"Um, well I think that now I will go to sleep," Zim said. "Yes. I will sleep now. Here I go."

He fell asleep.

A ghost appeared.

"Wake up Zim. I am a ghost. I am here to show you the true meaning of Christmas."

Zim woke up.

"Oh, no. Not another annoying ghost. I am trying to sleep."

"I want to show you the true meaning of I am about to SCREAM! How am I supposed to finish this FREAKIN' STORY?!!!! B BGVY6Y BN GHGGHJN UYHJHGBVFRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FFFFFFF

"Um, Kat?"

Kat23a looked up from the keyboard. Her nose was stuck somewhere between the F key and the R key. Her little sister Ellie was standing in the doorway.

"Umf?"

"Why are you head-banging the computer?"

"I'm trying to start the next chapter of this story, and I have no idea where to begin."

"Oh. Is it that story you've been hogging the computer over all week? The one about the alien?"

"Yeah. Zim. It's based on 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens."

"Like that play we were in a few years ago?"

"Yeah."

"When you were Froo-Froo the maid?"

"MY NAME WAS NOT FROO-FROO!!! And that fluffy hat looked great on me, I don't care what you say."

"Yeah, right. Where are you now?"

"Oh, the ghosts of Christmas past just left."

"Ghost/S/?"

"Don't ask."

"Well, how about you just start it a little like the last chapter, and then add some different stuff to it? At least you'll have started. You can always go back if you don't like it."

"*sigh* Yeah, I guess I'll do that. This story IS fun to write, I just don't know how to start the chapters. Thanks, Ellie."

"You're welcome. Um, Kat? Could I ask a question?"

"Sure. Fire away."

"Why are you putting all of your sisters in your disclaimers instead of your friends or your dog or your split personalities or something?"

"Well, Ellie, the holidays are a time to share with your families, a time when you should remember the home that you came from, the parents that raised you, the-

"Kat."

"You guys are just annoying me, and I like getting back at you in the disclaimers."

"Ah-hah."

Ellie looked up at all the words above them.

"Boy, this disclaimer is sure getting long."

"Yeah, I think I'm subconsciously imitating the Slayer. Anyway, Ellie, you know what to do!"

Ellie cleared her throat and looked at the screen.

"Kat23a does not own any Invader Zim characters or characters from 'A Christmas Carol.' She /does/ own a fluffy hat, though, that makes her look /just like/ a maid named Froo-Frooaaaaaah!"

Ellie ran out of the room, Kat23a close behind.

"Come back here, you little weasel!"


-- ~ --


Although it had seemed like a long time, Zim had only been away from his bed for forty-five minutes. When he fell asleep, it was only five minutes away from two o' clock. Too bad for him.

Five minutes later, the glowing chihuahua appeared again, carrying the same big bell. It set the bell down, winced, and charged.

"GOOOOOOOooooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooonnnnnng!"

Zim jerked in his sleep.

The chihuahua picked itself up drunkenly, stumbled back a few paces, and charged again.

"GOOOOOOOooooOOOOoooOOOooooOOooooOooooonnnnng!"

Zim sat up, looking grumpy and sleepy. Behind him, the chihuahua fell down and twitched in midair. From the ceiling, the voice whispered again.

"See? Wasn't that a nice sound? Much better than a 'beep' any day."

The chihuahua whimpered and disappeared, along with the bell. Zim didn't notice this exchange and was looking around for a new apparition.

"Well, where's the ghost? There's supposed to be a new one here. HAH! Hahahahahahahaha! Those ghosties know they cannot mess with the almighty and powerful ZIM!"

Still laughing to himself, Zim turned to go back to sleep. Just as his head was about to hit the cushions, he heard a strange sound coming from somewhere above. It sounded like...human music? Human /holiday/ music? Zim looked nervous and tried to go back to sleep, but the sound of the music kept playing with his subconscious. He couldn't even relax, let alone sleep. He /had/ to see where that music was coming from.

Zim reluctantly got up from his comfortable bed and made his way through the labs to an elevator. As he went up, the joyful music got louder and louder. He suddenly heard a strong, deep voice laughing.

"OOOHOHOHOHOHO! COME UP, AND GET TO KNOW ME BETTER, MAN!" (A/N: Look! An almost-quote from 'A Christmas Carol!' I still actually remember some lines!)

Zim lifted up a nonexistent eyebrow. 'Man?' Who was this 'HO-HO-HO'ing creature? Surely it couldn't be...the Santa Claws? Zim shuddered. He'd had recurring nightmares about the Santa Claws ever since he had heard of him. A creature that would infiltrate your home base while you were sleeping and leave proof that he had been there behind...a creature no human ever saw... It was like every worst fear that Zim ever had all put together. Zim stopped the elevator on a certain floor on the way up, ran out, and returned with an EXTEMELY large-looking blaster, the Irken equivalent of a bazooka (A/N: The bazooka RETURNS! Muahahaha!) Zim would face this creature down, even if it meant annihilating its every last molecule. He began rising again, the loud laughter echoing in his ears.

