. I promise I'll make it
worth your while!" with that she slowly removed her top revealing her silicone breasts.
"Sorry baby," sighed Jay. "But even I got standards." Jay nodded towards Silent Bob and they opened fire avoiding the breasts for fear
the bullets would bounce off.
Nick: What a blood bath Johnny! The fans got two for the price of one here!
Johnny: What surprises me Nick is that Jay turned down his first chance to be with a woman in years!
Nick: Jay probably didn't have the thirty cents to pay Brittany Spears night fee."
Johnny: Even if he did, do you really think he would want to waste the money? In any event we'll be right back after these messages
when we'll bring you Yuffie and Vincent against Al Gore and Joe Lieberman.
"Still looking for Eric?" asked Gabe meeting Krista in the hallway.
"Hey Gabe, yea Hawaii wasn't very successful. I heard he was going to be here tonight so I got a job as the guest interviewer."
Gabe nodded. "That's good."
"I was wondering," asked Krista. "What happened to Cartman in his fight with Cait Sith?"
"Heart attack due to stress," grinned Gabe.
Johnny: And we're back! Without anything else we're going to get right into our next match as Yuffie and her boyfrien-
Nick: Yuffie has a boyfriend?
Johnny: Yes.
Nick: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Johnny: um.okay. I think we better just go to the ring.
Nick: (Head in arms, sobbing, pounding the table) Yuffie.my beautiful Yuffie..how I want you.
Vincent and Yuffie VS Al Gore and Joe Lieberman
"After we win this battle, I promise to shut down this evil, perverted, obscene arena in order to save others from viewing this disgusting
display of sex and violence." Sneered Joe Lieberman.
"I agree. This looks like something people enjoy so we MUST shut it down!" replied Al Gore.
"Okay then, lets get the-AHHHHH" Joe Lieberman let of a brief cry of pain as a bullet wizzed through the air and shattered his skull.
"Joe?" Al Gore turned around and lost his head, thanks to Yuffie's shuriken.
"We won Vinny!" cried Yuffie jumping into Vincent's arms and making out with him untill they where carried away.
Johnny: A short but sweet match that I think everyone enjoyed right Nick?
Nick: (writing on a piece of paper) Yuffie, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Johnny: I aplogize for this fans I had no idea Nick had an obsession with a girl thirty-two years younger then him. We've got our next
match in the ring right now.
Cloud Stryfe, Barret Wallace, Cid Highwind and Red XIII VS Archie Andrews, Jughead Jones, Reggie and, Hotdog.
"Ahhhhh!!! Please don't kill me!!!" cried Archie, ducking Cloud's sword and ducking in the corner.
"Stop bitching and die!" replied Cloud swinging and missing again.
"Mmmmmm I could go for a hamburger," mumbled J ughe walking towards Barret.
"I aint no damn hamburger foo!" exclaimed Barret crying out in agony as Jughead bit his arm. Clutching his arm Barret kicked Jughead
back and blew him into a million pieces.
"Die motherfucker!" cried Reggie leaping into the air and catching Barret with a left then whipping him into Cid.
"Hey! What are you trying to do to me?" asked Red XIII being cornered by Hotdog. "Hey! Wait I don't do that with other male dogs!
Ahhhhhhh!!!"
"Oh..god.." Cloud dropped his sword and stared in horror watching Hotdog "attack" Red XIII. As he was watching, Archie hit him in the
back of his head and yanked his ultimate weapon away from him.
"At last! The world will stop mocking Archie Andrews!" with that he raised the sword and charged at Cloud. Just as he was about to bring
the sword upon Cloud, he lost his balance and fell forward driving the sword into his throat Cloud quickly jumped up, grabbed the sword
and Omnislashed Reggie.
"Who's your daddy?" taunted Hotdog, still "attacking" Red XIII. Finally after five or so minutes of laughter Cid speared Hotdog into the
wall.
"Took you all long enough," mumbled Red XIII limping away.
Johnny: Between this match and my colleagues obsession with one of RPG's most annoying characters this has been the most
disturbing night in recent Deathmatch history.
Nick: 35,125.35,126.35,127
Johnny: It's been a brutal night thus far and our main event promises to top them all. A rematch between Aeris and Tifa but this time
in...MUD WRESTLING!
