Disclaimer:
Everything you recognise from Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling (aka The Goddess – a real one)
Everything you recognise from The Princess Diaries belongs to Meg Cabot
I own nothing :o)

Author's Note:
The winner of the little competition from last chapter was LisaQT3!! ::Squin hands her a big bag of Oliver-flavoured Bertie Botts and awards 20 Points to Gryffindor:: She got the complete right answer, with the reason and the reason for the reason: It is because Ginny told him that Hermione picked Draco over him about the whole who would you want to spend the end of existence with? or whatever question! That is totally why Ron said he wasn't going to the Ball Because he figured Hermione wouldn't want to go with him. (Oh that poor, precious boy!! Don't worry baby, we all love you! Especially in a towel But I promise Hermione will see the light eventually!) YAY! Well done! :o) The runner up is Lady Norbert, who got it half right, and was also the first person to enter. Plus she's cool ;o) ::Squin hands Lady N her Oliver-beans::

Now, since it took me so long, this is a pretty long chapter as an early Xmas prezzie for everyone who's been waiting patiently (and not so patiently, all those who practially sent death threats! lol!) over the last week for this (I've had my nose stuck in The Fellowship of the Ring for the last few of days. Why didn't anybody tell me earlier how cool it was? Thank you James Bow!). Enjoy! :o)


The Goddess Diaries - Part Nine

Thursday Night

Grandmamma says, Well, of course the boy likes you. What wouldn't he like? You are turning out very well, thanks to Paolo's handiwork and my tutelage.
Honestly, Grandmamma, thanks. Like it would be impossible for a guy to like me for me, and not because all of a sudden I'm a goddess with a heck of a charmed haircut.
I think I sort of hate her.
I mean it. I know it's wrong to hate people, but I really do sort of hate my grandmother. At least, I strongly dislike her. I mean, besides the fact that she's totally vain and thinks only about herself, she's also kind of mean to people.
Like tonight for instance:
Grandmamma decided that for my lesson today, we would go out to dinner somewhere outside of the hotel, so she could teach me how to deal with the magical press. Only there was no press around when we got outside. I guess all the reporters had gone home to get their dinner (plus it's no fun for the press to stalk you when you're ready for them. It's only when you least expect it that they come around. This is how they get their kicks, as far I can see).
Anyway, I was pretty happy about this. I thought, Hey, this is brilliant. No press. I mean, who needs horrifically brightly coloured enchanted quills getting shoved in your face?
But then as I was getting into the car, Grandmamma said, Wait one moment, and went back inside. I thought maybe she'd forgotten her crown, or her lightning rod, or something, but she came back out a minute later and didn't have any extra implements of weather control.
But then, as we pulled up in front of the restaurant, which was the Savoy, there were all these reporters there! At first I thought somebody important had to be there, like Prince William or Colin Firth or Madonna, but then they all started taking pictures of me, and yelling Goddess Hermione, how does it feel to grow up as a Muggle-born witch, then find out your mother's family is divine and has three hundred million Galleons? and, Goddess, what flavour of Bertie Bott's Beans are your favourite?
I totally forgot my fear of confrontation thing. I was mad. I turned to Grandmamma in the car, and I said, How did they know we were coming here?
Grandmamma started digging through the mini-bar. Now, where is the ice? she asked.
You called them, didn't you? I was so mad, I could hardly even see straight. You floo-called and told them we were coming here.
Don't be ridiculous, Grandmamma said. I had no time to floo-call all these people.
You didn't have to. You'd just have to floo-call one, and they'd all follow. Grandmamma, why?
Grandmamma poured some Odgen's and mixed her drink around. Why does she have to drink in the car? Oh, I forgot, we couldn't get out of it or we'd get ambushed by quills that write stories about things that never actually happened. This is an important part of being a deity, Hermione, she said, taking a swig. You must learn how to handle the press. Why are you talking on so?
You're the one who told all that stuff to Darla Prattellez. I said it totally calmly.
Of course I did, Grandmamma said, with a kind of So what? shrug.
I yelled. How could you?
She looked totally taken aback. She said, Don't call me Grandma.
I yelled. You have no idea what I've had to go through at school! And dad's so angry and he thought you did it, but Mum wouldn't believe him!
Grandmamma drained her Firewhiskey. she said, always was incredibly naïve.
I said. I'm telling her. I'm telling her the truth.
Grandmamma just waved a hand, as if to say, Whatever.
I said, I'm telling her. She's going to be really mad at you, Grandmamma.
He won't. You needed the practice, darling. That piece in the Prophet was just the beginning. Soon you'll be on the cover of Witch Weekly, and then –
I yelled. I DO NOT WAT TO BE ON THE COVER OF WITCH WEEKLY! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I JUST WANT TO PASS MY O.W.L.S!
Grandmamma looked a little startled. Well, all right, darling, all right. You needn't shout.
I don't know how much of that sunk in, but after dinner, I noticed that the reporters had all gone home. So maybe she heard me.
When I got back to school, the whole of Gryffindor house seemed to be in the common room waiting for me. I walked straight past everyone and then ran up to my room. Oh, and now it's not just Ginny that's not talking to me. When I walked past Ron and Harry playing chess, Harry looked at me all sadly, and then he looked at Ron, who didn't look up, but I could tell he (Ron) was really mad because his ears were all red and he was totally glaring at the chess board and then he made his knight totally beat up one of Harry's poor little pawns. I can't even remember what I did wrong to him. This is so totally horrible.
Oh, I forgot.
This morning in Care of Magical Creatures Hagrid was totally trying to teach us about the life cycle of chimeras, but nobody could pay attention because of all the reporters hanging out by the fence. People kept turning around to yell at the reporters, like, Go find some real news, and, Hey, take a picture of this, accompanied by a rude gesture.
Hagrid kept trying to bring people to order, but it was impossible. Back when Ron was still talking to me today, he told me that Ginny was getting all burned up because everyone was coming together against the reporters, but no one seems to want to go and stand outside Honeydukes and protest against them condoning gross segregation within the school.
So anyway, in the general confusion, Pansy Parkinson asked me how long I'd known I'd been a goddess, and I couldn't believe she was actually asking me a question without being snotty about it (this was before lunch), and I was like, Well, I don't know, a couple of weeks or something, and then Pansy said if she found out she was a goddess she would go straight to Diagon Ally, and I said, No, you wouldn't, because you'd miss cheerleading practice, and then she said she didn't see why I didn't go to Diagon Ally since I'm not involved in any extracurricular activities, and then Harry asked me about my broomstick and wanted to know if I'd seen any new Quidditch strategy books while I was in Quality Quidditch Supplies last weekend, and then everybody started wondering about where the next World Cup would be held, and then Hagrid was like, Could we please return to chimeras?
Which is probably a safer type of creature to have around, if you think about it, than reporters, since they can't totally ruin your life. They just kill you.

