Searching for Eden

The train screamed to a halt, making all the passengers jerk forward then back. It was one of many stops the train was going to make on their journey.

Shinji quickly grabbed the side of the bed, to ensure that he and Rei didn't fall off. He lifted his head slightly and looked at his sister. She was still asleep. He smiled and wrapped his arm back around her waist.

The pilot laid his head back on the pillow and stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling of the train cabin, and listened to the people bustle outside the door. They were so loud, he was afraid that they would wake up Rei. He didn't want her to wake up; he liked the way she felt in his arms. It was comforting. It felt right.

Rei moved in her sleep. The third child stayed as still as possible, so his movements wouldn't wake her. Fortunately for him, the first child was just making herself more comfortable. She draped her leg over his, and snuggled closer to him. Now she was practically laying completely on top of him.

When she stopped moving, the pilot lifted his head and looked at her again. Her light blue hair laid in disarray on serene face. He smiled warmly. To him. she looked like the goddess of mercy as she laid comfortably on top of him. Every-so-slowly, he released her waist and brought his hand up to brush her angel fine hair off her face. He wanted to get a better look at her. When his fingertips caressed her cheek, she gently batted his hand away, and shifted her weight on top of him. Her leg was now pressed against a certain appendage of his. Needless to say Shinji's, brain cut off.

He inwardly moaned and looked away. The pilot could feel his body reacting to her unconscious pressure. Slowly, he used his hand and tried to push her leg off him, but that just made her press herself against him more.

"Ahhh" a pleasure moan escaped his lips before he could stop it. He quickly looked at her and hoped that she didn't hear him.

She didn't. Her head was tilted up, so he could see her face. Her pouty lips were slightly open in an 'O' shape.

He sighed, looked away from her, and wished she wasn't so beautiful. It would make things so much easier if she wasn't so beautiful. He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself that she was his *sister* and that he shouldn't still feel the same about her anymore. He tried to forget that he was *in love* with her before she died, for him, and before he found out that they their genetically related. Now, he had to resolve to only having love for her. A brotherly love. The pilot swallowed hard and shook his head; he wasn't sure if he could keep his feelings for her on that type of platonic level.

He returned his gaze to her and at her perfectly shaped, slightly ajar, lips. gawd I want to kiss you so bad He shook that desire out of his head, and started to scoot from under her. As much as he wanted to stay, he had to get away from her before he did something... bad.

Rei mumbled when she felt her brother slightly lift her up and lay her back on the bed. Her eyes fluttered open and she noticed him get back into his bed.

"Oniisan?"

Shinji froze, then slowly turned around to look at her. "Yes, imooto-chan?"

She noticed the guilty expression on his face. "Are you ok?"

He nodded sheepishly

She accepted his answer as truth, nodded, closed her eyes and returned to her slumber.