Nick: 35,133.35,134
Tifa Lockheart VS Aeris Gainsborough
"This is it, turbo-slut! You got lucky the first time but this time I'm going to beat you down!" said Aeris wearing a red two piece bikini.
"Luck had nothing to do with kicking YOUR ass!" Tifa clad in a similar blue bikini jumped across the ring and speared Aeris into the
mud. Smiling Tifa reached over and grabbed some mud but as she did Aeris smashed her in the face with some mud.
"How do you like the taste of mud bitch?" taunted Aeris, punching Aeris in the face and rubbing mud into her now bruised face and hair.
"You'll have to try it for yourself!" spat Tifa, flipping Aeris over into the mud then grabbing he head and smashing her face into the
mud. Just as Tifa was about to go for the kill, she felt someone grab the back of her head and throw her into the corner. "Who the fuck
did that?" demanded Tifa wiping the mud out of her eyes to see Betty and Veronica.
"What the hell do you two bimbos want?" asked Aeris pulling herself up.
"Your ass hole boyfriend killed our Archie so now we're going to kill the both of you!" replied Veronica kicking Aeris in the stomach while
Betty jumped up and drove an elbow into Tifa's back.
"Are you going to let these two do this?" asked Tifa, getting up and being clotheslined.
Mills Lane shrugged, "I'll allow it." Before Tifa and Aeris could protest, both Betty and Veronica attacked them, smashed their heads
together, and threw them to the other side of the ring.
"I hate to admit this, but I don't think we can beat them on our own."
Tifa grumbled and nodded, "You're ri.ri." without even finishing the sentence, Tifa jumped in the air and uppercut Betty then grabbed
her arm and whipped her towards Aeris who cast Bolt3 then Ice3. When she was finished, Betty looked like a crispy ice cube.
"Beat Rush!!" cried Tifa, her fist glowing with power, pummeling Betty the crispy ice cub while Aeris kept Veronica at bay.
"I didn't need that fucking ditz anyway!" stammered Veronica who was now cornered by Tifa and Aeris.
"Oh yea?" asked Tifa sarcastically.
Veronica looked around, hoping that out of nowhere someone would come and save her but knew that wasn't going to happen. Taking a
deep breath, Veronica ran at Tifa but stopped dead in her tracks as she felt Aeris's Princess Guard being violently driven into her
stomach then her head. Veronica stumbled back but before she could regain her composure, Tifa jumped in the air kicking her in the
face then driving her knee into Veronica's throat.
"All yours Aeris!" said Tifa winding back and throwing Veronica to Aeris who smiled and cast Knights of The Round then sat back and
enjoyed the brief but still entertaining show.
"You know Aeris, I think this could be the start of something really great." Smiled Tifa standing in the ring with Aeris.
"Oh I agree," replied Aeris. "What's that in the rafters?"
Tifa looked up, "I don't see anything." Aeris grinned and wound back, punching Tifa in the stomach causing her to falls face first into
the mud. Aeris said nothing only walking on top of Tifa, pushing her face back into the mud and walking out of the ring.
"How is she?" asked Cloud a couple hours later at the bar.
"No idea," replied Gabe. "Tifa hasn't left her room in since we got back. Good match by the way."
"Thanks by the way, what happened to your match?"
"It was held behind the arena. I killed some guy named Tony Danza and won that KOCN title. We paid the janitor to referee."
"Oh," replied Cloud. "Cid, Barret, Cait and me are going to go check out that new strip club at Costa De Sol, you coming?"
"Damn right." Said Gabe grabbing his belt off the table and walking out with Cloud.
Later That Night
"So what did you and the guys do?" asked Aeris laying in bed with Cloud.
"Um.nothing.poor children.we uh.helped..poor children."
"Nice try, What did you really do?"
"Went to a strip club," sighed Cloud. "Please don't kill me."
"I wont. I'm not upset."
"You're not?"
"Nope." Cloud looked into Aeris's eyes and at that moment realized what he had to do. He sighed and got off the bed and got on one
knee. "Aeris?"
"Yes?"
:"Will you marry me?"
At that moment Aeris's heart leapt into her throat and she couldn't speak. Somehow she was able to nod and jumped into a deep
embrace with Cloud that she hoped would never end.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOJ
0000000000000000000000000000" Tifa slowly looked around the room then wiped some of the sweat off her forehead. "What a
horrible nightmare." She thought laying back down. "That's all it was..just a horrible dream."
End.