I wish I could tell Ginny about Draco Malfoy speaking to me.

Friday 25 October 2001, Transfiguration

MERLIN'S BEARD!!!
DRACO AND PANSY BROKE UP!!!
I am not even kidding. It's all over school. Draco broke up with her last night after Quidditch practice. They were going back to the Slytherin dungeon when Draco pulled Pansy into Professor Snape's classroom, and he asked for his house scarf back!!! Pansy was completely humiliated with pickled animals in glass jars up all over the walls around her!
I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Pansy didn't show up to breakfast this morning, and then when I saw her in Potions, her eyes were all red and squinty, and her hair looked like it hadn't been brushed, let alone washed, and her thigh-highs had come unglued, and were all baggy around her knees. I never thought I'd see Pansy Parkinson looking like a mess!!!
Before class started, she was writing an owl to Gladrags, to see if she could return her Halloween Ball dress robes, even though she's already removed the tags. Then during class, she sat there with a big black Magick Marker crossing out Mrs Draco Malfoy from where she'd written it all over her book covers.
Draco just sat up the back with Crabbe and Goyle working on their Restoring Potion, completely ignoring Pansy.
It was so depressing. I could hardly pound up my dried mandrake shoots, I was so distracted.

I wish I were:
1. Five foot six.
2. Good at flying.
3. The Minister of Magic.
4. Still friends with Ginny Weasley.
5. Draco Malfoy's new girlfriend.

