Nataku.. Lend my your strength Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing
Title: the Mind's Truth
Author: neekabe
Warnings: PG-13 for strangeness... slight language.
A/N: Okay.. this is a little late. But I have finally finished my Philosophy paper and can now devote all my time to writing...at least until the next big assignment comes up, but we can just ignore the future for now. Anyways, this one is greatly inspired by Kant's Categorical Imperative, *grins* Philosophy is so good to my muses ^_^ Have fun and feel free to email me at neekabe@canoemail.com with whatever you feel you want to say.



Chapter 3
Nataku.... Lend me your strength.


Subject: 05
Status: This one is stubborn. He is more likely to break than bend to our will. Overall he is responding well, accepting and questioning. He is somewhat set in his ways and relies one tradition. He is tired though and we will finish him today.

Day to day he lived here. A world of demons and nightmares made real. He had seen them all die again and again, helpless to stop them. He had killed them even, saw their blood pouring over his hands. There were times when he just wanted to give in. Surrender to make the horrors leave him. There were timed when he just wanted to forget about right and wrong. Just do what they told him. It didn't really matter did it? He was just so tired of fighting. What did it matter if he killed innocents? Why should he fight for peace when it was never achieved? People didn't seem to want peace. Didn't he deserve some peace from this living hell?

His shoulders slumped as he was sent once again to another simulation. Another Hell. He knew that this was designed to be the final blow. Why did he bother fight them anymore? It didn't make a difference after all.

He chanced to look up, see what their creativity had come up with to break him. there standing in frond of him was Merain. His heart skipped a beat.
"Nataku" he said the paused, waiting to see how they would respond through her.

"My husband…" Merain started towards him, eyes demurely lowered.

Wufei rolled his eyes inwardly. That was a stupid mistake for them, especially since they were trying to finally end this, break him. Merain had never been demure, or soft, or shy. She was a warrior and a damn good one at that.

"This path you're taking is wrong." She started in, her voice soft. "Stop this meaningless fighting. Just let fate run its course. You can't fight forever, so let yourself live in peace. Give your heart time to mend and heal. Give in and let them take away them pain, let yourself have the peace you're given to so many." She stretched out her hands imploringly "you shouldn't have to do this on your own"

Involuntarily Wufei took a step towards her. There was so much he wanted to tell her after she died. She fell into his arms, blood trickling down the side of her face. Her soft, loving eyes looked up at him. "My husband…" smiling sadly pain etched across her features.

Wufei tried to close his eyes on the image in front of him, but he could not block the image. Merain, Nataku, the woman her realized he loved too late. In her memory he fought for peace. Now he would not fail her and surrender to these people. If the cause they fought for was just then they would not have to resort to these tactics to get him to follow them. He had been so close to giving in until he saw her. Merain, the reason he fought. His head came up and a bit more life showed in his dark eyes. So they thought they could use her against him? Before he had met her he had just been a scholar with no intention of fighting, piloting a Gundam. He could fight of course, he had just never seen reason to. Then she had some along, shown him that there were some things worth fighting for, worth dying for, and worth living for. He fought in her memory and he would not dishonor her now by surrendering just because he was too tired!

He opened his eyes again saw her dying again in his arms, begging him to save her, to make the pain go away.

He ignored the girl completely.

"You got her all wrong you know." His tone was conversational "Yeah I know she looks like Merain but this girl" he gestured to the girl in his lap "is not my wife. Not even close in fact. My wife was a warrior." He snorted, "You think you should have done some research at least"

He stared up at the sky, headless of what was going on around him. It did not matter where he was, what they external variables were he would not compromise his own ethics. Something was right simply because it was right, not because of circumstances. He would not surrender to them.

For a while, when they had started he had let himself follow. Just to make the nightmares stop. And he was shamed to admit it but he had almost broken to them. Almost surrendered. Then they had made their fatal mistake. They showed him Merain, the very reason he was fighting. He would not give in now. He would bring honor to her memory, fight in her name. He would fight this now until his last breath.

