Disclaimer:
Everything you recognise from Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling (aka The Goddess – a real one)
Everything you recognise from The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot
I own nothing :o)

Author's Note:
Oh. My. Hermione. Wow. WOW. WOW!! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine ever writing a fic that got over 100 reviews! From the bottom of my heart I want to thank everyone who has read and enjoyed this, because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to have to fun of writing it!
I even wanna thank the flamers, because guys, without you, I couldn't do all my fun author's notes! ;o)
flamer: 'total brainiac'? 'Freak-o-meter' this is HERMIONE talking here, since when has she been an american cheerleading teen queen? she is british! this sounds like something out of a cheesey teenage magazine.
squin: [puts down pom-poms, sticks out silicon chest, twirls bleached blonde hair around fingers] Well, like, totally DUH!
I guess some people just wouldn't get the point of a joke even if they sat on a naked echidna who danced around wearing a too thin-bottomed cauldron on its head (or a porcupine, I suppose, for all you non-Aussies who mightn't know what an echidna is)
Oh, and someone asked me what the difference between gods and goddesses and normal witches and wizards were. Well
::long pause as Squin stares at the screen with a rather blank expression on her face:: Er uh um I DON'T KNOW!!! That's sort of going way deeper into this whole fic than I had expected I tried to make something up, but it is very lame, rather irrelevant and fully redundant so please, feel free to ignore it. Does it really matter, anyway? Good, I didn't think so either.
Another thing, if you've been reading this chapter-by-chapter, you might not know that I changed a bit in Part 2 so that Hermione has her own room (because she's a Prefect now) and isn't sharing with Lavender and Parvati anymore. All cool? Cool.
Ron's poem is NOT mine, it's the funky Meg Cabot's – like most of this – I fliched it straight out of the book and just changed a few words, as per usual, but didn't think Hermione would write it so I made Ron write it. (I did write the Ode to Flying, tho!)
I haven't been able to sleep the last couple of nights all I could think of was Wet!Ron. Anyone interested in forming a support group, Wet!Ron Anonymous, please drop me a line. Remember: SMART GIRLS CHOOSE RON! – www.sugarquill.net
And as promised, this chapter features Kick-Ass!Hermione and she'll be around more often from now!
Enjoy, everyone! :o) ::mwah::

A HUGE big THANK YOU to Steve from The Harry Potter Lexicon – http://www.i2k.com/~svderark/lexicon/ – for the permission to use the notes from History of Magic (entry for Monday 22 October) which is from their HoM page (timeline_history_magic.html). You rock, HPL!


The Goddess Diaries - Part Five

Later on Sunday

I've been hiding out in the library ALL day. Nobody else is here since it's Sunday, so I'm safe from seeing ANY of the Weasleys. Fred and George keep wanting to have a go on my broomstick. I'll let them, but only if they promise to stop giving me prank food, and they said they can't do that. Ginny has been totally avoiding me. I have been totally avoiding Ron.
I love the library, true, but this is getting annoying.

Reasons I should make up with Ginny:
1. She's my best friend
2. One of us has to be the bigger person and make the first move.
3. She makes me laugh.
4. Who else can I talk to?
5. I miss her.

Reasons I should not make up with Ginny:
1. She's always telling me what to do.
2. She thinks she knows everything. (Hmmm I think I know how Ron & Harry feel)
3. Ginny is the one who started it, so she should be the one to apologize.
4. I will never achieve self-actualization if I always back down from my convictions.
5. What if I apologize and she STILL won't talk to me?????????

