Author's Note: All right, so I'm a couple hours behind. Do you know how hard it is to write Christmas fic when it's raining? Anyway, I hope you like it, I really do.

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim or Christmas and I don't own a Mall so there.

***

"A human! In my home! Leaving presents! Never!" yelled Zim as he slammed his fist down on the console. He had finally gotten home to research human holidays and did not like what he'd discovered. "GIR!" The tiny droid snapped to attention and saluted.

"Yes my master?"

"We need to go to the human market place and pick up a few things. I have to get some sort of gift for my secret sock person, do you want to come?"

"I like the mall!"

"Very well then. Get into your disguise, we don't have much time. I must start tightening my defenses against this…" Zim shuddered. "Santa person."

"I like Santa! He's all fat and jolly and his belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly… I like jelly…"

"Enough!" yelled Zim frustrated. "Get your disguise." GIR scampered off. "No way this pathetic human holiday is going to beat me. You hear me Santa!?! You will never get ZIM!"

***

"And I've been trying to figure out why the cast me as Tiny Tim, I mean, that's the lamest part you can get. What do you think?" ranted Dib relieving his woes to Gaz as they walked to the Mall; it was like talking to a wall.

"Maybe it's because you're so pathetic," suggested Gaz without looking up from her GameSlave.

"I'm not pathetic, why do people keep saying that? Next you'll be telling my I have a big head," said Dib indignantly. Gaz just sighed in exasperation and didn't look up. She was just about to rip Dib's head off if he didn't shut up, and to think she was making this whole trek to the Mall just to get him a Christmas present. A yelp of surprise from Dib yanked Gaz away from her thoughts. Looking up she saw a large rather unintelligent boy flanked by several smaller but no less brainless looking boys.

"Hi Vitch," muttered Dib glaring at the bigger boy.

"Oh hello Dib, out for a little alien hunting?" said Vitch causing his posse to all snicker. Gaz rolled her eyes, though nobody noticed.

"No," replied Dib trying to sound threatening and failing miserably.

"Oh I see, out for a evening of shopping. Just how much money you carrying?" Before Dib knew just what was happening two of Vitch's flunkies had him by the arms. "This your sister?" asked Vitch bending over and grabbing Gaz's GS2. "What happens if I do this?" asked Vitch as he turned it off laughing to himself. Unfortunately Vitch's good mood was totally ruined when he felt Gaz'' fist connect with his stomach. Gaz was on him quicker that you can say 'revenge of the vampire piggies' 15 times fast while gargling orange soda and juggling malfunctioning chainsaws. (Don't Ask)

It took a moment or to for Vitch's flunkies to fully comprehend that their leader was being beaten by a little girl; and another few moments for them to realize that one of them was going to have to pull her off before she broke something important (if she hadn't already) at great risk to themselves. It actually took four of them to pulled Gaz off of him, plus three more for moral support and another one to bring Vitch back to reality. Needless to say Vitch would have been flaming mad if he could remember just what was happening.

"Leave the girl alone," muttered Vitch as he stared down at the ground trying to figure out how solid cement could spin so fast. "Dump the dork in the dumpster and let's get out of here." No sooner said than done.

"What a jerk," muttered Dib as he climbed out of the dumpster and brushed himself off.

"He. Scratched. My. Screen!" hissed Gaz clenching her fist. "He will pay!"

"While you're at it get him back for what ever that white slime in there was, it's all over my shoes," said Dib as he examined his clothes.

"Hey, are you alright?" asked Gaz actually looking in his direction.

"I'm fine," muttered Dib unconvincingly. "Can we just go home? I'm just gonna get my person 10 dollars worth of candy."

"Yeah sure," replied Gaz turning on her GS2. They walked home in silence.

***

"How do the humans stand being in these places?" muttered Zim to himself as he looked around. He growled as someone bumped into him for the umpteenth time. "Let's get moving GIR, the stench is killing me."

"Look! It's Santa!" cried GIR pointing past a line of kids and very aggravated parents to an animatronic Santa Clause. GIR took off, or at least he would have hadn't it been for his leash.

"No GIR! We have a mission to complete! We don't have time for…" Zim shuddered. "Santa Clause."

"Awwww," moaned GIR. "But I have to tell him I want a monkey doll for Christmas."

"I already told you, no human is getting into my base through the chimney. I don't trust this whole 'presents' thing," said Zim sternly.

"But how will Santa know that I want a monkey?" asked GIR pleadingly. Zim sighed.

"Fine, you can go meet…ew… Santa. Just make sure you meet me back here in an hour, that should be enough time."

"Yay! Thank you master!" yelled GIR as Zim unhooked him. No sooner was he loose than GIR was off. Zim just shook his head and started off to find the perfect gift for his most hated rival.

It took Zim about 15 minutes in the Science Store to realize he had no idea what Dib could possibly want… except maybe to capture Zim, but that wasn't even an option. Sighing Zim turned around and walked right into a stack of alien plushies. This would be a good start. Zim looked the plushie over, it was ridiculously inaccurate of course, and Zim had never come across a species that looked quite like it. Zim shrugged and looked around for some other worthless junk to stick in his worst enemies stocking. When Zim had thought about fitting in with human traditions he'd never pictured himself wasting time trying to find a gift for the second most troublesome human on the planet (at least he was only second at the moment, Ms. Bitters and Vitch were tied for first at the moment). Sighing Zim decided he'd just take care of it later, sooner or later he'd have to get a gift for GIR (it being human tradition to get gifts for your family and friends as well) and he might as well do all his shopping then.

***

"Next!" called a sleep-deprived man in elf-wear. GIR squealed in delight and ran up to the animatronic Santa (don't ask me why they couldn't a real fat smelly guy). "Welcome to Santa's Workshop, you break it you bought it."

GIR immediately ran up to the Santa and started squeezing it with all his might, babbling on about what he wanted for Christmas. GIR didn't seem to notice that Santa's rosy cheeks were getting even rosier, so rosy in fact that he was starting to smoke. Suddenly the robot Santa's head exploded, causing GIR and several other children to shriek in horror.

"You're n-not Santa!" yelled GIR backing up as the Mall officials started to arrive and herd the screaming children away. "You're Santa CLAWS! Santa's evil twin brother! RUN!" GIR took off across the floor shrieking hysterically. And this was the sight Zim was greeted with when he showed up at the appointed meeting place.

Zim grabbed the hysterical robot as he ran by and put him on his leash not even bothering to ask what was wrong. "Come GIR, let's go home. I have planning to do," said Zim as he turned to go dragging GIR behind him.

"But he's after us!" yelled GIR.

"Who is?" asked Zim turning around sharply to look his SIR in the eye.

GIR shuddered. "Santa Claws."

"Hmmph, he might try to sneak into our base but I very much doubt he's after us at the moment."

"Not Santa Clause! Santa CLAWS! He's after us!" Zim just rolled his eyes and started walking.

"Arm yourselves!" GIR was yelling at all the passerby's. "Beware the Santa Claws!"

***

AN: My little cousins made up the Santa Claws thing, it sounded funny at the time. Anyway, review my fic, I must know how lame it is.