He sat there, in the field, with her in her lap. Closed his eyes and found the peace within himself.

Eventually they got bored with watching the young man meditate.

"Bring him out. I want to talk to him" Erlking was not pleased with this setback. They had been so close with this one.

The boy blinked and glared imperiously as Erlking paced in front of him. The child seemed to thrive on control on order. He had his own rules his ideals, and would not surrender them now. Damn. Who would have thought that seeing his wife die would have that effect on him? The only thing they had left to play on was need for self-control.

"You know, we have complete dominance over you there."

The boy just smiled.

"You have no choices there. We can manipulate everything and you can never be free"

"Then why did you feel the need to bring me out here in order to tell me that there's no chance at all of me being able to fight back?

Erlking stopped moving and met the boy's calm gaze with one blazing with anger.
"You cannot fight us forever"
"Wanna bet?"
"Forever's a long time"
"You're patient then?"
"We almost beat you once. We'll get you again."
"Not now. Never now" The boys smirk was infuriating. Erlkings hand shot out, smacking the boys face. The smile remained.
"Send him back." Erlkings voice was filled with venom. "Break him."

The world swam. He saw his colony destroyed Merain bleeding asking him something. Soldiers screaming begging him for their lives. Trieze died again and again. He tired to shut out the sounds. He could see the questions in their eyes. "Was this worth my life?" "Why?" "You kill I kill…how's my killing wrong?"

He refused to let them touch him. He killed because he had to. What he chose to do was right. He fought to end war, to honor her the memory and the memory of all those that had died. He would not regret what had been. He could not change it.

He took a deep breath, calming his now racing heart. He smiled "It's not working you know" He directed his comment to the sky, knowing that they would hear.

And they did. The pain that attacked him was intense. There was no escape from it, pounding every part of his body.

However no matter how intense the pain a body will adjust. Once he struggled to the top of the waves of he became aware of the sky laughing derisively at his pain.
"Thank you"
The laughter stopped "What did you say boy?"

"You've just proved that I've won. You cannot defeat me using this. Your time has been wasted"
They surely did not create this system just as an elaborate way to give pain. This was made to change his ideas, confuse him, and release the boundaries between truth and lies, right and wrong. And they had almost succeeded before. But now it was useless on him. He would never compromise himself for any reason for anyone. There are no maybes, no shades of gray, for a true and moral person.

Pain jabbed in on him. A warning against his insolence "Watch yourself boy. You've not won yet"

"Yes I have"

"You're still in our world. And I still have your body lying here in front of me...helpless…" Wufei could hear the sick smile in the voice.

They released him just enough then from the VR that he could feel his body in the real world. He still saw the bodies and he blood but he felt the mans' hands on his body, fingers on his neck. And he could do nothing about it.

He suppressed a shiver. This is what he feared. This lack of control. But still… he slowed his breathing, calmed himself, slowing everything.

"All you have is my body. You can never have my mind" The words were said with the confidence of an absolute truth.
"Then your body will live in pain and you mind, your precious control, won't last much longer. You will never be able to end the pain, you cannot kill yourself here in VR. You're out of choices Chang Wufei!"

Wufei just shook his head. He looked up at the sky much like a parent looking at a misguided child still insisting Santa was real. It was a worthy attempt, but still wrong.

Inhale…
Exhale…
Inhale…

Exhale…


Inhale…

He closed his eyes. Entered deep meditation. Preparing.

Exhale…

He was close now. Empty the mind, find peace. Wait…

Inhale…

He had no other choice. This was his last option.

Exhale…

Nataku give me the strength to win this one last battle.

Stop.

"What just happened?!"
"He's dead…sir"
"I know that but how did he kill himself? There's nothing there he could use. He can't even touch his real body!"

Erlking glared at the body. "Damn you" he muttered. These children were nothing but trouble to him.

His fists clenched as he walked out the door. "Dispose of the body. Strip it and burn it."

These pilots were trouble but if they could manage to get just one of them. With only one co-operating, they could win this, and the others were coming along nicely... He smiled. He still had two chances left.



***end***