More Friday

You will not even believe what just happened. I was in the library looking up something for my Runes essay on Stonehenge, and Draco Malfoy was there, in the aisle where the book I wanted was. He saw me and smiled and I smiled back, and then I totally started concentrating on looking for a book. Any book. Then he goes, in this totally casual way, Hey, Hermione, who you going to the Ball with tomorrow?
Needless to say, the fact that he actually spoke to me at all practically caused me to pass out. And then the fact that he was actually saying something that sounded like it might be a prelude to asking me out – well, I nearly threw up. I mean it. I felt really sick, but in a good way.
I think.
Somehow, I managed to stammer out, Uh, no one, and he goes, and I KID YOU NOT:
Well, why don't we go together?
OH QUEEN MAB!!! DRACO MALFOY ASKED ME OUT!!!!
I was so shocked I couldn't say anything at all for like a minute. I thought I was going to hyperventilate, like that time at the end of 1st Year when I thought that Ron was dead after he got hit by the queen of the giant chess set Professor McGonagall had transfigured to guard the Philosopher's Stone. I could only look up at him (he's so tall!).
Then a funny thing happened. This tiny part of my brain – the only part that wasn't completely stunned by the fact that DRACO MALFOY HAD JUST ASKED ME OUT – went, He's only asking you because you're a Goddess of Mount Olympus.
Seriously. That's what I thought, for just a second.
Then this other part of my brain, a much bigger part, went, SO WHAT???
I mean, maybe he asked me to the Ball because he respects me as a human being and wants to get to know me better and maybe, just maybe, he likes me, sort of.
It could happen.
So the part of my brain that was rationalizing all this made me go, all nonchalantly, Yeah, OK. That might be fun.
Then Draco said a bunch of stuff about how he'd meet me in the Entrance Hall beforehand, or something. But I barely heard him. Because inside my head, this voice was going:
Draco Malfoy just asked you out. DRACO MALFOY just asked YOU out. DRACO MALFOY JUST ASKED YOU OUT!!!!!
I think I must have died and gone to heaven. Because it had happened. It had finally happened: Draco Malfoy had finally looked into my soul. He had looked into my soul and saw the real me, the one beneath the test scores. AND THEN HE'D ASKED ME OUT.
Then the bell rang, and Draco went away, and I just kept standing there, until Nick poked me in the arm.
I don't know what Nick's problem is. I know he's not my personal secretary.
But thank Merlin he was there, or I'd never have known that Draco was going to meet me in the Entrance Hall tomorrow night at seven thirty. I'm going to have to learn not to be so shocked the next time he asked me out, or I'll never get the hang of this whole dating Draco Malfoy thing.

Things to do:
1. Get new dress robes.
2. Get hair done.
3. Get nails redone (stop biting fake ones off).

Friday, After Flying

OK, so I don't know who Ginny Weasley thinks she is. First she stops talking to me. Then, when she finally does deign to speak to me, it's only to criticize me some more. What right has she got, I ask you, to dump all over my Halloween Ball date? I mean, she's going with Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Yeah, he might be The Boy Who Lived and all, but he's still Harry Potter.
Ginny goes: Well, at least I know Harry isn't on the rebound.
Excuse me. Draco Malfoy is not on the rebound. He and Pansy had been broken up for sixteen whole hours before he asked me out.
Ginny goes: Plus Harry's not a Death Eater.
I swear, for someone so smart and assertive, Ginny sure does go for the whole rumour and innuendo thing in a major way. I asked her if she's ever seen Draco in a Death Eater mask or if she knew for a fact that he had a Dark Mark, and she looked at me all sarcastically.
But really, if you think about it, there isn't any proof that Draco is a Death Eater. His dad is definitely one, but hey, Seamus's dad is a Muggle and that doesn't make him one.
Ginny didn't like that argument, though. She went, You're over-rationalizing. Whenever you over-rationalize, Hermione, I know you're worried.
I am not worried. I am going to the biggest dance of the autumn term with the cutest, most sensitive boy in the school, and nothing anyone can do or say will make me feel bad about that.
Except that it does kind of make me feel weird, seeing Pansy looking so sad, and Draco looking like he doesn't care at all. Today at lunch, he and his entourage sat with Lavender and Parvati and me again, and Pansy and her entourage sat back at the Slytherin table. It was just so strange. Plus neither Draco nor any of his friends talked to me or Lavender and Parvati. They just talked to each other. Which didn't bother Lavender or Parvati any, but it kind of bothered me. Especially since Pansy kept trying so hard not to look over in our direction.
Lavender and Parvati didn't say anything bad about Draco when I told them the news. They just got very excited and said I should come over to their dorm room tonight and try on different outfits and experiment with my hair to see what will look best for tomorrow night. Actually, Lavender and Parvati are almost more excited than I am. They are much more supportive friends than Ginny, who went, all sarcastically, Where's he meeting you before? The torture chamber in the dungeons?
I said, very sarcastically back. The Entrance Hall.
Ginny went, Oh, how imaginative.
Well, duh, where else would I meet him?
Then Ron, who had been very quiet (for him) all day, looked at Nick and went, You're going too, right?
And Nick went, Oh, yes. And the two of them looked at each other in that infuriating way guys look at each other sometimes, like they have this secret. You know in Year 5 at primary school, when they made all of us girls go into this other room to watch a video about getting our periods and stuff? I bet while we were gone, the boys were watching a video about how to look at each other in that infuriating way.
Or maybe a cartoon, or something.
But now that I think of it, Draco is kind of dissing Pansy. I mean, he probably shouldn't have asked out another girl so soon after breaking up with her – at least, not to something he was going to go to with her. Know what I mean? I kind of feel bad about the whole thing.