Even later on Sunday

Well. Ron came and found me in the library. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to me and he said he was sorry for slamming the door in my face this morning.
I said that was ok. I didn't look him in the face when I said that.
Then I said I was sorry I came up to his dorm, I know I shouldn't have, I just had to talk to someone about last night.
said Ron. What happened to you last night? It's like you went mental, or something.
Me? Mental???
For you information, I did not go mental, I said. I just got tired of your sister always telling me what to do. Not that it's any of your business.
What are you being so snotty about? Of course it's my business. I have to live with the both of you, don't I? said Ron.
I got worried. Why? Is she talking about me?
Ron goes, You could say that.
I can't believe she's been talking about me. And you know she can't have been saying anything good.
What's she saying? I asked.
I thought it wasn't any of my business.
I'm so glad I don't have a brother.
It isn't. What's she saying about me?
Ron said, That she doesn't know what's wrong with you these days, but ever since your Uncle died, you've been acting like a head case.
I snorted in indignation. Me? A head case? What about her? She's the one who's always criticising me. I'm so sick of it!! If she wants to be my friend, what can't she just accept me the way I am???
No need to yell, said Ron, all calmly.
I'm not yelling!!! I hissed.
So why is Madam Pince giving you the Evil Eye? – She was. – And besides, Ginny's not the only one criticising. She says you won't support her boycott of Honeydukes.
I said, Well, she's right. I won't. It's stupid. Don't you think it's stupid.
Ron sort of shrugged and said, Sure, it's stupid. Are you still flunking Flying?
That was out of the blue.
I said, I guess so. But considering the fact that Madam Hooch nearly fainted with delight when I took that silly broom down to the broom shed, I might scrape by with a D. Why?
It was Ron's turn to snort. It's not a silly broom. It's better than Harry's!
But I don't need it. When my grandmother bought it for me, she told me that I would be a disgrace to – to the family if I can't fly. It's so embarrassing.
Now, why did I nearly tell him about the goddess thing? It would be all over school. I'd be a laughing stock. Not that I'm not already, but it would be worse. He doesn't know about the stupid Pureblood thing – not that it matters because it DOESN'T – either. Why did I almost tell Ron that?
Well, you're top of the year in everything else, Hermione, you really shouldn't worry, it's only a course for this term anyway. It's hardly anything.
I sighed a little bit. I suppose so. It still sort of annoys me. I totally expected him to start teasing me, and stuff, but he just sat there. So why'd you want to know whether or not I'm flunking Flying?
Ron sort of cleared his throat a bit. Oh, well. Because I'm done with all the skills we have to learn this month, and thought, if you wanted, I could tutor you during Flying classes. He stopped and looked at me. If you wanted.
Ron Weasley, offering to do something for me? I couldn't believe it. I nearly fell of my chair.
I went, Wow, that would be great! Thanks!
Ron pushed his chair out and got up and kind of coughed. Don't mention it. Hang in there, Hermione. I'll see you later.
Yeah, bye. I was sort of in shock.
And he left.
Can you believe it? Wasn't that nice? I wonder what's got into him.
I should definitely fight with Ginny more often.

Even later on Sunday

Just when I thought things were looking slightly up, I got an owl from Mum. She said she was sending Nick over to pick me up because she was coming over from Greece for the day or something and so she, and me and Grandmamma could have together dinner at the Ritz.
Notice the invitation didn't include Dad.
Mum didn't actually say he was sick, but I be he is.
At least I got to avoid everyone at school again. People keep asking questions and stuff about why I keep leaving. If this lying thing keeps up, Grandmamma's going to have to pay for me to get a new nose, or something, when mine grows like Pinocchio's.
The Ritz wasn't that bad this time. I guess the people there know who I am now – or at least, they know who Nick is – so they don't give me a hard time. Or maybe it was because I was wearing some of the posh clothes I got yesterday, not my Docs.
Grandmamma and Mum were both in kind of bad moods. I don't know why. I guess they're not getting paid to spend time together, like I kind of am.
Dinner was so boring. Grandmamma went on and on about which fork to use with what and why, like on Friday. There were all these courses, and most of them were meat. One was fish, though, so I ate that, plus dessert, which was a big fancy tower of chocolate. Grandmamma tried to tell me again that I have to eat everything or I'd cause an inter-heavenly incident, blah blah blah blah blah. But I told her that I would have my staff explain to my hosts ahead of time that I don't eat meat, so not to serve any.
Grandmamma looked kind of mad and Mum grinned into her wine glass.
So to change the subject, I asked her what the point of having gods and goddesses were, and why they were different. Apparently we look after things like the weather and the environment and people stuff. We don't control it or make tornados to attack people stuff, but just make sure everything is OK.
Normal people still have to deal with fate and all that, but we just help out in serious emergencies. Why don't I get help? I'm having a rather serious emergency and have been having it for a over a week now. I guess it must be like those clauses were network employees can't enter competitions to win new cars and stuff that the networks put on during blockbuster movies and all that. There are heaps of other gods from other religions and stuff as well, so it's all kind of like Muggle monarchies who look after their own little countries.
I still don't get it. But anyway.
Grandmamma says tomorrow I'm going to learn more Greek, so that I will know how talk to oracles. They are priestesses whom people use to talk to us. I'm actually sort of excited.
To date, I've made 200 Galleons for S.P.E.W. I'm probably going to go down in history as the girl who saved all the house elves.
Ginny still isn't talking to me. I'm starting to think maybe I should go down to her dorm and talk to her. But what would I say? I didn't do anything. I mean, I know I told her to shut up, but that was only because she told me I was turning into Pansy Parkinson. I had every right to tell her to shut up.
Or did I? Maybe nobody has a right to tell anybody to shut up. Maybe this is how wars get started, because someone tells someone else to shut up, and then no one will apologize.
If this keeps up, who am I going to eat lunch with tomorrow? I can't sit with Harry or Ron, they'll just talk about Quidditch with Fred, George, Lee, Seamus and Dean. And it's totally not safe to sit with Gred and Forge at meal times.

