warning: This is a Rei and Shinji fic. It embraces the fact that they are related. It will have spelling errors ^_~ It will be somewhat OOC ^_~ *And* the chapters will be short. I hope you read it anyway. ^o^ *hehe* Oh and flamers there's nothing you can say that will make a bit of difference to me. So don't even waist your time. But if you must, Que sera sera. Oh... I'm changing what happens at the end of Evangelion to suit my story..^_^ so if I get things out of order.. I did it on purpose. *hehe* Maybe.... I never seen the end.. I only read about it on websites ^__^ *giggle*
On with the story.
Searching for Eden
Shinji laid on his bed. His SDAT blasting his music in his ears as he tried to block out the world. No, he was trying to block out the horrible memory of a seeing hundreds of Rei's dieing before his eyes. He was trying to forget the fact that Rei was a clone of his mother. He wanted to forget that Rei really did kill herself to save him. He wanted to forget that the new Rei didn't remember him. All this was just too much to accept for the young pilot. He wasn't ready to know such secrets. He didn't *want* to know such secrets.
Misato slowly opened his door and looked at her charge. She saw his shoulders shudder indicating that he was still crying. He had been like that for almost three days. Damn you Ritsuko! Why did you show him that! Why did you kill all those clone in front of him! You knew that he had feelings for Ayanami She closed the door and walked into the kitchen to get a beer. "If your like this tomorrow Shinji then...." She shook her head. She didn't know what she was going to do. What happened to him wasn't the run of the mill bad experience.
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Very early that next morning Shinji woke up. There really was no reason for him to wake up so early. But he felt like he had to. Like something was calling him. So he got up and got dressed and quietly slipped out of the door.
Lethargically he allowed himself to be guided by an unknown force. What his destination, was he had no idea. In all honesty, he didn't care. It wasn't until he came upon Ayanami's building that his trance end. However, this was not were he was being led. He could feel that his journey was not yet over. But he stopped and stared at her building and at the fourth floor anyway. He knew she would be there. Did he want to see her? No. He was afraid of her, of what she was. He was angry at her for being the dummy plugs. The same system that hurt his friend. He angry with her for never telling him what she was or who she was made from. That she was his....
He quickly turned his gaze away from the building and toward the direction of what was subliminally calling him. He had a choice to make. One was right and one was wrong.
~~~
Rei had woken up as well. She unwrapped her bandages and threw them on the floor. They were not necessary. She was not injured. She sat at the edge of her bed and stared at the glass beaker that held her 'soul' It was the only thing that she possessed that was her own. But was it her own? She was not exactly sure. Even her body was not her own. Just a copy of one who was cherished. But was she cherished? No. She was a tool. A doll. Her crimson eyes narrowed angry at that realization.
"I am not a doll!"
She was angry. This was not a new emotion to her. She had been angered before, but never to this degree. Her 'sisters' were murdered. They may have been clones, but they were not dead; not exactly alive either. but they were not dead. They felt the pain of their demise. And why were they killed? Insane jealousy. The doctor was jealous because she wanted to be loved by the commander.
Why punish the innocent? She couldn't understand. Not that she didn't welcome that fact that she could now die. It was just what she could of done to Dr. Akagi to deserve such malice.
perhaps it wasn't me She looked at her dresser and noticed the commanders glasses. Her anger was replaced with fury. She hated him. Why? She did not know. She got off the bed and walked to her dresser and gently picked up the spectacles. Before she even realized what she was doing, she crushed them in her hand
"I am not a doll!"
why do I keep saying that? Her own words surprised her. 'Not a doll' Of course she wasn't a doll. Was she? She didn't know. She didn't have enough memories to know. But what she did know was if she were a doll then no longer will she be one again.
She threw the crushed glasses on floor and walked toward the door. When she opened it she was surprised to see the third child standing there. However she made no response.