But not bad enough not to go.

From now on I will:
1. Be nicer to everyone, even Pansy Parkinson.
2. Never ever bite my fingernails, even the fake ones.
3. Write faithfully in this journal everyday.
4. Stop re-reading Hogwarts, A History for the seventy-nineth millionth time and use my time wisely, like to study flying tips, or maybe find a cure for lycanthropy, or something.

Friday Night

I was pretty worried about my lesson with Grandmamma today, but she had pretty much gotten over me yelling at her yesterday about the press. She was totally into helping me figure out what I'm going to wear tomorrow night, just like I knew she would. She got on the floo with Madam Malkin, and set up an appointment for tomorrow to pick something out. It will have to be a rush job, and will cost a fortune, but she says she doesn't care: it will be my first formal event as a representative of Mount Olympus, and I have to sparkle' (her word, not mine).
I pointed out to her that it was a school dance, not an inauguration ball, or something, that it's it was just a stupid ball to celebrate Halloween and is more of an excuse to dance and wear dress robes than celebrate anything seriously since it's not even on Halloween night. But Grandmamma went ape anyway, and kept on worrying that there wouldn't be time to dye shoes to match my dress robes.
I reminded her that as we are magical, it should be a snap, but there sure is a lot of stuff about being a girl that I never realized. Like having your shoes match your dress robes. I didn't know that was so important. Last year at the Yule Ball my shoes were silver and my dress robes were blue was that a bad thing?
But Lavender and Parvati sure know. You should see their room, they must have ever woman's magazine ever printed, even Muggle ones like Vogue and Cosmopolitan. They are in order on shelves all around their room, which I can't believe I didn't notice over the past four years. Oh, they just told me it's all new this year. Good, I thought I was totally ignorant.
So Ron's still totally not talking to me. What is it with the Weasleys this week, anyway? All though Ron was nice all up until yesterday Charms What is wrong with him??? He helped me out in Flying like usual, but I was too distracted by Draco Malfoy having asked me out that I might have been a bit rude to him. But still, he's got no reason to be mad that I'm going to the Ball with Draco, right? I mean, he's not even going. Why should he care? Why do I care that he cares?
Gaaaah! Ron's just so so infuriating.
Well, no, he did talk to me, because when I was in the common room tonight, he asked me to move my books off the chess table. Merlin.
Anyway, Lavender also has a thing for teenage love novels, I found out. After we'd hung out and they did all these things with my hair, like this cool charm Parvati knows to put my hair into curls, which I thought was sort of redundant since my hair used to be curly, and Paolo straightened it last weekend, we sat around and read some of them. They were really funny. In a sort of stupid way.
But I swear, there wasn't a single one where the boy broke up with a snotty girl and started going out with the heroine right away. Usually he waited a tactful amount of time, like a summer, or at least a weekend, before asking her out. The only ones with a guy who started going out with the heroine straight way turned out to be the ones where the guy was just using the girl to get revenge, or something.
But then Lavender said even though she loves reading those books, she never takes them as a guide to real life. Because how many times in real life does anybody ever get amnesia? And when to cute young European terrorists ever take anybody hostage in the girls' locker room? And if they did, wouldn't it be on the day when you're wearing your worst underwear, the kind with the holes and the loose elastic, and a bra that doesn't match, and not a pink silk camisole and French knickers, like the heroine of that particular book?
She has a point.
Oh, great. Ginny just came in to ask if Lavender or Parvati can help her out on a Divination assignment, and she looked at me all meanly. So I said goodnight to Lavender and Parvati and came back to my room. I should go to bed now, or something. It's been a long day.

