Disclaimer:
Everything you recognise from Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling (aka The
Goddess – a real one)
Everything you recognise from The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot
I own nothing :o)
Author's Note:
OK, so for a little fun, I'm gonna give 20 House Points and a bag of Oliver-flavoured
Bertie Bott's to the first person to correctly tell me why Ron decided to boycott the
Halloween Ball. Now, I want his REAL reason, not that pathetic excuse he dribbled
out to cover his tracks. Here's a hint: last Monday. Enter by
review or e-mail :o) Let's see how well you've all been reading this and
how much of a R/Hr shipper you really are!
Oh, and I would like to make the following advertorial announcement: The Princess Diaries: Third Time Lucky, aka Princess in Love in the US/Canada, totally, completely, absolutely, undoubtedly, supremely, almightyly (etc) ROX. I am not even kidding. ;o) Apprently it doesn't get published for a while (it actually says first published 2002 in it, and according to amazon.com, it's coming out in April, which is all so weird) but I got my hot little hands on a copy, and it's JOY! Go find it! Cheers :o)
empirical: originating in or based on observation or experience empirical
data / relying on experience or observation alone often without due regard for system
and theory / capable of being verified or disproved by observation or experiment
libidinous: having or marked by lustful desires (::mock innocence:: Now, what would
that have to do with Ron's argument? ;o)
The Goddess Diaries - Part Eight
| Wednesday Night No wonder my
Mum was so mad about Darla Prattellez's article!
When Nick and I walked down to the school gates to get to the limo after my Flying
review session this afternoon, there were reporters all over the place. I am not even kidding. It was just like I was a murderer, or a celebrity,
or something. |
| Thursday 25 October 2001, Before Transfiguration Well, this morning my face was on the covers of the Hogsmeade Herald, the Diagon Ally Gazette, and a special issue of Magic Monthly. People keep staring at me. This is NOT good. Here's what I need to do: |
| Thursday, HoM So I was eating lunch, sitting at our lonely end of the Gryffindor table across from Lavender and Parvati and Nick, and Parvati was telling me how in India, where her parents come from, girls wear these things called saris that are like 6 feet long pieces of silk material that you wrap around yourself and have amazing patterns on them and stuff. Parvati says that her dress robes for Saturday night are made out of sari material and they are deep aquamarine blue with gold patterning. It sounds so nice. I wish I could wear something that sounds that nice to the Ball. But I have no one to go with, so obviously I won't be going. What is wrong with me, anyway? How come no boys like me? So anyway, Parvati was telling us about saris, when all of a sudden, Pansy Parkinson put her golden plate down next to mine. I am not even kidding. Pansy Parkinson. I of course thought she was going to whip out the receipt for the custard tarted sweater's dry cleaning or start shaking pepper all over our salads, or something, but instead she just went, all breezy, You guys don't mind if we join you, do you? Then I saw this other golden plate sliding over on my other side. It was loaded with two double cheeseburgers, pasta with meatballs and cheese, and five chicken drumsticks. When I looked up to see who could possibly be ingesting more saturated fats than Ron, I saw Draco Malfoy pulling out the chair next to mine. I am not even kidding. Draco Malfoy. He went, to me and sat down and started eating. I looked at Lavender and Parvati and Lavender and Parvati looked at me, and then all three of us looked at Nick. But he was busy chatting to Fred and George about silencing charms for explosions. Which sort of defeats Gred and Forge's life purpose of making as much noise as magically possible, but whatever. Lavender and Parvati and I looked back at Pansy and Draco. Really attractive people. Like Pansy and Draco, don't ever go anywhere alone. They always have this sort of entourage that follows them around. Pansy's entourage consists of a bunch of other Slytherin girls, most of whom are cheerleaders, like she is. With the exception of Millicent Bulstrode, they are all really pretty, with long hair and breasts and stuff. Draco's entourage consists of a bunch of Slytherin boys who are on the Quidditch team with him, as well as Crabbe and Goyle. They were all large and (not counting Crabbe and Goyle) handsome, and they were all eating excessive amounts of animal by-products, just like Draco. Draco's entourage put their golden plates down besides Draco's. Pansy's entourage put their golden plates down besides Pansy's. And soon, our end of the Gryffindor table, which had been previously occupied by three geeky girls and a bodyguard, was being graced by the most beautiful people in Hogwarts – maybe even the whole of the United Kingdom. Now, we all know Professor Dumbledore as been encouraging inter-house fraternization all year to try and raise school spirit in these Dark and dreary times, but when a bunch of attractive Slytherins come and sit down next to a group of loserish Gryffindors, you really have to start wondering about The Way The World Is Today. I got a good look at Ginny and her eyes were bugging out. So were Harry's and Ron's