Monday October 22 2001, History of Magic
When I came down for breakfast this morning I looked for Ginny but all her 4thYear friends said she'd already eaten and left. Talk about holding a grudge.
This is the longest fight we've ever had.
Then as soon as I sat down, somebody shoved a petition in my face.

Boycott Honeydukes!
Sign below and take a stand against House discrimination
!

I said I wouldn't sign it, and Harry, who was the person holding it, told me I was being a bit of a hypocrite if I expected everyone to support S.P.E.W. which even the house elves don't want anything to do with, but wouldn't just sign a measley petition for this.
I told Harry that they have been conditioned for centuries and that five Knuts is hardly anything to compare with the plight of innocent creatures that are being treated as slaves.
One thing you have to say for Ginny: she acts fast. The whole school is plastered with Boycott Honeydukes posters.
The other thing you have to say about Ginny: when she's mad, she stays made. She is totally not speaking to me.
I wish Professor Binns was alive. He's just so boring. And coming from me, that's saying something.

1400s – With the coming of the Renaissance and the increasing reliance among Muggles on scientific reasoning, the break between the Wizarding and Muggle worlds became more and more complete. Each culture went on to create their own civilization: social structures, economies, governments, etc. Each borrowed a little from the other as the years went by but it became apparent that the Muggles had to be kept ignorant of the existence of their magical kin for their own good. Some Muggles persecuted their Magical neighbours; others tried to exploit magical power for their own gain and for quick fixes to their problems.

Oh Ron wants to write something.

What to do during History of Magic
By Ronald Weasley

O, what to do during HoM!
The possibilities are limitless:
There's drawing, and yawning,
And portable Wizard Chess.

There's dozing and dreaming,
And feeling confused.
There's humming, and strumming,
And looking bemused.

You can stare at the clock.
You can hum a little song.
I've tried just about everything
To pass the time along.

BUT NOTHING WORKS!!!!!

Note to self: Make sure Ron NEVER EVER EVER reads this book.