Again, the voice said, "COME UP, AND GET TO KNOW ME BETTER, MAN!"

Zim narrowed his eyes and held his blaster tighter. Above, he could see the top floor opening. He had taken the elevator underneath the table in the living room. He steeled himself as he came up through the floor.

As he saw the scene before him, his eyes opened wide, jaw dropped, and the bazooka clattered harmlessly to the floor. He had been prepared for almost anything, but /this/...

The room.../his/ room...was covered in holiday decorations. Wreaths, candles, pictures, at least /five/ different decorated trees, streamers, glitter, bells...even the television was showing a picture of a roaring fire, and stockings were taped above it. Covering the floor, the tables, every single spot open were all sorts of human filth food. Turkeys, cranberries, cakes, candy canes, bowls of fruits, bowls of nuts, bowls of Jello....Zim felt nauseous at the smell of it all, not to mention the /sight/...

But that wasn't the thing that was holding his attention at the moment. The thing that he was staring at, the thing that had made him drop his weapon and stand there like a drooling idiot was a huge figure, almost too big to even fit in the room, dressed in a red robe (that looked a bit like a trenchcoat) with white trimming. It was wearing a green shirt underneath the robe with a picture of a large christmas tree on it, and was also wearing a santa-style red hat. Zim wasn't paying as much attention to its clothes, though, as he was to its big, giant, bulbous, monstrous, freakish, capacious, enormous, vast, gargantuan, (A/N: Don't you just love those thesauruses that come with typing programs?) immense, broad, jumbo, great, extensive, tremendous, corpulent, massive, towering, elephantine, colossal, gigantic, ponderous, extraordinary, monumental, and all-too-familiar head.

"D-Dib?,"Zim said weakly.

The bulky head turned downward, a mammoth scythe of hair brushing against the ceiling. The creature smiled, and reached toward Zim.

"Well, it's about time you showed up, I have-"

Zim freaked out at the sight of a hand larger than himself coming towards him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DON'T EAT MEEEE!"

The creature looked surprised, and threw back its titanic head in laughter.

"/Eat/ you?! Why should I eat /you/ when I am surrounded by the delicious foods of the holidays?" the creature said, motioning to the piles and piles of food around him. Zim looked at the food and made a gagging sound.

"/You/ are surrounded by disgusting human FILTH! And I suppose that you're another 'ghost.'"

The way-too-cheerful ghost smiled, laughed, and said, "Right! I am the ghost of Christmas present!"

Zim pointed to a menorah happily burning away on a windowsill.

"Then what's that?"

The ghost shrugged.

"These days we have do all the holidays that are around the same time as Christmas, too. That's from Hanukkah."

Zim pointed to a confused-looking girl wearing a white dress and a wreath with candles on her head.

"What about her?"

"St. Lucia. A Swedish holiday celebrated on the longest night of the year."

Zim pointed to the glowing chihuahua, who was busy devouring a pudding in a corner.

"What about that?"

"Hey! You're not supposed to be here!"

The chihuahua looked up guiltily. The voice from the ceiling said, "Busted." The chihuahua quickly grabbed a chicken leg and disappeared.

The giant ghost-Dib bent down to get a little closer to Zim and said, "Anyway, we picked Christmas for you because someone already did Hanukkah, we're not sure if you're qualified to celebrate Kwanza, and the story is traditionally about Christmas."

"Huh?," Zim said, now thoroughly confused.

"Never mind. Just follow me."

Ghost-Dib started to get up, crashing into the ceiling. He looked up, surprised.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot."

The ghost began shrinking until it was approximately the same size as Zim.

"There," it said, in a much higher and more Dib-like voice, "Follow me."

"Wait, wait," Zim said, waving his hands. "Why should /I/ go with /you/? YOU are an intruder in my base, your two friends from the past and that...that...dog of MADNESS have already ruined my night, you have dragged all this human FILTH into my house, and it's snowing outside!"

"You'll go because you have no choice in the matter," the Dib-ghost said. "As for the snow, it shouldn't touch you as long as you're with me."

"NO CHOICE IN THE — eep!"

The ghost had grabbed one of Zim's hands, and they both were suddenly flying through the walls high into the snowy outside world. Zim screeched and tried alternately to tug his hand free and to climb up on top of ghost-Dib's imposing head. The ghost looked annoyed and swatted Zim.

"Hey! Do you /want/ me to drop you?"

Zim froze.

"Just relax. We're almost there."

"Almost /where/?"