and the whole of Gryffindor house. Not to mention Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and Slytherin. And the staff. It was SO WEIRD. I heard Professor Dumbledore chuckle into his goblet. Professor MgGonagall took her glasses off and started cleaning then with her robes then put them back on and looked at us again. Professor Snape's mouth was just hanging open and he didn't seem to be bothered to close it. Pansy said, all chatty-like, not seeming to be bothered that the whole Great Hall were staring at her – she must have either been used to it or was enjoying it – while she picked at her salad – no dressing and only water on the side. What are you up to this weekend, Mione? Are you going to the Halloween Ball? Mione? Mione? SINCE WHEN DOES PANSY PARKINSON CALL ME MIONE??? I said, brilliantly. Let me see Because Draco's thinking about having this thing in our common room on Saturday night, after the Ball, and all. You should come. I said. Well, I don't – She should totally come, Pansy said, stabbing at a cherry tomato with her fork. Shouldn't she, Draco? Draco was shovelling pasta into his mouth. he said, with his mouth full. She should come. It's going to be so cool, Pansy said. What we're thinking of doing to our common room is like great. We might magick in a Jacuzzi. Weren't you thinking about a Jacuzzi, Draco? Draco said, Yeah, we're – Lachlan, a member of Draco's entourage, and a six foot two 6th Year Chaser, interrupted. Hey, Malfoy, remember after the last Ball? When Zabini passed out on the common room floor? That was rad. Pansy giggled. Oh, Merlin! She chugged that whole bottle of Ambrosia Vodka. Remember, Draco? She drank practically the whole thing herself – what a hog! – and then she wouldn't stop throwing up. Major vomitage, Lachlan agreed. She had to have her stomach pumped, Pansy said to Lavender, Parvati and me. Madam Pomfrey said if Draco hadn't flooed her when he did, she'd have died. We all turned to look at Draco. He said, modestly, It was way uncool. Pansy stopped giggling. It was, she said, all solemn now that Draco Malfoy had declared the incident uncool. I didn't know what was supposed to say about that, so I just said, Pansy said. She ate a shred of lettuce and swished some water in her mouth. Are you coming, or not. I'm sorry, I said. I can't. A lot of Pansy's friends, who'd been talking amongst themselves stopped talking and looked at me. Draco's friends, however, went right on eating. You can't? Pansy said, making this very astonished face. I said. I can't. What do you mean, you can't? I thought about lying. I could have said something like, Pansy, I can't go because I have to have dinner with Shiva and his many wives. I could have said I can't go because I have to open a harvest festival in Cyprus. There were all sorts of excuses I could have made up. But for one, for once in my stupid life, I went I told the truth. I can't go, I said, Because it's against school rules to have a party like that. Oh, dear Merlin. Why did I say that? Why, why, why? I should have lied. I totally should have lied. Because how did I sounded, saying something like that? Uh, like a total freak. Worse than a freak. A dork. A Grade-A nerd. I don't know what compelled me to tell the truth in the first place. It wasn't even the real truth. I mean, it was a truth, but it wasn't the real reason I was saying no. I mean, it's true there is no way I was going to let myself, as a Prefect, go down to a party in the Slytherin common room when we're all supposed to be in our dormitories. Even with a bodyguard. But the reason, of course, is that I wouldn't know how to act at a party like that. I mean, I've heard about these kinds of parties. There are like whole rooms reserved for people to go and make out. We're talking major French kissing. Maybe even MORE than French kissing. Maybe even like above-the-waist touching. Maybe even below-the-waist touching. I don't know for sure, because no one I know has ever been to one of those parties. No one I know is popular enough to get invited. Plus everybody drinks. But I don't drink, and I don't have anybody to make out with. So what would I do there? Pansy looked at me, and then she looked at her friends, and then she burst out laughing. Loud. I mean, REALLY loud. Well, I guess I can't really blame her. Oh, Queen Mab, Pansy said, when she had gotten over laughing so hard that she couldn't talk. You can't be serious. I knew right then that Pansy had just latched upon a whole new thing to torture me about. I didn't really care so much about me, but I felt bad for Lavender and Parvati, who'd managed to keep such a low profile for so long. Suddenly, because of me they were being sucked into the middle of the popular girl torture zone. Oh, my Circe, Pansy said. Are you kidding me? I said. Well you're not supposed to tell them the truth, Pansy said, all snotty again. I didn't know what she as talking about. The teachers. Nobody tells the teachers the truth. If you get caught sneaking out, tell them you had to get something to work on an assignment. Duh. Oh. She meant lie. To break the rules. Pansy obviously didn't know about Harry's invisibility cloak. Sneaking out wasn't the problem. Honestly, if half the school knew what Harry, Ron and I (mainly Harry and Ron) get up to, they'd be worshipping us. Speaking of worshipping oh, forget it. Anyway, so I said, Look, it's not like I don't appreciate