His eyes were about five times their normal size. In a moment of bravery, he had ran up the four flights of stairs. He wasn't sure why he came up here for he didn't want to see her EVER again. And he was about to leave when she opened the door. He stood there in total shock for about two minutes.
"Ikari-kun?" Her patients were wearing thin.
"Uh..uh..." He couldn't get any words to come out. "Umm..."
She walked past him. She didn't have time for his stuttering.
As he watched her walk down the hall, his mouth called out before his brain could stop him "I know what you are, Ayanami!" He then clamped his hand over his mouth.
That got her attention and she turned to face him. "So."
He did not expect her to be so at ease with his confession. He swallowed hard and meekly asked "Why...why.. didn't you tell.. me?"
"You were not authorized to know." Her eyes narrowed slightly in curiosity. "Tell me Ikari-kun. How did you come to find out?"
"R,,R.. Ritsuko.. showed me..." He felt his stomach turn as he remembered what else he witnessed. And Rei standing there in front of him wasn't helping him forget that memory.
She noticed his skin start to pale.
"Anayami.." He held back a gag and grabbed his stomach. "May I use your bathroom. I think I'm going to be sick"
She made a small gesture for him to go ahead. It wasn't like her door was locked or even closed.. With a quick nod he ran into the apartment. Rei was about to turn and go to NERV but she heard him throw up and became curious if he actually made it to the bathroom. When she walked into the apartment she got her answer. He didn't.
"I..I'm sorry." He whimpered "I'll clean it up" He was on his hand and knees.
"Do not bother, for it makes no difference. I will not be returning to this residence."
He did not like the tone in her voice. It seem final like that time she told him 'sayonnara'
"Were.. are you going?"
She did not respond. It wasn't his business to know.
He looked away from her, once he realized that he wasn't going to get an answer. He winced when he noticed the mess he made on the floor. Shinji quickly got up and ran to the bathroom to clean up the mess on the floor despite what she told him. He quickly realized that there was nothing in there besides her towel to dry off. He came back out and saw all the bloody bandages on the floor and decided to use them.
As he cleaned up the mess, his eyes widened. "Oh no!"
She quirked a brow.
He looked up at the girl after he picked up a pair of glasses. "I'm sorry Ayanami.. I know how much these mean to you!" He quickly got up and ran to the bathroom to wash them off. It wasn't until they were clean did he realize that they were crushed.
"I am not a doll."
Shinji turned the tender voice at the bathroom doorway. "I...I didn't say..." Her gaze was so intense he couldn't finish what he was saying and had to look away. However her gaze was not directed toward him and he followed it until he was looking down at the glasses he held in his hand. Now he understood the meaning to her words. Never in a million years would he have ever expected her to say those words against his father.
He looked back at her and said "I am not a doll."
She gave no facial expression to his words. However, she did slightly nod in agreement.
Shinji smiled. He felt a like he was no longer alone. "Ayanami.."
She made no verbal response, but she gave him her total attention.
He wasn't exactly sure if he should talk or not because she didn't respond, but he did anyway. "Are.. you my..mom?"
"No." She answered matter-of-factly.
He gave her a confused look. "B..but.. Ritsuko said that you are...that you are a clone of my mother.."
"If Ritsuko believes that then she was misinformed."
He sighed out in relief. "So you don't have my mother's DNA in you."
"Yes."
"Huh?"
"I do have you mother's DNA in my genetic makeup." She said coolly as if were a common thing and everyone shared that bit of DNA.
"But you just said that ...you ..wasn't...." He tilted his head and gave her a dumbfounded expression.
With fluid movements she closed the space between them. "Did I give birth to you?"
"Uh..no" He gave her a look that said 'Duh'
"Then how could I be your mother?"
"...." He didn't know how to respond to that question..
"I have *some* of your mother's DNA in my makeup." She took her hand and gently clasped the bottom of his chin and turned his face to stare at the mirror. "If anything..." She turned and faced the mirror too. "We are siblings."