"You think that Christmas is some stupid Earth holiday that you high-and-mighty aliens can't participate in? Well, I'm going to prove you wrong. We're going to one of the jolliest, best, and most-Christmasy houses I can think of. AND it is home to one of the most handsome, brave, and daring humans on the face of the Earth!"

"...but we're /headed/ for the Dib-human's house! Do you mean his father, that...Professor Skin or Professor Mesentery or whatever his name is?"

(A/N: Fun fact — Mesentery is the goopy stuff that holds all your intestines together! I got to see some close-up in Biology class! Yum!)

The Dib-ghost sighed and shook his large head.

"Forget it. Anyway, we're gonna go see them."

Zim began grumbling to himself.

"Idiot human...why should /I/ have to go see /him/...with his pathetic human sister...and his pathetic human tree...and his pathetic human hairballs...and his pathetic human corn...and his-"

You get the idea.

A few minutes later, the two landed in the snow next to a window of the Membrane house. Zim obviously didn't trust the ghosts assurances that the snow would not hurt him, as could be seen when Zim once again tried to climb on top of the ghost's ample head, screeching. After a momentary scuffle, the ghost threw Zim in the snow, which surprisingly, didn't hurt, or even feel cold. The two brushed themselves off, each eyeing the other warily, and turned to look in the window together.

Inside was Dib, sitting on the couch and reading his 'Crop Circles' magazine. A cup halfway full of eggnog sat by his elbow. Several minutes passed. Dib turned a page. Several more minutes passed. Zim looked at the ghost-Dib, annoyed.

"Well?"

The ghost-Dib had his eyes wide, watching the scene with total concentration. He made a hushing gesture with his hand.

"Just wait, it's almost at my favorite part."

Dib turned another page, and took a sip of his eggnog. The ghost-Dib sighed in pleasure and sat back, misty-eyed.

"Such studiousness, such power, such sheer grace -"

"ExCUSE me!" Zim said, annoyed. "How is this supposed to show me /anything/ about Christmas?"

The ghost-Dib sighed and said, "All right. I'll press fast-forward."

Suddenly, Dib was zipping through his magazine and gulping eggnog. In a second, he went to the kitchen to get more, in another second, he was back with a full cup, a few more seconds later, he had finished both the magazine and the eggnog. The picture slowed back to normal speed.

"Now, technically, this is the future," the ghost-Dib said. "But since it all falls under this present Christmas, I can go where I want during the holiday."

"Dib stays up until 2:00 am drinking eggnog?"

"3:00 am, by now. His family stays up late. Anyway, I think we should get a closer look for the next part."

Zim turned to the window again. Suddenly, he was inside the room, along with the ghost-Dib. The real Dib showed no sign of having seen them. Gaz walked in the room, playing her Gameslave. She sat down next to Dib, who began rereading an article of the magazine. A few minutes passed. Zim began looking annoyed again, but before he could speak —

"I got you a present," Gaz said without looking up from her game. "It's under the tree."

Dib looked up, and went over to the tree, which had a very few presents beneath it. Only two, to be exact. He picked up one wrapped in blue, shook it, and ripped it open. He smiled when he saw what was inside.

"Full-field night-vision binoculars with a built in nanoanalyzer! Gaz, this is great! This /definitely/ help me defeat Zim!"

Gaz groaned.

"Please, not Zim again."

Dib opened his mouth to start one of his speeches about how Zim was going to take over the Earth if no one stopped him, but then he paused.

"Yeah, you're right. It's Christmas. I can think about Zim some other day."

Zim's eyes widened as he heard this. That was definitely not the response he expected.

"I got a present for you, too, Gaz."

Gaz looked up, looked down at her game, and then /turned her game off/ to go over to the tree.

Zim's mouth dropped open at this. He had rarely, if ever, seen Gaz without her Gameslave on.

Gaz knelt down and picked up a present wrapped in black. She opened it, and when she saw what was inside she kind-of almost did one of those smiling things against her will. She lifted out a silvery-gray box with several trailing cords.

"The MetaSlave 3000. Instantly projects any Gameslave game onto any larger screen with improved graphics and sound. Thanks, Dib."

As the two admired their presents, Professor Membrane came in the door from the kitchen, holding the eggnog carton in one hand.

"Hello, children. Do either of you know who drank the last of — ah, I see that you are trading presents, in the time-honored tradition of Christmas, passed down from generation to generation, increasing family bonds worldwide! And I, too, shall increase those bonds, by bestowing upon you a gift in the spirit of the holidays!"

Dib and Gaz looked bored, obviously having heard the same speech before.

"Here's some money, go have fun."

The two took the money and dutifully said "Thanks, Dad," as Professor Membrane wafted out the door towards his labs. As they began dividing the money between themselves, ghost-Dib turned towards Zim, smiling, with watery eyes.

"It's just all so beautiful! Can you feel the love?"

