A/N: I swear, I could almost compile a CD from all the songs that remind me of this pairing. The latest one is "Stitches" by Orgy. (Surprise, surprise.) I know I should give my lethargic writing skills a dose of caffeine and wake them up so that I can write more of all the other fics, but schoolwork, social obligations, and an unusual crush are competing for my time right now. Sorry!
Thank you chocolate frog, Pepperjack Candy, Brit, Choco, OMG (suggestion noted), abbey, Coqui, RandomThought, Dee, Mrrrisa, Fleur ---@, Megan, Min_1979, Ema Lee, Rowe (*bows* Thank you, I do try. *grin*), Rubicon, Ice Diablo, and Redhawk.
***
It's funny how the less you try to think about something, the more you think about it. It's as if the subject takes on a life of it's own and tenaciously refuses to go away. So I've given up. At least my schedule's predictable. Wake up. Think about Lucius. Breakfast. Musings on Lucius. Lunch. Ponder Lucius. Dinner, followed by a rousing round of brooding on Lucius. Sleep. Repeat.
And in all my musings I can't help but wonder if you think of me. Do you think of me as often as I think of you- every second of every day? Even in my sleep, you're there. The same bed. The same scenario. Always the same damned scenario. I wake up just in time to stop myself from crying out your name, burying my face in the pillows to muffle the sobs.
Why did you do it? Why did you do this to me, of all people? How dare you leave me like this? Sunk in what some may call depravity, what I call my own corner of hell. This is what hell is, isn't it- wanting something you can't have, craving something you're not supposed to want to begin with, suffering all this and not being able to seek comfort?
It hurts to know that what we did was so wrong. I wish I could tell someone, but they'd be disgusted if they knew? Can you imagine the looks on their faces if the found out that perfect little Harry Potter had spent the night in a death eater's bed? Perfect masks of horror and loathing. That thought shouldn't make me smile, but it does. I think some people would die from shock. The world would fall apart- all because I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be. I'd like to see it happen, but not now. Too many things are at stake.
Damn you. You are so lucky that you are nowhere near me right now. If Voldemort doesn't kill you for disobeying his orders- H'm. That's something I never considered before. Will Voldemort kill you? Dumbledore told me he shows no mercy to his followers. Is it the same for you? Or are you the exception? Malfoys are always the exception, as your blasted son keeps reminding me.
I hate him. He looks so much like you. It's uncanny, really. It's just another reason for me to want to hurt him. I get so angry every time I see him. For a moment I think he's you. God, I want it to be you. But the realization that he's not hits me like a load of bricks. It's always the same. He's noticed that there's something different about me. He even knows what it is.
"Christ, Potter," he said to me in Potions today, eyes widening ever so slightly. "You're not a virgin anymore."
"Fuck off, Malfoy," I responded. It was childish, I know, but he brings out the worst in me.
"You aren't! Who is the traumatized girl? Granger?" he drawled, smirking.
"No. It was your father." All the color drained from his face and his smirk vanished. I smiled viciously. "Scamper along, ferret boy. Go bother someone else." He seemed incapable of moving.
"My father wouldn't have sex with you," he said quietly.
"Why? Are you the only one allowed to sleep with your father? I'll bet your mother has something to say about that."
"I told you before: Don't talk about my mother."
"And I've told you before: Sod off and keep your nose out of my fucking business." Actually I've never said that before but my use of swearing and a rather nasty tone seemed to surprise him and he backed off.
"Harry, what was that all about?" Ron asked, his face the personification of concern.
"Nothing. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to mess with his head." Ron nodded, but something told me that he didn't buy that for one instant.
***
That's all I've got for today! Comments? Suggestions? Questions? Review, darlings!
Luv always,
J. Silver
Thank you chocolate frog, Pepperjack Candy, Brit, Choco, OMG (suggestion noted), abbey, Coqui, RandomThought, Dee, Mrrrisa, Fleur ---@, Megan, Min_1979, Ema Lee, Rowe (*bows* Thank you, I do try. *grin*), Rubicon, Ice Diablo, and Redhawk.
***
It's funny how the less you try to think about something, the more you think about it. It's as if the subject takes on a life of it's own and tenaciously refuses to go away. So I've given up. At least my schedule's predictable. Wake up. Think about Lucius. Breakfast. Musings on Lucius. Lunch. Ponder Lucius. Dinner, followed by a rousing round of brooding on Lucius. Sleep. Repeat.
And in all my musings I can't help but wonder if you think of me. Do you think of me as often as I think of you- every second of every day? Even in my sleep, you're there. The same bed. The same scenario. Always the same damned scenario. I wake up just in time to stop myself from crying out your name, burying my face in the pillows to muffle the sobs.
Why did you do it? Why did you do this to me, of all people? How dare you leave me like this? Sunk in what some may call depravity, what I call my own corner of hell. This is what hell is, isn't it- wanting something you can't have, craving something you're not supposed to want to begin with, suffering all this and not being able to seek comfort?
It hurts to know that what we did was so wrong. I wish I could tell someone, but they'd be disgusted if they knew? Can you imagine the looks on their faces if the found out that perfect little Harry Potter had spent the night in a death eater's bed? Perfect masks of horror and loathing. That thought shouldn't make me smile, but it does. I think some people would die from shock. The world would fall apart- all because I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be. I'd like to see it happen, but not now. Too many things are at stake.
Damn you. You are so lucky that you are nowhere near me right now. If Voldemort doesn't kill you for disobeying his orders- H'm. That's something I never considered before. Will Voldemort kill you? Dumbledore told me he shows no mercy to his followers. Is it the same for you? Or are you the exception? Malfoys are always the exception, as your blasted son keeps reminding me.
I hate him. He looks so much like you. It's uncanny, really. It's just another reason for me to want to hurt him. I get so angry every time I see him. For a moment I think he's you. God, I want it to be you. But the realization that he's not hits me like a load of bricks. It's always the same. He's noticed that there's something different about me. He even knows what it is.
"Christ, Potter," he said to me in Potions today, eyes widening ever so slightly. "You're not a virgin anymore."
"Fuck off, Malfoy," I responded. It was childish, I know, but he brings out the worst in me.
"You aren't! Who is the traumatized girl? Granger?" he drawled, smirking.
"No. It was your father." All the color drained from his face and his smirk vanished. I smiled viciously. "Scamper along, ferret boy. Go bother someone else." He seemed incapable of moving.
"My father wouldn't have sex with you," he said quietly.
"Why? Are you the only one allowed to sleep with your father? I'll bet your mother has something to say about that."
"I told you before: Don't talk about my mother."
"And I've told you before: Sod off and keep your nose out of my fucking business." Actually I've never said that before but my use of swearing and a rather nasty tone seemed to surprise him and he backed off.
"Harry, what was that all about?" Ron asked, his face the personification of concern.
"Nothing. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to mess with his head." Ron nodded, but something told me that he didn't buy that for one instant.
***
That's all I've got for today! Comments? Suggestions? Questions? Review, darlings!
Luv always,
J. Silver