Saturday October 27 2001

This morning I got a note from Professor McGonagall at breakfast, which said that Mum wanted to talk to me about something so would I please go to her (Prof McG's) office at 10.
What Mum wanted to talk to me about, I never found out.
When I got to her office, Professor McGonagall was just chatting to my mother's head in the fireplace and when Mum asked me how I was, I told her that I was wonderful, because I got asked to the Halloween Ball by someone! Mum said that was wonderful, and asked me who the – get this – lucky guy was and I sort of giggled and said his name was Draco and –
That was when Professor McGonagall interrupted. She was all, You don't mean Draco Malfoy, do you?
I got kind of mad, because she sounded I don't know. Shocked or something.
I said, Yes, I mean, Draco Malfoy, I didn't know there were any other Dracos at this school. He and I are going to the Halloween Ball together.
Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows over the top of her square glasses. What about Pansy Parkinson?
It kind of sucks having a private conversation with your mother in a teacher's office. I went, They broke up.
Mum was watching us pretty closely. She went, Who's Draco Malfoy?
And I went, Only the cutest, most sensitive boy in the whole school.
Professor McGonagall snorted and said, Well, the most popular, anyway.
To which my Mum replied, with a lot of surprise, And he asked Hermione to the Ball?
Needless to say, this was not very flattering. When your own mother knows it's weird for the cutest, most popular boy in the school to ask you to the Ball, you know you're in trouble.
I said, all defensively.
I don't like this, Professor McGonagall said. And when my Mum asked her why, she said, Because I know Draco Malfoy.
My Mum went, Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that, and before I could say anything in Draco's defence, Professor McGonagall went, That boy is going one hundred kilometres per hour, which doesn't even make sense.
At least it didn't until Mum pointed out that since I'm only going five kilometres per hour (FIVE!) she was going to have to consult my father about this.
Hello? Consult him about what? What am I, a cauldron with a bottom that isn't of a standard thickness? What's this five kilometres per hour stuff?
He's fast, Hermione, Professor McGonagall translated.
Fast? FAST? What is this, the Fifties? Draco Malfoy is a rebel without a cause all of a sudden?
My Mum went, after she had yelled for my Dad to stick his head in the fire, You're a Gryffindor, you shouldn't be going out with Slytherins anyway.
How unfair is THAT? I finally get a date, and all of a sudden my parents turn into Mike and Carol Brady crossed with Mr and Mrs Honeyduke. I mean, come on!
HELLO? SCHOOL UNITY, ANYONE???
So I was standing there, listening to my Mum and Dad go on about how they both think I'm too young to date, and that the whole thing with Vikor Krum just started the ball rolling and now things are out of hand, and that I SHOULDN'T date, since this has been a very confusing time for me, what with finding out that I'm a goddess and all. They were planning out the rest of my life (no dating until I'm eighteen, all-girls dorm when I go to university, etc) when there was a knock on Professor McGonagall's door.
When Professor McGonagall called out and asked who it was, this all-too familiar voice went, This is Hera Artemis Onassis Acropolis. Who is this?
Across the room, my Dad's head disappeared out of the fireplace with a pop' and my Mum's jaw dropped open. It was Grandmamma. Grandmamma had come to Hogwarts!
I never in my life thought I'd be grateful to Grandmamma for something. I never thought I'd be glad to see her. But when she showed up at school to take me shopping for my dress robes, I could have kissed her – on both cheeks, even – I really could have. Because I opened the door for her, and I was like, Grandmamma, they won't let me go!
I forgot Grandmamma had never been to Hogwarts before. I forgot that Professor McGonagall was there. All I cold think about was the fact that my parents were trying to low-ball me about Draco. Grandmamma would take care of it, I knew.
And boy, did she ever.
Grandmamma came bursting in, giving Professor McGonagall a very dirty look and making this sniffing sound and walking right by her to the fireplace where my Mum's head was gulping in the flames.
my Mum said, looking like a kid who'd just been caught by Filch, out of bed at midnight with a pocketful of Dungbombs. What are you doing here?
Grandmamma gave my Mum the Evil Eye. Listen here, Helen, she said. Your daughter is going to the Ball with her beau. I travelled from London by enchanted limo to take her shopping for new dress robes, and if you think I'm not going to watch her dance in it, then you can just –
Then my grandmother used some pretty colourful language. Well, I think she did, because she was speaking in Greek but I've only been learning it for a week and a half and we haven't got up to the swear words yet, so I wasn't quite sure.
After my grandmother had finished telling my mother where she could get off, she humfed and put her hands on her hips and gave her another dose of the Evil Eye. Professor McGonagall looked nervous. I've never seen Professor McGonagall looking nevous.
Then, and I couldn't believe it, but my Dad's head popped back into the fireplace. Now look here, Hera, my father said, sounding very mad. I was shocked. My father was actually speaking to my grandmother! He avoids her like the Dark Mark! Don't you dare try to tell me how to raise my child! Helen and I have already decided she isn't going out with this boy. You can't just come here and –
my grandmother said. Go and get your cloak.
I went. When I got back, my father's face was really red, my mother's was really white, and Professor McGonagall was looking at the floor. But none of them said anything as Grandmamma and I left Professor McGonagall's office.
Once we were outside, I was so excited, I could hardly stand it. I yelled. What'd you say to them? What'd you say to convince them to let me go?
But Grandmamma just laughed in this scary way and said, I have my ways.
Boy, did I ever not hate her then.

