the many shades of hate

Summary: Liz pov. Very very angst.Don't be fooled by my name this isn't a polar fic. True Blue(alex/liz). I think this is the first one here. The song used it Counting Crows 'Around Here'.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

E-mail: SultryPrincess@imneverwrong.com (I'm also a big feedback whore!)





I hate you. I can feel your arm around my waist, your hot breath on the back of my neck, and all I can think of is how much I hate you. I gave up my life for you, and you still want more from me. I wish I was strong enough to walk away from you. Say what i actually feel, to everyone. Don't feel so heartbroken I pretty much hate everyone. My so called "friends" who abandoned me when I broke down. Where were you? Oh that's right screwing tess. Wait that's my fault too! Why you ask? You. Budha you were even more selfish in the future. Could never let little lizzie be happy. Could you?

I lied. You weren't my one true love. No one ever came second best to you. I was naive, not just about you. About everything. I honestly thought we were soulmates, only to have the realization smack me in the face when he died. Now I can only regret the past. Think back to the times when we had our human only nights. We would all bitch and moan about the czechoslovakins. I wish I grabbed his face and begged him to forget about Isabel. To see what is right infront of him. Look into my eyes and see all the love and lust shining there. No fear of what would happen between an alien and human. No crazy flashes. Just love. But I didn't because of you. I detest you.

Now I'm sitting outside my balcony, strumming his gutair. Maria gave it to me yesterday. She said there was to many painful memerios that went along with it. You two are perfect together. Why can't you see it? You are both os selfish. Michael should be happy she left him. Just like me he's to naive right now. He will soon see. I clucth the gutair close to my heart and think of a few lyrics off of that wretched cd you play. "Would you catch me if I was falling? Would you kiss me if I was leaving? Would you hold me cause I'm lonly.........without you?" Tears start to stream down my face. Hell you will probably think they're for you. Alex you deserved so much more. I could of lived after that gun shot. Again he was just being selfish.

I miss him so much, did you even notice? No one wants to talk about it anymore. the only person who will listen is Kyle. He just sits there, and whne I'm done hugs me , and a few corny jokes. i'd be completey lost without Kyle right now. He's been my stone wall. I just wish Isabel isn't always around. She never cared. She just got married. Six months since you've been........,gone. So much never ending love and devotion.

As my crys got louder you come out onto the balcony. You pull the gutair out of my hands and cast it aside like some old stuffed animal. I'd crawl out your eyes if you weren't holding my arms, babbling on abotu some dream about your son. Why do you think I care so much? I nod my head as you lead as back to my bed. I wish I could scream at you, but I need you. I have no one left. The funny thing is, is that is because of you. I loathe you .