Shinji let out a relieved breath. He was glad that she didn't question him about getting out of her bed. He quickly crawled under his covers and made himself comfortable. He hated to do this; he didn't want to do this, but because of their closeness, he now had some business to take care of.

~~~~

Rei immediately missed the feel and the warmth of Shinji beside her. To her, it felt right being together in that way. Perfect. Now she felt a sense of loneliness that she had never experienced before. She wanted him to return to her. She was going to tell him so. When her eyes fluttered open.. she lost her nerve, and silently gazed at her brother instead. After about a minute, she wondered if he was having another nightmare. His breathing seem ragged, his face seemed very intense, and he seemed to be thrashing under his sheets.

When his head tilted back and a small cry escaped his lips, she called out "Shinji..."

His head wiped in her direction. He was completely horrified that he was caught in his stealthy act.

"Are you ok?" She asked innocently.

"....."

Because of his respond or lack there of, she became worried about her oniisan. She quickly hopped off her bed, crossed the small cabin, and attempted to get into is bed to comfort him.

He scooted away from her in complete terror. He couldn't have her come into his bed NOW! "No... please don't...." He cried out in a guilty whisper.

She was taken back by response to her, and looked completely hurt by what he just said. She nodded and turned around to go back into her own bed.

Shinji cursed himself and his hormones as he stuffed his member back into his pants. He called out just as he zipped his pants. "Rei... I'm sorry."

She did not bother to face him. "It is alright." She got back into her bed and laid down with her back facing him.

Tears swelled in the male pilots eyes. He could tell that he hurt her. He hurt her when all she was trying to do was comfort him. "I really am sorry....Imooto-chan"

She nodded without facing him. She couldn't bare to face him because she thought that she did something wrong. She wasn't sure what she did, but she assumed that she did something wrong or he wouldn't have gotten out of her bed or refused to let her in his.

Shinji laid back down and silently cried into his pillow. I'm always hurting people who care for me...I'm sooo sorry Rei... He didn't know what was wrong with him. He only knew that he was a *pervert* just like Asuka always said he was. This wasn't the first time he had masturbated in front of one of his fellow pilots. He did it over Asuka, when she was in her comma... His sobs became more vocal as he remembered what a piece of scum he was.. and still is. and now I did it because I got turned on by my little sister. Needless to say, he hated himself right about now.

Rei heard her brother crying, but she didn't try to comfort him this time. She didn't want to be rejected again. She wasn't sure if she could handle it. So instead, she forced herself to go to sleep. Unlike Shinji, didn't have a problems with nightmares, for the mere fact that she didn't dream. It was not that she couldn't; she just chose not to. However, this night Rei was going to experience something much worse than any nightmare.

Rei found herself sitting in the jeep beside the commander. He was taking her to central dogma. He was telling her to release her AT field, for she would no longer need it.

What she was experiencing was not a dream it was ...

a memory.... she told herself. why am I remembering this.... against my will..?

"BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU KNOW"

Rei covered her ears. The boisterous semi-familiar voice was deafening. She looked over at he commander in the jeep. He seemed unaffected as he continued to drive them to their destination.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinji was still crying as he watched Rei sleep. He quirked a brow when he notice her cover her ears and furrow her brow as if she was in pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Rei then found herself no longer a participant to this memory. She was now an observer. She watched herself jump out of the jeep. She saw herself fall and roll into shard metal injuring her left side.

The commander quickly pressed the brakes and got out of the car.

"What are you doing, Rei?" He asked with an angry urgency.

"I.." She slowly and painfully got up and groaned out. "I...am not a doll."

He was taken back by her declaration. "I never said you were."

For a moment she was confused. She knew that she felt anger towards the man and the word *doll* associated with him, angered her tremendously... But if he didn't think she was a doll, then why was she angry.... She didn't know. She didn't have enough memories to know.

He held his hand out to her. "Come Rei, lets go before it is too late!"

She looked at him. He gave her a warm smile and she could feel herself smiling back. She nodded then shook her head when she remembered the promise she made to Shinji. They were supposed to runaway; they were supposed to be together..

"I don't want that destiny... I want to live." The first child announced and backed away from the man. "If I am not your doll.... let me go."

Gendo narrowed his eyes and shook his head no. "You have a purpose Rei, and you are going to fulfill it."

"I have a new purpose." The first child informed as she continued to back away from him.

He shook his head no and took out his gun. The same gun he killed Ritsuko with. "I created you. Your purpose is what *I* say it is. " He could hear the SEELE soldiers closing in on them, they were running out of time.

"I am not your doll!" Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "My life is my own!"

"Your life is *mine* to do with what I please!" He cocked is gun. "Now come along Rei, before you make me hurt you."

She stood her ground, and her eyes narrowed. She was now remembering why she was so angry. H e was right, she wasn't his doll. She was worse than a doll. She was his puppet!