To be continued...


A/N2: Well, after over month, the finale of this little escapade into HP Crossover land should (and I emphasise the word should) be up by the end of this week! I almost don't want it to end! ::sniff:: Will Hermione snap out of her little starry-eyed dellusion? What has Draco really got in mind? Will Ron manage to tell Hermione how he feels or will he continue with the whole pissed-off thing? Find out in Part Ten, because, and I'll let you all know now, this will NOT be ending exactly like The Princess Diairies!!! ::foreboding pleonastic music:: Oh, what fun!!! ::evil Voldemort-ish laughter:: Oh, well, it won't be THAT bad, just not exactly the same :o)

Princess in Love: OK, I have absolutely no idea how TPD3 got published in Australia before it was published in the US. I mean, it's written by an American, about an American and set in America. And we always get EVERYTHING like 2 months later! I think the UK/Aus publishers (Pan Macmillan) must have gotten carried away. Anyway. If any of you guys are desperate to get your hands on a copy, you can order online it from www.dymocks.com.au – just search for Cabot, Meg in the search box and select the author' button. Remember that the Aussie dollar is worth shite, so it actually shouldn't be that expensive if you're really, really desperate ;o) Oh and it's in British/Australian English so color = colour and cell phones = mobiles etc, but hey you can wait until April if you WANT ;o) You guys are right, I should SO totally get paid for this!!! ;o) I guess if I ever get sued, I can just say I was doing our dear MC a BIG favour!

Greetings and Thankses to the new reviewers since last chapter -- Jamie, Jxws, Sasami, fanficfan, TheGirlWhoLived, SlytherinAngel (I just LOVE that smiley thing you do with the halo, it is so cute!), LoPotter (Why hello, my Scary Twin. It's not like I don't talk to you enough, but I'll say hi now anyway! Oh, and everyone go read her D/Hr fic Never Is A Promise, it is totally cool!), JazzPizza (HI! Nice to meet you! lol), Lady (ok, ok, you guilt-tripped me into allowing anon reviews again!), moonbeam, DaYdReAmEr01 (I am so confused, because Part 8 was up the whole time you were waiting for it! Glad you finally found it!), RLupin, Ivy Leaves, jus1digigirl, Archer, Quirky, whippy, UnknownGirl, and Incitata (thanks for all the London help!).

And to all of you WONDERFUL people who keep coming back for more, again, THANK YOU! You know I wouldn't continue if it wasn't for you guys always making me smile when I read your messages! ::mwah::