His looked at his reflection and at hers. Until that moment, he never noticed how much they looked alike. Besides the color, their eyes were shaped the same. They had the same mouth and smile and nose. They had the same face, but her was extremely feminine.
In an awed whisper he said. "We could be twins.."
After a long pause she said "Perhaps.. if things were different" There was a hint of regret laced in her calm voice. She let go of his face and walked out of the bathroom.
In shock because of what he just realized, Shinji watched her leave. He stayed frozen in the bathroom until her heard the door squeak open. He quickly ran out and yelled "Futago imooto!" (twin sister)
She stopped and turned around "Imooto?" (little sister)
He gave her a sheepish smile as he tiptoed around the mess he made on her floor "Well....you are.. younger....and .. you are my sister."
A small smile appeared on her lips. yes.. I guess you are correct
He gave her a toothy smile seeing that his words pleased her. "Ayanam- ...Rei" It just felt wrong calling her by her obviously false sir name. As he closed the distance between them her remembered that he still holding the crushed glasses in his hands and a new flood of worries consumed him "Where are you going?"
She didn't respond. It wasn't his business to know.
He became afraid for his newly discovered sister's safety. "Please don't do something that will get you hurt..."
She didn't respond.
He walked to her. "Please.."
She didn't respond. How could she without revealing that she planned to start the third impact *her way*
He gently grabbed her hand. His boldness not only surprised her, it surprise him as well. But what he said next shocked him even more "I forbid it."
She blinked. Hard. "Excuse me?"
He gave her a sheepish grin. "Uh...You can't because...you're.. ." All his nerve was gone. His words were fumbling out his mouth but he pressed on. "Because... we're all we got..."
She didn't respond for she didn't understand. Her browed.
So he continued and tried to clarify his meaning. "You're my family, Rei"
She smiled. It felt right to hear him say that. family She thought to herself.
He smiled back. It felt right to say those words to her. He always felt bonded to her. He guessed that now he knew why.
"Oniisan" (big brother)
His smile widened. "Yes imooto-chan?"
She blinked.
"Gomen"
She shook her head. "I do not mind the term of endearment."
He smiled happily.
"I will not let you be alone anymore" She said adamantly "I will make sure that you will never have pain again, but I must go if to ensure that."
"What ...what are you going to do?"
She did not answer.
His mind flooded with visions of her confronting his dad and being killed trying to fulfill her declaration. "Rei...I don't mind the pain of the world...." He held onto her hand tighter. "I just don't want to loose you again...please don't challenge my father for me."
She didn't respond, for clearly he had the wrong idea of her intentions.
He felt that he wasn't getting through to her. "Lets leave. Then I'll be happy."
Her eyes widened in shock. Leave? That was out of the question. "There is still one more angel to defeat."
Shinji shrugged his shoulders then corrected himself. "After we defeat it. Lets go."
She thought about what he was asking of her. He wanted her to live past her purpose. He wanted her not to fulfill her purpose. but the commander...(mentally growling) I am not a doll!. "Where.. would we go?"
He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders happily. He could tell that he was convincing her "Who cares... as long as were together!"
"You mean run away?"
He nodded. "Where no one can find us! Where we can live our *own* lives" He was getting excited with his plan to escape NERV and Tokyo-3. He tried before, but duty and the fear of being alone always brought him back. If he had someone to go with him, he knew he could leave this place for good. And who better than his own little sister.
She tilted her head and considered his words. why would I want to do this? To live beyond my purpose? Then she saw him smile. A truly happy smile. Though she didn't have many memories of him, she had a feeling that he had never smiled like that before. it makes him happy to want to be with me?
He could see that she was weighing her options. "We won't ever be alone!" He said still trying to convince her. "Because we will be together!"
no longer alone?....without third impact? She looked at him.
He was truly excited by his idea. Never in his life did he wanted something so much. "I promise...I will never leave you."
She looked into his dark blue eyes. She saw truth in them. She nodded. "After the last angel is defeated we will runaway."
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I still don't own anything that deals with Evangelion.