Later on Monday, before Flying

So even if Ginny and I weren't in a fight, I wouldn't have been able to sit with her at lunch today. She's become the queen of the cause célèbre. All these people were clustered around the end of the Gryffindor Table where we usually sit. Harry was sitting next to her where I usually sit.
Ginny must be in heaven. She's always wanted to be worshipped by a Quidditch genius.
Or maybe just Harry.
So I was standing there with my stupid bag about to explode because I have just about every subject today, and I was like, Who am I going to sit by? Ron wasn't there; he got into trouble for throwing paper planes in History of Magic (he'd Wingardium Leviosa-ed them so they actually flew) and had to do a lunchtime detention with Flich. Then I saw Lavender and Parvati sort of sitting at the other end of the table, just talking to themselves and looking at some divination magazine. There was a spare seat. I've hardly talked to them at all this year, since we don't share a room anymore or anything, but it's not like I hate them, and I hoped they didn't hate me.
I walked over and pulled out the spare chair next to Parvati.
Can I sit here? I asked.
Parvati looked up from the magazine. She had an expression of total shock on her face. She looked at me, and then she looked at Lavender. When Parvati looked at Lavender, Lavender looked at me and then back at Parvati, and nodded.
Parvati smiled really big at me. she said, laying down her magazine. Sit with us.
I sat down. I felt kind of bad, seeing Parvati smile like that. Like maybe I should have asked to sit with them before. Or at least talked to them more when we slept in the same room for four years. I felt bad about how I'd lived with them for so long and yet hardly knew them.
Everyone sort of thinks they are silly, and I used to pay them out because they spent so much time on hair charms and divination stuff.
I don't think divination is so freaky now, not that I'm divinity myself.
So the three of us sat there and talked about the Halloween Ball, which is this weekend. It wasn't their idea, by the way. It was Pansy Parkinson who'd suggested it. Good thing I never got around to hexing Lavender and Parvati, huh?
I asked them if they had dates yet and they both got all giggly and said yes they did. Lavender's going with Seamus again and Dean just asked Parvati this morning.
They asked me who I was going with and I looked down at my food and said no one.
Lavender sort of gasped. I almost wanted to cry. And then Parvati goes, Hasn't Ron asked you yet? in this half shocked voice.
Yet? Ha! As if. I told them about how last Monday Ron had announced that he's not going to the Ball because he thinks it's a stupid social event that doesn't even celebrate the true spirit of Halloween since it's on Saturday night, which is the 27th, and that's not actually Halloween.
Then Lavender and Parvati gave each other this look and when I asked them what was wrong, they went, all nonchalantly, Oh, nothing.
We were just finishing off desert, which was custard tart today, when this shadow fell over the back of me, and I looked up and there was Pansy Parkinson. She wasn't wearing her school robes, but she had on her Slytherin cheerleader uniform, a green-and-black pleated mini-skirt and a tight black sweater with a silver snake that was in the shape of a giant S across the front of it. I think she stuffs her pom-poms down her bra when she isn't using them. Otherwise, I don't see how her chest could stick out so much.
Nice hair, Hermione, she said in her snotty voice. Who are you supposed to be? Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I looked past her. Draco Malfoy was standing there with Crabbe and Goyle and some of his other dumb jock friends. They weren't paying any attention to me and Pansy. They were talking about how they'd made a 1st Year do a detention for something they'd done.
I wonder if Professor Snape knows.
What do you call this colour, anyway? Pansy wanted to know. She touched the top of my head. Pus Yellow?
Lavender piped up and said, It's more of a Honey Blonde, I think. I thought that was very nice of her, considering the fact that I'd never stood up against a bully for her.
But Pansy didn't see the niceness of this gesture. Instead she asked, all innocently, Oh, is this a board meeting of Ditzy-Chicks Incorporated? So sorry for interrupting.
Lavender's blue eyes filled up with hurt. Parvati saw this and opened her mouth.
Then a strange thing happened. I was sitting there, looking at the tears welling up in Lavender's eyes, and then the next thing I knew, I'd stood up, picked up a whole custard tart from the table and thrust it with all my might at the front of Pansy's sweater, saying, No, it isn't, because if it was, you'd be the C.E.O.
Pansy looked down at the cream, custard and bits of pastry that were sticking to her chest. Draco Malfoy and the other jocks stopped talking and looked and Pansy's chest too. The noise level in the Great Hall plummeted to the quietest I've heard it. Everyone was looking at the custard tart sticking to Pansy's chest. It was so quiet, I could hear Neville's toad Trevor breathing air bubbles in Neville's goblet.
Then Pansy started to scream.
You-you – I guess she couldn't think of a word bad enough to call me. You-you Look what you've done! Look what you've done to my sweater!
I grabbed my bag. Come on, Lavender and Parvati, I said. I was still really mad, so my voice didn't shake or anything. Let's go somewhere a bit quieter.
Lavender and Parvati, their eyes on the custard tart covering the S on Pansy's chest, followed me.
As the three of us walked pass the end of the table where Ginny and I usually sit, I saw Ginny staring at me with her mouth open. She had obviously seen the whole thing.
Well, I guess she's going to have to change her diagnosis: I am not unassertive. Not when I don't want to be.
I was very glad that there was a staff meeting at lunchtime today, because otherwise I would have been in more trouble than after the Norbert Incident.
And I'm not sure, but as Lavender and Parvati and I left the Great Hall, I thought I heard some applause coming from the Hufflepuff table.
You know what? I think self-actualization might be right around the corner.