He angled his gun so that the shot she received wouldn't be fatal. He needed her to be alive for the third impact to occur. He only needed to injure her enough to incapacitate her newly discovered back bone, so that he could get her back into the jeep and down to central dogma.

~bang~

What the commander didn't count on was Rei's power's surfacing. Before the bullet could pierce through her body, her AT field surfaced and she caught it in her small delicate hand.

The commander was *not* expecting her to do that. His eyes widened in fear and he slowly started backing away from her. Terrified, he shot his gun at her again, and again, and again, until he actually emptied his round. Each attempt to harm her was futile, for the bullets were stopped by her AT field.

On her face graced a frown that surpassed even his. "I_am_ not _ your_doll!" She was pissed. BEYOND pissed. He just tried to kill her!

The commander backed up in complete terror. In her eyes, he saw the fury of the mythical Lillith. He saw the reason they had chosen Rei to be heart of the dummy plug system.

The first child held the bullet, she caught, in between her first and second finger, and said in a calm sadistic tone. "We will never be your doll again!" And with a flick of the wrist, and aided by her AT field, she threw the bullet back at the commander.

The bullet hit the commander on the upper portion of his face. It went clean through his forehead, killing him instantly.

"Never again..." She whispered without remorse as she turned and ran. She had to go and meet Shinji at the secret meeting place so that they could truly be free.

Rei watched the whole seen play out. I....did.. that...? Rei couldn't believe what she just did. She didn't remember doing that. She only remembered jumping out of the jeep. She remembered being injured and she remembered meeting up with Shinji...She didn't remember killing Shinji's father.. her guardian...her commander and chief I wanted... to be free....I didn't mean to kill..him...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinji noticed Rei begin to cry in her sleep. This was the first time he had ever seen her cry. He felt bad, for he blamed himself for her sorrow. Slowly he got off his bed and made his way over to her bed.

While still crying, Rei had broken into a cold sweat and grabbed her ears as if she was in pain again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"MURDER!" The voice yelled.

no the first child sobbed. I.... didn't... mean ....to do it

"MURDER!" It yelled louder.

I...am.. sorry...

"SORRY WON'T BRING ME BACK, REI!!"

"....."

"I RAISED YOU! I GAVE YOU LIFE!! I CARED FOR YOU MORE THEN MY OWN SON!!! AND YOU KILLED ME!!"

I... am...sorry

A menacing laughter rang in her ears then the commander said "THAT IS OK BECAUSE YOU WILL MAKE IT UP TO ME!"

The first child did not respond. She had no idea what he was talking about.

He knew this and clarified. "YOUR PURPOSE.... YOU WILL FULFILL IT!"

the third impact... no.. I will not initiate it. After her words, she could swear that she felt him smirk, right before he said.

"YES_YOU WILL!" He started to laugh again. "I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Rei shot up into a sitting position on her bed. She was still crying and her breathing was ragged. The first thing she saw was a very worried Shinji looking at her. He looked as if he wanted to comfort her, but was too ashamed to even try.

Shinji looked at his sisters tear streaked face. I'm so sorry Rei-chan He was still blaming himself for her disposition.

She held her hand out to him. She needed him. She needed comfort.

With a slight hesitation, the third child took her tiny hand in his and crawled back into her bed. He whispered "I'm sorry Rei-chan" in her ear as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He then wrapped his arms around her waist and they both laid down.

She nodded absently to his apology.

They both laid side by side on the bed for about 10 minutes. Then Rei shifted her weight, straddled his waist and positioned herself directly on top of him.

His eyes quadrupled their size. "Uhh... Rei..?" He could feel his hormones acting up again.

In a sobbed whisper, Rei asked pleadingly. "Please... please just hold me..."

Shinji looked at her beautiful melancholy face. He had never seen her look so sad.... so.. scared? He took a deep breath to control his natural male urges, nodded, and tightened his embrace around her slender waist. It was his turn to take care of her and he'd be damned if he failed her again.

She held onto him tighter too. She needed to be as close to him as possible. She needed to feel protected and safe... and not alone. Luckily, she found that type of security in Shinji. And now more than ever, she needed it, for she was terrified, no she was petrified because she knew that what she just woke up from was not a dream... it was an omen.

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I still don't own anything that deals with Evangelion.

^_^ Hi I just wanted to make sure that everyone reading this fic understands...ummm. ^_^ that this *is* going to be a romance between Rei and Shinji, but not right off. I have some things to cover first. And I promise I will explain what happened at NERV as the memories of the two pilots. And thanks everyone for your reviews. They mean a lot to me. I was afraid to post this fic, because they way I'm writing it, is really taboo. ^_~ This fic is not a happy go lucky fic like ..So Happy Together... it's not what I consider dark..but it's not the WAFFY kind of romance either. It more of an utterly devoted kind of love between the two pilots. But like my other fic.. if you like Rei and Shinji, you can expect to get a lot of them in this fic. ^__^

oh and one more thing... I know I used the Shinji masturbating scene in my other fic too but you know why? Because he did it on the series! And I think it tell a lot about his character.. ^_~ Well, it tells a lot about his character in *this* fic.. I needed it for character development... you'll see... if you decided to continue to read this.

Thank you for reading.

I love ya lots I really really do

Kimberly