Zim looked up from his inspection of the room, looking for weaknesses in Dib's house.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Oh, wait! We're late! I have to finish before 3:00! We've gotta go!"

Ghost-Dib ran through the wall, and Zim hurried after, testing the wall with a hand before plunging through.

"Before 3:00?! I thought you said it /was/ 3:00!"

"3:00 in /real time/, not in the future! Grab my hand!"

Zim grabbed ghost-Dib's hand and they flew off into the night again. As they flew, Zim noticed something strange.

"Hey...is that a white streak in your hair?"

"Yes, I'm only the ghost of Christmas /present/. I age as the day goes on. There have been thousands of my brothers before me, and there will be thousands of my brothers after me."

Zim contemplated this for a moment. On one hand, it would be nice to see at least a version of Dib age and die before his eyes, but on the other hand, seeing him age while retaining the body of a 12-year-old was just...weird.


The ghost-Dib started speaking again as they flew.

"For most people, the holidays are a joyful time, a wonderful time to be around friends and family. For a few, however, there is very little joy at all. Take your faithful robot, Gir, for instance."

"Gir?! What /about/ him?"

"He spent all day making a present just for you, and, instead of thanking him for at least showing the effort, you blew up at him and said that you would be better off without him!"

Zim looked a little embarrassed at this, but tried to hide it (after all, he was with a creature that looked just like his worst enemy).

"Well, then, I'll apologize to him tomorrow. Happy? Can we go back now?"

"Sorry. It doesn't work like that, and I'm not sure if you'll be /able/ to apologize."

"What?"

"Just wait, and you'll be able to see what I mean."

The two flew lower over the city. They were now directly above a slum of the city. The houses were generally small, and more than one had boarded-up windows. Ragged figures clustered in the corners or lay in the alleys, covered in cardboard. Zim was wondering what he was supposed to be doing /here/, of all places, when he spotted a swatch of green through the falling snow. His eyes widened.

"GIR?!"

The ghost-Dib nodded his prodigious head slowly as they landed near the curled-up puppy.

"He left the house after you yelled at him, thinking he wasn't wanted anymore."

"But his circuits will /freeze/ in this snow! Gir! I demand you return to the base this instant!"

"He can't hear you..."

Zim ignored the spirit and rushed towards Gir, yelling.

"Gir! Get up! Return to the base before you get ice in your casing! Gir? Gir!"

As Zim tried to lift up the little snow-covered dog, his hands went right through Gir. Gir sniffed and curled up a little more, hugging his rubber pig tighter. Zim stood, looking at him, having (for maybe the first time in his life) absolutely no idea what to do. The ghost-Dib came closer to Zim, and Zim spoke to him without turning his head.

"What will happen to him?"

"I can't see the future very well, but if nothing changes from the way it is now, I see a little rubber piggy with no one to hold it, and an empty green dog costume in a garbage can."

Ghost-Dib squinted his eyes and wrinkled his forehead a little.

"I also see...daisies, but that might just be the snow messing with the signals."

Zim turned back to ghost-Dib, and saw, with some surprise, that ghost-Dib now had completely white hair, and was covered with wrinkles. A low fog was rolling around his feet.

Zim asked, "Is there any way to change that?"

Ghost-Dib smiled sadly and answered, "Only if the present remains like it is now. It might still be possible for you to change it. But for now, it's time for me to go."

"No, wait! You haven't shown me everything yet! How do I help him! Tell me, you pathetic human holiday stink ghost pig monkey!"

The fog was rising, and it now covered the figure of ghost-Dib, so that all that could be seen of him was as vague silhouette with a huge head.

"It's time for me to go. If you have any questions left, the ghost of Christmas future should help you..."

Zim rushed forward as ghost-Dib's voice faded away, and found only fog. The fog was now so thick that he couldn't even make out the buildings surrounding him. Faintly, through the fog, a noise could be heard.

"GOOOOOOOOoooOOOoooOOooooOoooonnnnnng...."

"GOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOoooOOOooooOOOoooOoonnnnnng..."

"GOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOoooonnnnng..."

There was a distant thud as a chihuahua fell to the ground, unconscious.

In the fog, Zim waited for the third ghost.

-- ~ --
Fun fact: In this chapter, Dib's head is referred to nine times, using thirty-three different adjectives, with none of them repeating!

Yikes. I am writing this EXTREMELY fast. The story's practically writing itself. Don't expect this to be a trend, folks. At least it's a welcome change from having writer's block! Thanks for all those who wrote reviews! You make me feel all warm and squishy inside! ^_^
Ooooooo! Now comes the SPOOKY ghost! I'm gonna have /fun/ with this one! *insert evil grin here* At the rate I'm going, I should have the next chapter up by tomorrow! Don't expect it, though. I probably jinxed myself by saying that. Drat. Um, I'll shut up now. Yeah.