Later on Monday

Oh boy. I am in so much trouble. This hasn't happened to me since 1st Year!
I am sitting in Professor McGonagall's office!
That's right. I got sent to Professor McGonagall's office for assaulting Pansy Parkinson with a custard tart!
I should have known she'd tell on me. She is such a big whiner.
I'm kind of scared. I know I've been in trouble before, but we had to get rid of Norbert. I've never actually gotten caught for assaulting anyone. Thank goodness none of the teachers found out about Draco Malfoy in 3rd Year. But the last time this happened – getting caught, I mean – I had that terrible detention in the Forbidden Forest Even thinking about it creeps me out.
Anyway, when Professor Flitwick came out and spoke to Madam Hooch in Flying today, I never thought for one minute that he had to take me out of class. Pansy wasn't there, thank Merlin, but most of the Slytherins kept shooting me way dirty looks.
I was up on my broom with Ron flying next to me on his. He was showing me that the way I steer is all wrong. He says my main problem is my grip. Also that I'm not actually sitting on the broom properly. He says I should be gentler with the handle and just relax.
Also, he says I seem to have trouble concentrating.
But the reason I couldn't concentrate was that I had hardy ever been so close to a boy before! I mean, I realise that it's only Ron, and that I see him all the time, and he'd never like me anyway, because he's known me since we were eleven and I'm his best friend and his little sister's best friend and all – at least, I used to be.
But he's still a boy, a cute boy, even if he is just Ron.
I was really hard to pay attention to steering when I could smell this really nice clean boy smell coming from him, and this little voice in my head was going, Towel. Towel. Plus every once in a while he would reach over and put his hand over mine and push my handle over a little and go, No, like this, Hermione.
Of course, I was also having trouble concentrating because I kept feeling like Ginny was looking up at us. The 4th Years had Care of Magical Creatures, so she was outside too. She wasn't looking, of course. Now that she's fighting the evil forces of discrimination in our village, she doesn't have time for little people like me. She was sitting by the paddock with all of her supporters while Hagrid was trying to calm down his new – which I swear is part Chimera – plotting their next move in the Honeyduke Offensive. Harry had even gone down to help.
May I point out that he was all over her? I couldn't believe it. He was sitting on the fence next to her with his arm holding onto the railing on the other side of her.
So I really shouldn't have worried that anybody was going to notice me and Ron. I mean, he certainly didn't have his arm around me. Although once, he came around on the other side of me to show me something and he sort of sat the other way on his broom so he was facing me, and his knee touched my knee. I nearly died at niceness of it all.
And then Madam Hooch called out my name and told me to come down.
I wonder if I'm going to get expelled. Maybe if I get expelled I could go to a different school, where nobody knows that my hair used to be frizzy and a different colour and that these fingernails aren't really real. Greece is starting to sound really nice.

From now on I will:
1. Think before I act.
2. Try to be gracious, no matter how much I am provoked to act otherwise
3. Tell the truth, except when doing so would hurt someone else's feelings.
4. Stay as far away as possible from Pansy Parkinson.

Uh-oh. Professor McGonagall is here.

Continued in Part Six...


THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU to all the funky new reviewers since last time: Tiger Starr, Kiyone/Luna-P (100th Reviewer!!!), AngelDragonStar, Destiny Phoenix (I hope you feel better soon!), angels fall, *Mystery*Juice*2302* (no I liked your PD fic! It's cool!), whippy, Kacella, Bec, athena, Trista_Setsuna, Me, ~*Fleur*~ (I don't think you were ditzy at all! Thank you for being so nice, altho you've kinda given me a big head!!), Shankz, Panchan, Arcadia Silver (does the god thing really matter? Well, I tried!), mickey, slytherin godess, Hermione, ~*Luna*~ (it's all blonde), nuwandaforever (is that Dead Poet's Nuwanda? Man, I LOVE that movie! NUWANDA ROCKS!!!!), aquamanda, and Sailor_Chib (the diary thing's sort of the whole point. Well, actually is IS the whole point sorry) KEEP SMILING!! ::mwah::