being asked and all, but I really don't think I can come. Besides, I don't even drink. OK, that was another big mistake. Pansy looked at me as if I'd never heard of Quidditch before, or something. She went, You don't drink? I just looked at her. The truth is, when we're in France with Grandmamma, I do drink. We drink wine with dinner every night. That's just what you do in France. You don't drink it for fun though. You drink it because it makes the goat cheese taste better. I certainly wouldn't chug a whole bottle of it, though. Not even not a dare. Not even for Draco Malfoy. So I just shrugged and went, No. I try to be respectful of my body, and not put a whole lot of toxins into it. Pansy snorted at that, but beside me, Draco Malfoy swallowed a mouthful of burger and said, I can respect that. Pansy's mouth dropped open. So, I'm sorry to say, did mine. Draco Malfoy respected something I did? Are you kidding me? But he looked perfectly serious. More than serious. He looked at me the way he had that day in Hogsmeade, like he could see into my soul with those crystal grey eyes of his Like he already had seen into my soul I guess Pansy didn't notice her boyfriend looking into my soul, though. Because she said, Merlin, Draco. You drink more'n anybody else in this whole school. Draco turned his head and looked at her with those hypnotic eyes. He said, without smiling, Well, maybe I should quit, then. Pansy started laughing. She said, Oh, right! That'll happen! Draco didn't laugh, though. He just went on looking at her. That's when I started to get the heebie-jeebies. Draco just kept staring Pansy. I was glad he wasn't staring at me like that: those grey eyes are no joke. I got up real fast, and grabbed my bag. Lavender and Parvati, seeing that I was doing, did the same. I said. Then we booked out of there. As we got out into the Entrance Hall, Lavender was like, What was that all about? and I said I didn't know. But one thing for sure: For once, I'm kind of glad I'm not Pansy Parkinson. |
| More Thursday, Charms When I
walked out of Arithmancy just now, Draco was in the corridor. He was sort of leaning on the wall next to this
painting of a guy in a crown who was having an afternoon siesta, looking around –
Draco was looking around, that is, not the bloke in the painting. When he saw me coming, he straightened up and
went, Homework. Merlin, just because a boy might like me, I completely lose my head. I disgust myself. |
Continued in Part Nine...
A/N2: (You know, I almost enjoy doing these more than the story!!) I keep forgetting to mention this, but Nick is named after Nick in Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale (one of the most amazing books I have ever read), who was like the Commander's chauffeur and bodyguard stuff (although he was also more in that than Nick is in this). Darla Pratellez is named after Darla in The Bold and The Beautiful – she's just so amusing – and I just randomly made up her last name, basing it on Fernadez or whatever from TPD. Lachlan is based on Lachlan Murdoch – what a better namesake for a Slytherin than Rupert Murdoch's spawn, hey? ;o) Another thing, have you lot noticed how much I'm enjoying making all you R/Hr fundementalists squirm over Draco? ::Voldemort-ish laughter:: Those who've read TPD obviously know what's going to happen, but everyone else is just going to have to either trust me on this one and/or calm down and wait and/or run to the bookshop and buy The Princess Diaries so you don't have to wait for me to finish! ;o)
Hellos and Thank Yous – Astria, janeway216 (I totally agree with what you said about TPD, I gave up worring about the looks my brother kept shooting at me for laughing like a manic as I read them, and yeah, I'm doing the dinner thing, it'll just be at school), zenithlen, krissy, James Bow, bdwrm, Hermione13, icestar (the Halloween Ball will be like the Cultural Diversity Dance in the book), meeker, Medea Malfoy, oooo, Calder Lynch, CloudChick, Hermione(I don't know if this is the same one as before... hehe), Megan, Athena McGuire, herm, evvy, Rummi-chan, helen, Angelina and Carlin.
rio: well, actually, I didn't make Harry that bad, did I? I mean, I'm actually using Neville for a lot of the things Borris did in TPD, but I just wanted to make it H/G not N/G... I've tried to make Harry more quiet and polite than a moron... and if you've read TPD you'll know that everyone is redeemed and gets what they deserve in the end, good and bad (I won't say anymore or I'll give it away for those who haven't read the book!). I find it really hard to write about Harry, because he's such an important and complex character in the canon, so I usually have him as a supporting role in all my fics, and I've said this before, but I reckon Harry's got enough glory and doesn't really have to worry about being a bit of a twit in my little parody ;o)
Also, ::mwah:: to Lyta Padfoot, K i w i (that was such a nice comment... I will ignore it because it's not actually true!!! ::sheepish grin::), Jennier Lupin and Jen who were the first people to r/r this but I never thanked them! OMG! How did I do that??
And last but certainly not least, a huge THANK YOU, YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL to L.uMiNafyre who stuck up for me against this really ignorant flamer. I know I thanked you already, but what you did was so nice I just had to do it again. You totally made my day :o)
::hugs::
